Attention Slushpile Readers:
Jessica Faust, a literary agent with BookEnds, LLC, was gracious enough with her time to respond to an interview request. Thank you Jessica!
She also maintains the BookEnds blog, which is well worth your time (if you are not already a regular reader...I see some of your names in the comments regularly.)
So without further ado...
1. What is the most recent novel you’ve read (that was not directly
related to your job as an agent)? I’ve actually just started My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult. I’m embarrassed to say this has been sitting on my nightstand since the book was first published and I’m just now getting around to it.
2. What did you like best about that book? So far the best I can say is that her writing is really amazing.
3. What is the most challenging aspect of your job these days? I think it’s keeping all of the balls in the air. My inbox right now has 300+ unanswered emails and there are a stack of requested proposals sitting in my office. Unfortunately, those all have to wait while I work with my clients to revise and edit their proposals and manuscripts (sometimes multiple times), negotiate and review contracts, and generally answer any and all questions they might have. Of course, adding the blog to my daily to-do list certainly doesn’t help keep my schedule light, but it’s something I love so I think I’ll keep it.
4. What is the most rewarding aspect of your job, overall? It’s that I get to do what I love every single day. As a child I loved nothing more then losing myself in a book and now I get paid to do just that. I admire writers because I know I don’t have the fortitude to sit and put 100,000 words on paper and have them make sense so in my mind I get to do the next best thing and it appeals more to my strengths, I get to be the right hand woman to those writers and really work with them to make their dreams become reality.
5. How do the following factors influence the genres you rep:
- Network of editors you know While there’s no doubt that comes into play the truth is that I don’t worry about it too much. If I really love a project I can always add new editors to my network and I do on a daily basis.
- Current / anticipated market conditions To some degree. Certainly, when erotic romance first started to hit big I was lucky enough to have seen it coming and have a couple of really great authors in my stable ready to go. However, as I will always say, we can’t write or agent to the market so while I’m less likely to take on a book if I think the market might be tough, if the book is really great I’m going to go for it anyway.
- Personal reading preference I think this is probably the greatest influence, but what I think authors need to understand is that it’s different then say, your personal reading preference. What I read for pleasure and how I read for work are two very different things. When I say personal reading preference with my agent hat on I mean books that I enjoy, that I get excited about and that I think I can sell. It doesn’t necessarily mean a book I can just curl up on my couch and read. That would be too easy.
Jul 8, 2009
AMELIA'S MONSTERS SAMPLE PAGES
Click here to read the queries. Link goes to the revision, and the original is linked there.
So in the next coming months I’m going to finish polishing up my manuscript and send out the query letter to see what happens.
To make sure I’m heading in the right direction, I thought it would be a good idea to post the first few pages on here for all you wonderful people to view and critique. So here it is and thank you for your time and comments.
CHAPTER 1:
Monsters were following her right now. Amelia knew it. It didn’t matter where she went, or how far she traveled; they were following her, like wolves on the hunt. Daylight could only last for so long, and once it ended, and night took control of the day, she knew they would find her and continue to terrorize her from inside her closet.
Amelia rolled down the window and stuck her head out a little ways, the rushing wind drying out her eyes, causing them to water a little. Houses whizzed by her like a slideshow that showcased the city’s richness. Bright blue and yellow houses seemed as if they were going to collide with one another as the car drove by them. Sprinklers chattered in an attempt to keep the lawns quenched and satisfied from the summer’s heat. At first glance it seemed as if things were going to be different here for her and her family, but Amelia knew this wasn’t the case.
The car rolled up to a stop sign and Amelia pulled her head back into the car, tucking her brown hair behind her ears.
“You’re going to like it here,” Amelia’s dad said, peering through the rearview mirror.
Amelia looked back outside the window at the next row of houses that stretched out like a tie-dye wall on the other side of the intersection. She turned and looked at her cousin Lily sitting next to her and gave her a nervous smile. Lily tried to do the same, but it came out more like a twitch than a smile.
“Beautiful neighborhood, nice people, and a peaceful atmosphere,” Amelia’s dad continued to say. “Just what you two need.”
Amelia thought maybe this was what they needed. They grew up in the city—only five houses away from one another—where car alarms sounded, music blasted from nearby houses, and people screamed at one another. It was stressful and it didn’t help her or her cousin’s problems. The neighborhood did look quiet and peaceful; Amelia gave it that much.
Amelia turned once more to Lily and said, “Are you ok?”
Lily hadn’t said a word since they had gotten in the car, and that was over two hours ago. She turned to Amelia, brushed some of her blonde hair away from her eyes, and just nodded at Amelia.
Lily had always been quiet, and she kept to herself most of the time. The therapist tried to get her to talk, but she never said a word. When Amelia had sat on the couch in the waiting room of Dr. Ivan’s office, she could hear bits of Dr. Ivan’s conversation with Lily from inside his office. And from what Amelia could gather from listening, Dr. Ivan had seemed to do most of the talking, and not once did she hear Lily’s quiet chatter. The only time Amelia really heard Lily was when she had shifted in the squeaky black leather chair.
Amelia turned away from Lily and pressed the button to roll down the window, the soft electric hum ruining the silence as the window scrolled down till it slipped between its thin rubber doors.
There weren’t a lot of trees around, Amelia noticed, and she didn’t know how to feel about it. Her father told her that Evelyn Heights was a gated community and it was a lot different from their previous homes and neighborhoods. Here, Amelia noted, different must mean the same. It seemed the more they moved the less and less unique the neighborhoods became.
Before the monsters began to lurk in her closet and conceal themselves in the shadows of her room, and before they ever thought about moving, they had lived in a town where houses were all different shapes and colors and trees surrounded their old home. All day she would roam through the woods, looking at birds, bugs, and insects, inspecting dead trees and holes in the ground.
Of course, she didn’t do that anymore.
So in the next coming months I’m going to finish polishing up my manuscript and send out the query letter to see what happens.
To make sure I’m heading in the right direction, I thought it would be a good idea to post the first few pages on here for all you wonderful people to view and critique. So here it is and thank you for your time and comments.
CHAPTER 1:
Monsters were following her right now. Amelia knew it. It didn’t matter where she went, or how far she traveled; they were following her, like wolves on the hunt. Daylight could only last for so long, and once it ended, and night took control of the day, she knew they would find her and continue to terrorize her from inside her closet.
Amelia rolled down the window and stuck her head out a little ways, the rushing wind drying out her eyes, causing them to water a little. Houses whizzed by her like a slideshow that showcased the city’s richness. Bright blue and yellow houses seemed as if they were going to collide with one another as the car drove by them. Sprinklers chattered in an attempt to keep the lawns quenched and satisfied from the summer’s heat. At first glance it seemed as if things were going to be different here for her and her family, but Amelia knew this wasn’t the case.
The car rolled up to a stop sign and Amelia pulled her head back into the car, tucking her brown hair behind her ears.
“You’re going to like it here,” Amelia’s dad said, peering through the rearview mirror.
Amelia looked back outside the window at the next row of houses that stretched out like a tie-dye wall on the other side of the intersection. She turned and looked at her cousin Lily sitting next to her and gave her a nervous smile. Lily tried to do the same, but it came out more like a twitch than a smile.
“Beautiful neighborhood, nice people, and a peaceful atmosphere,” Amelia’s dad continued to say. “Just what you two need.”
Amelia thought maybe this was what they needed. They grew up in the city—only five houses away from one another—where car alarms sounded, music blasted from nearby houses, and people screamed at one another. It was stressful and it didn’t help her or her cousin’s problems. The neighborhood did look quiet and peaceful; Amelia gave it that much.
Amelia turned once more to Lily and said, “Are you ok?”
Lily hadn’t said a word since they had gotten in the car, and that was over two hours ago. She turned to Amelia, brushed some of her blonde hair away from her eyes, and just nodded at Amelia.
Lily had always been quiet, and she kept to herself most of the time. The therapist tried to get her to talk, but she never said a word. When Amelia had sat on the couch in the waiting room of Dr. Ivan’s office, she could hear bits of Dr. Ivan’s conversation with Lily from inside his office. And from what Amelia could gather from listening, Dr. Ivan had seemed to do most of the talking, and not once did she hear Lily’s quiet chatter. The only time Amelia really heard Lily was when she had shifted in the squeaky black leather chair.
Amelia turned away from Lily and pressed the button to roll down the window, the soft electric hum ruining the silence as the window scrolled down till it slipped between its thin rubber doors.
There weren’t a lot of trees around, Amelia noticed, and she didn’t know how to feel about it. Her father told her that Evelyn Heights was a gated community and it was a lot different from their previous homes and neighborhoods. Here, Amelia noted, different must mean the same. It seemed the more they moved the less and less unique the neighborhoods became.
Before the monsters began to lurk in her closet and conceal themselves in the shadows of her room, and before they ever thought about moving, they had lived in a town where houses were all different shapes and colors and trees surrounded their old home. All day she would roam through the woods, looking at birds, bugs, and insects, inspecting dead trees and holes in the ground.
Of course, she didn’t do that anymore.
Jul 7, 2009
Sample Pages - Quest Support
Click here to read the original query.
Hi all,
I've started sending out query letters for Quest Support, but haven't gotten any partial or full requests yet. I'm happy with the query itself, so I'm wondering if perhaps my sample pages could be the weak link in my submissions. I've posted the first few pages below for critiquing. Thanks!
Chapter One: In Which, Appropriately Enough, the Story Begins
Well, this week could have gone better, thought Gilbert as his head hit the pavement. “Is that any way to treat a veteran employee?” he groaned. Losing his job and possibly dooming the entire world was bad enough, but this was just insulting. The troll who had flung him out into the street only grunted. “Fine, be that way!” Gilbert picked himself up, grabbed his bag and stomped off. His life had been ruined so fast it made his head spin. Yesterday that was me, he thought to himself as he glanced through a window at a man in a cubicle. That had been when this whole mess started….
The magic mirror rang again. Gilbert adjusted his headset and hit the "talk" button on the mirror's frame. "Thank you for calling Quest Support my name is Gilbert how may I help you today?" he said as the image of a wrinkled old wizard appeared in the mirror.
