The Public Query Slushpile

Query: King's Mark

2012-01-31T15:00:00.001-05:00

There is nothing Leti loves better than hunting along the river and practicing his stone carving. Until now, his clan’s protection has allowed him to do just that.

But when visiting traders discover the otter-print birthmarks on Leti’s hands, they kidnap and smuggle him into a hostile city where the King’s Mark is the sign of a traitor. And the Steward doesn’t tolerate traitors.

Instead of being executed, Leti is sold to a rebel leader, who plans to use Leti’s existence as a rallying point. Leti escapes, only to find his home destroyed and his clan scattered, killed, or sold into slavery. Instigating change suddenly becomes personal.

Aided by another Marked, a ruthless, charismatic guttersnipe-turned-revolutionary, Leti begins to work with the insurgency. Little does he know that the Steward is the least of his worries – another enemy hides in the shadows, and the rebellion is playing right into his hands.

KING’S MARK, complete at 90,000 words, is a fast-paced epic fantasy. Additional material is available upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration (and thank you Rick & blog commentators for your feedback!)

QUERY: COMING OF THE DUKEBARR (revised)

2012-01-31T06:40:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

QUERY: revision to COMING OF THE DUKEBARR
now called COMING OF THE DURSTORUNG

...or any other evil apocalyptic sounding name...

Dear "****",

Cara, a rebellious and stubborn fifteen year old, has recently decided that there is no Creator. Her beliefs, if discovered, are considered high treason and grounds for exile in her village. Desperate to protect his daughter, the High Priest confronts Cara about her beliefs, but she refuses to conform and runs away. She finds shelter with an old man in the hills, another non-believer who was exiled from the village years ago. By the time her father finds her she has become close friends with the heretic.

When Cara is dragged away from her new friend and forced to return home, an apprentice priest, Leolin, is assigned to babysit Cara and help recover her faith. He follows her to school and watches closely as she completes her chores, all while extolling the virtues of the Creator. Needless to say, Cara isn’t pleased. But her anger is quickly forgotten when foretold signs of a coming apocalypse, the Durstorung, begin to appear. The village animals are slaughtered. Lightning from clear blue skies burn down multiple houses. Cara is frightened by the events and is relieved when the old man arrives in the village, looking for shelter after his cottage was burned down. But before she can confide in her friend, the Durstorung arrives.

The villagers flee from the devastation and shelter in nearby caves, praying for redemption. The Durstorung is a blur – no one can remember what happened or how, but they all believe the Creator has decided to end the world and there is nothing they can do to save it. The food supplies in the cave won’t last till the end of the week. Cara, however, realizes something is amiss. Why do people have claw marks on their arms? And why were the animals slaughtered like prey? She tells everyone that the Durstorung might be a magical beast and tries to organize a scouting party, but only the old man believes her. Leolin refuses to let her out of his sight, and Cara is furious. With time running out, Cara must find a way to defeat the Durstorung on her own to save her village from certain annihilation.

COMING OF THE DURSTORUNG is a completed 53,000 word fantasy for young adult readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

********

QUERY- ONCE MORE AROUND THE BLOCK

2012-01-17T11:03:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the delay in posting, I was traveling and the hotel WiFi kept dropping my connection. I have another query scheduled to post tomorrow afternoon (revision to COMING OF THE DUKEBARR).
- Rick

Dear Agent:

Gail's life has not been perfect. She might have avoided making a few important decisions, like who to marry and where to live. After her arranged marriage fails, she is paralyzed with fear and spends the first three months hiding behind the pages of her Harlequin romance novels.

Encouraged by her best friend, Gail makes the decision to strike out on her own. She gets a little unexpected help from a strange cast of characters, her over-the-top grandmother, and Tony Cimino, the man who waits patiently for her to finally see him.

Both over-shadowed by siblings, Gail and Tony have learned to settle for what they were told was all they could expect from life. He hides landscape magazines behind the ovens of his father's pizza and sub joint on Broadway. She hides behind thick lenses and dreams of studying graphic art.

Gail did not expect to love her new life, and never expected the love of another to find her. She cannot believe he is her chance at happiness and tries to push him away. But Tony, a man who knows what he wants and sees it in Gail, is not going to give up so easily.

ONCE MORE AROUND THE BLOCK, complete at 80K words, is a love story about two people who find the courage to start over. I would be happy to send part of all of the complete manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Respectfully,
FIRST PAGE:

II was certain something lethal was about to hurl through space and split me in two. As it turned out, Ben didn't need a ballistic missile or a grenade launcher, he only needed a piece of notepaper.

Dear Gail, I wish there was something more I could say. Have a great life. Benjamin Silverstein.

The phone in the apartment was dead, so I used the cell to call my friend, Marcy. "He did what?"

"That lousy bastard. He left me a Dear Gail note and signed it Benjamin Silverstein, like I didn't know his last name."

"Where are you?"

I paced around in a circle by the wall phone near our pass-through. "I'm in our apartment … our empty apartment. He cleaned me out. You've got to come and get me."

"Aw shit Gail, there's a blizzard out there."

"I don't care. You said your friend has a heavy all terrain vehicle. Please Marcy, you've got to get here."

"Hold up." She covered the phone, but I could still hear. "Bruno, we can play French Maid all night."

"Yeah, but I gotta get the truck back."

"No, you don't. You'll tell him it's under three feet of snow, which is where I'll put you if you don't get your pants on and get me over there."

She got back on with me, "No problem, Gail."

"French Maid, Marcy?"

"Yeah, he's tired of the Cowgirl. Good thing, those chaps were killing my thighs."

After she clicked off, I roamed through the rooms. The only things left were four boxes, shreds of excelsior, packing tape, a week-old Daily News, and three empty beer cans, not his brand.

Ten days basking in the sun and lounging on the pristine beaches of St. Croix, ten days to work on my life plan and decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, shattered by a three by a three piece of paper. I looked through our bedroom window to the black late afternoon sky, willing myself to picture Ben's face as he wrote his final farewell to our bogus marriage. "Yeah, well fuck you too."

QUERY – Merm-8 (Revision)

2012-01-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

Gene, an ex-boxer, has made the most out of life on an Earth almost completely covered with water--salvage, smuggling, and avoiding the mafia he owes a debt to. Until he got himself a mermaid.

He didn't want her – the damn thing swam up his ship's vent. She only speaks gibberish, so there's no telling where she came from or how she could exist.

It's bad enough he has to eke out a living on the ocean with only his portable AI assistant, Stitch. Fortunately, there's a sea station nearby where Gene's scientist friend works. Could be a lot of money in it. Meanwhile, Gene could lay low, scrounge for jobs, and fix his spit-and-chewing-gum boat.

But he keeps finding reasons to visit the mermaid. Something draws him to her – a need to know what she keeps gesturing about. A need to protect. Especially when the general populace learns about her. Everyone wants to know if she's a fantasy come true or the bad omen sailors believe she is, especially the scientist who grows more obsessed.

Just as they discover the secret of her existence, a mysterious silver ship attacks the station. Gene attempts to escape in the chaos, like everyone else, and rescues the mermaid on his way. But his scientist friend won't let him through to his ship, accusing him of stealing his find. Gene has an instant to decide whether he will betray his friend or save himself before the station collapses.

MERM-8 is a 86,000 word science-fiction novel in the vein of "The Little Mermaid" meets "Waterworld". I have been previously published in Electric Spec, Flash Me, The Dunesteef, and received an honorable mention in the 2010 Writers of the Future contest.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Me

QUERY: Coming of the Dukebarr

2012-01-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

Dear *****,

Everyone believes in the Creator. Everyone, that is, except Cara.

Cara, a rebellious and stubborn thirteen year old, has recently decided that there is no Creator. Her beliefs, however, are considered high treason and grounds for exile in her small town. Desperate to protect his daughter, the High Priest of the village assigns an apprentice priest to babysit his daughter and help to recover her faith.

Needless to say, Cara isn’t pleased. But her anger is quickly forgotten when foretold signs of a coming apocalypse, the Dukebarr, begin to appear. Cara finds herself questioning her beliefs in the face of these events as her society begins to crumble around her. Will her faith, or lack of it, be able to prevent the destruction of her village?

COMING OF THE DUKEBARR is a completed 40,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

****

QUERY-His Muse(Revision)

2012-01-01T13:58:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear [Editor],

Coralie Boisson has one night in Arles to sign a deal with the handsome, and possibly mad, artist Jonah Struik. It’s her big chance to finally prove to her father that she is just as good of an art dealer as the men at their Paris art house. The fact that Jonah is the biggest rival of the secret lover that spurned her only sweetens the deal.

Jonah Struik, who abandoned the fashionable society of Victorian Paris after his fiancée jilted him, only agreed to deal with Boisson & Cie. in order to pay back his debts. When Jonah finds out that Denis Boisson has sent his daughter to broker the sale, he knows that his former employer must be playing games with him. Only a strange feeling that he knows Coralie from somewhere other than the art world keeps Jonah from walking out of their meeting.

Jonah soon realizes that Coralie is not the silly or manipulative dilettante he thought she was. And Coralie realizes that Jonah isn’t the madman the art world has labeled him as. The two come to find that they might just be the cure to each other’s loneliness.

HIS MUSE is a historical romance novella complete at 12,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[Redacted]

QUERY- HIS MUSE

2011-12-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

Dear [Editor],

Acquiring the work of Jonah Struik is Coralie Boisson's big chance to prove to the other art dealers at Boisson & Cie. that she is just as good at the job as any man, if not better. But more than that, Coralie can't wait to help her former lover's biggest rival steal the spotlight of the Parisian art world.

When Jonah finds out that Denis Boisson has sent his daughter to broker a deal, he knows that the meeting must be a joke. But there is a familiarity about Coralie that keeps Jonah from walking out. He senses he knows her, but how?

Can the two begin to trust each other with their sordid pasts or will it end up another lonely night in Arles for the both of them?

His Muse is a historical romance novella complete at 12,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[Redacted]

Query- White Trash Beautiful (Original)

2011-12-15T22:13:00.000-05:00

Dear [Agent name],

Trey Aston has stolen from the mob.

Desperate to save her life, she begs her father for help, and agrees to sell her body as repayment. Every penny she earns goes into making up for his sacrifice, but when Trey discovers he hasn’t been making the payments, she’s forced to turn to the one man she hoped never to see again.

As a deputy of the Parkvista Police Department, Luke Johnson refuses to acknowledge his high school sweetheart is a prostitute and is determined to make Trey see it for herself. That is, until she starts treating him as a client. His faith in his ability to know right from wrong is challenged and he isn’t the only one who’s noticed. His brothers on the force don’t have his back where Trey is concerned, leaving him to fight against them for a criminal.

The Family is out to make her pay, her father’s drunken rages are getting worse, and the town is cracking down on prostitution, but what really has Trey on edge is the fact she’s falling for the deputy who wants her behind bars.

WHITE TRASH BEAUTIFUL is a romantic suspense short story complete at 17,000 words.

[Pub creds, etc]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query - Merm-8

2011-12-14T17:14:00.000-05:00

Gene has managed to make the most out of life at sea--salvage, smuggling, and the occasional crab shipment. Despite his incredible debt to the Black Lagoon mafia and the tricks his AI assistant plays on him, things are good. Until he finds a mermaid stuck in his exhaust pipe.

But this is not a world of magic and dragons. The Earth is almost completely covered with water. Most of the population has been driven out to corporate-owned Seaplexes--giant, spherical atolls that combine malls, mines, and shantytowns. But this appears to be a genuine half-woman, half-fish.

Gene brings the mermaid to a scientist friend on one of these stations. He studies her while Gene tries to secure his next job. As they decipher this affectionate girl's origins, complications arise when she is discovered by the seaplex's populace. More complications arise when Gene's land-born status earns him the ire of the station's riff-raff. Even more complications arise when rumors of sinking ships start to emerge.

Gene discovers more about the mermaid and has to reconcile his feelings for this non-human. He must return her to her home. But her home is something he never expected.

Query - CHILDREN OF THE RED SAND

2011-12-06T08:36:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, Anthe wakes up covered in blood, wandering the desert alone. But no one from her tribe worries about the scout. It’s all the work of demons and outside their interest. They have something more important to worry about.
They are the watchers for the land, bound since before history to keep watch on the massive sandstorm that surrounds the desert land. It’s known only as the Wall. Legends say that it has moved before cleansing the land of any life. And it is set to move again. The first sign has been seen.
As part of the two person scouting team who discovers the discoloring of the Wall, Anthe is sent to warn Center and the leaders of the land so that they have enough time to gather everyone and get ready to move on the next Passage. But it has been so long that legend has become myth and tales to frighten children. Even Anthe has trouble accepting what she saw.
But she accepts, only wanting to get it over with and return to her quiet desert life of sand and demons. Dnoces, her scouting partner, relishes the chance to claim his own place in history.
Now they need a way to convince the populace of the land and save everyone’s lives, as well as help Anthe control her demons before they control her…

CHILDREN OF THE RED SAND is a 126,000 word Sci-Fi manuscript.

Query: Possessed

2011-10-25T15:00:00.002-04:00

Dear Agent,

Julia knew something was wrong when she woke up in a haunted forest, but she never would have guessed that her life as an eighteenth century novelist was a lie.

When Julia and two other volunteers - Caleb and Gabriel - awaken prematurely in a research laboratory, the scientists want them dead.

Barely escaping, Julia and her new friends fight to stay alive in post bombed Dallas while coming to terms with their disturbing pasts, which was why they decided to do the psychological study in the first place.

But angry scientists and a psycho stalker are the least of their worries. There are much more powerful beings after them. Physically helpless after a serious accident, Julia, Gabriel, and Caleb are brought by their demoniac pursuers into the supernatural realm. And this time, there is no way out.

Possessed is a supernatural thriller that is 60,000 words long.
Thank you for your time and consideration.

QUERY: Amelia's Monsters

2011-10-25T07:37:00.000-04:00

*Note* I posted this a long time ago on this site, but I am re-posting this to see how it has held up before I finally submit it.

Dear Agent,

Since she was twelve, Amelia’s nights have been plagued with visits from monsters. Each night they would terrorize her through the darkness of her closet, calling her Amelie and telling her that they’ve been waiting for her. No matter how many times she turned them away, they would return, bringing with them the terrors of the night. And they followed her no matter where she went.

Now fourteen, Amelia is getting a fresh start in a brand new home in a gated community. Sadly, not even the gates can protect Amelia from her deepest fears. When her cousin Lily comes to visit, the monsters return and steal Lily in the night. With Lily’s life in danger, Amelia must face her fears and enter the monsters’ world to rescue her cousin. But with each step into their world, Amelia discovers a tangled past that connects her to their world and the one they call Amelie.

Query - Evolution's Hero second revision

2011-10-19T14:44:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Genre - Self Help Fantasy: Personalized Transformational Entertainment

Change yourself, change the world.

Do you believe in the Collective Unconscious of the Human Race?

Imagine entering the realm of Humanity’s Collective Unconsciousness to defeat the manipulative forces that cause our world to suffer? Temptation, Greed, Fear, Judgment Doubt, Misery and more are running around our collective heads distracting us from understanding ourselves and following our truth path.

