tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post4235836325194792051..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query - Nowhere to RunRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-88138408245265596612011-10-27T09:58:57.887-04:002011-10-27T09:58:57.887-04:00Romance Writer's of America.
Way way way too ...Romance Writer's of America.<br /><br />Way way way too long. Start story with guy who grabs her and offers info regarding story she got fired for. The fact that she gets jumbled or that she's a "runner" isn't important. <br /><br />250 words for book description in a query.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03201253760335983590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-78443547161879473642009-05-26T08:57:21.832-04:002009-05-26T08:57:21.832-04:00I agree. The query seems too light for a book des...I agree. The query seems too light for a book described as 'dark'. It also seems like you're trying to jam too much into your query. (Something I struggle with myself. So much to say, so little space to say it.) Sifting through the desription, I can see a book I'd want to read, but agents don't have time to sift. For romantic suspense, hit the most important points hard and fast - give the letter some of the urgency your book has.B.E. Sandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04336115135400388268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-61733741962989576712009-05-25T21:58:30.471-04:002009-05-25T21:58:30.471-04:00This query was mine - thank you all so much for th...This query was mine - thank you all so much for the tips and suggestions. This is very helpful!cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16380585767232834010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-38469045112349929552009-05-25T12:13:21.495-04:002009-05-25T12:13:21.495-04:00This isn't bad at all, but I do have a few suggest...This isn't bad at all, but I do have a few suggestions/comments. Many echo Anonymous's. <br /><br />This is too long for a query, particularly if you're trying to persuade us you can fit thriller elements, romance and darkness in a 96,000-word book. <br /><br />Agree also that this query voice is inconsistent with the designation "dark". Your book sound more like an Evanovich type of story--that's not a put down, BTW, but just a clarification so you can establish your genre properly. It shows beyond the first paragraph, when Noah says she "suckered" him, rather than "lied", or when she "blinks those big brown eyes at him" instead of "tries a con". So, omit "dark", or *show* us that quality in your voice, or leave it out altogether and just call it rom suspense. <br /><br />I don't have a problem with the sex-as-interogation idea--Anne Stuart did it successfully--but you might have to spend some extra words justifying it. To that end, I'd suggest writing this query from Shae's POV alone.<br /><br />Good luck.hope101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-45137302720878975422009-05-25T11:02:32.860-04:002009-05-25T11:02:32.860-04:00Very well written. A few suggestions, though:
1. ...Very well written. A few suggestions, though:<br /><br />1. It feels too long. Might be better to stick to one POV, just for the purpose of the query. As it is, you kind of have 4 "stories" to cover in a short query: her romance, her suspense, his romance and his suspense. Each with a goal, motivation and conflict, so that's at least 12 elements to hit. Too much for a query. <br /><br />2. The voice doesn't match the description as "dark" romantic suspense. The initial lines about running away are light and flippant, not dark. That may be her internal voice, her way of handling dark, but it's inconsistent with the description, and I'm not getting dark from anything else.<br /><br />3. It's always tough in rom-susp to balance the rom and the susp so that neither is slighted. In the course of trying to cover both, they're both buried a bit, with the rom part given a little more attention (subject to caveat in #4), so I'm really not feeling the suspense. It's there, but it's buried so a reader has to really look for it, and then it's only theoretical, not emotional. If you drop to one POV and have some words left over, you could bring the emotions of the suspense more into focus. <br /><br />4. The suggestion that the hero will have sex as part of an interrogation technique may be off-putting within the romance genre. Think: gigolo (or prostitute if the genders were reversed).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-82850819047527258002009-05-24T18:21:43.702-04:002009-05-24T18:21:43.702-04:00I think it works.I think it works.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-24891520063746757462009-05-24T16:08:34.796-04:002009-05-24T16:08:34.796-04:00Sounds pretty good, though for me (someone who's n...Sounds pretty good, though for me (someone who's not into this genre), a bit too flippant in places (e.g., toward the end of the 1st paragraph). Also, not sure if 'squealing' is the best word - makes me think the character is highly annoying.<br /><br />Also, the 3rd paragraph strikes me as a bit odd (in the sense that he's seducing her - a trained agent/hitman/etc. - find it a bit difficult to believe) - though I imagine this is right up the James Bondesque romance type alley.<br /><br />These are very minor nitpicks from someone unfamiliar w/ the genre (i.e., so should be taken w/ that proverbial grain of salt). Overall, great voice, good imagery, and nice flow.<br /><br />I'd give it an A.Joshua McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17367262185912463258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-30166414535994566492009-05-24T14:54:44.371-04:002009-05-24T14:54:44.371-04:00See... this is why I'm petrified about submitting ...See... this is why I'm petrified about submitting my own query next week. I'm not very good at critiquing anyone else's - so I'm not sure I'm being honest with my own. <br /><br />This one seems to present all the necessary tidbits (word count, genre, main characters and basic plot, author's credentials) - all in a professional way that still manages to evoke a sense of the author's voice. Am I missing something?Laura Martonehttp://www.rubyhollow.comnoreply@blogger.com