tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post111728065832831606..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: QUERY - IN THE CLOUDS - young adultRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-85262578592206263972009-12-02T14:14:09.122-05:002009-12-02T14:14:09.122-05:00Thanks to everyone for the helpful suggestions. So...Thanks to everyone for the helpful suggestions. Someone said I had a lot of details in the beginning and not enough in the end. I may need to distribute them more evenly. I tend to make my queries way too long and I was going for shorter this time. <br /><br />Basically I have two major conflicts going on.<br />1. Dead teacher haunting my MC<br />2. She accepts and likes dead teacher but now has to figure out how to help him resolve his family/personal issues.<br /><br />Actually it becomes a murder mystery. It is dramatic but more comedic than anything else so I wanted to on that aspect (conflict 1) in the query to keep it short.<br /><br />Not sure if that is the best approach?Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06004818838544105847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-46204200868158840152009-12-02T00:19:08.670-05:002009-12-02T00:19:08.670-05:00I think you have done a great job with this query....I think you have done a great job with this query. You might could even knock out the next to the last paragraph. <br /><br />The query fills me full of questions, but the good kind. The kind that make me pick up the book. <br /><br />Great job and good luck!<br /><br />www.aj-frey.blogspot.comA.J. Freyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490138130935376612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-13161847324994278652009-12-01T15:45:57.474-05:002009-12-01T15:45:57.474-05:00This is fun!! Great story idea. I'm intrigued ...This is fun!! Great story idea. I'm intrigued :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05283503033516504436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-53129315633802319512009-12-01T14:22:36.273-05:002009-12-01T14:22:36.273-05:00Wow! I really liked the query too. It was just eno...Wow! I really liked the query too. It was just enough to whet one's appetite for more.RC Writer Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07825097243026042234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-68510046318055521092009-12-01T13:49:21.887-05:002009-12-01T13:49:21.887-05:00I like the concept :) The only big thing that bugg...I like the concept :) The only big thing that bugged me was that it isn't clear why Mr. S is following Jaycie. Why her? Has she ever been followed by ghosts before? She seems to be annoyed by this but not surprised. Also, why is this karma?<br /><br />Other quibbles: it could be tightened a bit. And 'real person' near the end is vague. what does Jaycie find in Mr. S's personality that makes her change her mind about him? And is her quest to get rid of him or make his life 'mean something'? What are the stakes if she fails? I think there's a bit too much detail at the beginning and not enough at the end. Hope this helps!Andrea Coulterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13478845861604754432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-66100563645301170802009-12-01T11:33:59.370-05:002009-12-01T11:33:59.370-05:00Wow! This caught my attention. I'm not an expe...Wow! This caught my attention. I'm not an expert on queries but it certainly left me wanting more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com