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Genre - Self Help Fantasy: Personalized Transformational Entertainment
Change yourself, change the world.
Do you believe in the Collective Unconscious of the Human Race?
Imagine entering the realm of Humanity’s Collective Unconsciousness to defeat the manipulative forces that cause our world to suffer? Temptation, Greed, Fear, Judgment Doubt, Misery and more are running around our collective heads distracting us from understanding ourselves and following our truth path.
Set in the Manifested Body of the Collective Unconsciousness, a group of trained healers must free The Collective Will Sphere who runs the city of Manipuria from the personification of Temptation who has taken it over.
The problem is the energy river which feeds the entire Body from the Collective Heart is barely vibrating. The Power in the Heart Center has been imprisoned by Greed and Fear and must be freed, not only to revitalize the river but to weaken Temptation’s grip upon The Collective Will.
The group’s training is based in real life self healing techniques and philosophies from a program called De-Stress Training (http://www.wix.com/destresstraining/freedom). The characters demonstrate how to confront the darkness within by reaching a peaceful “zero” body/mind state. Then, extraordinary things become possible like dissolving pain, transcending emotions, choosing new broader perspectives, developing empathy and deeply experiencing what it means to be human without judgment or fear. Of course, this creates the space for true authentic expression.
Based upon the principles of oneness; the more individuals taking part in actively healing the Collective through reading this book and embodying the techniques it contains can make a difference in our world. The more we change our relationship to our collective inner darkness the more we will align with our Authentic Selves and transform our world.
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6 comments:
Fiction is fiction and non-fiction is non-fiction, and never the twain shall meet.
Really. Pick either fiction or self-help. This is coming across as a merchandising add-on to the cited business, rather than a story that stands on its own legs.
For fiction, the story has to come first. Not the message, not the advertising, not the benefits a reader might get in her real life, just THE STORY. And there's no story here (as presented).
Story = one protagonist, with a goal, struggling with an antagonist. There's no clearly defined protagonist here, no clearly defined goal, and no antagonist. It's all about the HOW of the struggle, which isn't particularly relevant to the story.
Like someone famous said -- if you want to send a message, rent a billboard. If you want to tell a story, then tell the story, and if you also have a message, that's great, but the reader wants a story, and the message needs to be hidden like veggies in a kids' meal, not offered as an inducement, not "eat your zucchini, and you can have dessert." Story is the dessert; message is the zucchini. Sell the dessert.
It's clear that you have put a lot of work into this program and the corresponding book. I think your query reads more like a script from an infomercial than a query for a fictionalized self-help book.
Try to write a query for "The Celestine Prophecy" or "They Way of the Peaceful Warrior" as a practice exercise, and then try again for your work. It might give you a better ability to distance yourself from the program and focus more on the story.
gj- After reading your comment all I can think is "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!" :-)
I picked up a copy of The Celestine Prophecy at the dump. I took it back there.
I googled "Self-help fantasy". Apparently it's a genre that exists.
Writer, I'm glad you ditched the bio, but there are still some basic writing errors here of the same kind we discussed before. You've still got a dangling modifier, beginning with the words "Set in the...". There are far too many capital letters. You refer to the Collective Unconscious (a term I've heard) and then to the Collective Unconsciousness (a term I haven't). You're missing a comma after "Judgment". Etc etc etc.
And your letter is written in memo format.
I can tell this De-Stress Training is a thing you take very seriously. Probably as seriously as writers take writing. If you want to go the traditional publishing route, you should probably take a writing class or two. There's a lot to be learned here.
If you've got a platform of your own and customers that will come to your website, you might as well self-publish.
Comment got munched again.
GJ's obviously never tasted my zucchini bread -- it's the meal AND the dessert.
I'm not certain "Self Help Fantasy" is a genre, but even if it was, "Personalized Transformational Entertainment" reads like an oxymoron.
But this query is a mess. From the Germanic use of capitalization, to the L. Ron Hubbardism of the prose/concept, to the uncertain grasp of English grammar, it just fails at every level.
If the novel (if it is a novel) is written at all like this, then the writer has a lot of work to do -- hiring a professional editor is probably his/her best bet.
If nothing else, this query highlights the dangers of posing rhetorical questions. Because my immediate answer to the first question was: "No."
Why do I get the feeling that posting the query here is just part of this program's marketing plan? Call me cynical, I suppose.
Anyway, the writer clearly hasn't taken any suggestions from the last iteration, and clearly hasn't done any research on query writing since, so this one isn't worth any more of my time.
I don't even know where to begin.
Start over from scratch, never start a query with a question, way too long, don't include a website, is there even such a genre of, what was it?, supernatural self help?
Don't give up, but do delete that query and start over.
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