tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post8483789564992881258..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query - Along the BeachRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-15655008869819934702009-12-15T02:52:56.340-05:002009-12-15T02:52:56.340-05:00Well, again I seem to be in the minority. I like ...Well, again I seem to be in the minority. I like version one because it is so intimate. It feels like Literary fiction.<br /><br />The second version hints at dark secrets and a complicated plot. Can you pull off all you imply? I kinda envision grafic novel scenarios made for TV: Hercules, Watchmen, Sin City, A Scanner Darkly. Not bad images, to my mind.<br /><br />The thing missing in both versions is the setting. Is this a modern fantasy, or historical? In version 2, what does the killer bees and the armed robbery have to do with the fantasy woman in white? Is there a mystical connection to his photos?<br /><br />No, version 2 asks a lot of concept questions for me, where version one is strait forward; like Terry Brooks "Knights Of The Word" series. Lee must follow his innate beliefs to combat the evil of a world gone mad beyond conventional control.<br /><br />Maybe you should ask yourself what motivated you to write this novel. Write a single sentence that describes the plot of your novel. The purpose; the theory you are ultimately trying to prove. What philosophy are you wanting your reader to subscribe to when they finish the novel.<br /><br />Because I sense there is a philosophy behind this writing. A belief system you'd like to share.<br /><br />Ah, it's late, and I'm too broke for wine, so my perceptions are probably way off.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing your vision.<br /><br />..........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-28471319047580089942009-12-10T18:00:31.294-05:002009-12-10T18:00:31.294-05:00Yup, second one inspired interest in me. The first...Yup, second one inspired interest in me. The first one was more of a What the? response.<br /><br />I think if you stick with your first paragraph until: A vision of a lady in white guiding him to safety each time forces photographer Lee Merrick to seek...<br /><br />Remove anything remotely vague and get straight to your villain: The dark secret of his mother’s deadly prophecy compels her to sabotage his pursuit at all costs—even if it means having Lee institutionalized against his will.<br /><br />That's pretty compelling, though it's unclear what's deadly. If it requires too much detail to explain, consider deleting it. <br /><br />Good luck!Victoria Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14012092208934951963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-38562084291720750152009-12-10T12:24:11.818-05:002009-12-10T12:24:11.818-05:00The second one, definitely.
However, I was a lit...The second one, definitely. <br /><br />However, I was a little confused by this paragraph: <br /><br />"As her ethereal hands **[WHO? A mysterious woman? A vision of a mysterious woman? Does she have a name?]** guide Lee’s at the piano to play a Chopin prelude he never knew, he wonders about the prophecy from his youth that foretells he will someday meet "Her" along the beach. But the dark secret of his mother’s own deadly prophecy **[is this different from the prophecy in the previous sentence? Can you add some specifics about the mother's deadly prophecy?]** compels her ** [compels WHO? the mother?]** to sabotage his pursuit at all costs—even if it means having Lee institutionalized against his will."Hollynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-10174422248866397212009-12-10T11:42:49.505-05:002009-12-10T11:42:49.505-05:00I second the second, though I'd still like mor...I second the second, though I'd still like more specifics.Joshua McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17367262185912463258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-53870308205557778902009-12-10T11:07:21.736-05:002009-12-10T11:07:21.736-05:00I'm on board with the second one, also. You d...I'm on board with the second one, also. You detail the conflict better and the stakes involved. In fact, I wasn't even sure what the book was about when I read the first one and I thought the second one was a totally different book!<br /><br />I'm not familiar with new age, but if it's not a proper pronoun, do not capitalize it.<br /><br />Good luck on your search for an agent.Stacy McKitrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07898731847653710759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-56008652881224065292009-12-10T10:46:51.942-05:002009-12-10T10:46:51.942-05:002nd one deff. It sounds really cool.
However, can...2nd one deff. It sounds really cool. <br />However, can't you think of a better title? "Along the Beach" tastes bland to me.KatieGrrrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09917688537687550133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-64696896399236515972009-12-10T07:39:57.531-05:002009-12-10T07:39:57.531-05:00I second Piedmont Writer's opinion. The first ...I second Piedmont Writer's opinion. The first one is too fluffy and doesn't give a sense of the urgency inherent in the story.<br /><br />And I'd go with paranormal or mainstream as a genre classification personally. Then again, I don't know enough about New Age fiction to completely throw it out the window either.Matthew Delmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11452378192874048547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-76286649244002644362009-12-10T07:31:59.222-05:002009-12-10T07:31:59.222-05:00I really like the second one over the first. I do...I really like the second one over the first. I don't think it 'need's anything. And wow, I'd really like to read this book.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.com