Set in the Manifested Body of the Collective Unconsciousness, a group of trained healers must free The Collective Will Sphere who runs the city of Manipuria from the personification of Temptation who has taken it over.

The problem is the energy river which feeds the entire Body from the Collective Heart is barely vibrating. The Power in the Heart Center has been imprisoned by Greed and Fear and must be freed, not only to revitalize the river but to weaken Temptation’s grip upon The Collective Will.

The group’s training is based in real life self healing techniques and philosophies from a program called De-Stress Training (http://www.wix.com/destresstraining/freedom). The characters demonstrate how to confront the darkness within by reaching a peaceful “zero” body/mind state. Then, extraordinary things become possible like dissolving pain, transcending emotions, choosing new broader perspectives, developing empathy and deeply experiencing what it means to be human without judgment or fear. Of course, this creates the space for true authentic expression.

Based upon the principles of oneness; the more individuals taking part in actively healing the Collective through reading this book and embodying the techniques it contains can make a difference in our world. The more we change our relationship to our collective inner darkness the more we will align with our Authentic Selves and transform our world.

QUERY- MAD AS A HATTER

2011-10-11T18:27:00.000-04:00

Click here for prior queries.

Dear Fabulous Agent,

London, 1882.

Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped by a man who called himself the Hatter. Emil survived. His sister didn't. So when he hears news of a serial killer ravaging London and leaving a note quoting Alice in Wonderland at each murder scene, Emil is convinced that his former abductor is on the prowl again. And when his young guardian, Officer Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he thinks it must be fate.

Corwin's not too keen on Emil having anything to do with the case, but Emil's extensive knowledge of the murderer's methods is too invaluable to waste. Yet as they piece their way closer to tracking down the serial killer, seven years of buried feelings threaten to consume him. Emil must fight for his life once again- but this time, his life isn't the only thing that's at stake. If he fails, he risks his family, his world, and maybe time itself falling into hell.

If he succeeds in finding Hatter, well... he'll be in hell already.

Complete at 51,000 words, MAD AS A HATTER is a YA thriller. I am a student living in the Cayman Islands. I have never been kidnapped by a serial killer and intend to keep things that way. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Me

Query - Evolution's Hero

2011-10-09T14:31:00.000-04:00

Ragnar Whitestone is the reluctant super-healer who discovers the price of “seeking” can lead to war with the forces of darkness.

Entering the realm of Humanity’s Collective Consciousness was not something Joan, Victoria or Nancy were prepared to do. They also didn’t expect to be forced into following the healing path in the mountains of Tibet but sometimes life makes choices for you. To save their sons, they must defeat the forces of Temptation who manipulate the various city centers in the Collective and keep the human race from being their Authentic Selves. Containing real life self healing techniques based upon a body of work called De-Stress Training, the reader becomes part of the story as they learn how to apply these techniques to themselves and their lives. Written to be an entertaining, experiential journey of self exploration and discovery that opens your imagination to what’s possible, you will learn how to change your life and make a difference.

Evolution’s Hero is complete self help fantasy novel at 102,000 words. It is the first of a series of adventures within the realm of the Collective Consciousness.

Sheldon Gerard Ginsberg, B.S in Exercise Science is a 12th level Reiki Master and the creator of De-Stress Training, a whole body experiential process by which he teaches clients to harness their innate ability to heal and create space for true expression of their Authentic Self. Sheldon has provided De-Stress Training services to the resident of Florida condominiums, cancer survivors, guests of Canyon Ranch Miami Beach and Cancun's Zoetry Parisio de la Bonita, a 5-star spa and resort. He has worked with Anti-aging centers in Beverly Hills and has presented his work to UCLA’s rehabilitation department. He has written two e-books on health and healing, many articles and created two audio CD’s: De-Stress Training and Reduce your Pain. To learn more visit, http://www.wix.com/destresstraining/freedom.

Query: The Ash Plague (round two)

2011-10-03T08:53:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

Assistant to the Royal Advisor, Adalmund Port returned home to Norwyn from her first job with an arrow in her shoulder and a murdered princess in her arms.

A war veteran at seventeen, Adalmund was sent to advise her country’s princess during a routine, perfectly safe peace treaty signing. Needless to say, it didn’t go as planned.

Sent back to Amleth, the country that murdered her princess, Adalmund is tasked with finding the man who ordered the attack and killing him. It’s an old law between the nations—the life of a noble for another noble life—but it doesn’t take into account the revolution brewing in Amelth. Adalmund didn’t take it into account either.

Peace is rising in Amelth. Peace, a masked man with the same magical powers as Adalmund and a desire for sweeping, if misguided, social change, is leading the revolution against the Amleth Royal Court. He also knows which Amelth prince was in charge of the military unit that murdered the Norwyn princess.

Peace wants Adalmund’s help.

Adalmund wants Peace’s information.

She also wants nothing to do with him, but Norwyn’s Royal Court strikes a deal with Peace: Adalmund’s unlimited help in exchange for a magically binding agreement that he’ll never declare war on Norwyn.

Adalmund will do anything to save her country. She’s been to war, she’s been an assassin, and she’s sacrificed her arm to save the princess.

But asking her to work with Peace might be too much.

THE ASH PLAGUE is a young adult fantasy novel of 75,000 words with series potential.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Queried

QUERY - EPIC FANTASY NOVEL - 3rd Go

2011-09-30T10:12:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Had Rune Greyhawk not been digging for dragon eggs on the shore that day, perhaps his father would still be alive and New Athens saved—perhaps he would have never become an adversary to a god.

Fifteen-year old Rune was born a prince, but as the second son with no experience or clout, his station was a powerless one. Not to mention his penchant for delinquency. Because of this, he has no choice but to study abroad in the kingdom of Stone Realm on Marina's mainland. But lately he's been having a lot of strange dreams—and after his sister gives him a simple-looking stone she swears is important enough to take with him, he starts to wonder if there is a more ominous reason behind his relocation.

Now, in a time when humans have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons as beasts of war, he is finding out that things are not as they seem: whether by fate or fortune, Rune is somehow tied to the thousand-year old mystery of the Arke of Aerimore, and the lost magi-ka of heaven that prophets say will be released again. Once Edome's ruthless emperor finds the ark and many nations, including Marina, join his plot to destroy New Athens, Rune has no choice but to find a way to stop the prophecy from happening. And it seems that the stone in his possession may hold the answer. Together, with the aid of his companions, he will have to uncover the mystery and just what it is that connects him to it. Even at the expense of his life and all he loves—before the rekindled flame of Aerimore destroys the world.

This is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.

QUERY- EPIC FANTASY NOVEL - 2nd Attempt

2011-09-28T07:02:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear ____,

Who would have known something so simple as digging for dragon eggs on the shore would change his life forever? Had Rune Greyhawk not been there that day, perhaps his father would still be alive and New Athens saved from war—perhaps he would have never become a lover to a queen and an adversary to a god.

Fifteen-year old Rune was born a prince, but as the second son with no military experience or national clout, his station was a powerless one. Not to mention is penchant for delinquency. Because of this, his father, the Prefect of Greyhawk, would be sending him to study abroad in the country of Marina as a musician's apprentice.

Little could he know of the more ominous reasons behind his relocation. Whether by fate or fortune, Rune has been thrust into the thousand-year old mystery of the Arke of Aerimore, a sacred coffer filled with the long lost magi-ka of heaven that is prophesied will reopen. Now, in a time where men have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons, Rune must carry the secret of his destiny to the land of his enemy and, with the aid of his companions, stop the prophecy from being fulfilled—before the rekindled flame of Aerimore destroys the world.

This is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.

THE BALLAD OF THE MOON is a complete, epic fantasy novel at 141,000 words; a modern bildungsroman for a new generation, somewhere between the tone of Anne McCaffrey, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Ursula Le Guin.

I have an A.A. in English, Liberal Arts, and Comparative Literature. I hold a B.A. from UC Davis in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. I am currently pursuing my M.F.A. in English Literature at the UCA. On my days off, I dig for dragon eggs on the coast.

Thank you for your consideration and your time. If you are interested in reading the text, I would be more than happy to provide it.

Sincerely,

XXX

QUERY EPIC FANTASY NOVEL

2011-09-27T07:31:00.000-04:00

Dear X,

Set in a world far from our own, the legend of Aerimore’s flame had long since extinguished before Rune Greyhawk had ever heard of it or the prophecies surrounding the mythical sungod; but now, in an age where men have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons, Rune has somehow become an unsuspecting participant in the thousand-old mystery, carrying the weight of a new world upon his shoulders.

Who would have known something so simple as mining for dragon eggs on the shore would change his life forever? Had he not been swayed by the potential, fifteen-year old Eyris Gildon would have never left his estranged father and his home in Sena to join New Athens’ army, never met the Crown Prince of Greyhawk who was destined to reset the world again. But the great battle of the East and West tied them together, the nations of New Athens and Edome deep in the throes of war, and just as Eyris was meant to become a warrior of men, Rune was meant to be an adversary of a greater power. Theirs is a tale of heroism and courage, a tale shared with many others who would one day become heroes of old. For this is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.

*TITLE* is a complete, epic fantasy novel at 157,000 words; a modern “bildungsroman” for a new generation, somewhere between the tone of Anne McCaffrey and Ursula Le Guin. A second book has been plotted but not yet written.

*credits and thank you's, etc*

Query-The Ash Plague

2011-09-25T14:34:00.002-04:00

Dear Agent,

The war started with a drunkard in her library and an arrow in her arm.

Seventeen-year-old Adalmund Pratt is one of the last remaining people who can see and weave the threads of magic in her plague-ravaged country, and as such, she is the newly-appointed Advisor to the Theodyn Heir. During a peace treaty signing with the neighboring nation of Amleth, an Amleth advisor drunkenly slurs in her ear that his nation is on the brink of a revolution against the royal family, and she realizes that she and the Heir of Theodyn are in enemy territory.

The attack comes before they planned. An unknown division of the Amleth army attacks and it’s an arrow through Adalmund’s shoulder and another through the throat of the Heir, who dies in her arms.

Adalmund knows that her ability remains the only chance to save Theodyn. Pushing aside her own grief and feelings of failure, she doesn’t hesitate to obey when the grieving Queen sends her to spy on the Amleth army and bring the murderous army unit to justice.

It’s not an impossible assignment until Adalmund realizes that the soldiers who attacked aren’t a part of the normal army, but are the private guards of a Prince. The only way she can succeed is to forge a precarious truce with Peace, the mysterious leader of the revolution in Amleth, and she’ll do it to save her country—even if the price of Peace is her life.

The first in a planned series, THE ASH PLAUGE is a young adult fantasy novel of 75,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

L.M. Miller

QUERY- THE RISE OF TEDDY

2011-09-12T13:57:00.000-04:00

Dear …,

[something here about them and all the research I've done to ensure that they are a good fit with my novel]

Teddy, an overweight fantasy aficionado, is obsessed with the concept of the hero. He knows that even if nothing about him is heroic he has the mettle to become one … someday. At present, he has more pressing issues, like his job at the local gym. Never has he felt so inadequate. Life is a constant reminder of how far he lies from ideal. Not that it spurs him take any action. That catalyst for change comes when his co-corker, Tia, – his destined princess, as he thinks of her – says, "you would look totally hot if you lost fifty-pounds," Teddy infers more than she means to imply and decides to do something he has never before attempted – lose weight.

If only he knew where to start.

After a mishap that involves dropping a couple hundred pounds on his head, he is approached by the gym's most persistent nutcase – a man in a bright green fanny pack named Stan – and offered help. Unsure, but fully aware that he has no other option, Teddy accepts.

It all seems so easy at first. However, the smooth path soon becomes a jagged and twisted maze with obstacles lurking around every bend. Tia's boyfriend returns to town and pops the bubble of Teddy's inflating self-esteem. Stan's daughter becomes a confusing confound in Teddy's hermetic life. Former nemeses become allies. Through it all, Teddy finds himself acting less and less like the hero he wants to become and more like the immodest kids he once despised. In the end, his actions may forfeit his chances for the one thing he wants: Tia.

THE RISE OF TEDDY, a work of commercial fiction, is complete at 97,000 words.

I am a graduate of 2006 Stanford University and was once an overweight kid myself.

Sincerely,

LP Vendrell

Query- Legend of the Freaks- The F.R.E.A.K.s

2011-09-05T10:14:00.000-04:00

On November 15, 2003 every single person on earth fell into a coma, all but Ally Medvec, three other teens, and hideous creatures that were roaming the streets set on killing them.

Running and hiding were the only things Ally and the others could do at first. But by luck they captured Tod, a poor teenaged creature in the wrong place. Terrified of the teens he spilled information that would cost him his life. The most important being the reason Ally and the others were being hunted. He only knew a word - F.R.E.A.K.s. The mysterious title he knew nothing of but was taught to fear.

Special title or not, Ally wanted to run and cower, and that’s what they did, even taking Tod with them, but they quickly learned they could run but they couldn’t hide for long. Starved, exhausted and clinging onto life, Ally finds everyone is looking at her for a way to escape the mayhem. Unwillingly thrown into the role of the leader, and overwhelmed with the fear of losing everyone she has ever known, drives her to think of the insane. To fight back! Because if they’re going to die, why not go out with a bang.

Through impossible odds Ally now leads the others through hell and back as they find out what they truly are and how to save the humans. But nothing in this nightmare is truly what it seems. Ally must figure the way through a web of lies and deception if they want to keep their lives, and save the human race, before it’s too late.

Legend of the Freaks- The F.R.E.A.K.s is a YA Urban Fantasy at 117,000 words with series potential.

Query - MODERN MEDICINE

2011-08-17T12:22:00.000-04:00

Dear Agent,

Getting into medical school was easy. The hard part was staying out of jail.

Thanks to his photographic memory, medical student Raj Mok has never encountered a test he couldn’t ace. Unfortunately, becoming a doctor involves these things called patients…and they don’t come in multiple choice.

Raj rationalizes the death of his very first patient—a terrible accident. But when a young professional enters the hospital healthy and leaves paralyzed and divorced under his care, Raj is devastated. If only it ended there.

With zero confidence in his abilities, Raj is on the verge of quitting when he is teamed up with Cindy. Innocent flirtation leads to a blossoming relationship with the cute intern. Just as things start to look up, Raj discovers a patient of his has been knowingly infecting several women with a lethal sexually transmitted illness...and Cindy is the most recent victim.

Suddenly Raj must decide if his loyalties reside with his patient or in the sweetness of revenge. The Hippocratic Oath be damned; if he’s learned anything from his patients, it’s that doing what’s right isn’t necessarily the correct answer. Too bad the law doesn’t agree.

Educated at UCLA and Stanford, I am a practicing physician in San Diego, California. I have authored over 40 peer-reviewed academic articles in numerous journals, including the New England Journal of Medicine.

MODERN MEDICINE is a medical thriller complete at 75,000 words.

Thank you for reading and commenting on my query. (Thanks for this great resource Rick.)

Sincerely,

AJ

Query: Cure 4th Revision

2011-08-09T15:38:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.

Ok, I know I said the last one was the last one, but some new comments caused some significant changes. Hopefully this is it. Thanks, everyone!

