tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post2245602371221091140..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query: Ready or NotRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-9905822487940281492009-09-10T23:39:34.654-04:002009-09-10T23:39:34.654-04:00Good summary. You gave a lot of good facts about ...Good summary. You gave a lot of good facts about what the story is about, and they flowed well from one concept to the other. You had a great beginning about her delimma. Excellent narrative.<br /><br />I like the line about her "tumultuous relationship" and the impact the abandonment of her father had on her committment to stay in any relationship. I also like how she goes off the deep end after Nate's desertion. The introduction of Brandon in the first paragraph added some spice to the mix.<br /><br />I think you can condense the synopsis to just what is most relevant: Her need to be in any relationship; her emotions surrounding the baby's birth; her struggle with addiction; and her road to recovery. Be specific. The last line in paragraph 4 is very vague.<br /><br />Does Brandon have any part in her story? Is he a main character? If so, mention him again. If not, maybe you should leave his name out.<br /><br />Good luck with this.<br />.........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-22289829840971902202009-09-10T22:29:27.040-04:002009-09-10T22:29:27.040-04:00I agree with what everyone said about your passive...I agree with what everyone said about your passive main character that doesn't really inspire me to care. I did want to mention a positive thing, though, that your writing style and attitude comes through nicely. And I really like it! <br /><br />~TaraTara Lindsay Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00970258984995282462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-27187559736595033592009-09-10T15:44:11.182-04:002009-09-10T15:44:11.182-04:00I think you did a good job of showing your voice i...I think you did a good job of showing your voice in this query, but I agree with the other posters. I need to know why I should care about Katherine.Natalienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-36217304634837760142009-09-10T13:23:04.270-04:002009-09-10T13:23:04.270-04:00you've got the story laid out quite neatly, bu...you've got the story laid out quite neatly, but I need a reason to care about a character who does these things. You might want to lead with why she's likeable.<br /><br />Also, the symmetry in the sentence about her getting her life back together is a bit off.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-75935580872730091912009-09-10T12:41:58.003-04:002009-09-10T12:41:58.003-04:00I think there's an interesting set-up here, bu...I think there's an interesting set-up here, but for me the story doesn't really take off because the main character seems so passive. She's torn about what to do, she stumbles into pregnancy, depression and addiction ("obsession" sounds odd in relation to an addictive drug), and in the end she resolves her conflict only with the help of others. Weaknesses and conflicted emotions are good, even essential, in a main character, but she needs some strengths too if she's going to be interesting. Being defined by the men in (and out of) her life can be part of her problem in the beginning, but if it's also where she ends up, then there's not much of a story. If you can show us how her own efforts and decisions make or break her fate, I think this could be a really exciting read.Johnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03317745369702853183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-84407166452404043592009-09-10T12:38:54.233-04:002009-09-10T12:38:54.233-04:00You have laid out a clear story in crisp form here...You have laid out a clear story in crisp form here but not given me any reason to care about this character and her destructive behavior. I think if a book is going to deal with dark, tough stuff, it needs to make the reader feel compelled for some reason to go there. What made her the way she is and why should we care? How will she develop and overcome this? (Not how she will be saved by someone else.)Tricia J. O'Brienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993110400088806252noreply@blogger.com