tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post5815030386049648937..comments2024-01-26T08:04:08.517-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: QUERY- BROKEN (new query)Rick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-34910347619389610012009-07-17T12:34:50.923-04:002009-07-17T12:34:50.923-04:00Agree with all of the above I had to read the firs...Agree with all of the above I had to read the first paragraph 3 times before I was clear that she hadn't killed her own sister. Otherwise, sounds good!Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09026346305559979604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-4554933850610466632009-07-17T09:23:48.932-04:002009-07-17T09:23:48.932-04:00I don't think you need to change the first par...I don't think you need to change the first paragraph at all. I understood it perfectly on the first read and I think it's a nice set up for the rest of the query.<br /><br />I do agree that you should round down your word count to 86,000, but other than that I know you have a winner. If the manuscript if just as well written you should get some requests for sure.<br /><br />Good luck!MonikaSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-65179219017362074212009-07-17T08:55:10.115-04:002009-07-17T08:55:10.115-04:00I'm not sure that I would agree with Bane abou...I'm not sure that I would agree with Bane about Madd killing her sister. What I will ask, however, is that if she knows who killed her kid sister, why does she need the help of the Protectors?<br /><br />Other than that, I thought this was outstanding. A very good plot and what appears to be a interesting lead character. It sounds like a book that I would purchase.<br /><br />Great job!Scott Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09744436601853807608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-15524604925014445452009-07-17T04:02:32.679-04:002009-07-17T04:02:32.679-04:00I also thought she had murdered her sister. Yikes!...I also thought she had murdered her sister. Yikes! But that can be easily fixed, just add find before who murdered. <br /><br />I think your query is great. And supposedly, editors are looking for books with strong female protagonists, so you might have a winner here! Good luck.Lori Folkmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707165102926821045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-2109980274560173842009-07-16T23:51:39.579-04:002009-07-16T23:51:39.579-04:00Whoops -- sorry, the original got cut off:
Very n...Whoops -- sorry, the original got cut off:<br /><br />Very nice query :) -- only had two minor points:<br /><br />1.) round the word count<br /><br />2.) (see post above :)Joshua McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17367262185912463258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-43384536482814537672009-07-16T23:50:43.112-04:002009-07-16T23:50:43.112-04:002.) I had to re-read the first paragraph to get it...2.) I had to re-read the first paragraph to get it... the 1st time I read it, I thought that Madd had murdered her sister (and then got confused reading on) -- the second time, I realized that you were communicating the originaly 'who knows' to the three items (which is the proper way to write, but I still got confused) -- could just be me :)Joshua McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17367262185912463258noreply@blogger.com