tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post1592002134147568485..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query: OUT OF TIMERick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-1450755927510149812010-01-13T10:21:03.444-05:002010-01-13T10:21:03.444-05:00Great concept but this is a bit rambly. Conflict, ...Great concept but this is a bit rambly. Conflict, motivation and goal get lost in words we don't need. I agree with Botanist about agents not having enough time for this kind of query. They want to know the bones of the story and they want to be excited by it. I think if you took out the character's POV and got right to the meat of things you'd have a nice tight query. Good luck! This looks like a book I'd love to read.Aimlesswriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03012050763172251381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-43447916540361279102010-01-13T01:06:18.450-05:002010-01-13T01:06:18.450-05:00I don't want to repeat the comments already ma...I don't want to repeat the comments already made, just to add my agreement with everything said so far.<br /><br />My additional comment is that an agent is going to be scanning this amongst a hundred other queries in the same day. You may have only a couple of sentences to grab her attention. She might not get as far as the part where you start talking about the important bit - the story.<br /><br />Neat concept though!Botanisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12098709722475364465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-54932085156894742862010-01-12T08:47:45.894-05:002010-01-12T08:47:45.894-05:00First impressions: I skimmed the character POV pa...First impressions: I skimmed the character POV paragraphs because they weren't showing me anything. Show don't tell. Leave the majority of your writing style and voice for the sample pages (which always come after the query - not in it). <br /><br />I'm not sure 'adventure novel' is the right category for this story. I could be wrong, but when I think of adventure novels, I think Indiana Jones or Allan Quartermain. I see you don't want to be labeled SF, but would 'urban fantasy' work?<br /><br />Lastly, the Crichton line - though you may be entirely right - will probably turn off some agents. Try something more along the lines of think 'Mike Hammer meets (whoever the main character of Timeline is)' You've got a gritty voice with a tinge of humor that reminds me a little of Spillane and a little of Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden.<br /><br />Good luck with your query. I look forward to seeing this in print.B.E. Sandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04336115135400388268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-362575620390560992010-01-12T00:31:51.799-05:002010-01-12T00:31:51.799-05:00This sounds like a first chapter; maybe an intervi...This sounds like a first chapter; maybe an interview of some sort with the MC. It's very nicely written, but not exactly query material.<br /><br />This site has a lot of query tips and advice in the margins; you might want to access them.<br /><br />I must say though, you have an excellent voice, very strong character and plot set up. Really sounds like something I'd purchase after reading the "back of the book" blurb.<br /><br />.........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-110843857410650192010-01-11T15:17:21.096-05:002010-01-11T15:17:21.096-05:00Character POV queries are percieved, according to ...Character POV queries are percieved, according to several agent blogs, as gimmicky and are frowned upon.<br /><br />I recommend reading Query Shark. There's a link to it in the sidebar.<br /><br />"It had been a difficult experience, so for Drew it was a no-brainer." This sentence felt very off to me.<br /><br />"Go back and see his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, right when he got his big break, headlining at the Jazz Ltd nightclub— in1947 Chicago." This is not really a sentence in it's own right, at least not the way you used it. It takes time to figure out how you meant it to be used, which distracts the reader, which is bad. For maximum clarity, the clause should be connected to the previous sentence via colon. Also, the clause, while having a lot of good info, makes the first sentence of the paragraph seem redundant.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-78416319478777014852010-01-11T14:03:36.891-05:002010-01-11T14:03:36.891-05:00Go to this site: http://www.therejectionist.com/ w...Go to this site: http://www.therejectionist.com/ which is a literary agent's assistant, and scroll down to the 2010 Is The Year of The Beast and read what they wrote about character POV queriesBobnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-72073517420909585112010-01-11T13:47:20.565-05:002010-01-11T13:47:20.565-05:00I, too, was going to say that i've always been...I, too, was going to say that i've always been told that writing a query from the character's POV is a quick way to get a form rejection.<br /><br />That said, i don't mind the Michael Crichton comparison, but do think you'll do better to add in another, similar but not as "big", author.Sarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-69318320640766464712010-01-11T13:03:08.388-05:002010-01-11T13:03:08.388-05:00FWIW, as not an agent but someone actively queryin...FWIW, as not an agent but someone actively querying for a novel, my impression is that writing the query letter (or a significant portion of it) from a character's perspective is discouraged. <br /><br />The first paragraph could easily be pared to one sentence (or two at most). <br /><br />I think much of the detail in the second paragraph is also superfluous to a query. <br /><br />Third paragraph: here's where I would recommend more. Be more specific about what the central conflict is. To rationalize this a bit, if your protagonist simply withdraws from the situation, it seems like things would be fine (since the situation went on in the past). Tell us more about why this can't be the case.<br /><br />Finally, on your 4th paragraph, can you do better than invoking Michael Crichton? or at least provide a second author who is maybe not quite at that status? <br /><br />I hope these comments help.Lt. Cccyxxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18421346964929818151noreply@blogger.com