Dear Dream Agent,

When it is discovered that the pathogen responsible for zombie infection can cure cancer, human experimentation leads to an outbreak of infection. Miranda Penton’s hybrid infant holds the key to stopping it and Miranda must decide between saving humanity or her own child’s life.

Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. In the midst of a painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer as a member of the security team for the Nixon Healing and Research Center.

Her new employer has proof that the zombie pathogen can heal cancer, but the cure comes with the risk of infection. The solution: tempering the virus by way of human-zombie hybrid. The condition that caused Miranda’s baby’s demise makes her the perfect candidate to carry an undead’s offspring to term. She becomes the experiment’s next victim, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived.

A rescue team led by her estranged husband reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.

Impregnated with the hybrid and instinctually driven to keep it, Miranda and Scott contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads, Miranda’s infant daughter is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby’s DNA can stop the outbreak and it’s up to Miranda to save her.

CURE is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.

My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am a member of the Horror Writer's Association and New England Horror Writers. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of CURE. Thank you for your consideration

Regards,

Belinda Frisch

Query- The Exes in my iPod©

2011-08-07T22:22:00.000-04:00

Dear Ms. Slushpile:

The iPod© is one heck of a relationship therapist.

When I got my iPod© Shuffle at age 34, I had no idea that little, shiny square possessed the power to heal. But I quickly discovered my complicated love life could be redeemed with a single playlist.

What’s a girl to do when music is the teleporter to her past lives of failed relationships? Play on. I’d met Mr. Right, or so I’d thought, almost as many times as Madonna sings the word “material” in “Material Girl” (45, if you’re wondering). And hearing each song in my playlist steamrolls me right back to “him.”

The Exes in my iPod© is best described as Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger meets Love is a Mixed Tape by Rob Sheffield. A memoir, Exes is organized as a playlist of 13 songs/chapters, each capturing the essence of my relationship with one ex-boyfriend. After whittling down the deep roster of exes without songs, the remaining 13 men were a fitting reminder that being unlucky in love doesn’t have to mean being unlucky in life. Did I find the bright side in that four-week stint with the svelte model who turned out to be a bisexual coke addict? Check. Did reliving my bicoastal romance with the Black Ops Navy Seal who forgot to mention he was married teach me an even greater lesson? Absolutely. Readers follow my personal journey through life, men and music, as I relive a slew of embarrassing dating disasters, which catapulted me from a college campus in Kansas to a dive boat in Key Largo to a bustling restaurant in Miami—where the real “dish” begins. Along this long, bumpy road to happiness, I forged a career in wine and haute cuisine, ensuring each tale of love, lies and loss is always served with a side order of humble pie (and a glass of Champagne). At the heart of this journey is my struggle to learn the difference between sex and love—and the power of self-respect. Recollection of my past through music has been a powerful tool for understanding the strong woman I’ve become. And it’s been a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy.

Now I’m ready to share my dirty dishes with other women who will recognize themselves—and their relationships— in these stories and songs. My book, The Exes in my iPod©, is approximately 79,000 words. I’ve spent four years polishing this manuscript, and it has been reviewed twice by a professional editor. I'm committed to perfecting it.

A complete book proposal and sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Cheers,
Lisa M. Mattson

Query- Cure (third revision)

2011-08-04T11:34:00.001-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

Well, this is the last one for now. Thanks for the comments and though I've tried to shrink the word count, I feel the more I take away, the more confusing the story sounds. It's totally different from #1, so what do we think now? Better? I cut out the intro/bio for crit purposes only.

What if the pathogen responsible for zombie infection could cure cancer? What if the cost was human experimentation? What if that experiment led to outbreak? And one infant’s life could stop it?

Miranda Penton gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. In the midst of a painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer as a member of the security team for the Nixon Healing and Research Center.

Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician who is conducting experiments on the pathogen that causes zombie infection, hopes to transform the virus into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients. The problem is, he needs to temper it by way of a living hybrid to avoid infecting those he’s treating. The condition that caused Miranda to lose her baby, secretly the reason Dr. Nixon recruited her, makes her the perfect candidate to carry an undead’s offspring to term.

Miranda becomes Dr. Nixon’s next victim, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged husband, reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.

Impregnated with an experimental hybrid and instinctually driven to keep it, Miranda and Scott contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads, Miranda’s infant daughter is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak ravaging the U.S. population. How far will Miranda go to keep her daughter safe and at what cost to the world?

Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.

Query-Cure Revision #2

2011-08-01T15:01:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

I'm striking out here, but am taking all opinions into account. Here's a revision I think is along the lines of the character versus plot critique theme. I hope it's more in-line with what everyone's looking for.

Dear Dream Agent,

Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry fellow soldier Scott Penton but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. Desperate to forget the pain of the loss, Miranda files for divorce and accepts an unexpected job offer at the Nixon Healing and Research Center.

Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, is using his facility as a cover for human/zombie experimentation and believes that the pathogen that causes the zombie infection can be used to cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The problem is that he needs to temper the virus by creating a hybrid to avoid infecting those he’s treating.

Miranda becomes one of Dr. Nixon’s victims, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her soon-to-be ex, reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.

Miranda realizes she’s pregnant with an experimental hybrid and after battling to keep her pregnancy a secret, her maternal instinct convinces her to keep the baby. The infant is born healthy and normal-appearing, allowing her and Scott to contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads Miranda’s infant is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?

Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.

My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am the author of an independently published novel, Dead Spell, which has received great reviews and am a member of the Horror Writer's Association, New England Horror Writers and SCBWI. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Cure. Thank you for your consideration

Regards,

Belinda Frisch

Query-Cure Revision #1

2011-07-27T21:12:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Dream Agent,

When six zombie infected are discovered in a remote Haitian village, Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, commissions their transfer to his research facility believing that he can manipulate the pathogen into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The problem is, he needs to temper the virus by way of human-zombie hybrid.

Nixon inseminates human females with the infected’s sperm, but the infants aren’t surviving. He needs a compatible mother to host the hybrid and enlists the help of an ex-Nixon Center physician to find Miranda Penton, the perfect candidate.

Miranda becomes Nixon’s next victim, but her stay is short-lived. Someone reverses the hospital’s lock-down releasing not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.

Miranda realizes she’s pregnant as the infection spreads. Nixon’s security is sent to eradicate the newly infected and a bounty is placed on Miranda’s head. Nixon’s people lose control of the spread and Miranda’s infant becomes the new target. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?

Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.

My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition and I am the author of an independently published novel, Dead Spell. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Cure. Thank you for your consideration.

Regards,
Belinda Frisch

I can't get italics to work in comments, but all longer works are italicized in the actual query. Thanks!

NOTE: I placed some italics where I though the author intended them. To add italics to a comment, you need to use the following HTML tags, with spaces removed: < i > and < /i >. The text in between the tags will be italicized. Example: < i > This would appear in italics. < / i >
- Rick

Query: CURE

2011-07-26T08:59:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've had anything new to post here and I'm glad, Rick, to see the site is thriving. Congratulations and here's the query for my latest WIP. Thanks to all the commenters!

Thanks, I'm glad too...and I echo your thanks to the commenters who make this site what it is!
- Rick

Dear Dream Agent,

When six zombie infected are discovered in a remote Haitian village, Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, commissions their transfer to his research facility in the basement of the Nixon Healing and Research Center. Nixon deems the infection incurable, but after seeing its ability to devour live tissue, he believes there’s an alternate use; that he can manipulate it into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The first attempts are unsuccessful. The infection is too strong and needs to be genetically tempered by way of a human-zombie hybrid.

Nixon inseminates the first human females, but the infants aren’t surviving. He needs a compatible maternal host and enlists the help of an ex-Nixon Center physician to find Miranda Penton, the perfect candidate. She has the exact condition he needs, the same one that caused her own infant’s stillbirth. Doctors say her condition will kill any infant she ever carries and the news destroys her marriage, pushing her to accept an unexpected job offer at the Nixon Center.

Miranda becomes Nixon’s next victim, but her stay is short-lived. Someone reverses the hospital’s lock-down releasing not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.

Miranda realizes she’s pregnant as the infection spreads. Nixon’s security is sent to eradicate the newly infected and a bounty is placed on Miranda’s head. Nixon’s people lose control of the spread and Miranda’s infant becomes the new target. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?

CURE, is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and is the first novel in a planned series.

My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. The Look-alike earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am the author of a non-fiction textbook, Correct Coding for Medicare, Compliance and Reimbursement published by Cengage Learning and the independently published novel, Dead Spell, which has received great reviews. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript. Thank you for your consideration.

Regards,
Belinda Frisch

Query-Illusion (Revised)

2011-07-25T08:11:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Smart-mouthed visual artist Maya McAdam lives on post apocalyptic Earth, where magi and humans coexist in a precarious compact. One of the magical guilds has bargained with an arch-demon (Ba’al) to bring down another guild. Maya avoids magic as much possible, but then her paintings start to animate, her old nightmares return and she wakes covered in blood. When the law start pursuing her, she realizes it isn't because she hasn't registered her newfound magic.

Unbeknownst to her, she's Ba’al’s daughter, and her illustrations create doorways to other worlds, revealing her presence to her father. One of her pictures admits Resheph, a warrior warlock who's been hired to kill her. His task is frustrated by her apparent innocence and the invasion of Earth by demonic beasts, unleashed by her father to bring down the magical elite.

Maya joins forces with Resh and crosses realms; on a quest to discover the source of her magic and the reason for her incarnation.

She must dodge demons, magical guilds and dear old dad in order to restore balance to the dimensions, retrieve her warlock lover from hell, and redeem her own soul.

‘Illusion’ is a complete 105,000 urban/dark fantasy manuscript. My publishing history includes several short fiction stories to paying markets. I’m currently undertaking a Masters of Creative Writing at Adelaide University.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my query letter.

Query-Illusion

2011-07-24T08:10:00.002-04:00

Smart-mouthed visual artist Maya McAdam lives on post apocalyptic Earth, where magi and humans coexist in a precarious compact. One of the magical guilds has bargained with an arch-demon (Ba’al) to bring down another guild. Maya avoids magic as much possible, but then her paintings start to animate, her old nightmares return and she wakes covered in blood. When the magical guilds and the law start pursuing her, she realizes it isn't because she hasn't registered her newfound magic.

Unbeknownst to her, she's Ba’al’s daughter, and her illustrations not only reveal her traumatic past and augur the future, but they also create doorways to other worlds, revealing her presence to her father. One of her pictures admits Resheph, a warrior warlock who's been hired to kill her. His task is frustrated by her apparent innocence and the invasion of Earth by demonic beasts, unleashed by her father to bring down the magical elite and drag her back to the Abyss. Maya is Ba'al's ticket to the physical worlds and he'll do anything to get her back.

Maya's apartment is destroyed and her best friend murdered. Her shadowy dreams reveal that in past life she orchestrated the destruction and exile of Resh’s people. She joins forces with Resh and crosses realms in order to find out more about her past, make amends to the exiled warlocks and help evade the demons. But this turns into a bigger problem than either of them realizes as Resh’s soul is lost when they transmute across the Abyss. Maya arrives alone and is held captive by the Arch-Warlocks.
She must dodge demons, magical guilds and dear old dad in order to restore balance to the dimensions, retrieve her warlock lover from hell, and redeem her own soul.

‘Illusion’ is a complete 105,000 urban/dark fantasy manuscript. My publishing history includes policies and frameworks written for government and Flinders University, and short stories accepted by several publications. I’m an active member of the Australian Society of Authors, Australian Romance Writers Association, Paranormal Romance Writers Group and Science Fiction/Fantasy Online Writers Workshop. I’m currently undertaking a Masters of Creative Writing.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and feel free to contact me if you would like a partial or complete of the work.

Yours sincerely
Dy Loveday

QUERY- LOOKING FOR ME

2011-07-22T12:42:00.000-04:00

Dearest Agent,

After years of suffering sexual, physical, and psychological abuse too horrid to speak of, Mona Bishop injects the needle into her arm, pushes the plunger inward with her thumb, forcing the “smack” into her veins, entering her final decline.

Since childhood, Mona has never had never had much of anything, including a voice. After witnessing the death of her beloved grandmother, she is thrust into the foster care system where she falls prey to horrific abuse at the hands of her demented foster parents, Jack and Martha O’Neal. Sixteen, and unable to endure the torture any further, without plan, Mona runs away and ends up on the mean streets of South Dallas struggling to survive. When Lee, a free spirit, enticed by the tango with danger, enters her life, he feeds Mona’s soul the food it has been long starving for. But, as time passes, tensions arise, betrayal is discovered, and all that Mona holds sacred is destroyed. Lee abandons her and leaves town with their daughter, leaving Mona’s life spiraling out of control. Heroin addicted and clutching to her fragile hold on sanity, Mona is forced to confront her failures, expose her secrets, and face her long-buried hurts. She riots against herself, and the voices in her head desperately trying to rebuild her life and be the kind of woman her daughter can be proud of. However her journey to self-discovery has a detour, leading Mona down a road paved with further heartbreak. In the end, will Mona reunite with the love of her life? Will she find her daughter? And, lastly, will she ever find again the most valuable thing she has lost—herself?

Ultimately, LOOKING FOR ME is a story of hope, resolve, of a woman digging deeper than she thought possible trying to find the strength not to completely crumble. Completed at 64, 256-words, LOOKING FOR ME is a drama suffused, mainstream literary narrative entwined with a touch of humor, suspense, and dark realities, topped with an urban twist.

Now, about me in a nutshell; I began my writing career at the tender age of six. True. Stapled notebook paper in booklet form, I was sure my three page masterpiece would be a bestseller. Allow me to toot my horn by briefly stating, I have won and been a finalist in numerous contests, recently, receiving the 2010 first Annual Soul Sister Creative Writing Award.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind Regards,
Angela Duirden-Galbreth
[Address and phone number redacted]
angelagalbreth@yahoo.com

Show and NO Tell Results

2011-07-20T11:17:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the four writers who participated in the Show and NO Tell contest. I enjoyed reading all the entries. My favorite was Jenny's (entry #1). There was a real emotional reason for Jimmy to hate pizza, and the slow build to the reveal was well-paced. Great job!

The runner-up is a tough call. I like the emotions in Luis' entry (#2), and think there is a good degree of realism. I was able to feel the despair. Darrell's Frankenstein entry (#3) was was a fun reprieve from the more serious entries, and I especially liked the twist at the end of Teralyn's entry (#4) with the offer for Parmesan, showing that the alternative had its own issues.

So for runner up, I'm declaring a three-way tie. All four win!

I have Teralyn's address. For the other three, please email me at rjdaley101071 (at) gmail (dot) com with your mailing address and I'll mail your signed copies of THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS out this week, I hope you enjoy reading it.

Thanks for participating!

Query - Duck for cover, my dad's going to explode

2011-07-19T08:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Agent,

Trapped in an elevator with no way out, Jake fights to survive the terror of breathing in the haunting aroma of an elevator fart. A suspicion has formed in his mind that an alien army has taken over his fathers body, and were using everything at their disposal to wage a war of escape. It started as a few simple sneezes, then before Jake knew it, he was ducking for cover from his fathers pulsating puss filled pimples.

Doomed to have no control over his bodily functions, his father must experience the humiliation of exploding in the grossest ways possible, from shooting potentially deadly snot of mass destruction to stomach churning projectile vomiting. The aliens even tried climbing to freedom through the dense jungle of his nasal passages, with a soggy piece of spaghetti.

