tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post4309132363789720869..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: QUERY- WORLD BOOK (2nd Revision)Rick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-24737768849689371862011-03-03T12:23:33.339-05:002011-03-03T12:23:33.339-05:00This is a better approach. But, two points:
1. It...This is a better approach. But, two points:<br /><br />1. It leaves the reader wondering why Seth, who sounds rather passive, is the main character, instead of Kinessa.<br /><br />2. Both here and on another blog, several people advised you to change the name "World Book". Since you've agreed that's a good idea, but not done it, I'm wondering if you're putting as much effort into this as you could.Anonymous Authornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-2846388899289581172011-03-03T08:03:59.406-05:002011-03-03T08:03:59.406-05:00I love the idea of this story, but I feel like som...I love the idea of this story, but I feel like something's missing still. I think this query is certianly better than the last two, but I think we're missing something about Seth. I have a pretty clear sense of who Kinessa is (I think), but no idea about Seth. <br /><br />An excersise that was once suggested to me was writing it in the first person, not to be sent that way, but just to see how your character would tell it. Let his voice come through. Then, re-write THAT query. I don't know how well it will work for you, but it was fun a excersise. <br /><br />Good luck!Amandanoreply@blogger.com