tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post1821856032028176111..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: QUERY- LIFE and BETH latest version.Rick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-41886871576421107412010-06-12T00:59:04.487-04:002010-06-12T00:59:04.487-04:00I noticed you have written "falls in in love&...I noticed you have written "falls in in love" please change to one "in" <br /><br />Also, "forced to kill her new boyfriend or" sounds like she already did it. How about, "faced with the choice of killing her knew boyfried or risking the loss of everyone else she loves" It keeps you in the present tense while reading the query. Lastly, I really want to know who or why she is being forced to kill her boyfriend. Is it the school? Why do they care if she kills some blind kid? That might be important to the query.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-71677903853062360892010-06-10T19:40:55.966-04:002010-06-10T19:40:55.966-04:00Gosh, you know, I really preferred the second vers...Gosh, you know, I really preferred the second version of this query. <br /><br />I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-26667408918198717232010-06-10T09:30:17.386-04:002010-06-10T09:30:17.386-04:00Thanks folks! Just checking. It's a jungle out...Thanks folks! Just checking. It's a jungle out there with so many agents not responding. Even though I've been doing pretty well, I wanted to make sure my query isn't the reason they delete me.<br /><br /> Anon--any suggestions on how to reword? She is being manipulated, given no choice, but to use her powers to destroy the guy she's in love with.<br /><br />Rick--you are awesome!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00725012086692924891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-5302925765981463242010-06-10T08:17:57.373-04:002010-06-10T08:17:57.373-04:00I think it's pretty tight. If you're gett...I think it's pretty tight. If you're getting requests, it's working!Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-32555452968335075872010-06-10T07:54:39.907-04:002010-06-10T07:54:39.907-04:00Sounds great. I'd read pages. Only thing I'...Sounds great. I'd read pages. Only thing I'd change is the sentence starting "Forced to kill...."<br /><br />That's a little unclear. It sounds as though she's already killed him, rather than that it's a choice she has to make.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com