Then there was the incident with the elephant.

Duck for cover, my dad's going to explode is a humorous chapter book and complete at 13,400 words. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript at your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration and have a great day.

Yours sincerely,

M Jones

Show and NO Tell- Entry #4

2011-07-18T14:15:00.000-04:00

Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?

By Teralyn Rose Pilgrim

http://teralynpilgrim.blogspot.com/

“I bought pizza to eat while we study,” said Julie. She opened a box of steaming pizza with relish as if she were offering him a special treat.

Jimmy tried not to grimace as he picked up a piece and felt it go limp in his hand. Julie stuffed a large bite in her mouth and savored the bite with glee. “Mmm,” she said.

I like this girl, Jimmy reminded himself. I’m not going to offend her by refusing her pizza.

He took a bite and a long string of rubbery cheese slid off the bread and onto his shirt, leaving strings of red goop all down his front. Embarrassed, he decided to leave the blood-sauce crust naked and stuffed the cheese into his mouth. It was like chewing on a ball of slimy rubber bands.

As he formed the cheese into a digestible paste, he tried not to think of his 3^rd-grade field trip to the cheese factory.

He remembered him and his classmates peering over the railing above the equipment. They ooo-ed and ahh-ed over the stainless-steel vats of stirring milk. The teacher led them along the rail to the packaging area where blocks of yellow cheddar zoomed through a narrow terminal. They jerked to a stop in front of a worker and a machine that wrapped the cheese in plastic and sucked out the air with a gasp and a click.

The woman was old enough to be the wicked witch of the west. She wore no hairnet, so Jimmy could see her charcoal-gray hair shine from a thick layer of grease. He recoiled when he saw the same grease covering her face from the root of her damp hair, past her crooked green teeth, and plastered down her neck.

She didn’t wear any gloves, but handled the cheese with her bare, wrinkled hands. She wiped sweat off her forehead with the back of her wrist. Then to his horror, she scratched her head and put her now grease-soaked fingers back on the block of cheese. No one but Jimmy noticed a single strand of hair get caught under her jagged nail. The strand flowed in the air as it followed her finger to the cheese as she pushed it through the machine.

Jimmy knew the same women hadn’t touched the cheese that was on his pizza – well, he thought he knew, but he couldn’t really be sure – but whenever he saw cheese, he imagined it coated in hair grease. He thought of this when he saw melted cheese glisten with wetness.

He tried to swallow the huge gob of mozzarella in his mouth, insisting to himself that it wasn’t filled with strands of old lady hair, or jagged fingernails, or crooked teeth. The cheese got caught in the back of his throat and he gagged.

“Are you okay?” asked Julie.

Jimmy forced the mouthful down with a vengeance. He put the rest of his piece down, unable to eat anymore.

“My stomach doesn’t feel the best,” he mumbled. “The pepperoni is too strong and it made me feel nauseous.” He thought he sounded lame, but Julie rubbed his arm and gave him a look of sympathy.

“I have some spaghetti in the fridge. Would you like that instead?”

Jimmy sighed with relief as she went to the kitchen. He picked up his math book and heard the refrigerator door open.

“Would you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti?” she asked.

“No!”

Jimmy cleared his throat. “I mean, no thank you.”

Show and NO Tell- Entry #3

2011-07-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?

Why does Jimmy hate Pizza?
By Darrell B. Nelson
http://darrellbnelson.blogspot.com/
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/DarrellBNelson

Brian pulled up to the old mansion and pulled up the hood of his Pizza Joint jacket, “I hope he tips good, asking for a delivery in the middle of a thunder storm.”

He grabbed the warming bag that contained the customer's pizza and jogged from his little Sentra to the front door as fast as he could without harming the contents of the bag. Even with his hood up he could
feel himself getting soaked as he waited for the owner to answer the door.

“Come in, Come in,” the old man in the white lab coat said when he opened the door.

Brian wiped the water off the bag and opened it. He pulled out the extra large pizza making sure it had stayed safe from the downpour. It had, “That will be $22.56. Mr. Stein.”

“Call me Frank.” The man took the pizza and set it on the table next to the door, opened the box and looked it over, “Did you put all the ingredients in the right proportions as I asked?”

“It was one of our tougher pizzas but our cook is really good.”

“We will see.” The man pulled out a fifty dollar bill, “This is yours if you did it correctly. Come with me.”

“I'm not allowed to go more than a few feet passed the front door,” Brain said. “Company Policy.”

“For a $27 tip you can make an exception.”

A huge clap of thunder hurt Brian's ears and he could hear the front door being battered by an insane amount of rain, “I guess I could.”

He started following Frank and heard a child's voice yell out from the other side of the main hall, “Are we having pizza?”

Brian looked to see a 10 year-old enter the hall smiling and holding a small poodle.

“No Jimmy, this is for the experiment,” Frank told the child.

“Everything is for the experiment, I never get anything.” Jimmy frowned.

“If this works you will have everything, Jimmy.” Frank said.

“Why can't you be nice like Fluffy.” Jimmy hugged his poodle.

“I'm on the verge of the biggest medical breakthrough in history of mankind, that's why.” Frank opened the door off the main hall to reveal a huge lab with beakers bubbling and a Jacob's Ladder sending arcs of electricity up its length. He quickly moved to the center of the lab and slid the pizza out of the box onto the exam table. He poked numerous wires into the crust and sprinkled a liquid over it.

“Now we just have to wait for a lightning bolt to hit.” Frank smiled.

“Okay?” Brian was about to ask for his money and leave with or without tip when a huge flash of lightning filled the main hall with light and he heard the thunderbolt at the exact same time.

When his eyes readjusted he saw the pizza was moving. It was flipping the sides of its crust trying to undo the wires that were poking into it.

“Its Alive, Alive!” Frank yelled.

Fluffy broke free from Jimmy's arms and ran over to bark at the unholy animation.

Frank quickly released the living pizza from the restraining wires and threw his hands up in the air, “I have broken the bounds between life and death. This pizza will bring a new dawn for humanity.”

Humanity's new dawn took the opportunity to leap from the table and completely envelop the poodle that was barking at it.

“Fluffy!” Jimmy cried out.

Brian ran over and tried to pull the pizza off the helpless dog, but it had become much tougher than a pizza had any right to be.

“Stand back!” Frank yelled starting up the bone saw, “This abomination was my creation, and I alone must deal with it. It was my folly to believe that I could tamper with the laws of god and the universe. This should be a lesson to all mankind...”

“Could you help already and give your speech later?” Brian interrupted Frank as the pizza had turned on him and grabbed his arm.

“Oh yeah, that might be a good idea.” Frank started cutting up the pizza with the bone saw. After cutting half the pizza into one inch slices it grew weak enough for Brian to pry loose his arm.

Frank and Brian wrestled with the pizza and finally killed it, but it was too late for Fluffy who was now just cheese covered hair and a tail. The pizza had dissolved the rest of the body.

Brian looked over at little Jimmy who was in tears.

“I'm really sorry,” Brian said. “If it will make it any better I can talk to my manager, Bernie, about getting you another pizza.”

“I hate Pizza!” Jimmy shouted. “Pizza ate my dog.”

Show and NO Tell- Entry #2

2011-07-18T13:45:00.000-04:00

Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?

Mr. Pizza
by Luis Vendrell

The cafeteria was acrid with pubescent sweat. Boys, those who had yet to realize that deodorant is more than a courtesy, filled the seats around him. Girls who understood the intricacies of bathing clung to the edges, far away from the almost visible cloud of pungent stink emitted by the males. Jimmy wished he had the courage to join them. Anything to get away from the barbaric guys who thought punching him in the gut was the funniest thing they last farted.

The stench wafted at him from all directions. He could feel the grease cling to his face and soak into his skin.

As if he needed anything else to add to the blotched wasteland of his face.

Jimmy poked at the food on his plate. How could he have forgotten his lunch? He was under strict orders from his dermatologist: Do not stray from this diet. Well, that was, if he didn't want to end up looking like that guy from Machete. But, here he was, faced with the only food in the world that mirrored his face. The one food that could mock him simply with its existence.

Pizza. It made him all too aware of the three new pimples that had sprung up on his forehead over night. Each with a white bulb fresh for the popping. He had resisted the urge to do so, but only barely. The debate as to whether a pearl of puss or a seeping red hole was worse went on for fifteen minutes while he stared at himself in the mirror.

Whatever cosmic entity had decided to crap on him today has certainly done its homework. Grease oozed red from the pepperoni and mixed with its clear counterpoint from the cheese. He imagined touching it, the way the viscous fluid would adhere to his fingertips. Traces would remain even after wiping it away. No napkin stood a chance against that mess. Still, he had an army of the things set before him -- a vain hope that maybe he could win this battle.

With a sigh Jimmy plucked one from the top of the pile. Then, unsure if a lone sheet could handle the task, he grabbed several more. He dabbed at the top of the slice. The action started timid, but turned determined as the white paper became translucent. It was more like kicking a dog than discarding a used napkin when he slapped the sodden mass into the cup cut-out of his Styrofoam tray. Orange specks spattered and speckled the ringed top edge. His stomach groaned at the sight while his mind made the corollary between the visage and his face.

At least that is over, he thought and looked upon his lunch. More oil had seeped out of the places he had already wiped.

"Really?" He asked the air.

"Who yah talkin' to Jay?" Jorge Valdez, the kid seated next to him, turned towards Jimmy, his lips shined with the sheen of his already eaten pizza. A smear crept up from his mouth in a diagonal across his cheek. Jimmy imagined a line of white-heads using the grease as fuel to finally breach the surface of his skin. That was, if Jorge had ever had to struggle against blemishes. His tanned skin was flawless.

"No one," Jimmy said and grabbed several more napkins. It was futile. The stupid slice of pizza seemed to have an infinite supply of grease. In despair he pinched the bridge of his nose, before quickly retracting his hand, but the damage was done. Like a second parasitic skin the stickiness of his fingerprints burned. How many blemishes would come from that inadvertent action?

One step closer to you Mr. Pizza, he thought with a glare at triangular slab in front of him.

A voice broke though his melancholy, "Yah goin' to eat that?" Jorge pointed at the tramped down slice.

"No." Jimmy shook his head.

"Can I have it?"

"It's all yours, man." He pushed the tray towards Jorge.

"Sweet." Jorge reached towards the pizza with gleaming fingers. The corner of his mouth curved up slightly when he held the floppy thing to the rest of the table.

If Jimmy had known what he would do next, maybe he would have left before it happened.

The imbecile folded the slice in half. It was a poor imitation of a mouth. "Hey everybody! I'm Jimmy." Jorge traitorous words spoke for the pizza. He then held the slice a few inches from
Jimmy's face. "It's like lookin' in a mirror huh?"

Before Jimmy could stand up and flee the scene Jorge slammed the slice right into his face. Long gone cold from Jimmy's inability to eat it, the pizza still managed to secrete its damning venom onto his flesh.

The only thing louder than the resultant laughs from everyone in the cafeteria, was the scream of his shame.

Show and NO Tell- Entry #1

2011-07-18T13:36:00.001-04:00

Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?

The first entry, from Jenny (http://telecate.blogspot.com/):

"Do we have to have pizza again?" Jimmy Boyd asked his mother as they pulled into Romano's for the seventeenth week in a row. "We always get the same kind, and it's not like Dad can even have any."

"I don't care," his mother said serenely. "If you want to see your father, go get the pizza. Here, you can get a dessert pizza, too, if you want." She handed over an extra five, and after a moment Jimmy accepted it and went inside, waving back to the cashier. Romano’s had already started prepping his order when they saw his mom’s Mazda pull in.

As usual, Jimmy held the steaming box on his lap in the car, trying to hold out longer and longer before he moved it for relief. The first few weeks he'd only made it to Lombard Street, but now he could reach Oregon, sometimes even Packard before he gave in. Today, he forced himself to wait until Packard had flashed by and they had actually turned onto 34th before he rescued his thighs from the burning.

They parked in their usual spot in front of the prison. Jimmy carried the pizza box, his legs still stinging, while his mother signed them in and surrendered her ID, though the prison staff knew them, too. Lana was at the desk today, while John took them down the corridor and into the visitors' room. "He'll be here in a few minutes," John said as he opened the door to their cubicle. Jimmy's mother smiled and thanked him.

In the promised few minutes, the door behind the plastic panel opened, and Jimmy's father appeared, clad in the usual orange scrubs. The guard with him, Leon, nodded politely to them both as he closed the door.

"Hi there," his father said, dropping into his chair and leaning forward. He looked exhausted, as usual, but he smiled at Jimmy.

"Hi." Jimmy sat down and put the pizza box on the other chair, knowing his mother would insist on standing behind him. "I got a B+ on my history paper! The one I was telling you about, on Egypt? I thought I was toasted when the teacher started talking about plagiarism, but it turned out she just meant you weren't supposed to use quotes without saying where you got them, not that you couldn't use them."

"That's great! What about your math test? Wasn't that today?"

"Yeah...it didn't go so hot. But hey, check it out. I was studying with Marc last night, and we--"

"Eat something," his mother interposed, opening up the Romano's box.

"I'm not hungry," Jimmy said. "So Marc and I--"

His mother pushed the box in front of him, placing the lid between him and his father, and lowered her voice to a spitting whisper. "Eat something or we're going home."

"All right." Jimmy took a slice and folded it up so he could eat twice as fast. His mother lowered the box to the counter and took out her own slice. "So Marc and I were thinking..."

He went on with the story, and his father listened, both of them doing their best to ignore his mother eating her own pizza slowly and languorously, leaning against the wall of the cubicle. "Time to go," she said when they were done, interrupting Jimmy's description of what Desiree Mills had gotten in trouble for wearing last Thursday. He would have liked to talk about other girls, specifically Raina Lee, but he wasn't quite sure what to say, and anyway there was no way while his mother was standing there.

"Can't we stay a few more minutes?" he said, though he knew the answer.

"No." She rang the bell for John to come get them.

"See you next week," his father told him, rising.

Jimmy glanced at the pizza box. "See you next week," he echoed.

His mother gave the rest of the pizza to the staff at the desk, as usual. "Can we get pepperoni next time?" John called after them as they left.

"He means thank you," Lana yelled.

They said nothing in the car, as had become usual the past month or so. At home, Jimmy told his mother he had homework and escaped to his room, where he had a box of cheese crackers and some beef jerky stashed. He threw a few crackers in his mouth and lay down on his bed.

He woke up in the dark sometime later, his mouth still tasting like powdered cheese. His alarm clock said ten-fifty-one. He pushed himself upright and went downstairs to get a drink.

The living room light was on, and on the couch his mother was slumped where she must have fallen asleep by accident just as he had. Before her were newspaper clippings and a note written on paper with the Romano's logo on it. He stepped over to look, though he knew what they were. The papers and the local news had covered his father's trial gleefully, some awful punster even calling it "a pizza bad luck all around." There was the photograph of his father and mother from a few years back. There was the separate picture of Todd the pizza guy, "who Boyd discovered was delivering more than just a hot pie to his wife," according to the local news anchor, whom Jimmy could no longer stand to listen to. There was even a photo of himself eating a piece of pizza. And on the Romano's letterhead, in Todd's handwriting: "Julie: I'll be by tomorrow at ten. I'll bring our new special, the Sausage Sizzler."