"Is this the, uh, Quest Support place?" the wizard asked.
I just said it was, idiot! thought Gilbert. Out loud he said, "Yes, it is. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, who are you?"
"My name is Gilbert. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, I found this ring."
"And?" prompted Gilbert.
"Uh, I found it on a skeleton in a cave."
"Are you trying to find out what it does?"
"Uh, I thought you might know."
"Could you show it to me?"
"Uh?"
Gilbert sighed. "The ring - could you show it to me? Hold it up to your Quest Orb so I can see it."
"Oh. Hold on." The wizard turned away from Gilbert and rummaged through a battered backpack. "Here it is," he said finally, holding up a plain brass ring.
"Okay," said Gilbert. "Does it have any distinguishing features?"
"Like what?"
"Unusual markings, discolorations, inscriptions and so on."
"Hold on." The wizard squinted at the ring. "Uh, no, it hasn't got any."
"All right, let me look this up." With a quill pen, Gilbert scrawled a quick description of the ring on a piece of parchment on his desk in front of him. His writing vanished and the words "Please Wait" appeared as a powerful enchantment searched a list of every magical artifact QuestCo had ever catalogued. Within moments, several matches appeared on the parchment. "All right," said Gilbert, "here's what to do next: throw the ring in a fire. If any strange characters appear on it, it's a ring of invisibility. If not, give us a call back and we'll try to narrow it down further."
"Oh, uh," said the wizard.
"Thanks for calling, goodbye," said Gilbert, cutting him off. He hit the "talk" button again, and the wizard vanished.
Gilbert disentangled his headset from his unkempt straw-colored hair and laid it on his desk. Sure, he'd probably have to put it right back on, but the stupid thing got so uncomfortable after a few hours. Gilbert sighed and returned to the important business at hand. He had been trying to finish his cup of coffee for almost two hours, but kept getting interrupted by calls. These past few weeks had been dreadful, with the forces of Good massing for the final assault on the Citadel of the Dark Lord. With so much battling going on, Quest Support's mirrors were ringing nonstop with every type of caller from jittery apprentices who had forgotten how to activate their shielding robes to orc warlocks wanting clarification on some obscure point of demon-summoning protocol. Fortunately, it would all be over in a matter of days, with Good victorious and the world at peace, at least until the next Dark Lord arose.
Hi all,
I've started sending out query letters for Quest Support, but haven't gotten any partial or full requests yet. I'm happy with the query itself, so I'm wondering if perhaps my sample pages could be the weak link in my submissions. I've posted the first few pages below for critiquing. Thanks!
Chapter One: In Which, Appropriately Enough, the Story Begins
Well, this week could have gone better, thought Gilbert as his head hit the pavement. “Is that any way to treat a veteran employee?” he groaned. Losing his job and possibly dooming the entire world was bad enough, but this was just insulting. The troll who had flung him out into the street only grunted. “Fine, be that way!” Gilbert picked himself up, grabbed his bag and stomped off. His life had been ruined so fast it made his head spin. Yesterday that was me, he thought to himself as he glanced through a window at a man in a cubicle. That had been when this whole mess started….
The magic mirror rang again. Gilbert adjusted his headset and hit the "talk" button on the mirror's frame. "Thank you for calling Quest Support my name is Gilbert how may I help you today?" he said as the image of a wrinkled old wizard appeared in the mirror.
"Is this the, uh, Quest Support place?" the wizard asked.
I just said it was, idiot! thought Gilbert. Out loud he said, "Yes, it is. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, who are you?"
"My name is Gilbert. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, I found this ring."
"And?" prompted Gilbert.
"Uh, I found it on a skeleton in a cave."
"Are you trying to find out what it does?"
"Uh, I thought you might know."
"Could you show it to me?"
"Uh?"
Gilbert sighed. "The ring - could you show it to me? Hold it up to your Quest Orb so I can see it."
"Oh. Hold on." The wizard turned away from Gilbert and rummaged through a battered backpack. "Here it is," he said finally, holding up a plain brass ring.
"Okay," said Gilbert. "Does it have any distinguishing features?"
"Like what?"
"Unusual markings, discolorations, inscriptions and so on."
"Hold on." The wizard squinted at the ring. "Uh, no, it hasn't got any."
"All right, let me look this up." With a quill pen, Gilbert scrawled a quick description of the ring on a piece of parchment on his desk in front of him. His writing vanished and the words "Please Wait" appeared as a powerful enchantment searched a list of every magical artifact QuestCo had ever catalogued. Within moments, several matches appeared on the parchment. "All right," said Gilbert, "here's what to do next: throw the ring in a fire. If any strange characters appear on it, it's a ring of invisibility. If not, give us a call back and we'll try to narrow it down further."
"Oh, uh," said the wizard.
"Thanks for calling, goodbye," said Gilbert, cutting him off. He hit the "talk" button again, and the wizard vanished.
Gilbert disentangled his headset from his unkempt straw-colored hair and laid it on his desk. Sure, he'd probably have to put it right back on, but the stupid thing got so uncomfortable after a few hours. Gilbert sighed and returned to the important business at hand. He had been trying to finish his cup of coffee for almost two hours, but kept getting interrupted by calls. These past few weeks had been dreadful, with the forces of Good massing for the final assault on the Citadel of the Dark Lord. With so much battling going on, Quest Support's mirrors were ringing nonstop with every type of caller from jittery apprentices who had forgotten how to activate their shielding robes to orc warlocks wanting clarification on some obscure point of demon-summoning protocol. Fortunately, it would all be over in a matter of days, with Good victorious and the world at peace, at least until the next Dark Lord arose.
QUERY- ANGEL’S FALL v.3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 2.
Thanks so much for all your comments. You are all great! As appoint of information, I went back to the books original name, TWICE FALLEN, so don’t be confused. See how this flies.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is sent to earth to find and destroy fallen angels and their terrorist organizations. When a group of the Fallen bent on European domination gains control of Russia, he faces his biggest challenge. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of greater destruction from a second, more devastating bioweapon looms, Liam’s comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, TWICE FALLEN, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 2.
Thanks so much for all your comments. You are all great! As appoint of information, I went back to the books original name, TWICE FALLEN, so don’t be confused. See how this flies.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is sent to earth to find and destroy fallen angels and their terrorist organizations. When a group of the Fallen bent on European domination gains control of Russia, he faces his biggest challenge. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of greater destruction from a second, more devastating bioweapon looms, Liam’s comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, TWICE FALLEN, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Jul 6, 2009
Query Do's and Don'ts
The QueryTracker.net Blog has a great post today on query Do's and Don'ts. Click here to read it if you haven't seen it already!
QUERY- DEATH AND ME
Dear Agent,
Death follows Charlotte—literally. When an intoxicated Death had accidentally taken her family at the hospital, Death looses his job and is sentenced by his superiors to act as eleven-year-old Charlotte’s personal guardian. Under Death’s guidance, Charlotte finds herself leaving the orphanage accompanied by only Death and a piece of paper with five families looking to adopt her. Although each time a family is ready to sign the adoption papers, Death’s bad habits of gambling, drinking, and stealing gets the ever impressionable Charlotte into trouble, causing her to lose her chance at finding a family.
By the time they reach the final family, Death starts to feel attached and responsible for her. So when he seeks approval to become her permanent guardian, he must control his bad habits to become her legal guardian. The fifth and final family has other plans, though. They slowly begin to turn Charlotte against Death with a series of incriminating evidence that lands him in hot water with the local authorities and his superiors. Fearing he will lose Charlotte forever, Death must find a way to clear his name and win Charlotte back before the family signs the adoption papers.
DEATH AND ME is a quirky 95,000 word young adult novella.
Death follows Charlotte—literally. When an intoxicated Death had accidentally taken her family at the hospital, Death looses his job and is sentenced by his superiors to act as eleven-year-old Charlotte’s personal guardian. Under Death’s guidance, Charlotte finds herself leaving the orphanage accompanied by only Death and a piece of paper with five families looking to adopt her. Although each time a family is ready to sign the adoption papers, Death’s bad habits of gambling, drinking, and stealing gets the ever impressionable Charlotte into trouble, causing her to lose her chance at finding a family.
By the time they reach the final family, Death starts to feel attached and responsible for her. So when he seeks approval to become her permanent guardian, he must control his bad habits to become her legal guardian. The fifth and final family has other plans, though. They slowly begin to turn Charlotte against Death with a series of incriminating evidence that lands him in hot water with the local authorities and his superiors. Fearing he will lose Charlotte forever, Death must find a way to clear his name and win Charlotte back before the family signs the adoption papers.
DEATH AND ME is a quirky 95,000 word young adult novella.
Jul 5, 2009
Query:ANGEL’S FALL V.2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is on earth to find and remove evil originating from a far darker source than any human can imagine. He faces his biggest challenge when Russia is taken over by a group of fallen angels bent on expanding their domination to all of Europe. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of even greater destruction looms, Liam’s angelic comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is on earth to find and remove evil originating from a far darker source than any human can imagine. He faces his biggest challenge when Russia is taken over by a group of fallen angels bent on expanding their domination to all of Europe. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of even greater destruction looms, Liam’s angelic comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
QUERY - Zombie Love
Samantha Ridgeway loves her job as a tabloid reporter, but following the wrong story makes her a dead reporter. Dead until she’s the guinea pig in a bizarre experiment intended to save the life of spoiled heiress, Sierra Mallory. The only drawback to becoming the walking, talking undead, besides Sam’s never-ending appetite, is Sierra wants them to be BZFs (Best Zombies Forever) in her plot to take over the world.
Vampire Chief Enforcer Duncan St. James has his hands full investigating the disappearance of several of L.A.’s supernatural denizens. When a very nosy, very cute, and soon very dead reporter interferes, he has no choice but to keep her in arm’s reach – a situation he finds a little too tempting. Now if he can just keep Samantha from eating the brains of the very people he’s trying to save from the psycho zombie heiress who’s holding them prisoner…
ZOMBIE LOVE is a 90,000 word urban fantasy novel. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
***
I deliberately left out the bio paragraph. Y'all have seen it before and nothing's changed. Thanks!
