tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post6124382605500031152..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query 1/Query 2--Larkin Shift and the Hall of Two TruthsRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-51285283934293498402009-04-24T13:47:00.000-04:002009-04-24T13:47:00.000-04:00I think you should try putting #1 and #2 together:...I think you should try putting #1 and #2 together:<br /><br />Larkin’s is a rescue mission where every minute counts. Each passing second brings her friend Benny closer to death and means losing Mr Amurat, the one person that can help her control her innate magical ability.<br /><br />Mr. Amurat is trapped in the Egyptian Underworld as a pawn in Principal Reameny’s quest to overthrow the sun god, Ra. Unless Larkin and her friends can stop Principal Reameny, the Earth will plunge into eternal darkness and chaos.<br /><br />Hindered by an ever-changing landscape and dangerous inhabitants of the mythic Underworld, and guided by a shape-shifting cat, Larkin must free Mr. Amurat from his captor, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal— all before the next sunrise.<br /><br />Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.MonikaSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-41244704736887306412009-04-18T09:00:00.000-04:002009-04-18T09:00:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11311137731266031785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-42350558128759904582009-04-18T08:47:00.000-04:002009-04-18T08:47:00.000-04:00Thanks guys. I appreciate the feedback. I'll work ...Thanks guys. I appreciate the feedback. I'll work on Q2 P2.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11311137731266031785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-31014835572422315322009-04-17T22:38:00.000-04:002009-04-17T22:38:00.000-04:00#2 is well written and concise. the opening senten...#2 is well written and concise. the opening sentence holds the reader on edge--eveery minute counts. Why? The reader has to continue to find out. <br /><br />Query #1, paragraph 2, is confusing for the reader.Helenihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15272442824459016150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-62687495053423266412009-04-17T12:11:00.000-04:002009-04-17T12:11:00.000-04:00I'm not an expert, but I like #1. The fact that sh...I'm not an expert, but I like #1. The fact that she has powers but doesn't want to be different made me want to continue reading.ryan fieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13361694356025572544noreply@blogger.com