He reached forward to crumple the papers, but his mother stirred, and he stopped. Anyway, he shouldn't. He wanted to see his dad next week. He had to be on good behavior until his dad was free. He'd be out in another...let's see...five years times fifty-two was two hundred sixty weeks, minus seventeen was two-hundred forty-three pizzas. Weeks. Two-hundred forty-three weeks.

Contest- Show and NO Tell

2011-07-14T17:06:00.003-04:00

Since there's a slowdown in queries, and since I have a book out, I think it's time for a Slushpile contest. And since I'm the moderator and have unrestricted access to posts, no one can stop me.

[Insert evil laugh here]

Contest rules: Answer the question below in a short story (750-1,000 words). You must use the characters / actions / narrative to show me the answer…going right out and telling me the answer is cheating! Submit your entries as comments to this post or email me at rjdaley 101071 (at) gmail (dot) com. You have until 8am EST on Monday, July 18 to enter.

Question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?

Suggestions: Food allergy; his father choked on pepperoni and died; Jimmy was dropped on his head by delivery guy when he was a baby, etc. Get creative, and show me the answer!

Prize: I will send a signed copy of my book, THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS to my two favorite entries. Winners will be announced on Thursday, July 21 whenever I get around to it. Prizes will be awarded shortly thereafter.

Book Release Announcement!

2011-07-13T14:14:00.000-04:00

ANCIENT BOOK DISCOVERED UNDER ARCTIC ICE

COLUMBUS, OH (July 2011)- A team of climatologists reported a startling discovery: an ancient book of unknown origin embedded deep in an Arctic ice core. The team immediately set out to excavate the rest of the book—the drill had only punched through its center—and spent days piecing it together before cracking the cover. The text is in English, Spanish, and Japanese, and tells an incredible story you have to read to believe…

Such is the premise of The Man in the Cinder Clouds, a debut novel by Rick Daley. This brilliant re-telling of the origins of Santa Claus brings the nostalgia and wonder of the old clay-mation Christmas specials to life. “Rather than try to trace Santa’s history through the years, I focused instead on his first Christmas, and the challenges he faced that year,” Daley explained. “I wanted it to feel real.”

And feel real it does. This story-within-a-story (within a story) reveals the origins of all of the most famous aspects of the Santa Claus legend: from his red suit and white hair to Christmas trees, stockings, and lumps of coal (and everything in between). The story also answers the age old question: How does Santa fit all those presents in his sack?

“The little details are a big part of the book’s appeal. They are not gratuitous; they all make sense in the context of the story and the characters. Sure his suit is red because that’s his favorite color, but why is it his favorite color? It’s no spoiler to say he meets Mrs. Claus and falls in love, but how does their relationship grow? That’s what was important to me in writing this tale,” Daley said. “And while the main character is Kris Kringle—known as ‘the man in the cinder clouds’ after an accident involving a chimney—the layers of the story above and below Kris’ tale are fascinating…from the people who found the book in the ice, struggling to decide if they should keep it and get rich or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner, to the two orphans Kris befriends after their greedy uncle robs them of their inheritance.”

If you've ever believed in Santa Claus, this is the book for you. And there’s no need to wait until Christmas, you can open this one early: The Man in the Cinder Clouds is available in print through CreateSpace, and will be available at Amazon.com and other online retailers in the coming weeks. A Kindle version is scheduled for release in early August. For more information, visit www.cinderclouds.com.

Publication Date: July 12, 2011

IBSN-13: 978-1461091684

Query- Sex, Drugs and the SATs: Getting out of High School and Getting in to College

2011-06-27T11:41:00.000-04:00

Ginger Cobb and Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow
[Street Address]
[City, ST Zip Code]

March 10, 2011

[Recipient Name]
[Title]
[Company Name]
[Street Address]
[City, ST ZIP Code]

Dear
If the baby books had told us that one day we would have to talk to our teenager about sex, drugs, and the SATs, we would have used birth control! Teenagers today text instead of talk, twitter instead of chatter and blog instead of blab. So how do we communicate with them about two key life journeys: getting out of high school and getting into college?

Sex, Drugs and the SATs: Getting out of High School and Getting in to College is not only based on research, but also, real-life experience. The advice here is culled from a combined thirty-five years of practical hands-on experience with teenagers and parents. We have worked day to day with teenagers and know they come with problems in all shapes and sizes; there is no one -size -fits -all solution when it comes to raising teenagers. From putting a party-gone-bad plan into place to crafting a clever college essay, this book will give parents savvy solutions to surviving the teenage years.

Ginger Walsh Cobb holds a B.A. in English from Denison University and an M.A. in Private School Leadership from Columbia University. Currently, Ginger is finishing her 18th year at St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Potomac, Maryland. As Dean of Students, she educates students and their families about the following: drug and alcohol use, stress, harassment, abuse, internet safety, relationships and depression.
Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow holds a B.A. from Duke University and a M.Ed. from Emory University. Previously, Kathleen served as Director of College Counseling at St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Potomac, MD. Currently, she is the Chair of the English Department at Stone Ridge School of the Sacred Heart in Bethesda, MD. She also runs The College Coaches, a counseling service which guides families through the college process. Kathleen has counseled students from prestigious college preparatory schools all over the Washington, D.C. area.
We have enclosed a Table of Contents and a few chapters. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Ginger Cobb and Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow
[Contact Information]

Query-GRIMACE

2011-06-25T11:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Agent,

To escape the blame surrounding the death of her high school love, seventeen-year-old Jillian takes the ultimate bribe from her manipulative mother: Come to Scotland, survive senior year alone, and ‘heal’.

But Jillian doesn’t go to Scotland alone. With her she takes a mysterious voice that spews cryptic nonsense. Even with The Voice Jillian feels more alone than ever. Her solitude ends only when a different voice coaxes her into drinking an elixir labeled ‘drync’ the old English word for drink and sends her to a world that could have been drawn with side-walk chalk.

It is there she meets Grimace: a gargoyle she pulls straight from his own purgatory and back into her own world. At last Jillian believes she has a friend she can relate to but Grimace has unfinished business on earth and to keep Jillian safe he must first put her life in great danger.

GRIMACE is a paranormal YA complete at xx,xxx words.

Thanks in advanced guys and thank you so much Rick!!

Query- By the Sword - YA Christian Fantasy (Third Revision)

2011-06-20T08:29:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

**I truly appreciate all your feedback here. :)

Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

Talya`s plan to march into battle is interrupted when a visiting prophet tells her that God has called her on a peaceful mission to Hunter Forest. In the forest, Talya runs into Jalarn. After a gruelling fight, Talya`s skills prevail, but as she removes his battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision convince her to spare his life. She flees – right into the hands of Jalarn`s men.

When Talya awakens in a prison, Jalarn orders her to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. When Jalarn begins to show curiosity in Talya`s God, he is no longer a heartless monster in her eyes. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) - Second Revision

2011-06-16T08:11:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help her country bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

Gut wrenching, lifelike nightmares of a young boy interrupt Talya`s focus. It doesn`t help when a visiting prophet reminds her of her blood lust problem and tells her that God has called her on a dangerous mission to Hunter Forest days before the battle. Talya agrees to go when she finds out that Jalarn will be there. They run into one another and, after a gruelling sword fight, Talya wins. But her plan to slit his throat does not go as planned when she removes his battle mask and recognizes him to be the same boy as the one in her haunting visions. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch up to her.

When Talya awakens in a prison, she is confronted by Jalarn to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) First Revision

2011-06-13T09:05:00.000-04:00

Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya is a knight who lives to kill soldiers of the Malinorian Empire. She especially hates their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

A prophet`s word sends Talya to Hunter Forest, where she meets Jalarn. They fight and she wins. When Talya removes Jalarn`s battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision tug at her conscience. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch her.

When Talya awakens in a Malinorian prison, she is faced with the decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. Things become more complicated as Talya and Jalarn begin to develop feelings for one another.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 66,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- ***- 1st Revision

2011-06-11T09:15:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Ms. Agent,

I am writing to you because you represented Blah Blah by What’shis Name and I think my novel may interest you.

Machiko Yamamoto does not understand why she pulls out her hair, picks at her skin, or triple checks the locks to the small house behind the school where she works. She does not understand why, born brilliant and beloved into kindness and privilege, she spends her days alone, reading grammar books and watching travel documentaries. When a quiet foreigner moves into the abandoned thatched roof house next to her uncle’s ryokan, she decides it's time to venture forth from her loneliness.

Krista Black does not mind the weekly visits from the local English teacher. The scarred woman seems harmless, but she always wants to talk about travel and language and why Krista has come to the small, Japanese village. Krista avoids her questions; she knows the world and what it does to fragile people. Machiko may want to know Krista, but she must never learn her secrets.

Set in Kyoto, New England, Africa and Kathmandu, *** is a 96,000-word work of literary fiction, interwoven between two protagonists, across two cultures. Like THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, or a Diane Arbus photograph, it peers beneath the comfort of expected storytelling to investigate the nature of suffering, religion, sex and, ultimately, kindness.

This is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Me

(I’m sorry- the working title has to remain anonymous. I haven’t come up with a good one yet, and it’s just too mortifying to publicise my shitty attempts.)

Thanks so much for this opportunity Rick!

Query- ***

2011-06-07T17:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Ms. Dream Agent,

I am writing to you because you represented BLAH BLAH by WHATSHIS NAME and I feel my novel has a similar spirit.

Split into two interwoven parts, *** is a 96,000-word work of literary fiction. Like THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, or a Diane Arbus photograph, it peers beneath the comfort of expected storytelling into the recesses of the human experience.

Set in Kyoto, New England, Africa and Kathmandu, *** connects the mental illness of a Japanese English teacher with the wandering spirit of a jaded American. Incorporating Trichotillomania, 9-11, religious yearning and sexual consolation, the relationship between Machiko Yamamoto and Krista Black develops over a two year period, as Machiko’s health fails, and Krista’s brutal past unfolds. Their desire and their love, their rage and their hope, create a story of humanity, told by two women, across two cultures.

I am a graduate of FancyPants University, and have spent two years in a Japanese village similar to the setting of ***. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Aspiring Writer

Query- By the Sword

2011-06-07T01:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Agent,

Kill. That is what warriors are supposed to do. They are not supposed to dream visions or fall for their worst enemy.

Twenty-two year old Talya is a knight who lives and breathes to fight. The need to avenge her mother`s death fuels her as Sanctus, her country, prepares for war against the expanding Malinorian Empire. She hates the Malinorians, especially their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered her king, he`s almost killed Talya twice.

With the upcoming battle on her mind, Talya is shocked when a prophet from the woods tells her that God has called her to go on a mission to Hunter Forest. When the messenger of God confirms the graphic nightmares that Talya has been having, she agrees to go.

It is in Hunter Forest that Talya finds Jalarn. Her plan to slay him doesn`t exactly go as planned. When she awakens within a Malinorian prison, she needs to make a decision to follow Jalarn`s religion in order to live, or stay true to her faith and die.

By the Sword is a fantasy novel that is 81,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Best Writing Advice...

2011-06-03T09:27:00.000-04:00

The submissions queue has been light lately, and I'm about to embark on a week of international travel, so here's a discussion thread for you all to ponder in the event we have a query drought.

What's the best writing advice you have ever received?

Please post it here in the comments. It can be related to any aspect of writing, publishing, how to live with being a writer and stay sane, how to live with a writer and stay sane (for our friends and family), etc.

For me, it came in the form of query feedback: try to sum up your novel in one sentence. I've found this to be incredibly helpful for queries and for my manuscripts as a whole. Being able to identify the heart of a story is critical, and sometimes it's a moving target as I write, re-write, and revise.

How about you? What's the best writing advice you've received?

Query People of Fae

2011-05-28T10:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Future Agent,

Accidentally being left behind on a biology class field trip in the woods, seventeen year old Lyssa Cleverthorn is almost abducted by a lizard like creature and a woman that looked like she walked off a fashion show runway, this could have been the result of hitting her head too hard, a figment of her imagination or a link to her puzzled past. Always feeling out of step with others her age, Lyssa never thought her social abnormalities were spell induced. Even when tall, dark, emerald green eyed Toby abandons his hot girlfriend, leaves her to think she is the center of some elaborate joke. It isn't until Lyssa receives an unexpected message from Zoey her dad's ex-girlfriend who suddenly left, wants something from Lyssa. Unknowingly, Lyssa is used by Zoey as a vessel for hiding a legendary magic called Everspell that has grown tendrils into her and removing it would mean death. Not only having Toby interested in her, she has also gained the interest of the power hungry, mafia like Muse brothers that are part of a hidden world called Fae. Lyssa is a wild card, and before Zoey can reach her, the cat and mouse game has begun. Within twenty four hours Lyssa is thrown into the Fae world after her father disappears and attacked herself by one of the Muse's henchmen. Everything unravels and secrets are revealed from long time family friends about Lyssa's connection with the Fae world now on the brink of destruction or revolution. Even Toby's infatuation was only a spell to trick him to protect her, now has secrets of his own that leaves Lyssa doubting her feelings. With the power to change what is wrong, Lyssa must decide in sacrificing herself to a world she never knew existed or let it die. The Everspell now tangled with her should have killed her that is until she discovered who she really is.

People of Fae(104,000 words) is an urban fantasy sparking interest of teenage girls and possibly cross marketing into older YA categories. I truly enjoy YA and hope you will consider my project and thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

MM Winke

QUERY: STEALING A DREAM (3rd attempt)

2011-05-19T07:25:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Dear agent,

Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.

She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.

Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.

I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)

QUERY- STEALING A DREAM (Revised)

2011-05-14T14:43:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Ms. agent,

When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.

Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.

But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.

When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.

Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.

I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.

QUERY: LIQUID SMOKE

2011-05-11T20:43:00.000-04:00

Dear Fantastic Agent,

When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.

Thirteen years later, Jenna Reece is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.

With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny Reece teams up with his long-standing enemy, agent Rick Delaruse, to uncover the truth behind the government program his daughter participated in as a child. When the inner workings of Liquid Smoke are finally revealed, Danny has a decision to make: let his daughter die by the hands of a stranger...or kill her himself.

Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. Thank you for your consideration.

Cordially,
My name here

QUERY: STEALING A DREAM

2011-05-11T07:09:00.000-04:00

Dear agent,

I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.

The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.

But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.

Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.

With Faziel, nothing is simple.

Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Query- Absorption

2011-04-27T13:40:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Click here to read the second revision.

After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.

Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.

Query: THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS

2011-04-26T21:30:00.001-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.

Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.

His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.

THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.

Query: Abbey (1st revision) --note new title

2011-04-26T14:24:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.

By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.

The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.

The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.

The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.

Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.

I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.

Thank you for your time,

Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey

Query:Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen

2011-04-24T14:41:00.002-04:00

Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen is a 56,000 word young adult novel. Written with equal amounts of suspense and humor, the book tells the story of an unusual 15-year old. Strange things have always happened around Abbey—on her first birthday Abbey’s recently deceased grandmother is photographed looming over her in the background—but strand her at a haunted summer camp having to battle both the counselors and the undead and anything can happen.

Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.

River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.

I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.

Sincerely,
Allan Evans

QUERY- THE ODD I SEE, Third Revision

2011-04-18T15:00:00.003-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

(Grabbed a fistful of form rejections on the last version. Let's try this again!)

Dear Dream Agent,

After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and a rather rude entrance into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fiona wants to know why she ought to bother existing.

THE ODD I SEE is a coming of age story for the sort of person who staunchly refuses to come of age. One part heartfelt love letter, one part memory-laced suicide note, and one part metafictional choose-your-own-adventure-style romp, THE ODD I SEE is a 71,000-word work of quirky literary fiction with a speculative twist.

Twenty-two year old Fiona (or “Fifi” to everyone but her mother) works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her questionably sane worldview with recession-era middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, she uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.

Written for and by someone who graduated with a liberal arts degree in the late 2000’s, THE ODD I SEE will appeal to any reader who has ever questioned the status quo.

(Brief paragraph of personalization.) Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,
Bre Kidman

Query - The Desmona Child

2011-04-18T07:27:00.000-04:00

Dear Agent,
                I am looking for an agent that likes fantasy/mythology with a twist. My debut novel, THE DESMONA CHILD, is a 106,000 word work of YA fantasy that leads up to the fall of Atlantis.
                 The ladies room is hardly where Marine Desmona expected a proposal. She had danced, giggled and enjoyed the night right up until a mysterious Duke cornered her and vowed everlasting love. In the tumultuous weeks following that event Marine is conflicted, but never more so than when she learns that she is the key to bringing magic back to the kingdom of Adara - and that having witch-blood makes her appealing to the Duke because he wants to create a progeny of untold magical power. Such a child could have god-like dominion over life and death.
               A long journey to escape the Duke leads Marine to the literal doorstep of a fabled haven, the legendary Atlantis, where she hopes to disappear…

                 I am querying widely, but will grant exclusivity if you are interested in seeing more of my work.

Thank you for your time

Query- Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover

2011-03-30T16:50:00.002-04:00

Dear Agent,

Lucy has the kind of luck any child, or adult for that matter, would dream of- everything she wishes just happens to happen before it is said. But after an embarrassing classroom accident and a costly doll wish, it becomes very clear that her luck isn’t lucky for everyone near. When one of her wishes costs her best friend and dog the last piece of his favorite cake, he makes it his mission to put a stop to her wishing. Despite his hard work, Lucy is convinced that the only way to have fun is through self-wishes and it is not until she has a life changing experience that she begins to see the true value of her luck: her ability to wish a world of great things for the people she loves.

Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover is a 1600 word rhyming picture book that tells Lucy’s story from the perspective of her dog and best friend. Beginning with her fortuitous birth in the back of a taxicab and ending with her self-realization at a child’s birthday party, the story is a fast-passed tale of friendship and transformation that is written for both children and parents.

As indicated in your submission instructions I have included the full manuscript.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration,

Query- The Silver Strand (3rd revision)

2011-03-23T22:38:00.001-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

Dear Agent,

I submit my middle grade, fantasy adventure, The Silver Strand, complete at 55,000 words for your consideration. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds and high-tech flying devices as featured in Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.

When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, she never bargained on it draining her magical power and life.

With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information. Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad forcing her to rely on prickling warts to dodge death. Then she is challenged by a grumpy dragon who threatens to roast her on a spit.

Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned in Agartha. To escape, she must muster what remains of her magic and battle corrupt Agarthan leaders who break every rule to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query Joseph and the Magical Pathways

2011-03-23T16:31:00.000-04:00

Its Joseph Wendt’s first day as a teenager and life just got infinitely more complicated. Joseph would like to think he is still that guy who doesn’t believe in magic, dragons, or wizards. He was that guy before a shadow figure attacked him, before a wizard saved him, and before he discovered a one thousand year old prophesy which points to him as the one destined to save a magical world Joseph has never even heard of.

If you ask Joseph, however, the prophesy has named the wrong man. Forget the fact that being brave is not one of Joseph’s characteristics, or that words have a funny way of fighting him; Joseph isn’t magical, never has been, not a day in his life. He is certainly not the type of boy you would expect to be chosen to save the world or save, well, anything. But all of that is about to change.

Joseph is thrust into a world where things are never what they seem. Wizards are the norm and fairies are evil. Luckily, Juliana, a wizard-in-training with a fierce competitive streak, is up for the challenge of getting one befuddled teenage boy ready for the fight of his life.

With a few lessons, and one very interesting game night where things only went mildly wrong (Joseph really hadn’t meant to levitate Juliana’s family, that was definitely his wand’s fault), Joseph almost believes, that maybe, just maybe...nah.

But doubt shuffling around Joseph’s rambling mind is the least of his worries. With magic, the line between the truth and a lie are quickly blurred and betrayal is an easily accomplished task. Joseph must face the facts. His new friends may not be what they seem. And time is running out.

Joseph and the Magical Pathways is a complete young adult fantasy novel at 65,000 words. Thank you for your time.

Query- WALKING OFF PLUTO (Version 3)

2011-03-21T20:30:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Dear Agent,

Lynn’s father is dying, but she’s more concerned about Pluto losing its status in the solar system. She’d rather be alone and mourn for the dwarf planet than grieve for a man she secretly hates in WALKING OFF PLUTO, a contemporary young adult novel at 78,000 words.

Seventeen-year-old Lynn risks losing control of her emotions when she meets Peter in the hospital, the same night her father passes away. She’s attracted to Peter because he speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Despite multiple medical conditions, including a fear of food, he is Lynn’s ultimate distraction, while Lynn’s older sister, Chloe, is the ultimate agitation.

Chloe seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell in order to understand Lynn’s resentment. Chloe’s attempts are a failure as Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even cringing when she bashes a mirror with her bare hands. The only time Lynn feels remotely alive is when she is with Peter who has a few secrets of his own. When Peter opens up about the tragedies of his past, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father’s death and the resentment she holds against him, she’ll never be able to love anyone.

WALKING OFF PLUTO began as a short play. (INSERT INFO ABOUT PERFORMANCES AND FESTIVALS AND HOW PLAY GREW INTO A NOVEL)
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

The Blank Girl

Query- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 5th revision

2011-03-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.

Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.

Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.

But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.

Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-word thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.

Thank you for reviewing this query. Please let me know if I can send you a synopsis or any part of the manuscript.

Query: The Narrow Way-1st Revision

2011-03-17T15:17:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

"I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dharma. I take refuge in the Sangha," I say, repeating the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as they wash over me from the crackling loudspeakers.

And with that, I am a Buddhist. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.

Only three years before, I was crouched on the floor, picking through a dirty carpet for bits of crack cocaine that might have sizzled of the end of my pipe. That was the climax of my life twenty years in the making, hiding in the closet, pretending to be straight, seeking to drown myself in a violent ocean of drinking, drugs and attempted suicides.

But now, out, sober and free, I am in India following the footsteps of the Buddha and for the first time in my life, I am certain that I have come the right way.

The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.

Sincerely,

Chris Lemig

QUERY-REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 4th REVISION

2011-03-13T18:00:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.

Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.

But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.

Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to the Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.

I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.

Thank you for reviewing this query.

Query: The Silver Strand (second revision)

2011-03-13T12:07:00.000-04:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Dear Agent,

The Silver Strand is a middle grade, fantasy adventure complete at 55,000 words. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud at Morris Gleitzman's Toad Rage, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds, high-tech flying devices and action adventures like Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.

When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, it tarnishes and withers away, along with her imagination. Turns out the lock is her source of inner magic and in five days time it will die, and so will she. To save her strand, she must undertake three tests with the help of two Masterminds. In exchange, she agrees to deliver a crystal bracelet encoded with information.

Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad until she masters tapping into her animal instincts. Sure, toad warts aren't pretty. But when they prickle, she best get her poison glands ready, unless she wants to be gobbled by a snake or squished by her father's spade. Second, she stands up to a dragon that threatens to roast her on a spit if she fails to draw his portrait.

After defying death, Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and one of her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned. All along, Isabelle is used a pawn in the Masterminds' game to expose corruption within the ranks of Agartha's rulers. To escape, she must muster what remains of her inner magic and battle powerful enemies who break all the rules to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Louisa Clarkson

Query: The Narrow Way

2011-03-11T15:00:00.001-05:00

Dear (Agent's Name),

In 2007, after twenty years of addiction, depression and attempted suicides, I finally found the courage to come out to family and friends as being gay. This profound inner shift was the spark for a spiritual revolution that would open my eyes to the teachings of Buddhism and lead me all the way to a life changing pilgrimage in India and Nepal.

Part psychological mystery, part spiritual adventure story, The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha traces my life from the confines of the closet and hopeless addiction, all the way through an extraordinary transformation into a man who has finally learned to love himself.

I hope that the book I have written about this journey will not only be a guide for the people and families who are working through the coming out process but also a source of comfort and support for the millions who suffer the pain of addiction and an inspiration to all who read it to live according to their highest truth.

Since coming out three and a half years ago, I have traveled for two months in India and Nepal, completed a college course on creative non-fiction, written a full-length memoir and continued to stay clean and sober. I also teach weekly meditation classes in Colorado Springs under the guidance of Tibetan Buddhist nun, Venerable Tenzin Kacho.

I believe that The Narrow Way fits your agency’s criteria as a work that “sees the world through an uncommon lens” and that your passion and commitment to stories that inspire and promote positive change in the world make you a perfect choice for representation. As a result, I am sending this query exclusively to you.

The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.

Sincerely,

Chris Lemig

Query, The Nymph's Heart

2011-03-11T07:23:00.000-05:00

Dear Agent X

Louisa Ramirez is immortal, forever nineteen and living in Jazz Age Miami. Some would consider it paradise, but for Louisa, it is more like paradise lost. Centuries have passed since her galleon washed up on these shores. She has seen too many loved ones grow old and die, and is tired of being a custodian to their memories. When Louisa falls in love with Anastasia, she is determined to free herself from her immortality, and live a single lifetime with the woman she loves.

Louisa would gladly sacrifice her immortality, but her life is not hers to give. She is bound to the nymph who once guarded the Fountain of Youth, and only she can release Louisa. In order to live a mortal life, Louisa must find the nymph, and return her to the Fountains’ waters. Standing in her way is Miami’s other immortal citizen, Juan Ponce De Leon. He has claimed the Fountain, and he will not relinquish his prize without a fight.

Complete at 97,000 words, THE NYMPH’S HEART is a Historical-Fantasy.

Query- Helen Incriminates Herself

2011-03-08T15:00:00.000-05:00

Title: Helen Incriminates Herself
Genre: cozy mystery

Most amateur sleuths get started by trying to clear themselves, or a loved one, of murder charges. Not Helen Binney. When her visiting nurse is murdered, Helen tries to prove she could have done it.

Helen is fed up with people thinking that her lupus, which recently forced her into retirement, makes her too frail and helpless to do anything. The police take one look at Helen, leaning on her cane, and write her off as a suspect, despite damning circumstances. The victim is a woman Helen had argued with on a daily basis. There were plenty of witnesses to Helen's saying she wanted to get rid of the nurse. And if that's not enough to make Helen a prime suspect, the victim was killed outside Helen's cottage, and Helen is the one who found the body.

In the course of trying to prove her own potential guilt, Helen finds evidence to suggest a friend was the killer. She can't believe he's guilty, but by then, it's obvious that she herself is the only other viable suspect.

Now Helen feels as helpless as everyone assumes she is. When the real killer threatens her, Helen has to prove just how strong she really is.

HELEN INCRIMINATES HERSELF is an eighty-thousand-word cozy mystery.

QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 3rd Revision

2011-03-08T07:05:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

(same thing here- the word 'really' is meant to be in italics

Thanks for the help and feedback to this point- I really appreciate it.)

Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck rammed into his car. He had no idea how dangerous its cargo was- or who was behind it.

But when the men in the truck brutally attack him, Ryan retaliates with the help of beautiful attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry their illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.

Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize it wasn't just a random accident, but part of a sinister scheme set in motion by the fall of the Soviet Union, decades ago. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to the Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.

I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.

Thank you for reviewing this query.

QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 2nd REVISION

2011-03-06T18:00:00.001-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.

(author's note- I could not make it work on this posting- the word "really" is meant to be in italics here)

Security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck rammed into his car. He had no idea how dangerous its cargo was- or who was behind it.

But when the men in the truck brutally attack him, Ryan retaliates with the help of beautiful attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad men who paid them to ferry their illicit shipment from half a world away.

Jessica is drawn closer to Ryan, and they uncover a trail that leads from Seattle to Moscow. They quickly realize it wasn't just a random accident, but part of sinister scheme set in motion by the fall of the Soviet Union, decades ago.

And unless they find a way to stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.

I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.

Thank you for reviewing this query.

QUERY -- ACES

2011-03-06T09:45:00.000-05:00

A British tennis star’s prolific career is derailed by her all-consuming love for the gifted American wunderkind. As her world spirals out of control, she must choose—phenomenal career or personal happiness?

World-famous tennis star Gemma Lennon wants to be recognized as one of the best in the sport, but without a grand slam, she risks going down as another celebrity-athlete who is more celebrity than athlete. After a devastating loss against Venus Williams at the French Open, she hits emotional bottom. It is during this low that Gemma falls for Andre Reyes, the young and gifted American businessman.

Gemma and Andre have built extraordinary careers on planning, discipline, and focus. But from their first encounter in Paris to subsequent meetings across the globe, logic and reason are replaced with youthful joy and passion. They find that overcoming their competitive and uncompromising natures in their relationship is further exacerbated when the worlds of competitive tennis and global consulting are threatened by the implications of their love affair. Now, Wimbledon looms. Gemma’s country and her sponsors expect their young star to win it all. She, however, is sinking under the mounting pressure. Meanwhile, Andre faces his own pressures to focus on his contractual commitment to the firm—his employer will do anything to assure Andre remains focused.

Their relationship destabilizes the grinding machine—competitive play, sponsors, employers, clients, media, and their own professional ambitions—until their worlds collide in a dramatic conclusion.

ACES (commercial fiction) is complete at 94,000 words. This is my first novel. I’ve included the first five pages below, and I can supply the entire manuscript if desired.

Thank you for your consideration.

QUERY- WORLD BOOK (2nd Revision)

2011-03-03T01:32:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.

Another new version. I'm not sure if I should base future revisions off of this style or the previous matter-of-fact plot description. Is this one more exciting to read?

Dear Agent,

Everyone obeys the World Book. Everyone in the Kingdoms of the Land, Air, and Sea. If you don’t, you get thrown to the magistrate. And if you break the High Laws, you’re killed. Seth doesn’t mind, for the most part. As long as you follow the rules you stay safe and well fed with your family. It’s hard to miss freedom when you’ve never had it.

Kinessa doesn’t think so. She’s brave, rebellious, and angry with the World Book – everything Seth is not. She shows up in Seth’s backyard, claiming to have amnesia, but Seth is pretty sure she’s lying. Eventually, though, Kinessa’s crazy ideas about the World Book get him thinking. Why can’t he explore the woods and visit the beach? Why does he have to accept the World Book without questions? But when Kinessa changes into a sea serpent in front of him, Seth realizes that she has a broader plan then breaking a few rules.

