tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post1633593680111664921..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: QUERY - WHEN HEARTS CRY OUTRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-33196404216814525322009-03-23T13:26:00.000-04:002009-03-23T13:26:00.000-04:00M.L. Kiner, Is this a submission? If so, please s...M.L. Kiner, <BR/><BR/>Is this a submission? If so, please submit in the comments for the following post:<BR/><BR/>http://openquery.blogspot.com/2009/03/submit-queries-here.html<BR/><BR/>Thanks!Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-14306989781734129352009-03-23T13:21:00.000-04:002009-03-23T13:21:00.000-04:00"The Hong Kong Connection" is a legal thriller abo..."The Hong Kong Connection" is a legal thriller about a gutsy female attorney who takes on high ranking International officials. It's a taut, rollercoaster of a ride from New York to Palm Beach to Washington D.C. to Hong Kong. The plot is expertly woven, the characters persuasive, and the dialogue snappy and spot on.<BR/>www.StrategicBookPublishing.com/TheHongKongConnection.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-77078262049818858202009-03-23T10:00:00.000-04:002009-03-23T10:00:00.000-04:00REVISED QUERY - WHEN HEARTS CRY OUTHere is a tweak...REVISED QUERY - WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT<BR/><BR/>Here is a tweaked revision of my query.<BR/><BR/>Dear (Agent’s Name):<BR/><BR/>If making women laugh and think were Olympic events, seventy-four-year-old Liz McCall would win the gold. If Liz could change anything about her life, she’d change damn near everything.<BR/><BR/>Born in Mississippi, divorced from several well-heeled Texans, and a source of wit, wisdom, and imperious advice for the black and white staff and clients at the salon, Liz takes a special interest in Leah Starks, a twenty-six-year-old whose life has been burdened by abandonment issues and doubts about her self-worth. When Leah’s emotionally distant mother is killed in an automobile accident, her life changes for the better after Liz unravels a family secret that lies in the spelling of Leah’s name. With her health deteriorating, and estranged from all but the youngest of her six sons, Liz has to decide to whom she will bequeath her wealth—if, when, and how she should reveal the family secret she has kept for almost fifty years—and how she will want her epitaph to read.<BR/><BR/>WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT, a 79,000-word novel written for the commercial and women’s fiction markets, centers on an agnostic beauty salon denizen, the influence she has on the lives of saints and sinners, and the six things in life that are free.<BR/><BR/>I hold a BBA from the University of Texas at Arlington. Privy to the humorous conversations, philosophical musings, and stories women tell while getting clipped, rolled, tinted, permed, manicured, and pedicured, I’ve had a standing Saturday appointment with the same hairstylist for twenty-five years and a standing appointment every other Saturday with the same nail technician for fifteen years.<BR/><BR/>I appreciate your time and consideration.<BR/><BR/>Regards,<BR/><BR/>R. BattlesRodney Battleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09622824583827307889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-13392160889915899482009-03-21T09:47:00.000-04:002009-03-21T09:47:00.000-04:00Rick,Thanks so much for the quick posting and for ...Rick,<BR/><BR/>Thanks so much for the quick posting and for your comments.Rodney Battleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09622824583827307889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-87023431405387402062009-03-21T09:27:00.000-04:002009-03-21T09:27:00.000-04:00I like this, it has good voice and it's well struc...I like this, it has good voice and it's well structured. I didn't have too many questions after reading the query. I have a few, but they are questions that make me want to read more, not questions that overshadow the query itself.<BR/><BR/>One suggestion is to move the second paragraph with the title and word count to after the story description and before your personal description. It helps provide a breaking point in the query. When I started to read "The third of five sons..." I thought it was still the story description.Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.com