Vampire Chief Enforcer Duncan St. James has his hands full investigating the disappearance of several of L.A.’s supernatural denizens. When a very nosy, very cute, and soon very dead reporter interferes, he has no choice but to keep her in arm’s reach – a situation he finds a little too tempting. Now if he can just keep Samantha from eating the brains of the very people he’s trying to save from the psycho zombie heiress who’s holding them prisoner…
ZOMBIE LOVE is a 90,000 word urban fantasy novel. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
***
I deliberately left out the bio paragraph. Y'all have seen it before and nothing's changed. Thanks!
Synopsis-The Eternal Link
Click here to read the queries.
I've been having trouble with this. I started out with a sentence and expanded, but I'm still not sure about the clarity of it. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar errors. I try to catch them all, but my mind doesn't quite work that way. Luckily I have an amazing editor I can send the nearly final draft of this too...when I get there.
Thanks in advance,
Jen
In the city of Ulcadia during the 30th century, fifteen-year old Catalina Cordova rushes past students popping in and out gut-wrenching transporters. Her heartbeat drums loudly in her head until she half leans, half falls against the cool hallway. Without warning, flames pour out from her eyes. For a moment, in the midst of screeching alarms and running students, a wave of relief calms her. Then, the world returns to focus and she remembers. They all toasted with the moon drink. One friend is dead. Another is in the hospital. And she doesn’t have a scratch on her.
After the accident, Catalina’s adoptive parents call for her return to the decaying house she once called home. But adjusting to life with those who betrayed her by sending her away proves difficult. So what if she acts a little strangely around fire and doesn’t like mindless chants to Mother Nature? Now the only family Catalina wants is the birthmother that haunts her dreams with images of love and acceptance. She must have the answer to why fire could burst out of Catalina at any time. Perhaps she could even provide some comfort for her survivor’s guilt.
Just as Catalina finds a fleeting moment of normalcy at a real high school, her sixteenth birthday arrives. With one blow, all the candles extinguish. In the darkness, her birthmother’s necklace burns into her skin and fulfills its purpose of hiding her identity. Without the necklace, Catalina transforms into the beauty she was meant to be. After the panic subsides, a glance in the mirror reveals she now has the same features as a child in a portrait she once admired.
Catalina seeks out and is beckoned through the painting now come to life with promises of answers in its depths. After being lunged into a forest, an animated tree informs her that she is thousands of years back in time. Catalina is alarmed by the revelation, but is hopeful that her mother could be near. Catalina comes upon a clearing while searching for people and loses control of her fire in a battle with a demonic creature. Her fire burns the surrounding trees and sends a signal high above the forest. From above, a flying stranger brings a soothing rain that sizzles against Catalina’s skin and, without her permission; he rescues her.
When Catalina wakes up, she butts heads with her irritating yet surprisingly intriguing savior, Darwin, who acts more like a boy than the man he is. When Darwin leaves to answer the call of his wizard master, Catalina is attacked, wrapped in fire-proof cloth, and carried away to a castle. There, a man awaits who lusts after her power and the immortality that comes with it. Catalina is powerless against the cloth and locked in a cell. For the first time, she realizes what a large part of her the inner fire has become. After barely escaping the castle by jumping into an ocean, Catalina washes up on a beach where an old wizard she almost recognizes finds her.
Thanks to the overwhelming feeling of safety that the familiar wizard, Warwick, exudes, she allows him to bring her back to his castle-home. Unbeknownst to Catalina, this is the very place where her mother resides. At the castle, Catalina bumps into Darwin, who is so relieved to see her that he kisses her without asking. Another quarrel ensues. In Catalina’s absence, Darwin realized the danger in bringing her back to a time where people know of, desire and fear the powers Catalina has. Against her will, Darwin pushes Catalina through the portrait and sends her back to where she started in 3031 CE just as her mother rushes down the hall to see her.
Fueled by anger from watching her mother slip away again, Catalina begins to hover inches over the ground. As her anger grows, so do her powers and her ability to fly. The trees see this and recognize it as the second mark of an Eternal, a keeper of time. But that is just the problem…the trees SEE.
Awakened after thousands of years, the tree Elders call for Catalina to tree-surf into their meeting on a stream of boomeranging trees. Catalina pulls information from the tree Elder’s carefully guarded secrets and learns as an Eternal, it is her job to protect time. Due to a rift in time caused by magical time-traveling, at any given moment, pieces of the past come crashing into Catalina’s present. Catalina does not have enough control over her anger or her powers to fight the enemies that pop up around her AND fix time itself. Instead, she seeks the help of he who failed before her as an Eternal: Warwick. Catalina has to restore Warwick’s powers, which, in a world where magic and emotion are tightly bound, have been slowly seeping away since the death of his one true love, Rosaline.
Little does Warwick know, his love lives.
Catalina follows clues from her vivid dreams that guide her through the ever-changing landscape affected by time jumps. They lead her to outwit the fairies in their labyrinth, across the mountains where demons roam, through the roots of elvin trees, and finally into the sea with a siren. Deep into the ocean, in a cottage untouchable by magic, Catalina finds Rosaline and brings her back to Warwick. Just before she arrives, Catalina is pulled into the mind of Valmont, a wizard long after her powers. Through his eyes, Catalina watches the rise of his army of soul-sucking demons and high-tech armies alike. Through his body, Catalina feels the elation that wipes over Valmont as he murders the people she never knew she cared so much about.
Even in the face of overwhelming doubt, Catalina is driven by these images to push forward and fight Valmont herself. There is no time left to wait for Warwick’s powers to strengthen. Besides, Catalina wants retribution for all the stolen lives including her own. At the castle that popped up out of nowhere, Catalina finds not only Darwin waiting as pompous and handsome as ever, but also the woman she so desperately wanted to find: Her mother. With her mother finally by her side, Catalina finds the reassurance she needs to fight Valmont.
Catalina marches forward with her supporters into the great domed city of Ulcadia to fight Valmont and his army head-on. In the midst of battle, Catalina meets Valmont and transports them both into the fourth dimension. Below her, she sees the swirling vortex of time and the broken piece she must fix that is sputtering in and out of place. Catalina is trapped and nearly falls victim to Valmont’s mind games. His cruelty stirs an anger in her that isn’t strong enough fuel to defeat him. She had to grow up without her mother in a place where she wasn’t accepted because of people like Valmont and their relentless pursuit of her powers. He ruined and destroyed lives. The voices of those she cares for eco inside Catalina’s head and fill her to the brim with love. She gains the strength through them to annihilate Valmont, but the voices urge her not to become a killer and instead focus on the task at hand.
Catalina leaves Valmont in the fourth dimension without the ability to ever leave and fights her way down into the stream of time. There, she physically reaches out and connects her body with the vortex. Catalina realizes while becoming a link in time, she will not only lose her mother again when she sets things straight, but she will also lose her love and her life.
Unable to choose, Catalina allows herself a moment of weakness and pities herself. Ultimately, she knows she could hang in the fourth dimension forever while clinging to the image of her half-dissolved mother, or she could save both her mother and humanity. Just when she makes the decision to sacrifice herself and become a human patch for time, a new force enters the fourth dimension. Renewed by seeing Rosaline again, Warwick tells Catalina she can either return to earth with all the uncertainty ahead of her or she can go with Mother Nature and be at peace. Either way, he is the one whose duty is to fix the tear in time. Catalina understands it is because of Warwick’s weaknesses that she has been chosen as an Eternal. There is a need to have one Eternal on Earth at all times and she cannot let another child go through the same things she went through. Warwick stays behind to fix time and Catalina chooses to return to earth. She is surprised to be caught by Darwin, the boy started Catalina’s journey by painting a time-altering portrait for a special little girl.
I've been having trouble with this. I started out with a sentence and expanded, but I'm still not sure about the clarity of it. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar errors. I try to catch them all, but my mind doesn't quite work that way. Luckily I have an amazing editor I can send the nearly final draft of this too...when I get there.
Thanks in advance,
Jen
In the city of Ulcadia during the 30th century, fifteen-year old Catalina Cordova rushes past students popping in and out gut-wrenching transporters. Her heartbeat drums loudly in her head until she half leans, half falls against the cool hallway. Without warning, flames pour out from her eyes. For a moment, in the midst of screeching alarms and running students, a wave of relief calms her. Then, the world returns to focus and she remembers. They all toasted with the moon drink. One friend is dead. Another is in the hospital. And she doesn’t have a scratch on her.
After the accident, Catalina’s adoptive parents call for her return to the decaying house she once called home. But adjusting to life with those who betrayed her by sending her away proves difficult. So what if she acts a little strangely around fire and doesn’t like mindless chants to Mother Nature? Now the only family Catalina wants is the birthmother that haunts her dreams with images of love and acceptance. She must have the answer to why fire could burst out of Catalina at any time. Perhaps she could even provide some comfort for her survivor’s guilt.
Just as Catalina finds a fleeting moment of normalcy at a real high school, her sixteenth birthday arrives. With one blow, all the candles extinguish. In the darkness, her birthmother’s necklace burns into her skin and fulfills its purpose of hiding her identity. Without the necklace, Catalina transforms into the beauty she was meant to be. After the panic subsides, a glance in the mirror reveals she now has the same features as a child in a portrait she once admired.
Catalina seeks out and is beckoned through the painting now come to life with promises of answers in its depths. After being lunged into a forest, an animated tree informs her that she is thousands of years back in time. Catalina is alarmed by the revelation, but is hopeful that her mother could be near. Catalina comes upon a clearing while searching for people and loses control of her fire in a battle with a demonic creature. Her fire burns the surrounding trees and sends a signal high above the forest. From above, a flying stranger brings a soothing rain that sizzles against Catalina’s skin and, without her permission; he rescues her.
When Catalina wakes up, she butts heads with her irritating yet surprisingly intriguing savior, Darwin, who acts more like a boy than the man he is. When Darwin leaves to answer the call of his wizard master, Catalina is attacked, wrapped in fire-proof cloth, and carried away to a castle. There, a man awaits who lusts after her power and the immortality that comes with it. Catalina is powerless against the cloth and locked in a cell. For the first time, she realizes what a large part of her the inner fire has become. After barely escaping the castle by jumping into an ocean, Catalina washes up on a beach where an old wizard she almost recognizes finds her.