Kinessa says she wants to start a revolution in the King’s City. Seth is hesitant to back her plan, but he knows he can’t go back to his previous life. A few people start to listen to her ideas, but when the authorities catch up to them Seth must rely on his own intelligence and courage to save them all.

WORLD BOOK is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers.

QUERY- A HUMAN ELEMENT (3rd revision) Commercial Fiction

2011-02-25T07:33:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

Thank you for all your advice!

Dear Agent,

Laura Armstrong’s special mind powers can’t save her loved ones from being murdered and she must unravel her past to face the killer – only to discover they are bonded by an explosive destiny that slammed into the Earth 30 years ago.

A grief-stricken Laura returns home seeking answers. She feels connected to the lake there where a meteorite crashed the night she was conceived – the same night Ben Fieldstone’s parents were crushed to death under it. Laura finds him at the lake searching for answers too. Drawn to one another, Ben and Laura discover what fell from the sky long ago held more than just rock and that they are connected by fate. When Laura’s true identity is revealed, they find that the killer who wants her dead is part of their future spanning two worlds. With the killer closing in, Laura fears she must use her powers and fight him alone or Ben will die too like so many others she loved. But if they survive, she fears she can’t give her heart to Ben now that he knows who – and what – she really is.

I am seeking representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word suspense novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query-The Eye of Tanúb (revised)

2011-02-24T13:08:00.001-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Thrust into a world he never knew was real, thirteen year old Zach Marriott must overcome the scorn of his sister, the physical appetites of his chubby body, and a brutally savage Warlord.

In THE EYE OF TANÚB, an 83,000 word YA fantasy, Zach is magically drawn into his favorite online computer game, Warlord. He learns he is destined take the place of the last living Ancient of that exhilarating, deadly world. To return home, he must complete the impossible quest to obtain the Eye of Tanúb, but he's not sure he wants to go home. In the game he is strong, powerful and revered. At home . . . not so much. In the end, he must confront his worst enemies: his pudgy body, his bratty sister who accidentally comes along for the ride and attracts misfortune at every turn, and ultimately, his desire to return home.

My book combines the online gaming culture of our youth today with the traditional conventions of a young adult fantasy novel. I graduated from the Longridge Writer's Course in December 2010, am a member of the League of Utah Writers, and write weekly on my blog, A Writer's Reality.

Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my query. I look forward to hearing from you.

Query-The Eye of Tanúb

2011-02-24T07:26:00.000-05:00

Thrust into a world he never knew was real, a young, chubby teen must overcome the scorn of his sister, his physical appetites, and the brutally savage Warlord.

In this 83,000 word YA fantasy, thirteen year old Zach Marriott is magically drawn into his favorite online computer game, Warlord, and learns he is destined take the place of the last living Ancient of that exhilarating, deadly world. To return home, he must complete the impossible quest to obtain the Eye of Tanúb, but why would he want to go home? In the game he is strong, powerful and revered. In the end, he must confront his worst enemies: his pudgy body, his bratty sister who accidentally comes along for the ride, and ultimately, the desire to return home.

I wrote The Eye of Tanúb trying to imagine what it would be like to be pulled into a modern computer game like World of Warcraft or Halo. My book combines the online gaming culture of our youth today with the traditional conventions of a young adult fantasy novel. I graduated from the Longridge Writer's Course in December 2010, am a member of the League of Utah Writers, and write weekly on my blog, A Writer's Reality.

Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my query. I look forward to hearing from you.

Melissa J Cunningham
www.melissajcunningham.blogspot.com

QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 1st Revision

2011-02-21T22:00:00.001-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Ryan Anderson, salesman in a hurry to deliver a critical proposal, turns livid when a careless truck driver backs into his BMW, mangling it.

He got even more angry when the driver, a stammering foreigner, gave him a bad phone number, and then tried to ditch him. So Ryan went after him, determined that the driver was going to fix his car.

But Ryan wouldn't have gone after him, if he knew where the man was from. Or what was in the truck. Or that the driver would quickly turn and go after him, and the beautiful young attorney he hooks up with later that night.

She was just supposed to be a one-night stand- until Jessica Webb saves him from men with foot-long knives who attack them at his house. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who quickly figures out it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad guys who paid them to ferry their illicit cargo. And unless they find a way to stop the second group, they'll both be dead by Monday morning.

Ryan and Jessica race against the clock in Seattle as they uncover a plan created by competing factions of Chechen militants and al-Qaeda to incite an all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, with elements of political intrigue and spy craft. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Daniel Silva, and David Morrell might enjoy this book.

I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.

Thank you for reviewing this query.

QUERY – SOLDIERS OF EARTH: NEPHILIM WARS (2nd revision)

2011-02-21T07:18:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.

I submitted my first two revisions a while ago (under the title Nephilim Wars), and got some really good feedback. I’ve spent a while working on this as well as changing and adding to my story. I have also spent some time getting a better understanding of how to present my novel. Thanks again for all the feedback!

Dear [Agent name],

Captain Nolan Fields of the United States Marine Core is the only survivor of his last mission. His reward? Command of the fabled Alpha Company Recon Marines. Their first mission together is security for negotiations between Earth and a distant planet, Aztlan. Through an ancient portal connecting our two planets knights and wizards have traveled to Earth, seeking help.
But the enemy has followed them to Earth. They attack, changing two of Captain Fields’ men into Neila monsters and abducting another. Determined to save his men Captain Fields and his marines travel to Aztlan.
As they search the foreign landscape they find a human castle besieged by the grey Nephilim aliens. This technologically advanced race seeks the destruction of humanity whether they are from Aztlan or Earth. Captain Fields and his marines intervene saving the castle and starting a war.
But the very humans Captain Fields seeks to help betray them and the Nephilim capture the portal back to Earth. Now, Captain Fields must fight to secure the way home. But his biggest challenge is coming to terms with the fact that he cannot bring all him men home alive.
Soldiers of Earth: Nephilim Wars is the first of a completed Science Fiction / Fantasy trilogy at 90,000 words. I have not been published before.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,

QUERY - WORLD BOOK (Revised)

2011-02-20T19:59:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

Seth was good at following the rules. He obeyed his parents, performed his nightly vows, and observed the laws in the World Book with pride – until he met Kinessa.

The Kingdoms of the Land, Air, and Sea follow the World Book – a list of oppressive laws designed to keep peace throughout the Kingdoms. Kinessa, a thirteen-year-old stranger claiming to have amnesia, believes these laws need to change. When Seth’s family shelters Kinessa, her blatant disregard for the World Book initially frightens Seth, but he is intrigued by her rebellious ideas. For the first time he dares to explore the woods in his backyard and visit the ocean, but he faints from shock when Kinessa reveals she’s from the Kingdom of the Sea by changing into a sea serpent.

Kinessa tells Seth that she came to the land, a crime punishable by death, to spy on a secret meeting between the Kings and their heirs. Seth follows her to the meeting, but grows skeptical of her plan when she decides to convince the Crown Prince of the Air to join their side. The prince’s bloodthirsty nature leads to a deadly confrontation, and they barely escape with their lives. Kinessa comes up with another reckless plan and decides to start a revolution in the King’s City of the land. A few people begin to listen to their ideas, but when the Crown Prince catches up to them Seth must rely on his own intelligence and courage to save them all.

WORLD BOOK is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost

2011-02-19T08:30:00.000-05:00

When Elizabeth "Lizzie" Brogan returns home from an extended trip, her Aunt Annie May greets her with a request. She asks Lizzie to help her get to the stage door of The Belasco Theatre by first call to meet her true love, Dan "Curly" O'Brien. This should be a simple task, but for the fact that Annie, once a successful musical star on Broadway, has been dead for twenty-seven years.

Annie lives in a giant tramp steamer trunk, the same trunk Lizzie takes on her travels for eight years. At the end of their last trip, Lizzie learns it is not only the ghost of Annie May and the other ghosts of Broadway who need her help, it is also her living love-ones.

The predictable life Lizzie left behind has vanished, she must learn to face the failures of her past, help Annie May and her mother, and confront her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart.

A love story of parallel worlds, Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 80,000 words, attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.

I participated in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx blog fest, and wanted to take this opportunity to follow up with my query. I read in your post on Guide To Literary Agents, that you are interested in …" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

What sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage. Based on a true story, The Ghosts of Broadway, by Robert Viagas, June 10, 2005, written for Playbill.com, the afterworld in Lizzie takes place at the landmark Belasco Theatre and features the ghost of David Belasco, The Bishop of Broadway himself. It offers a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehearsal and the lights never go out.

The first xxxxxxxxx follow. Thank you for your consideration.

Repectfully,

Florence Fois

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dark corners of the attic became my secret playground. Too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their possessions, the rows of boxes filled with my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes, an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform. I imagined a dozen stories of them while I played with their trophies, and spent hours sorting their photographs. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of my Aunt Annie May.

The first time I saw her, was a cold day in winter that trapped us in the house, and while outside snow fell in sheets, and wind and ice assaulted the windowpanes, inside Esther baked me chocolate fudge brownies, and I planned a day of playing dress-up. I was eight, went in search of my sister's pompoms, and spent most of the morning in the corner of the attic pretending to be a cheerleader. I heard my mother coming up the stairs and hid behind a row of boxes.

She was talking to the front of the trunk, the way you talk to a person across the table at breakfast. "This weather is about to drive me mad." If there was another person in the room, I didn't hear them. I could only hear my mother's voice. "Aye sister, stay out of the blasted fog."

After my mother left, I walked to the opposite corner, where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof. I thought I saw her smile and talked to her. "Hello?"

A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth."

I remember I wasn't afraid, only excited that I had seen her at last. "Don't run away, Aunt Annie. I'm Elizabeth, your niece. I'm sure mom told you about me."

I looked up and she was perched on one of the rafters. "She did at that, child."

"You're a ghost?"

"Sorry to say, yes I am." And in an instant, the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.

"Aunt Annie?" She was gone.

QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE

2011-02-16T06:46:00.002-05:00

What if, purely by accident, a young man stumbles into a terrorist plot that was set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union?

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-word thriller, with elements of political intrigue and spy craft. Readers of authors like Frederick Forsyth, Daniel Silva, Vince Flynn, and David Morrell's spy fiction might enjoy this book.

Ryan Anderson, salesman in a hurry, turns livid when when a careless semi-truck driver backs into his BMW, mangling it.

He got even more angry when the driver gave him a bad phone number, and then tried to ditch him. So Ryan went after him, determined that the driver was going to pay to fix his car.

But Ryan wouldn't have gone after the driver, if he knew where the man was from. Or what was in the truck. Or that the driver would quickly turn and go after him, and the beautiful young attorney he enlists for help.

Ryan and Jessica Web race against the clock in Seattle as they learn of a plan created by factions of Chechen militants and al-Qaeda to incite an all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is the first in a planned series featuring the duo of Jessica Webb and Ryan Anderson. I have completed the outline for the second book, REFUSAL TO COMPLY. My goal is to create a modern, intelligent spy couple's adventures.

I have a BA in English literature from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a manufacturer rep business specializing in security products for video surveillance, and this allows me to blend in some technical detail and insight on the future of a world where someone is always watching.

Thank you very much for reviewing this query.
Mark D. Niehus
mdniehus@gmail.com
206-380-0082

COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT (3rd version)

2011-02-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.

Dear Agent,

Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s brains were blown out across her face. And she doesn’t know why. She fears the killer is the one who chases her in nightmares – and she must stop him or be next.

The mystery could be connected to the meteorite that hit her hometown lake almost thirty years ago. Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him when she returns home to search the lake for answers. Drawn to one another they discover they are bound by fate, as Laura’s true identity is revealed. Together, they unravel her past to discover the man who wants her dead is part of a destiny she never could have imagined. With the killer closing in, Laura realizes she must fight him alone to save them both. But if they survive, she fears she can’t give her heart to Ben now that he knows who she really is.

I am seeking representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word suspense novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- Assassin's Redemption REv. 3

2011-02-10T14:00:00.001-05:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Dear Agent,

Death goes by many names, but one of them is Etienne de Villaine.

An angelic assassin by profession, Etienne and his wife Nel run a business hunting demons, fallen angels, and mortal scum who escape human justice. Using guns, knives, and poisons they administer the only effective solution to the vermin of the world—death. But when another assassin murders the leaders of Israel, Iran, Turkmenistan, and the Ukraine, Etienne must shift from assassin to savior and hunt down the killer in order to avoid a world war.

Etienne sets a trap using the president of Russia as bait, but the mysterious assassin anticipates the ambush. While the president survives, Nel is injured and the assassin escapes. However, the assassin’s identity is no longer a mystery. His name is Munkar, Etienne’s brother who went insane with bloodlust a thousand years ago.

Etienne and Nel return to their Chicago home, so Nel can recover, but Munkar follows them, intent on revenge. Etienne stumbles on Munkar while he lunches at a restaurant and tries to talk sense to him, but Munkar responds by vowing to start Armageddon and kill Etienne. His attempt to kill Etienne fails, but that only drives him to expand his worldwide killing spree. Etienne realizes Munk’s massacres are meant to draw him out, daring him to a death duel. But the final nail into the coffin of motivation comes when Munk threatens Nel. Etienne must head off world annihilation and protect Nel, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.

I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. Professionally, I am a molecular biologist employed by a biotechnology company. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely yours,

QUERY- WORLD BOOK

2011-02-10T11:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Agent,

Seth was good at following the rules. He obeyed his parents, performed his nightly vows, and observed the laws in the World Book with pride – until he met Kinessa.

Seth’s world is turned upside down as Kinessa challenges him to question everything he believes in. He neglects his readings, plays on the beach and explores the woods in his backyard for the first time. Eventually Kinessa leaves, but she confronts him with a choice – go back to your previous life or come with me.

The friends embark on an adventure to change the three Kingdoms. But as Seth follows Kinessa on her quest to destroy the World Book he soon learns that change is never as easy as it seems.

World Book is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration. If you are interested feel free to contact me by phone or email.

Sincerely,

Jessica

-----

Anyone willing to read the first few pages? I'll be glad to post them here.

COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT (2ND VERSION)

2011-02-10T07:56:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

At 26 Laura Armstrong can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the evil man who chases her in nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her special powers to save herself as she is next, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.

Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him there when she visits the lake, searching for answers. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the man who wants her dead is part of her destiny too.

With the killer closing in fast, Laura decides she must fight him alone using her special powers to save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself and can Laura give her heart to Ben if he knows what she really is?

I am seeking representation of my first novel, A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT

2011-02-08T17:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Agent,

I am seeking your representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel in the tradition of Dean Koontz.

Laura Armstrong discovers her special powers as a child only to endure a life of tragedy as those she loves are gruesomely murdered and she must unravel her past to face the monster that stalks her and the man she loves – all bonded by a destiny they never could have imagined.

At 26 Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the monster in her nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her powers to save herself, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.

Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it and spent the rest of his life haunted by their deaths. He returns to the lake to find peace but also finds himself opening his heart to love when he meets Laura there seeking answers too. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the monster who wants her dead is part of who she is.

With the escaped killer closing in fast, Laura knows only she can fight the monster with her powers and save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself luckily so, and can Laura give her heart to Ben knowing what she really is?

