tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post3619414822850316287..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Children's Picture Book QueryRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-87003622872915593762011-01-01T18:26:02.979-05:002011-01-01T18:26:02.979-05:00I think you have a great concept here. The first s...I think you have a great concept here. The first sentence probably needs to be deleted, like Stephanie suggested, but if you leave it in you shouldn't say "You may have READ the news story on CNN or The Today Show," since those are, obviously, television programs (albeit with news websites).<br /><br />Good luck!Matt Kelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07167575805423190445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-71254976899544726182010-12-08T20:23:06.880-05:002010-12-08T20:23:06.880-05:00Stephanie, thanks for your advice! Your revisions ...Stephanie, thanks for your advice! Your revisions sound so much better. PS. I love your website! ~RachelleRachelle Burkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10777216123960040523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-69944459131144035362010-12-08T15:03:26.448-05:002010-12-08T15:03:26.448-05:00The intro paragraph needs tightened. Honestly, I w...The intro paragraph needs tightened. Honestly, I would cut it entirely and add the hook into the 2nd paragraph:<br /><br /><i>FINNEGAN THE SQUIRREL AND THE DOG WHO LOVED HIM is a 1040 word picture book for children ages 5-10. It is based upon the true news story that circulated the globe: an orphaned squirrel adopted by a dog who nursed him beside her own puppies. This unusual adoption is supported by interviews, photographs, and squirrel research.</i><br /><br />From there, I think your next paragraphs are great. The comparison to a similar title by the same press is perfect. Your credits are spot on.<br /><br />In the credits paragraph, cut out "written" as it doesn't need to be there. IE: "...as well as numerous fiction..."<br /><br />I'm not sure if exclusive submissions are the norm for this genre/editor, but make sure you you've done the homework before you offer exclusivity. By the professional level of your query, it looks like you have so I'll trust your judgment. :)<br /><br />Looks great. Best of luck!<br /><br /><a href="http://blog.stephaniemloree.com/" rel="nofollow">Scribbler to Scribe</a>Stephanie Loréehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03512485557711771802noreply@blogger.com