Thanks to the overwhelming feeling of safety that the familiar wizard, Warwick, exudes, she allows him to bring her back to his castle-home. Unbeknownst to Catalina, this is the very place where her mother resides. At the castle, Catalina bumps into Darwin, who is so relieved to see her that he kisses her without asking. Another quarrel ensues. In Catalina’s absence, Darwin realized the danger in bringing her back to a time where people know of, desire and fear the powers Catalina has. Against her will, Darwin pushes Catalina through the portrait and sends her back to where she started in 3031 CE just as her mother rushes down the hall to see her.
Fueled by anger from watching her mother slip away again, Catalina begins to hover inches over the ground. As her anger grows, so do her powers and her ability to fly. The trees see this and recognize it as the second mark of an Eternal, a keeper of time. But that is just the problem…the trees SEE.
Awakened after thousands of years, the tree Elders call for Catalina to tree-surf into their meeting on a stream of boomeranging trees. Catalina pulls information from the tree Elder’s carefully guarded secrets and learns as an Eternal, it is her job to protect time. Due to a rift in time caused by magical time-traveling, at any given moment, pieces of the past come crashing into Catalina’s present. Catalina does not have enough control over her anger or her powers to fight the enemies that pop up around her AND fix time itself. Instead, she seeks the help of he who failed before her as an Eternal: Warwick. Catalina has to restore Warwick’s powers, which, in a world where magic and emotion are tightly bound, have been slowly seeping away since the death of his one true love, Rosaline.
Little does Warwick know, his love lives.
Catalina follows clues from her vivid dreams that guide her through the ever-changing landscape affected by time jumps. They lead her to outwit the fairies in their labyrinth, across the mountains where demons roam, through the roots of elvin trees, and finally into the sea with a siren. Deep into the ocean, in a cottage untouchable by magic, Catalina finds Rosaline and brings her back to Warwick. Just before she arrives, Catalina is pulled into the mind of Valmont, a wizard long after her powers. Through his eyes, Catalina watches the rise of his army of soul-sucking demons and high-tech armies alike. Through his body, Catalina feels the elation that wipes over Valmont as he murders the people she never knew she cared so much about.
Even in the face of overwhelming doubt, Catalina is driven by these images to push forward and fight Valmont herself. There is no time left to wait for Warwick’s powers to strengthen. Besides, Catalina wants retribution for all the stolen lives including her own. At the castle that popped up out of nowhere, Catalina finds not only Darwin waiting as pompous and handsome as ever, but also the woman she so desperately wanted to find: Her mother. With her mother finally by her side, Catalina finds the reassurance she needs to fight Valmont.
Catalina marches forward with her supporters into the great domed city of Ulcadia to fight Valmont and his army head-on. In the midst of battle, Catalina meets Valmont and transports them both into the fourth dimension. Below her, she sees the swirling vortex of time and the broken piece she must fix that is sputtering in and out of place. Catalina is trapped and nearly falls victim to Valmont’s mind games. His cruelty stirs an anger in her that isn’t strong enough fuel to defeat him. She had to grow up without her mother in a place where she wasn’t accepted because of people like Valmont and their relentless pursuit of her powers. He ruined and destroyed lives. The voices of those she cares for eco inside Catalina’s head and fill her to the brim with love. She gains the strength through them to annihilate Valmont, but the voices urge her not to become a killer and instead focus on the task at hand.
Catalina leaves Valmont in the fourth dimension without the ability to ever leave and fights her way down into the stream of time. There, she physically reaches out and connects her body with the vortex. Catalina realizes while becoming a link in time, she will not only lose her mother again when she sets things straight, but she will also lose her love and her life.
Unable to choose, Catalina allows herself a moment of weakness and pities herself. Ultimately, she knows she could hang in the fourth dimension forever while clinging to the image of her half-dissolved mother, or she could save both her mother and humanity. Just when she makes the decision to sacrifice herself and become a human patch for time, a new force enters the fourth dimension. Renewed by seeing Rosaline again, Warwick tells Catalina she can either return to earth with all the uncertainty ahead of her or she can go with Mother Nature and be at peace. Either way, he is the one whose duty is to fix the tear in time. Catalina understands it is because of Warwick’s weaknesses that she has been chosen as an Eternal. There is a need to have one Eternal on Earth at all times and she cannot let another child go through the same things she went through. Warwick stays behind to fix time and Catalina chooses to return to earth. She is surprised to be caught by Darwin, the boy started Catalina’s journey by painting a time-altering portrait for a special little girl.
Jul 3, 2009
Query—ANGEL’S FALL
Click here to read version 2.
Click here to read version 3.
When Russia is taken over by Martin Sarafanov, a fallen angel with designs on European domination, Liam Michaels, the Angel of Death, must head off a biological and nuclear war. As the conflict intensifies and innocent people die, Liam’s angelic companions question the goodness of God. The last thing Liam needs as he tries to answer the doubts of his comrades is the appearance of the ultimate evil. But that’s exactly what he finds when he learns that the real power driving Russia is his brother, Lucifer.
My 80,000 word science fantasy thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores how, in a world where evil is prevalent, can God be considered good. Stylistically it resembles a merger of Clive Cussler with Dean Koontz.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. In my day job, I work as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters, I am new to the world of creative writing.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 3.
When Russia is taken over by Martin Sarafanov, a fallen angel with designs on European domination, Liam Michaels, the Angel of Death, must head off a biological and nuclear war. As the conflict intensifies and innocent people die, Liam’s angelic companions question the goodness of God. The last thing Liam needs as he tries to answer the doubts of his comrades is the appearance of the ultimate evil. But that’s exactly what he finds when he learns that the real power driving Russia is his brother, Lucifer.
My 80,000 word science fantasy thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores how, in a world where evil is prevalent, can God be considered good. Stylistically it resembles a merger of Clive Cussler with Dean Koontz.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. In my day job, I work as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters, I am new to the world of creative writing.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
The Voice of a Query?
This comment came through last night, and since it raises an interesting question and it's really directed to all of us, I though it deserved its own post. Please weigh in your opinions...I know you have them!
Hi, All!
After re-reading the comments here, I have a concern. And please be advised that this is merely a point of curiosity - not a criticism of this or any other query...
But I've just noticed an interesting trend with voice-related comments on this site. Even though I agree that Scott's query has a memorable voice, I find it curious that every time someone says a query has a unique voice (like this one and the "Quest Support" query), it's usually funny or snarky in tone.
So, how can a writer capture the voice of a non-funny novel in a one-page query? Is it even possible?
Hi, All!
After re-reading the comments here, I have a concern. And please be advised that this is merely a point of curiosity - not a criticism of this or any other query...
But I've just noticed an interesting trend with voice-related comments on this site. Even though I agree that Scott's query has a memorable voice, I find it curious that every time someone says a query has a unique voice (like this one and the "Quest Support" query), it's usually funny or snarky in tone.
So, how can a writer capture the voice of a non-funny novel in a one-page query? Is it even possible?
Jul 2, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (version 5)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello I'm back with version five and besides input on this version I would also like to know if you guys prefer version 4 or 5. Thanks so much!
Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to the 31st century after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now she is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. With the revelation that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time, her quest for the birth-mother she never knew is put on hold. But control over her swiftly growing magic lies just beyond her reach which leaves her unable to fix time alone. Catalina seeks the help of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders arrive at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello I'm back with version five and besides input on this version I would also like to know if you guys prefer version 4 or 5. Thanks so much!
Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to the 31st century after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now she is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. With the revelation that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time, her quest for the birth-mother she never knew is put on hold. But control over her swiftly growing magic lies just beyond her reach which leaves her unable to fix time alone. Catalina seeks the help of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders arrive at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Jul 1, 2009
Query for Eden's Gate
Zander Jaden hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in three years. Ever since his mother’s death, the minute the sun goes down, he feels eyes on him, watching him, and waiting. In a desperate attempt to get some rest, he swallows an entire bottle of prescription sleep-aids. After his supposed suicide attempt, Zander is committed to Edensgate State Psychiatric Hospital, a massive sprawling building in the Kirkbride style, now mostly defunct.
He meets Rafe Nazario there, and the two boys become fast friends. Zander confides his problems in Rafe, and in turn, Rafe details the reasons he finds himself there in Edensgate. As they grow closer, their routine is interrupted by the arrival of Dominick O’Brennan, the son of an infamous mafia family from Boston. Dominick despises Rafe and Zander from the start, and does everything he possibly can to make their lives miserable, up to and including stealing Zander’s file from the hospital and taunting him with information. After Rafe and Zander have a fight, however, Dominick moves in, and Zander falls into bed with him.
After Dominick is released from the hospital on the word of his family, Rafe and Zander are finally free to explore their own relationship, with the ever present night-watchers a constant irritant. As Zander tries to find a way to free himself of his curse, he begins to delve deeper into the history of Edensgate – in fact, history presents itself to him clearly in the form of a girl who died there sixty years ago! – and he discovers the powers within him, passed down by his mother, that will help him be free of the night-watchers once and for all.
The only thing standing between Zander and total freedom is once again Dominick – after his family found themselves unable to deal with him, they recommit him to the hospital, and this time, he’s not so forgiving. Knowing Zander’s paralyzing fear of the dark, Dominick nearly kills him when he locks him in the unlit basement for three days.
Time is running out when Zander recovers from Dominick’s mischief, however, for he knows that the power of a solar eclipse on Halloween night will give the night-watchers exactly what they need to obtain their goals – to leave their bleak home and overrun the Earth. Dominick’s acting strangely, Rafe is concerned, and Zander just wants to get some sleep. With the help of the ghosts of Edensgate and a doctor who works there, the two boys work to stop the night-watchers before they can use the hospital as a launch-pad for the destruction of the human race.
The fate of the world is resting on the shoulders of one young man in a mental hospital, and all Hell’s about to break loose at Eden’s Gate.
