tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post1135329928430662045..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query-A Profusion of WantRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-8061207831720155432012-12-30T10:39:42.844-05:002012-12-30T10:39:42.844-05:00Nocturnal Nightclub is one place that is considere...Nocturnal Nightclub is one place that is considered a very fun spot in Miami's Nightlife scene. Have a fun time with friends at Nocturnal <a href="http://www.partylifemiami.com/home/south-beach-clubs/cameo-nightclub/" rel="nofollow">south beach nightlife<br /></a>.<br />suzonhttp://www.partylifemiami.com/home/south-beach-clubs/cameo-nightclub/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-73761499461270289572009-07-16T15:11:06.671-04:002009-07-16T15:11:06.671-04:00This sounds really interesting! I want to read it!...This sounds really interesting! I want to read it! I thought the word unbeknown was a little awkward and I got stuck at that point and had to reread the sentence. That's all I really had. Love your title. I am having the hardest time right now coming up with a title.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06004818838544105847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-74318659254506982862009-07-09T14:02:14.639-04:002009-07-09T14:02:14.639-04:00Go read the pages, they're good!Go read the pages, they're good!Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-8980792773033622112009-07-09T13:49:44.657-04:002009-07-09T13:49:44.657-04:00Thanks again to everyone who replied. If you'...Thanks again to everyone who replied. If you're interested, Rick was kind enough to post the first five pages of PROFUSION also in the slushpile (http://openquery.blogspot.com/2009/07/sample-pages-profusion-of-want.html).Regan Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07743064670671084192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-61994914255127089122009-07-08T22:13:57.115-04:002009-07-08T22:13:57.115-04:00Regan, I'm SOOO not picking nits here because ...Regan, I'm SOOO not picking nits here because your voice really shines.<br /><br />Your word choice and rhythm are what defines "voice." If the ms "sounds" just like your query, send it. Now!<br /><br />Break a leg! And let us know when you get a deal.Suzan Hardenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04600258874634909988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-25543733212248922842009-07-08T20:49:04.304-04:002009-07-08T20:49:04.304-04:00Great job! This is an excellent query. Let us kn...Great job! This is an excellent query. Let us know what happens with it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-36789027736537462602009-07-08T20:40:55.098-04:002009-07-08T20:40:55.098-04:00Thanks so much for everyone's comments! You&#...Thanks so much for everyone's comments! You're all great.Regan Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07743064670671084192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-52167467612857969852009-07-08T15:57:50.783-04:002009-07-08T15:57:50.783-04:00This is a really good query, but I think it would ...This is a really good query, but I think it would be even better with more detail and specificity in the second paragraph. For instance, what form does this attempt on her life take? What about the other covert attacks? And this "other world" -- what is it that she sees, exactly? Billionaires who can manipulate the stock market by thinking about it? People who can heal a sprained ankle after a squash match? Is there some kind of organization that her stepfather wants her to eventually lead? <br /><br />I just felt like more detail would be helpful. Of course, the very fact I'm intrigued enough to want to know more means your query is succeeding already. <br /><br />One final comment: Does you main character call her mother by her first name? Because that was the sense I got from your repeated use of "Leah."Jabezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09541471929373540252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-75008510227288862382009-07-08T15:56:04.357-04:002009-07-08T15:56:04.357-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jabezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09541471929373540252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-85815654849655135682009-07-08T15:35:31.745-04:002009-07-08T15:35:31.745-04:00This a very strong. I know the character and the p...This a very strong. I know the character and the problem without having to sort it out. I would want to read sample pages after seeing this.<br />Minor stuff: I would tighten a little. Don't think you need "bit by bit" or "duty and privilege," because that's a very long sentence.<br />In the next sentence, I suggest a period after "hospital" and new sentence "Repeated attacks after.."<br />Really an excellent job. You should get interest in this, for sure.Tricia J. O'Brienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993110400088806252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-25155418663059527462009-07-08T13:22:36.429-04:002009-07-08T13:22:36.429-04:00Very strong query letter! One of the best I'v...Very strong query letter! One of the best I've seen on here.Beth C.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09967873284070473154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-69819989625253034992009-07-08T13:19:44.243-04:002009-07-08T13:19:44.243-04:00Wow -- I would definitely read this.Wow -- I would definitely read this.Becke Davishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05347467350985614111noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-74744964911177777402009-07-08T12:57:19.917-04:002009-07-08T12:57:19.917-04:00Good job! Sounds like a great book! My nit-pick wo...Good job! Sounds like a great book! My nit-pick would be the word galvanize. I didn't seem to fit with rest of the query. But other than that, I think you have a winner!Lori Folkmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707165102926821045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-63902839694277433032009-07-08T12:20:43.758-04:002009-07-08T12:20:43.758-04:00Thanks!Thanks!Regan Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07743064670671084192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-36593322889549173222009-07-08T12:17:38.947-04:002009-07-08T12:17:38.947-04:00I really liked this. If I wanted to be nit-picky ...I really liked this. If I wanted to be nit-picky I could probably dig in and find a few things, but I don't want to be nit-picky. I want to read pages ;-)<br /><br />It has voice, clarity, and a well-outlined plot. Good luck!Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.com