tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post5860180892954746531..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query:SnapRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-34705276055624960842010-05-04T07:42:02.015-04:002010-05-04T07:42:02.015-04:00I agree with all three of Suzan's points. I w...I agree with all three of Suzan's points. I would add that while the voice is definitely strong in this query, it may be too strong. The conversational tone overshadows the story. Don't cut it, but tone it down a half-step.<br /><br />And I would also read a Rambo-Mom story ;-)Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-60001501300493959262010-05-04T00:09:23.903-04:002010-05-04T00:09:23.903-04:00You've got an intriguing story here.
The thre...You've got an intriguing story here.<br /><br />The three big problems I see are<br /><br />1) It's a little on the long side. Stuff you could trim include the best friends's death (unless he/she was murdered by the pirates).<br /><br />2) The query does not make the novel sound like women's fiction (Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes). This sounds more action/adventure (Rambo if he were a mom. Which isn't a bad thing because I'd read that!).<br /><br />3) Punctuation and grammar. (Examples: random commas, "soon to be" should be hyphenated, etc.) Please, PLEASE have a crit partner proofread. My gals always catch my mistakes.<br /><br />Best wishes on your submissions!Suzan Hardenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04600258874634909988noreply@blogger.com