He meets Rafe Nazario there, and the two boys become fast friends. Zander confides his problems in Rafe, and in turn, Rafe details the reasons he finds himself there in Edensgate. As they grow closer, their routine is interrupted by the arrival of Dominick O’Brennan, the son of an infamous mafia family from Boston. Dominick despises Rafe and Zander from the start, and does everything he possibly can to make their lives miserable, up to and including stealing Zander’s file from the hospital and taunting him with information. After Rafe and Zander have a fight, however, Dominick moves in, and Zander falls into bed with him.
After Dominick is released from the hospital on the word of his family, Rafe and Zander are finally free to explore their own relationship, with the ever present night-watchers a constant irritant. As Zander tries to find a way to free himself of his curse, he begins to delve deeper into the history of Edensgate – in fact, history presents itself to him clearly in the form of a girl who died there sixty years ago! – and he discovers the powers within him, passed down by his mother, that will help him be free of the night-watchers once and for all.
The only thing standing between Zander and total freedom is once again Dominick – after his family found themselves unable to deal with him, they recommit him to the hospital, and this time, he’s not so forgiving. Knowing Zander’s paralyzing fear of the dark, Dominick nearly kills him when he locks him in the unlit basement for three days.
Time is running out when Zander recovers from Dominick’s mischief, however, for he knows that the power of a solar eclipse on Halloween night will give the night-watchers exactly what they need to obtain their goals – to leave their bleak home and overrun the Earth. Dominick’s acting strangely, Rafe is concerned, and Zander just wants to get some sleep. With the help of the ghosts of Edensgate and a doctor who works there, the two boys work to stop the night-watchers before they can use the hospital as a launch-pad for the destruction of the human race.
The fate of the world is resting on the shoulders of one young man in a mental hospital, and all Hell’s about to break loose at Eden’s Gate.
Query - Winter Roses Never Die
Dear Literary Editor,
Although endearing in a way, Jennie is rather too imaginative and naive for someone of thirty-four. As she lives in a small country town where most of the inhabitants are earthy and provincial, her whimsical, shy nature stands out even more than her colourful array of shabby chic clothing. When she breathlessly relates to her library co-workers of meeting a handsome man (in a wheel chair) in an abandoned winter cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. And then when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seemed to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However, she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a beautiful lady with sloe-shaped green eyes was reclining on a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie went into sensory overload and couldn't move. Only when she was able to recite her favourite prayer (asking for the protection of the Holy Blood) did the vision disappear.
The two focal points of the old, abandoned cemetery where most of the story is set are the blood red roses growing over the co-joined graves of Charos and his mother, and the blood red cloak worn by the statue of the Christ. Both signify the healing and transforming power of selfless, unconditional love. Jennie discovers through her 'inspirationals' that the power of the human soul is in the blood and is triggered by the emotions. Humankind does not know how to tap into that power, but The Family do through their spiritual awareness - an awareness that was taken away from most of humanity but which Jesus came to restore. The difference between Jennie's two favourite men, Jesus and Charos, is that while the vampire-like Charos must take human blood to live, the Blood of Jesus was given on His death so that humankind would throw off their guilt and forgive themselves and find healing and spiritual life, which before was denied to them - through their guilt and lack of spiritual knowledge. Like humanity, Charos has also been cursed - along with his enigmatic people called The Family - and they are also partly dead. But unlike humanity, the power of their spirits is still intact and, hence, their knowledge and understanding of spiritual/supernatural?power. It is?this power, contained in?the soul, which has been lost to them. Their souls have been captured by infernal spirits which live off the power and energy from these souls. The only way The Family can keep physically alive and powerful is by absorbing human blood. The roses growing over Charos' and his mother's graves are actually his transformed mother, transformed through her selfless love and compassion for her son. They are blood red, the radiance of which helped him heal of his terrible burns inflicted by The People. The blood red of the roses signify her love for her son and the energy and comfort which she gave at the expense of her own life-force. The blood red cloak worn by the statue of Jesus in the cemetery also?symbolises the transformed nature of the Christ through His compassion and selfless love for us. He gave His Blood to bring comfort, life and healing to?humanity - the same way that Charos' mother did when she was transformed through the same selfless love for her son into the roses which never die.
Jennie's initial quest is to discover the identity and true nature of the enigmatic man in the wheel chair, to liberate him and the rest of his (non-human) Family from the evil that holds them captive on this earthly plane and which prevents them from being able to feel and be truly alive.? Most importantly, she wants to win the love of this man, Charos, and bring him back into her life and that of their beautiful child, Julianna.?
Combined with this outer quest are Jennie's spiritual experiences which seek her out as opposed to?her outward efforts to find love and happiness.? In the process she discovers that the inner world, the Kingdom of Heaven,?is?such a treasure trove of inspiration, love and happiness that she is tempted to abandon?her seemingly impossible outer quest.? However, as part of her growing process, she discovers she's not the only one fighting terrible battles?of insecurity.? Everyone, no matter how powerful they seem or how perfect their life appears, is fighting the same battle - even the seemingly invincible Charos.? She realises that even though she doesn't need his love for happiness, he needs her love and human power to regain his soul and freedom.
At the end of the story, Jennie's faith and love are victorious. Through her courage and faithful love, Charos is redeemed from his soulless existence, and he and The Family are free to return to their own plane. He, however, chooses to stay with Jennie and their daughter. But it is only when Jennie is able to demonstrate a more perfect and deeper love through compassion and understanding of his past suffering and his insecurities is she able to disarm those insecurities. Only then is Charos able to say the words Jennie has waited years to hear: I love you.
Winter Roses Never Dies is a paranormal romance combined with elements of mystic Christanity, 87,000 words in length, for the adult reader.
Thank you for your time and consideration of this project.
Yours faithfully...
Although endearing in a way, Jennie is rather too imaginative and naive for someone of thirty-four. As she lives in a small country town where most of the inhabitants are earthy and provincial, her whimsical, shy nature stands out even more than her colourful array of shabby chic clothing. When she breathlessly relates to her library co-workers of meeting a handsome man (in a wheel chair) in an abandoned winter cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. And then when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seemed to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However, she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a beautiful lady with sloe-shaped green eyes was reclining on a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie went into sensory overload and couldn't move. Only when she was able to recite her favourite prayer (asking for the protection of the Holy Blood) did the vision disappear.
The two focal points of the old, abandoned cemetery where most of the story is set are the blood red roses growing over the co-joined graves of Charos and his mother, and the blood red cloak worn by the statue of the Christ. Both signify the healing and transforming power of selfless, unconditional love. Jennie discovers through her 'inspirationals' that the power of the human soul is in the blood and is triggered by the emotions. Humankind does not know how to tap into that power, but The Family do through their spiritual awareness - an awareness that was taken away from most of humanity but which Jesus came to restore. The difference between Jennie's two favourite men, Jesus and Charos, is that while the vampire-like Charos must take human blood to live, the Blood of Jesus was given on His death so that humankind would throw off their guilt and forgive themselves and find healing and spiritual life, which before was denied to them - through their guilt and lack of spiritual knowledge. Like humanity, Charos has also been cursed - along with his enigmatic people called The Family - and they are also partly dead. But unlike humanity, the power of their spirits is still intact and, hence, their knowledge and understanding of spiritual/supernatural?power. It is?this power, contained in?the soul, which has been lost to them. Their souls have been captured by infernal spirits which live off the power and energy from these souls. The only way The Family can keep physically alive and powerful is by absorbing human blood. The roses growing over Charos' and his mother's graves are actually his transformed mother, transformed through her selfless love and compassion for her son. They are blood red, the radiance of which helped him heal of his terrible burns inflicted by The People. The blood red of the roses signify her love for her son and the energy and comfort which she gave at the expense of her own life-force. The blood red cloak worn by the statue of Jesus in the cemetery also?symbolises the transformed nature of the Christ through His compassion and selfless love for us. He gave His Blood to bring comfort, life and healing to?humanity - the same way that Charos' mother did when she was transformed through the same selfless love for her son into the roses which never die.
Jennie's initial quest is to discover the identity and true nature of the enigmatic man in the wheel chair, to liberate him and the rest of his (non-human) Family from the evil that holds them captive on this earthly plane and which prevents them from being able to feel and be truly alive.? Most importantly, she wants to win the love of this man, Charos, and bring him back into her life and that of their beautiful child, Julianna.?
Combined with this outer quest are Jennie's spiritual experiences which seek her out as opposed to?her outward efforts to find love and happiness.? In the process she discovers that the inner world, the Kingdom of Heaven,?is?such a treasure trove of inspiration, love and happiness that she is tempted to abandon?her seemingly impossible outer quest.? However, as part of her growing process, she discovers she's not the only one fighting terrible battles?of insecurity.? Everyone, no matter how powerful they seem or how perfect their life appears, is fighting the same battle - even the seemingly invincible Charos.? She realises that even though she doesn't need his love for happiness, he needs her love and human power to regain his soul and freedom.
At the end of the story, Jennie's faith and love are victorious. Through her courage and faithful love, Charos is redeemed from his soulless existence, and he and The Family are free to return to their own plane. He, however, chooses to stay with Jennie and their daughter. But it is only when Jennie is able to demonstrate a more perfect and deeper love through compassion and understanding of his past suffering and his insecurities is she able to disarm those insecurities. Only then is Charos able to say the words Jennie has waited years to hear: I love you.
Winter Roses Never Dies is a paranormal romance combined with elements of mystic Christanity, 87,000 words in length, for the adult reader.
Thank you for your time and consideration of this project.
Yours faithfully...
Jun 30, 2009
Query- Queen of the Angels
When Julia became a woman, she discovered that she was chosen to bear not only a secret life, but a child that was not human.
Caught in a world of passion and magic, Julia loves a creature of mythology―a being who was cast in ancient lore as a fallen angel, but whose purpose is the empowerment of women through the teaching of secret magical lore. From their first kiss Julia begins a journey to the realization of her female powers. She had never imagined the power that had been demonized and repressed through religion for thousands of years. She had never dreamed that she had such power.
It is the mission of the Nephilim to find the women born for this path and not only teach them, but breed from them future generations of angel/human hybrids. Julia, caught up in her perfect life of love, passion, and magic, does not know that these angels not only can, but will reproduce. When she discovers she is pregnant, she is trapped by fear, feelings of betrayal, and a growing realization that bearing a hybrid child in the modern world will cement her in total isolation from her fellow man.