This is my first novel and I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript of A HUMAN ELEMENT. I am a freelance writer for an advertising agency and a former marketing communications manager.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Chap 4

He swung his backpack over his shoulder then glanced back at the bare room that didn’t belong to him. He fought off self-pity. Then he slowly opened the door and listened. He heard the murmur of the television. Its ghostly light poured from Frank’s bedroom.

Ben tiptoed to the door. He saw Frank sitting in bed, his eyes shut. He had passed out. A cigarette hung from his fingers, the ash still glowing. The television flickered, canned laughter filled the room. Ben kept his eyes on that cigarette. The ash grew. And then the cigarette fell.

It seemed to hang in the air then tumbled in slow-motion onto the sheets. Nothing happened. Then the sheets smoldered. Laughter rang out again. Ben glanced at the television. Some character ran around a kitchen. Ben’s gaze returned to that fallen cigarette, eyes unblinking. Minutes passed. It seemed like hours to him.

He knew he needed to choose. Run or pick up the cigarette and prevent the certain fire? If he did nothing and Frank died, would he be a murderer? But Frank could have killed him just now. Might still kill him, or worse, if he ever caught him. He continued to stare where the cigarette fell.

The flames burst up from the sheets and fanned along the comforter framing Frank in a soft glow. They hungrily licked through the old bedspread until Frank’s image blurred. He looked so serene, so harmless. Ben felt free and safe seeing him like that.

And he knew then. He had to live. He wanted to live. He ran.

Query- Assassin's Redemption (First revision)

2011-02-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Let's see how this works:

Dear Agent,

Death goes by many names, but one of them is Etienne de Villaine.

When the presidents of Israel, Iran, and Turkmenistan are assassinated by a sniper, Etienne and his wife Nel attempt to stop the killer and avert a war. They’re a step too late to save the Ukrainian president, but catch a glimpse of the assassin who looks familiar to Etienne.

The son of the North Korean president is murdered next, raising global tensions to the verge of world war. While setting a trap baited with the Russian president, Etienne realizes the assassin is his brother, the fallen angel Munkar. Etienne and Nel foil the assassination, but Nel is injured and the assassin escapes.

The couple returns to their Chicago home, so Nel can recover, but Etienne discovers Munkar has followed them. Munkar vows to kill Etienne then set off World War Three. But nothing prepares Etienne for Munkar’s confession to the murder of his two previous wives. As if that isn’t enough for Etienne to pursue him to a death duel, Munk drives a nail into the coffin of motivation by threatening Nel. Etienne must head off a world war and protect Nel, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.

I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. Professionally, I am a molecular biologist employed by a biotechnology company. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely yours,

Query - 1st Awakenings, Fantasy

2011-02-06T10:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Agent,

Normal is:

Loathing the thought of sitting through another boring lecture.
Thinking about the cute girl across the study hall.
Knowing you may be an assassin’s next target.
Taking ballroom dance lessons because your mom insists on it.
Learning martial arts because your dad insists on it.
Obsessing about the day you awaken to your magic.

Seventeen year old Seth is trying desperately to be normal, and for the most part he’s pulling it off. He can take a punch as well as any of his friends despite secretly hating it. Nobody knows about the dreams he’s been having that come true after he has them, or that he’s being taught magic by people who are supposed to be dead.

Only his best friend Drake really knows him, and even Drake doesn’t know everything.

As his friends start awakening to their magic Seth begins to wonder if he will even survive long enough to awaken. Until he does, his secret lessons are meaningless.

Seth finally awakens to his magic with the help of a newborn dragon friend, but something doesn’t feel right. His magic is not working the way his teachers said it would. To top things off, the light of the sun has been blacked out. This is normal of course, it happens every year, but it has never lasted this long.

The season of darkness extends to being measured in weeks rather than its typical days. Then Seth feels a pull towards something far away in the darkness. Every day that pull gets stronger. He knows he is going to leave to find out what it is. The problem is, so does Drake. Does he allow Drake to tag along? Or does he leave his friend behind and go this one alone?

1ST AWAKENINGS is my debut fantasy novel, complete at 172,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

(redacted)

Query- The Thief's Girl

2011-02-04T09:05:00.000-05:00

Of all the things Charlotte thought would happen when she ran away from home, ending up in the middle of a feud between a housebreaker and the Chief of Police wasn’t one of them.

After Alessia DiSpirito takes Charlotte under her wing, Charlotte thinks she’s finally caught a break. Life isn’t easy as an amateur thief, and DiSpirito claims she can teach Charlotte how it’s done.

Alessia DiSpirito, commonly known as The Spirit, a thief famous for never leaving a trail, has long been notorious. Lucky for her, the papers – not to mention the police – aren’t privy to some of the more shocking truths about her, especially the fact that she is a woman. But the secrets that have saved Alessia from arrest are endangered when she agrees to teach Charlotte how a thief should live.

When Charlotte accidentally tries to pick the pocket of the Chief of Police, he decides to try to turn her into a spy in DiSpirito’s den. But Charlotte’s loyalty to DiSpirito can’t be swayed. What’s more, DiSpirito knows that two can play that game, she tells Charlotte to distract him from his investigation of her.

This would all be a lot easier for Charlotte if her new association with the Chief of Police – and curse it all, a thief cannot become friends with a policeman – weren’t making it much too hard to balance her thief self and her pre-pickpocket past.

The Thief’s Girl is a Young Adult novel complete at 75,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

(Thanks)

QUERY- BOYFRIENDS, SPIES, AND LOVE

2011-02-02T14:00:00.002-05:00

Dear Agent,

Carissa moved from York to attend New Orleans School of Creative Arts and get away from bodyguards and a life of worry. She’s about to turn eighteen and everything should be perfect, but she’s just learned that her new boyfriend is spying on her while her parents try to control her from afar.

After spending three years with Eric, as a friend, she was beyond excited when he asked her out on a date. When she found out he was her bodyguard she was heartbroken and confused. Follow that up with Connor, a friend that wants more than she’s willing to give, and her life feels like it’s falling to pieces.

Now she’s got to figure out what to do with Eric, how to get Connor to back off, and face her parents once and for all. Carissa is about to discover that the definition of family isn't those that share your blood, but those that love you without fail.

BOYFRIENDS, SPIES, AND LOVE is a contemporary young adult novel complete at 60,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query-Wheezy-Medium of Casing, Florida

2011-02-02T09:00:00.001-05:00

Dear

WHEEZY—MEDIUM OF CASING, FLORIDA—82,000 words—Paranormal

The eagle tattoo on his forearm, weightlifter-build, and comfort on the basketball court is the only hint of his identity. He appeared on the other side, a spirit with no memory of his past. History of the live-ones he's near pours into his head though, also their thoughts, emotions, even glimpses of their future. He learns this is unique among his kind, as is another inconvenient shortcoming—he forgets much of the previous day when he resets in his private Groundhog Day.

He chose to call himself Bob. Numbed by the drudgery of perpetuity, unable to sense the passing of time, he searches for purpose. His favorite live-ones have issues. He sets out first to assist with a crush-taken-too-far, but his web of meddling endangers the lives of his adopted family in a cartwheel backlash. He generates ire in his fellow spirits, bartenders, and school administrators; incites mob hit men, cops, predators, and abusive parents; brings multiple forces after those he intends to help.

Despite his interference, his live family narrowly avoids a succession of disasters. By ghostly sleight of hand, spirit battles, and human determination, bullies are put in their place, mobsters in their graves, and the family gets a second chance at normalcy—if you disregard the plethora of friendly spirits who hang around.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

QUERY - BOND OF DARKNESS

2011-02-01T19:24:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Behind the disguise of a murderer seeking redemption, Valence fears his future. He is a pawn in a game bringing forward the return of the Darkness, an ancient infection of destructive intent.

When he crosses blades with an assassin proclaiming the Darkness's return, Valence's destiny is revealed. On the day he murdered a friend, he bore a legacy not meant for him -- a legacy connected to an evil and magic far before his time.

But one choice can change you, and for Valence, it means discovering how to suppress the infection and cure his own guilt.

BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

J.W. Parente

Query-Asassin's Redemption

2011-01-31T06:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Agent,

Death is said to ride a pale horse, but Etienne de Villaine, an angelic assassin, prefers more modern modes of transportation. When the presidents of Israel, Iran, and Turkmenistan are assassinated by a sniper, he and his angelic wife Nel are sent to stop the killer and avert a war. They’re a step too late to save the Ukrainian president, but catch a glimpse of the assassin who looks vaguely familiar to Etienne. The son of the North Korean President is murdered next, raising global tensions to the verge of world war. While setting a trap baited with the Russian president, Etienne realizes the assassin is his fallen brother Munk. Nel and Etienne manage to stop the next assassination, but Nel is injured and Munk escapes.

The angelic couple returns to their Chicago home, Nel to recover and Etienne to check on his restaurant where he discovers Munk has followed them. During a lunchtime showdown, Munk vows to kill Etienne and then start Armageddon, but nothing prepares Etienne for Munk’s confession to the murder of his two previous wives. As if that isn’t enough for Etienne to pursue him to a death duel, Munk drives a nail into the coffin of motivation by murdering the manager of Etienne’s restaurant and kidnapping her fourteen year old son. Etienne must head off a world war and rescue the boy, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.

I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. ***short bio*** Thank you for your time.

Sincerely yours,

Query -Drego's Sword (second revision)

2011-01-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Dear (Agent)

War is tearing apart the countries of Cyrah. Power-hungry Gordar has killed the previous king and has ascended to the throne. Using a kidnapped seer and a ruthless assassin, Gordar is bent on finding the three gems hidden throughout the land. A single gem holds an infinite amount of magic. Whoever possesses all three will have power unlimited.

But the first of the gems has already fallen into the hands of seventeen-year-old Drego, a talented young warrior from a small coastal village. He sets out to find the last two gems and defeat Gordar, a journey that will take him throughout Cyrah, into the arms of a headstrong young woman, and to a darker, more violent part of himself he hadn’t known existed.

Drego's Sword is an epic medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.

-brief bio and such-

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Ashley

QUERY- PIKE PLACE

2011-01-28T13:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Agent-Name,
I am sending this query to you because you said in an interview with GLA you are interested in thrillers.

PIKE PLACE is a 78,000-word thriller with an original female protagonist, Rachel McAlister, a former Army MP awarded the Silver Star in Afghanistan.
Rachel saved Joshua Todaro’s life on the battlefield and he gave her the bullet in gratitude. In response, she gave him her heart and they plan to be married. But her life is thrown upside down when Joshua is murdered in his Pike Place apartment, and then Rachel is framed for the murder.
Things go from bad to worse when she learns that her best friend is the prime witness for the prosecution. Anyone else would give up. Not Rachel. Now, as she goes to trial, she holds on to the only two things in the world that she can trust: her love for Joshua, and the battlefield bullet he gave her. She has to hope that somehow, someway, she can figure out who set her up before it’s too late.

A short story of mine has been published in The Sand Hill Review at Stanford. I am a member of the SF/Peninsula branch of the California Writers Club. The Bulletin of the Club has included several of my articles. I was a finalist in the novel contest at the East of Eden writers conference. I am a founding member of the West Valley Writers Group.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the manuscript immediately.

QUERY- LOVE DRUG

2011-01-27T13:12:00.000-05:00

Dear X,

In the distant future, a bad boy can wreak more havoc on a good girl’s life than he ever could before.

Everything’s gone wrong for Avalea Christopher. Her Soul Mate is an imposter, her parents are ready to ship her off to shadowy authority figures, never to return, and Upper Cocaigne, the city of her birth, might be keeping its citizens on a steady diet of mind control drugs.

Avalea grew up as one of Upper Cocaigne’s sparkling jewels, the pretty girls who speak well but know little. Still, she’s armed with an unorthodox amount of curiosity and willpower—and decides she’d rather take her life into her own hands than be shuffled off into the unknown. She fakes her death and escapes to Lower Cocaigne, Upper Cocaigne’s dog-eat-dog sister city.

There she’s taken in by Felis Quinn, Crew leader and Soul Mate Imposter Extraordinaire. Despite the part he played in the destruction of her life, Avalea can’t escape lingering feelings for Felis. And though she struggles to fit in with his Crew, she finds her new freedom intoxicating—too intoxicating to give up. Only it turns out she might have to: Upper Cocaigne has put a price on her head and the most powerful Crew in Lower Cocaigne has kidnapped the children of Felis’ Crew for a chance at it. Avalea knows she can save them—if she’s willing to surrender herself, and the life she never knew she needed.

LOVE DRUG is a 98,000 word YA science fiction novel, set a thousand years into Earth’s future.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,

Query - Drego's Sword (revised)

2011-01-26T13:34:00.000-05:00

Click here to read the original query.

Dear (agent)

How much is too violent? Drego begins to confront this question and his own mixture of brutality and playfulness as he fights when he’s thrust into a quest he had never expected: to gather the three magic gems throughout his home and use them to stop dictator Gordar and his deadly assassin, Skulta.

It begins the night of Drego’s fifteenth birthday when he finds a single gem on the coast. A woman named Laurina visits him, telling him of his destiny and that he needs to leave home to gain experience. Storing the gem in his sword’s hilt, and thus infusing his sword with magic, he does as she says. For two years, he gains experience as a warrior.

But then Gordar kills the previous king and ascends to the throne, making war on other countries and sending Skulta after the remaining two gems. Drego finds one, but the other Skulta obtains, forcing Drego to head for Gordar’s castle and a likely trap.

Drego's Sword is a medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Ashley

Query - Drego's Sword

2011-01-26T07:17:00.000-05:00

Dear (agent)

How much is too violent? When is it justified? Drego finds himself beginning to confront these questions when he is thrust into a quest he had never expected: to gather the three magic gems throughout his home of Faires and to use them to stop dictator Gordar and his deadly assassin, Skulta.

It begins the night of Drego’s fifteenth birthday when he finds a single gem on the coast. A woman named Laurina visits him that night, telling him that he’s meant to rebalance good and evil and that he needed to leave home to gain experience. Storing the gem in his sword’s hilt, and thus infusing his sword with magic, Drego does as she says. For two years he gains experience as a warrior.

But then Gordar kills the previous king and ascends to the throne, making war on other countries and sending Skulta after the remaining two gems. Drego befriends opinionated Toey, optimistic Tak, and Allendra who has a wanderlust, as they set out to get the other two gems. The first they find in the catacombs, the other near the peak of a volcano. However, Skulta gets the last one first, forcing them to head for Gordar’s castle and a likely trap.

On the way, Allendra is trained how to fight and she and Drego’s friendship began to deepen into something more. Tak is sold as a slave into the gold mines. After his rescue, they hear word of an army heading to Gordar’s castle to take it.

They join, and Drego sneaks alone into the castle, kills Gordar and Skulta, and retrieves the final gem. Drego is in awe at his own skill in the art of battle, and questions his mixture of brutality and playfulness when he fights. All three gems in his sword hilt give him tremendous power. Laurina congratulates him, but warns him that there is more serious evil that he will soon have to face.

Drego's Sword is a medieval fantasy that is 94, 499 words in length. It is the first book in a series. Although the content in this first installment is not too harsh, this is a young adult series.

(brief bio)
Thank you for your time and consideration.