tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post7487779123450121695..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query: FOCUS, SAM (Revision 1)Rick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-88317087185555203962010-04-22T19:19:27.117-04:002010-04-22T19:19:27.117-04:00Thanks a lot folksinmmt! Special thanks for poinin...Thanks a lot folksinmmt! Special thanks for poining out some interesting things like not having the query end with a question :-)Rohit Gorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08501512706381161603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-91377718228235837642010-04-22T13:49:00.725-04:002010-04-22T13:49:00.725-04:00Nice job on your revision. I like your opener. I t...Nice job on your revision. I like your opener. I think that first line you should change life to lifetime. <br /><br />The third paragraph gets a little confusing. That first sentence is too long--and I don't know if the woman who broke off the engagement is the same one he just talked about. That just needs some clarification. <br /><br />That last tag line...about him riding himself of the curse...it seems like I read somewhere that you are not supposed to leave open-ended questions like that in a query. You might want to look that up.<br /><br />Last question: does he go by Sameer all through the book, or by Sam, as the title indicates? I think I would just call him Sam in the query so the title makes more sense.<br /><br />Good luck!Lori Folkmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707165102926821045noreply@blogger.com