tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post4948276070318055105..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query: KEY OF EDENRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-46094735120828288642012-12-14T04:59:08.031-05:002012-12-14T04:59:08.031-05:00Personalize your query when sending to and agent, ...Personalize your query when sending to and agent, anything addressed 'Dear Agent' will most likely be deleted off the bat. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13176975285291149158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-8322443618554011332012-05-23T13:06:54.373-04:002012-05-23T13:06:54.373-04:00How timely. Your opening paragraph reminds me of t...How timely. Your opening paragraph reminds me of this post I read today: http://kidlit.com/2012/05/23/sounds-great-no-substance/<br />What about your book is different or special. To me this sounds like any other paranormal. Why do I care about your MC other than her being "the one"? Because aren't all MC "the one"? Give me something cool about her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-31428151707866331932012-05-23T11:49:19.708-04:002012-05-23T11:49:19.708-04:00You call this a paranormal romance, but I don'...You call this a paranormal romance, but I don't see any romance in your query, so you might want to re-think the genre of your book. If your story doesn't have an HEA or HFN (happily ever after or happy for now), but has romantic elements, maybe what you have is an urban fantasy. If you do have an HEA/HFN, you need to show some romance in the query.<br /><br />Good luck!Stacy McKitrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07898731847653710759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-40363895470836296892012-05-23T08:36:02.351-04:002012-05-23T08:36:02.351-04:00This is not bad. You do a good job of summarizing ...This is not bad. You do a good job of summarizing your story without excess. A couple of things to work on:<br /><br />1. I see you ran spellcheck, but you need to proofread after that. Correct "blood thirsty" and "stocking". Also "councilor". (And check your manuscript for such errors.)<br /><br />2. I'd change "-what does that even mean?" to (separate sentence) "But what does that even mean?" Otherwise it sounds like you're critiquing your own query.<br /><br />3. Remove the parenthetical comment after "BFF". It only confuses.<br /><br />4. You use the rather dated "mankind" twice. Replace it with "humanity". It's more widely accepted nowadays.<br /><br />5. Don't mention that there are two authors in the first paragraph. Gives 'em a reason to reject (two authors are twice as much trouble). The blog is a non-credit, since I see it's basically your own blog. Actually a bio is completely unnecessary, unless to list your published books. Where you live doesn't matter. That you're cousins is interesting but not pertinent.<br /><br />(Actually, the blog could hurt you. If an agent goes there and sees a posting that's complaining about your (first class!) seatmate, she might wonder if you might be hard to work with.)<br /><br />All in all, I think you're fairly close here-- these are all dings to fix rather than a major overhaul.Anonymous Authornoreply@blogger.com