She must decide if she can love such a child, if she can love the being who made her feel used, and if she can truly live an extraordinary life—the life that seems chosen for her, as an Amazon Queen. The battle for the future has only just begun.
I would be happy to submit my urban fantasy manuscript, Queen of the Angels, for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
e j alvey
Caught in a world of passion and magic, Julia loves a creature of mythology―a being who was cast in ancient lore as a fallen angel, but whose purpose is the empowerment of women through the teaching of secret magical lore. From their first kiss Julia begins a journey to the realization of her female powers. She had never imagined the power that had been demonized and repressed through religion for thousands of years. She had never dreamed that she had such power.
It is the mission of the Nephilim to find the women born for this path and not only teach them, but breed from them future generations of angel/human hybrids. Julia, caught up in her perfect life of love, passion, and magic, does not know that these angels not only can, but will reproduce. When she discovers she is pregnant, she is trapped by fear, feelings of betrayal, and a growing realization that bearing a hybrid child in the modern world will cement her in total isolation from her fellow man.
She must decide if she can love such a child, if she can love the being who made her feel used, and if she can truly live an extraordinary life—the life that seems chosen for her, as an Amazon Queen. The battle for the future has only just begun.
I would be happy to submit my urban fantasy manuscript, Queen of the Angels, for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
e j alvey
Jun 29, 2009
Query - Margarita Nights
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Great Query Discussion at The Literary Lab
There is a great post on queries over at The Literary Lab today, if you have a few minutes it may be worth your time to check it out.
I think the comment thread is still active, jump in!
I think the comment thread is still active, jump in!
Jun 28, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (version 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Jun 24, 2009
Successful Query- BROKEN
Thanks for all your support and kind words at the Slushpile.
Here's the final query I used for BROKEN.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli Burke on a busy street. Eli knows loss, too. He can’t escape it. After watching his lover beaten to death in a London alley, he’s been left with a limp, scars, and nightmares as permanent reminders.
Fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. Eli is charmed when Alec offers him an escape from a difficult day and a sympathetic ear; he’s delighted when Alec takes an interest in his work; and he’s turned on when Alec lays a bold, passionate embrace on him. Now what? Does Eli attempt to outrun his painful past with isolated charity work abroad, or reward Alec’s romantic efforts and risk his heart again? One thing is certain: neither of them want to lose anything else.
Along with this I also sent them a short bio, synopsis, and partial on 4/26. I received the request for the full MS on 5/20 and the contract on 6/20. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and good wishes. I'm still on cloud nine.
Dawn
Here's the final query I used for BROKEN.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli Burke on a busy street. Eli knows loss, too. He can’t escape it. After watching his lover beaten to death in a London alley, he’s been left with a limp, scars, and nightmares as permanent reminders.
Fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. Eli is charmed when Alec offers him an escape from a difficult day and a sympathetic ear; he’s delighted when Alec takes an interest in his work; and he’s turned on when Alec lays a bold, passionate embrace on him. Now what? Does Eli attempt to outrun his painful past with isolated charity work abroad, or reward Alec’s romantic efforts and risk his heart again? One thing is certain: neither of them want to lose anything else.
Along with this I also sent them a short bio, synopsis, and partial on 4/26. I received the request for the full MS on 5/20 and the contract on 6/20. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and good wishes. I'm still on cloud nine.
Dawn
Jun 22, 2009
Immortalis Query -Revised
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent/Editor
I am pleased to submit for your consideration, IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, an Urban Fantasy story, complete at 80,000 words.
Thrust into a dark world filled with bloodlust, religious fanaticism, and thousand-year old vendettas, Alyssa will have to find the strength to accept her terrifying new reality or submit to final death.
Bleeding to death after brutal mugging on the campus of UNLV, Twenty-five year old Alyssa, is rescued by beguiling and immortal Lysander. He gives her the gift, and curse, of immortality. Alyssa awakens as a vampire and is devastated by harsh realities of her new way of life: the loss of her friends, her independence, and her humanity.
Alyssa’s “turning,” did not go unnoticed by other members of the immortal world. She and Lysander are targeted for final death. An ancient sect of Catholic vampire hunters, known as the Acta Sanctorum, begins their hunt, vowing to destroy all vampires, in God’s name. Meanwhile, a vengeful lover from Lysander’s past seeks to exact her revenge, citing vampire law as her reason to kill them both. Only by letting go of her old self and accepting that she is a vampire, can Alyssa hope to survive. She will have to stand alongside of Lysander and fight, against two enemies who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.
IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, will take you on a journey with Alyssa, delving deep into the emotional upheaval that is the transformation from human to vampire. This is my début novel and the first in a series of dark and sexy vampire stories. I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author
Dear Agent/Editor
I am pleased to submit for your consideration, IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, an Urban Fantasy story, complete at 80,000 words.
Thrust into a dark world filled with bloodlust, religious fanaticism, and thousand-year old vendettas, Alyssa will have to find the strength to accept her terrifying new reality or submit to final death.
Bleeding to death after brutal mugging on the campus of UNLV, Twenty-five year old Alyssa, is rescued by beguiling and immortal Lysander. He gives her the gift, and curse, of immortality. Alyssa awakens as a vampire and is devastated by harsh realities of her new way of life: the loss of her friends, her independence, and her humanity.
Alyssa’s “turning,” did not go unnoticed by other members of the immortal world. She and Lysander are targeted for final death. An ancient sect of Catholic vampire hunters, known as the Acta Sanctorum, begins their hunt, vowing to destroy all vampires, in God’s name. Meanwhile, a vengeful lover from Lysander’s past seeks to exact her revenge, citing vampire law as her reason to kill them both. Only by letting go of her old self and accepting that she is a vampire, can Alyssa hope to survive. She will have to stand alongside of Lysander and fight, against two enemies who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.
IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, will take you on a journey with Alyssa, delving deep into the emotional upheaval that is the transformation from human to vampire. This is my début novel and the first in a series of dark and sexy vampire stories. I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author
A Submitter got a Contract
Here's proof that it can happen: Dawn Johnson emailed me to let me know that she was offered a publication contract for her novel BROKEN by Dreamspinner Press.
Click here to read the original query for BROKEN. You can link to revisions from that post.
Congrats Dawn, and thanks to everyone who offers advice on this blog. A little bit of help can make a big difference in someone's career.
Click here to read the original query for BROKEN. You can link to revisions from that post.
Congrats Dawn, and thanks to everyone who offers advice on this blog. A little bit of help can make a big difference in someone's career.
Jun 21, 2009
Query - The Braidwood Circle
(Note: In the UK, we don't use query letters as such, but a covering letter that travels with a synopsis and the first 30 pages. You still need to give a brief overview of the work in two paragraphs, which is what I am seeking feedback on. Thanks.)
In Elizabethan England death comes often, but when a body found in the woods is that of a wealthy merchant's wife, constable John Rowntree is sent to investigate. The people of Braidwood are keen to assist, and to tell him their secrets, but regardless of the evidence they claim to have, he does not believe their allegations. He especially scoffs when they involve frail old ladies committing murder and practicing witchcraft.
Close to solving the case, Rowntree is confronted by further deaths. More gruesome and brutal, they fuel a frenzy of accusations and threats among the townsfolk. Rowntree's fight to maintain order and stop any further murders leads him to a shocking revelation. One that means he must accept that the town's mid-wife is not only capable of killing, but that she practices sorcery. To stop her from claiming more victims, he must face his strongest childhood fear and break the witch's ever growing circle of power.
In Elizabethan England death comes often, but when a body found in the woods is that of a wealthy merchant's wife, constable John Rowntree is sent to investigate. The people of Braidwood are keen to assist, and to tell him their secrets, but regardless of the evidence they claim to have, he does not believe their allegations. He especially scoffs when they involve frail old ladies committing murder and practicing witchcraft.
Close to solving the case, Rowntree is confronted by further deaths. More gruesome and brutal, they fuel a frenzy of accusations and threats among the townsfolk. Rowntree's fight to maintain order and stop any further murders leads him to a shocking revelation. One that means he must accept that the town's mid-wife is not only capable of killing, but that she practices sorcery. To stop her from claiming more victims, he must face his strongest childhood fear and break the witch's ever growing circle of power.
Jun 19, 2009
QUERY- UNTOUCHED
Dear Agent,
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 18, 2009
Sample Pages are Welcome
Just a reminder that 4-5 pages of your first chapter are welcome. Just include them with your query submission the same as you would in an email query.
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE (Rev 2)
Click here to read the original query.
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
Jun 17, 2009
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Jun 14, 2009
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jun 11, 2009
Revised Query: The Mansion
Click here to read the original query.
There is a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. Especially when they're pulled from their homes to spend a year in observation, living in a huge mansion and going to a private school of the experimenters' choosing. For Sami Harris, it all might just be a blessing in disguise. She sees the experience as a chance at a fresh start. She's long suffered teasing about her schizophrenia diagnosis, but hopefully, all of that can change.
Unfortunately, she begins hearing voices again as soon as they get to the mansion. When her twin sister suggests that maybe the voices are real, Sami begins following them to diary pages throughout the house. Piece by piece, she and the other kids in the house unravel what happened to make one young girl disappear from the mansion. And end up as a statue in the gardens. Sami isn't sure how, but she knows that they have to help the girl. But first, everyone in the house will have to come clean about the things that they can really do.
The Mansion: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a potential five book series. My first draft won the Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. As a result, there is a series of machinima videos, available on YouTube. The promo video that was made just before the finale videos, is about a minute long and is a wonderful representation of the feel of the book. It can be found here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
There is a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. Especially when they're pulled from their homes to spend a year in observation, living in a huge mansion and going to a private school of the experimenters' choosing. For Sami Harris, it all might just be a blessing in disguise. She sees the experience as a chance at a fresh start. She's long suffered teasing about her schizophrenia diagnosis, but hopefully, all of that can change.
