tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post559410920832903337..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query- The Silver Strand (3rd revision)Rick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-52965207397427408782011-03-25T06:28:22.531-04:002011-03-25T06:28:22.531-04:00I agree with other 2 posts on this.
Everything I...I agree with other 2 posts on this. <br /><br />Everything I have seen on queries indicates that your first paragraph detailing the book's particulars, should in fact be the last. <br /><br />Look at 1st sentence of your 2nd paragraph- I think this is a good start, but you could tighten up this sentence to draw us in.<br /><br />"With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information"- this sentence has promise but I feel it is too busy- maybe because of the five, three, and two descriptions. Maybe you can tie this sentence to your very first one ("When thirteen year old...") to draw us in. <br /><br />Your length is good- I think about 242 words- <br /><br />Good luck with revisions- you have a strong premise/ story here.Markhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05012319566799058050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-81920713917539366212011-03-24T22:05:48.681-04:002011-03-24T22:05:48.681-04:00Agree with every word yankinfrance says.
Will not...Agree with every word yankinfrance says.<br /><br />Will not bother repeating my previous advice.Anonymous Authornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-51787659376675013292011-03-24T19:28:39.240-04:002011-03-24T19:28:39.240-04:00I feel you're kind of floundering here.
I su...I feel you're kind of floundering here. <br /><br />I suggest you go read the Query Shark blog -- read through all of the archives from start to finish, it's a couple of well-spent days. That will really help you to focus. <br /><br />If nothing else, your query actually begins with the second paragraph -- ditch the first one entirely (except for the first sentence, perhaps, apparently some agents prefer that). <br /><br />The fact that the novel is set in Australia and Agartha just isn't really important -- neither are brought up again in the query, but both can easily be dealt with briefly and later on in the query. <br /><br />The query should be about the CHARACTER and her conflict(s). It's not about the place, and it's certainly not about "readers who laugh out loud" (which -- huh?).<br /><br />Focus the query on Isabelle and her story, show us the danger she faces and the perils she'll have to face along the way to save her life. <br /><br />Also, trim those paragraphs -- they're too long, with too many run-on sentences. <br /><br />And read the Query Shark, it's an excellent resource.yankinfrancenoreply@blogger.com