tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post6692518178802634785..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (fourth revision)Rick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-71888136488505782622010-01-25T16:36:58.811-05:002010-01-25T16:36:58.811-05:00My I offer many thanks to the many commenters who ...My I offer many thanks to the many commenters who have offered such helpful advice. <br />Piedmont Writer, you have a quiet a gift there. My synopsis is now looking like a Query letter. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-82296660453919132652010-01-24T17:00:42.870-05:002010-01-24T17:00:42.870-05:00Elaine -- please go back and read my last comments...Elaine -- please go back and read my last comments to you in the last revision post. You're getting lost with all the suggestions. I know you're trying to make it better, but now it's just confusing. Less is more.<br /><br />And no, it's not a bad sign if you start dreaming Query letters. I dreamt of mine for 5 months.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-9730534566087626052010-01-24T13:27:54.900-05:002010-01-24T13:27:54.900-05:00Still way too lengthy. Try to get it to as near as...Still way too lengthy. Try to get it to as near as possible to 250 words.<br /><br />Second to last para about your experience could go. 56 words right there.<br /><br />Something still not feeling right about the query. I agree with the too much detail comment.<br /><br />You could try something like, Jess prevents a massacre that leaves Caleb so traumatized that...Starving Writernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-60841207148291558922010-01-24T13:22:27.469-05:002010-01-24T13:22:27.469-05:00Elaine,
First, I keep stumbling over this line......Elaine,<br /><br />First, I keep stumbling over this line...<i>because his hands linger even while he is trying to push her away.</i> It just feels creepy to me (and not a good kind of creepy).<br /><br />I believe the letter is still delving into too much detail. I would cut the second from last paragraph altogether.<br /><br />No...dreaming about query letters is not a bad thing!DL Hammonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007260062331783715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-62368867374818685522010-01-24T13:07:29.116-05:002010-01-24T13:07:29.116-05:00It is Jess who runs to call back the others who we...It is Jess who runs to call back the others who were out on patrol and prevents a massacre, when the pack are attacked by feral, once-human, Were. <br /><br />In the aftermath of the attack, when only one of the feral Were escaped justice, Caleb is so traumatised the pack fear he may never recover. Despite the danger Caleb could kill her, or worse, Jess risks her humanity to help him remember the time before pain. She coaxes him back from the brink of madness, with her love. <br /><br />Do you think it's a bad sign if you start dreaming Query letters?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.com