Unfortunately, she begins hearing voices again as soon as they get to the mansion. When her twin sister suggests that maybe the voices are real, Sami begins following them to diary pages throughout the house. Piece by piece, she and the other kids in the house unravel what happened to make one young girl disappear from the mansion. And end up as a statue in the gardens. Sami isn't sure how, but she knows that they have to help the girl. But first, everyone in the house will have to come clean about the things that they can really do.
The Mansion: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a potential five book series. My first draft won the Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. As a result, there is a series of machinima videos, available on YouTube. The promo video that was made just before the finale videos, is about a minute long and is a wonderful representation of the feel of the book. It can be found here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
An Awesome Writing Advice Database!!!
Yes, all three exclamation points in the post title are warranted. I could add five more and feel great about myself, this is just that good.
Sometimes I worry that I am being redundant if I mention Nathan Bransford because I know that many of you also follow Nathan's blog and you probably read it first. But sometimes I just don't care how worried I am, I just do it. I'm like Nike, I guess.
So in the rare event that someone out there has not yet visited Nathan's blog today (or *gasp* ever...), please read on with vigor:
Nathan's post today consolidates over 40 links regarding preparation, writing, revising, genres, and holding onto your marbles. It is an absolute must-read for any aspiring writer. I could probably extend that to include professional writers. Any pros out there, feel free to agree / disagree in the comments.
Click here to go to Nathan's Writing Advice Database. I added the post to the links menu at the right side of this blog, too.
Why are you still reading this? Don't you listen? I said "click here" like 34 words ago. No go back and click. Geeze.
Sometimes I worry that I am being redundant if I mention Nathan Bransford because I know that many of you also follow Nathan's blog and you probably read it first. But sometimes I just don't care how worried I am, I just do it. I'm like Nike, I guess.
So in the rare event that someone out there has not yet visited Nathan's blog today (or *gasp* ever...), please read on with vigor:
Nathan's post today consolidates over 40 links regarding preparation, writing, revising, genres, and holding onto your marbles. It is an absolute must-read for any aspiring writer. I could probably extend that to include professional writers. Any pros out there, feel free to agree / disagree in the comments.
Click here to go to Nathan's Writing Advice Database. I added the post to the links menu at the right side of this blog, too.
Why are you still reading this? Don't you listen? I said "click here" like 34 words ago. No go back and click. Geeze.
Jun 9, 2009
Query: Blood From Heaven (version 3)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read version 2.
Dear Future Agent:
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
There are women who in ancient times were liminal points between the Earthly and spirit realms. Samone is one such Priestess incarnated in the modern world. Like women before her, demons seek them out to steal their bodies and walk manifest upon the Earth. They are taught and protected by angels.
The angels choose two men to love and guard her, and when the men find her spirit and return it to her body, they must learn to use magic and fight the demons who seek to take Samone. Angels are not always what they seem, however, and sometimes people die.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read version 2.
Dear Future Agent:
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
There are women who in ancient times were liminal points between the Earthly and spirit realms. Samone is one such Priestess incarnated in the modern world. Like women before her, demons seek them out to steal their bodies and walk manifest upon the Earth. They are taught and protected by angels.
The angels choose two men to love and guard her, and when the men find her spirit and return it to her body, they must learn to use magic and fight the demons who seek to take Samone. Angels are not always what they seem, however, and sometimes people die.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 7, 2009
Query: A DARKER DAWN (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read the first revision.
After getting some great feedback, I have made the changes. Be absolutely ruthless!
-----------------------
Dear Ms. /Mr. Agent:
When the four friends accidentally killed the school bully, their friendship died, but decades later, when they confront their terrible sin, friendship is their only hope for redemption.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. The bullies led by Bappa and a school teacher abuse them relentlessly. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. They are tormented by the carnage they witness, and their rage at Bappa, who almost kills Dev, turns fatal. They make a pact of silence – never meet each other and never talk about the bully’s death to anyone.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
------
Click here to read the first revision.
After getting some great feedback, I have made the changes. Be absolutely ruthless!
-----------------------
Dear Ms. /Mr. Agent:
When the four friends accidentally killed the school bully, their friendship died, but decades later, when they confront their terrible sin, friendship is their only hope for redemption.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. The bullies led by Bappa and a school teacher abuse them relentlessly. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. They are tormented by the carnage they witness, and their rage at Bappa, who almost kills Dev, turns fatal. They make a pact of silence – never meet each other and never talk about the bully’s death to anyone.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
------
Jun 6, 2009
Query: Blood From Heaven (version 2)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read version 3.
Demons want Samone’s body so that they can walk manifest on Earth. This young Priestess is missing, and an angel is guarding her body and keeping it alive.
The angel enlists the help of Detective Paterson and Liner Dawson to find Samone’s spirit and return it before her body dies. The men learn that angels are not exactly as the myths say. This angel has killed two men, and exists to fight demons on the Earthly plane.
While searching for Samone, both men fall in love with her, and she is told by her spirits that they were sent to love and protect her. The three of them go to Chicago for a new life together but find that demons still hunt for Samone.
The three of them enlist the angels through magic to help fight the demons, but something has gone wrong. Detective Paterson discovers that a horrific string of murders has an eerily familiar feel, and the killer does not seem to be entirely human. If he can’t catch the killer, the demons may finally get what they are after: Samone.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read version 3.
Demons want Samone’s body so that they can walk manifest on Earth. This young Priestess is missing, and an angel is guarding her body and keeping it alive.
The angel enlists the help of Detective Paterson and Liner Dawson to find Samone’s spirit and return it before her body dies. The men learn that angels are not exactly as the myths say. This angel has killed two men, and exists to fight demons on the Earthly plane.
While searching for Samone, both men fall in love with her, and she is told by her spirits that they were sent to love and protect her. The three of them go to Chicago for a new life together but find that demons still hunt for Samone.
The three of them enlist the angels through magic to help fight the demons, but something has gone wrong. Detective Paterson discovers that a horrific string of murders has an eerily familiar feel, and the killer does not seem to be entirely human. If he can’t catch the killer, the demons may finally get what they are after: Samone.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 5, 2009
Query- Blood From Heaven
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Future Agent:
Your expressed interest in literary fiction with commercial appeal led me to approach you for representation for my upmarket fiction work Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words.
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
Dale Paterson and Michael “Liner’ Dawson find themselves thrust into a new life when they encounter this woman. The veils between the spirit world and the Earthly realm are shredded by the urgency of life and death: the life of Samone, who will die if her spirit is not found in time, and the murders of two men.
Serafina, the angel, is forced to trust Paterson and Liner and imprints them into the world of magic, angels, and demons. As their new lives lurch forward in a world that alienates them from "mundanes", they begin a new path of initiation into spiritual self-transcendence, guided by the interaction with the angel Serafina. Once they rescue Samone from the spirit realm, the three of them form a bond of intimacy that only unbelievable circumstances can forge. Paterson and Liner have to face their own inner struggles while learning the ways that demons invade the lives of humans, and the ways angels are not always what they seem.
My novel most certainly fits the description of edgy dark fiction that has mainstream appeal as it combines elements of paranormal, mystery, and crime fiction, with a focus on strong character development and interpersonal relationships and conflict. Blood From Heaven presents a unique perspective and voice, as it weaves together the points of view of the three protaganists without losing the readers ability to remain immersed in the story. It incorporates the ancient pagan traditions of women who served as Priestesses and liminal points to the spirit realm using an oracular technique of trance possession. Blood From Heaven was crafted with a strong and unique literary style.
I have drawn from my educational and professional background in Social Work, law enforcement, psychology, sociology, archaic and dead languages, Pagan spiritualities, occult history, modern magical movements, magical philosophy and history, and the arts and science of occult practice. I own a retail occult/Pagan business with an international customer base. This is my first novel.
I have started a blog written from the point of view of the female protagonist, Samone. [http://ejalvey.wordpress.com] It is a prequel to this novel in the form of her journal entries. Paterson and Liner use Samone's journal to learn about her and to assist them in locating her spirit and bring it back to her body. I think this will be an excellent way to help market the book and reach and maintain a fan-base for this series, as I have successfully developed a following in the blogosphere before from two blogs that I wrote and maintained, as well as when I diaried on Daily Kos.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
E J Alvey
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Future Agent:
Your expressed interest in literary fiction with commercial appeal led me to approach you for representation for my upmarket fiction work Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words.
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
Dale Paterson and Michael “Liner’ Dawson find themselves thrust into a new life when they encounter this woman. The veils between the spirit world and the Earthly realm are shredded by the urgency of life and death: the life of Samone, who will die if her spirit is not found in time, and the murders of two men.
Serafina, the angel, is forced to trust Paterson and Liner and imprints them into the world of magic, angels, and demons. As their new lives lurch forward in a world that alienates them from "mundanes", they begin a new path of initiation into spiritual self-transcendence, guided by the interaction with the angel Serafina. Once they rescue Samone from the spirit realm, the three of them form a bond of intimacy that only unbelievable circumstances can forge. Paterson and Liner have to face their own inner struggles while learning the ways that demons invade the lives of humans, and the ways angels are not always what they seem.
My novel most certainly fits the description of edgy dark fiction that has mainstream appeal as it combines elements of paranormal, mystery, and crime fiction, with a focus on strong character development and interpersonal relationships and conflict. Blood From Heaven presents a unique perspective and voice, as it weaves together the points of view of the three protaganists without losing the readers ability to remain immersed in the story. It incorporates the ancient pagan traditions of women who served as Priestesses and liminal points to the spirit realm using an oracular technique of trance possession. Blood From Heaven was crafted with a strong and unique literary style.
I have drawn from my educational and professional background in Social Work, law enforcement, psychology, sociology, archaic and dead languages, Pagan spiritualities, occult history, modern magical movements, magical philosophy and history, and the arts and science of occult practice. I own a retail occult/Pagan business with an international customer base. This is my first novel.
