tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post5196988794266248439..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query - ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIMERick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-46030716788695262612009-11-17T15:50:53.482-05:002009-11-17T15:50:53.482-05:00Regarding your first sentence, are you aware that ...Regarding your first sentence, are you aware that Acadia National Park is a real place, in Maine?Nighfalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01745824744507928211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-33922566751265824862009-07-16T02:29:44.187-04:002009-07-16T02:29:44.187-04:00Ali,
I'm not sure where the actual story begi...Ali,<br /><br />I'm not sure where the actual story begins, and how much of this is preface, or back-story. My guess is that your book (which, as everyone else has already pointed out, is very long) also has a huge amount of setup before you get to the real conflict, the central drama of the story. I might suggest you kill two birds with one stone and cut a whole lot of the first part of your book if I'm right about there being a lot of back-story. Does the real drama begin when Damont wakes up in the farmlands? If so, I'd seriously consider getting rid of almost everything before that point.<br /><br />This query is long and unfocused, and I'm betting that's reflected in the novel itself, which isn't a nice thing to hear, but it's likely what any agent reading this query is going to think. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you think about your book's structure now, before you start to send out queries.scott g.f.baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05726743149139510832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-32281339471137827082009-07-15T18:49:25.190-04:002009-07-15T18:49:25.190-04:00I agree with the other 2 posters about the query/n...I agree with the other 2 posters about the query/novel length issues. <br /><br />Your first few sentences didn't really hold my attention, which isn't good in a query. The last line of the first paragraph piqued my interest, however. You might consider leading with some variation of that.<br /><br />Also, watch your usage of rethorical questions. I don't really mind them (and my own current query uses one), but some agents can't stand them.<br /><br />I hope I've been helpful, and I look forward to reading any revisions you make.<br /><br />Word Verification: oksbelc - the sound you make when you hiccup and burp at the same time.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00402245144808634346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-75755458781413043522009-07-15T12:05:42.405-04:002009-07-15T12:05:42.405-04:00Ali,
I agree with Regan.
Regarding the word cou...Ali, <br /><br />I agree with Regan.<br /><br />Regarding the word count, if you check out the links on the right wide of the Slushpile, there's a great one from Colleen Lindsay regarding word count. Here's what she says about epic fantasy:<br /><br />"Here's where most writers seem to have problems: most editors I've spoken to recently at major SF/F houses want books that fall into the higher end of the adult fiction you see above; a few of them told me that 100k words is the ideal manuscript size for good space opera or fantasy; for a truly spectacular epic fantasy, they'll consider 120k /130k."<br /><br />It's worth noting that this feedback originates with editors at major SF houses...Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-68483790397153175002009-07-15T11:51:30.412-04:002009-07-15T11:51:30.412-04:00Ali,
You've probably got some good ideas in h...Ali,<br /><br />You've probably got some good ideas in here, but the way it's written right now I really have no idea what the story is about, what's at stake, or what the emotional themes are.<br /><br />Remember that this is a query, not a synopsis--the goal is not to tell the reader every detail that's going on, just enough to peak their interest and give them a sense of what the protagonist must achieve.<br /><br />I'd cut the entire opening paragraph and most parts of the others two. You want to start the query with a hook, one or two sentences that summarize the protagonist's quest, then use two or three (short!) paragraphs to explain why the quest is necessary and to build your world.<br /><br />How thoroughly have you revised your book? Your word count is almost certainly too long. Debut authors have a hard time making sales (even in fantasy) for books that are over 120,000 or so words. It's not a hard and fast rule, but a lot of agents will reject based on your word count alone.<br /><br />Hope this helps!Regan Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07743064670671084192noreply@blogger.com