tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post2656805542940418237..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query- YA Urban FantasyRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-45827650144062915662009-03-19T22:40:00.000-04:002009-03-19T22:40:00.000-04:00Thank you all so much for your comments! I keep ge...Thank you all so much for your comments! I keep getting the same mixed review of it. ha! Half the people like the first paragraph for voice and think the second one is too rushed. The other half think the first paragraph is useless and like the intrigue of the second paragraph. <BR/><BR/>But I am still working on it. And I'll take all of your comments to heart as I work. <BR/><BR/>Oh, and the stuff that "wasn't part of her plan" is what happened... so it's not stuff that doesn't happen. It's kind of a play on that.<BR/><BR/><BR/>And to answer your questions: <BR/><BR/>The book is called Camp Wylde and it's about 100,000 words. <BR/><BR/>I've got a three book story arch, but this one stands alone, so I'm not shopping it as a series until I get an agent and we talk about it.HWPettyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16804994434371563478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-71918193171069417302009-03-18T17:18:00.000-04:002009-03-18T17:18:00.000-04:00I liked the way that your voice comes through, and...I liked the way that your voice comes through, and your book sounds very interesting! What is your title? How long is it? Is it complete?Disgruntled Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17975975276659730388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-488528267397643662009-03-18T15:10:00.000-04:002009-03-18T15:10:00.000-04:00I agree with leaving out all the things that her p...I agree with leaving out all the things that her plan doesn't include. I really liked the opening sentence. <BR/><BR/>I'm a little confused why Drew needs the prophecy to save Liam when she's the one the monsters are after. Info about the prophecy and how Drew learns about it might be a good way to show why your story is unique.lucy in the skyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02379065800611136311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-65464026402799579802009-03-17T14:54:00.000-04:002009-03-17T14:54:00.000-04:00Okay, the first paragraph is what sets your book a...Okay, the first paragraph is what sets your book apart from everyone else's and where I can hear your "voice" and the teen character.<BR/><BR/>The second fizzles into every other fairy story that's out there, and seems to cram too much into that one paragragh (the ending sentence sounds rushed)<BR/><BR/>What makes her journey or awakening different from any other book in this genre? <BR/><BR/>It's in your book, but you've got to get more specific regarding her quest. Really liked the opening though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-72344318146765011352009-03-17T09:07:00.000-04:002009-03-17T09:07:00.000-04:00This is information that was passed onto to me. I...This is information that was passed onto to me. I did the same exact thing.<BR/><BR/>In a query letter do not put what is not included, what doesn't happen, people who don't know things, etc. <BR/><BR/>I guess she did get a job at the camp, so maybe you can say-Instead her perfect plans were destroyed....<BR/><BR/>In the second paragraph, first sentence, you mention the camp doesn't only have monsters-what monsters? In the previous para the only thing mentioned was a strange, black dog and the hot camp boy. <BR/><BR/>I am not an expert, but the second para sounds more intriguing. I would re-edit that one and use it as an opening. I think you can scratch your first para. <BR/><BR/>The story line sounds interesting. Good luck! <BR/><BR/>I hope I offered something that might prove helpful.Judyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07265264185683612509noreply@blogger.com