I have started a blog written from the point of view of the female protagonist, Samone. [http://ejalvey.wordpress.com] It is a prequel to this novel in the form of her journal entries. Paterson and Liner use Samone's journal to learn about her and to assist them in locating her spirit and bring it back to her body. I think this will be an excellent way to help market the book and reach and maintain a fan-base for this series, as I have successfully developed a following in the blogosphere before from two blogs that I wrote and maintained, as well as when I diaried on Daily Kos.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
E J Alvey
Jun 3, 2009
Query: A DARKER DAWN (Revisited)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. / Ms. Agent,
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about the bully’s death, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. They are bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a teacher in the school. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
----
- I don't have any pub credits worth mentioning :-(. So not so sure about what to mention in the bio
- Just a question Does the query seem too 'set-up'ish?
- Be absolutely brutal!
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. / Ms. Agent,
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about the bully’s death, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. They are bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a teacher in the school. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
----
- I don't have any pub credits worth mentioning :-(. So not so sure about what to mention in the bio
- Just a question Does the query seem too 'set-up'ish?
- Be absolutely brutal!
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (revisited)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Note: I really appreciate all the advice that I received for my first query attempt. I've tweaked it a bit (based on your suggestions) and humbly ask you if this is an improvement or not... I didn't change the word count issue (as the novel still needs to be edited), and I wonder if I should mention the targeted audience. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
--
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
Following the worst day of Olivia Marconi’s young life, her mother, Devi, soothes her with a unique bedtime tale, the first of many about Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven in southern Kentucky that unites families from all cultures and persuasions, supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals, and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose. Despite Devi’s evident passion for this made-up utopia, she remains disillusioned about her life as a middle-class housewife and mother in 1970s-era New Orleans.
Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN(Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, my first novel – a 150,000-word literary/mainstream saga that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world.
For more information, please visit my website: www.rubyhollow.com. If you would like to view the complete manuscript, please contact me via the email address, phone number, or mailing address listed above. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus an SASE for your convenience. Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the second revision.
Note: I really appreciate all the advice that I received for my first query attempt. I've tweaked it a bit (based on your suggestions) and humbly ask you if this is an improvement or not... I didn't change the word count issue (as the novel still needs to be edited), and I wonder if I should mention the targeted audience. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
--
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
Following the worst day of Olivia Marconi’s young life, her mother, Devi, soothes her with a unique bedtime tale, the first of many about Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven in southern Kentucky that unites families from all cultures and persuasions, supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals, and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose. Despite Devi’s evident passion for this made-up utopia, she remains disillusioned about her life as a middle-class housewife and mother in 1970s-era New Orleans.
Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN(Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, my first novel – a 150,000-word literary/mainstream saga that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world.
For more information, please visit my website: www.rubyhollow.com. If you would like to view the complete manuscript, please contact me via the email address, phone number, or mailing address listed above. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus an SASE for your convenience. Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jun 2, 2009
Query - The Chosen Ones
Dear Mr. Agent:
When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.
Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.
Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.
The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.
Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.
Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.
The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
The Eternal Link Query (version 3)
Click here to read the original query. Sorry, short on time. You can get to revision 2 from the original...
Click here to read version 4.
Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.
Thanks,
Wistful
*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.
In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.
THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.
Thanks,
Wistful
*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.
In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.
THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.
Query letter for Wesley Grey
To editor/agent at ***:
I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.
Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.
Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.
I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.
Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.
Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.
I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
Jun 1, 2009
100 Followers! And a contest!
This weekend The Public Query Slushpile picked up its 100th follower!
[NOTE: insert cyber confetti and a ticker tape parade across the World Wide Web here. Oh, and multi-colored balloons. They are quite festive.]
Thanks to everyone who stops by, whether you are submitting queries, commenting on queries posted, or even if you just lurk and read. And if all you do is lurk and read blogs all day, I hope you unplug and go outdoors occasionally. Really. It's nice out there.
And now a contest...The Best Query Competition
There are over 70 unique queries in the Slushpile. Over 125 if you count revisions. Have you read them all?
Look deep into the blog. You are getting sleepy. Wait, sorry. Wrong post. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
Look deep into the blog. Use the labels to the right, the search function at the top-left, or scan the titles in the archive. Find a few queries you never read. Re-read a few that you remember.
Leave a comment to this post letting us know which query you think is the best. [NOTE: I don't know why I said us just now, since there's only one of me here. Perhaps I need to take myself up on that "go outside" thing I mentioned earlier.]
And the prize? Sorry, I got nothing for you except this:
Thanks again for your support. And remember, you have to post to receive total consciousness on your deathbed...
[NOTE: insert cyber confetti and a ticker tape parade across the World Wide Web here. Oh, and multi-colored balloons. They are quite festive.]
Thanks to everyone who stops by, whether you are submitting queries, commenting on queries posted, or even if you just lurk and read. And if all you do is lurk and read blogs all day, I hope you unplug and go outdoors occasionally. Really. It's nice out there.
And now a contest...The Best Query Competition
There are over 70 unique queries in the Slushpile. Over 125 if you count revisions. Have you read them all?
Look deep into the blog. You are getting sleepy. Wait, sorry. Wrong post. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
Look deep into the blog. Use the labels to the right, the search function at the top-left, or scan the titles in the archive. Find a few queries you never read. Re-read a few that you remember.
Leave a comment to this post letting us know which query you think is the best. [NOTE: I don't know why I said us just now, since there's only one of me here. Perhaps I need to take myself up on that "go outside" thing I mentioned earlier.]
And the prize? Sorry, I got nothing for you except this:
Thanks again for your support. And remember, you have to post to receive total consciousness on your deathbed...
May 31, 2009
QUERY: A DARKER DAWN
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. /Ms. Agent:
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about their crime to anyone, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
Growing up in a small town of India, twelve-year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet come from broken families. Bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a school teacher, their friendship is the only wonderful thing in their lives.
The town has a violent history of religious and political tensions. One day, after a bomb explodes in front of an old mosque, a riot erupts between the Hindus and Muslims and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
Torn by guilt, they go their separate ways. Over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement.
They return to the town as strangers to each other, their friendship forgotten. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the man who called them back wants them to atone with their lives. The four friends have nothing but their old friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships desert.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Rohit Gore
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. /Ms. Agent:
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about their crime to anyone, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
Growing up in a small town of India, twelve-year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet come from broken families. Bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a school teacher, their friendship is the only wonderful thing in their lives.
The town has a violent history of religious and political tensions. One day, after a bomb explodes in front of an old mosque, a riot erupts between the Hindus and Muslims and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
Torn by guilt, they go their separate ways. Over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement.
They return to the town as strangers to each other, their friendship forgotten. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the man who called them back wants them to atone with their lives. The four friends have nothing but their old friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships desert.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Rohit Gore
Query - HOLLOW SOULS
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
In recent decades, the world has become increasingly more dangerous and more restrictive, making many people long for a refuge like Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven that unites families from all cultures, religions, and persuasions; supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals; and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose.
Devi Marconi, an unhappy housewife and mother, first shares the legend of this mysterious, century-old utopia with her youngest child, Olivia, following a particularly horrid day in 1970s-era New Orleans. Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world. While researching cave geology and varied cultures for the Hollow, I created detailed maps, census records, and the history of founder Ruby Fitzgerald, a dedicated abolitionist and the inspiration for my second novel, currently in progress.
Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work. If you would like to view the complete synopsis, proposal, or manuscript, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me via the email, phone, or mailing information listed above. I’ve enclosed a brief synopsis and an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
In recent decades, the world has become increasingly more dangerous and more restrictive, making many people long for a refuge like Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven that unites families from all cultures, religions, and persuasions; supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals; and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose.
Devi Marconi, an unhappy housewife and mother, first shares the legend of this mysterious, century-old utopia with her youngest child, Olivia, following a particularly horrid day in 1970s-era New Orleans. Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world. While researching cave geology and varied cultures for the Hollow, I created detailed maps, census records, and the history of founder Ruby Fitzgerald, a dedicated abolitionist and the inspiration for my second novel, currently in progress.
Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work. If you would like to view the complete synopsis, proposal, or manuscript, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me via the email, phone, or mailing information listed above. I’ve enclosed a brief synopsis and an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
May 30, 2009
Query Raising Kain: Diseased God
I would like to submit my short novel Raising Kain: Diseased God to the *** Literary agency for representation resulting in eventual publication. It is a novel that is exactly 44,560 words long, by the count of Microsoft Word.
I consider Raising Kain: Diseased God a combination of the Fantasy and Mythology genres. There are aspects about the novel that I would also consider Science Fiction because of the fact that a lot of the magic used by the powerful beings that exist in the story is more of a type of telepathy than actual magic. I would also say that there are some aspects of horror in the novel. The villain is an undead god of Disease named Pestilence after the biblical figure of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Raising Kain: Diseased God is the novel about a six year old boy named Apophis Kain. Kain is the child of Celita and Ouranus, the rulers of Atlantis and Gods in their own rights. The six year old protagonist is thrust into a Spartanesque training program headed by his aunt, the Aspect of the Earth Gaia. Gaia was told by Destiny himself that Kain would one day be her replacement as the Aspect of the Earth and, throughout the course of the novel (which covers the time in Kain's life from age six-nine) Gaia teaches the boy to fight and how the world around him works. Their training is interrupted, though, by a being named Pestilence. Pestilence is one of the three Dark Aspects, and is an undead disease ridden being. He is hell bent on getting revenge on Gaia, his former master before he was transformed into the Dark Aspect, by putting Kain through a veritable hell.
I would like to embark on a career as an author, and Raising Kain: Diseased God is my first completed novel. I have one prior publication credit in Concord Universitys literary magazine Reflexes. I intend on expanding Raising Kain into a trilogy relating the tail of Kains first trip into adulthood, with the possibility of another trilogy or two based on the outcome of the first. I am working on a second novel right now, but it is not the second book in the series.
I have the prologue and first chapter available on my blog: http://ryanmsmith1986.blogspot.com/2009/05/heres-what-every-body-has-been-waiting.html
More material is available upon request, and I do want to thank you for your consideration of my novel, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
I consider Raising Kain: Diseased God a combination of the Fantasy and Mythology genres. There are aspects about the novel that I would also consider Science Fiction because of the fact that a lot of the magic used by the powerful beings that exist in the story is more of a type of telepathy than actual magic. I would also say that there are some aspects of horror in the novel. The villain is an undead god of Disease named Pestilence after the biblical figure of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Raising Kain: Diseased God is the novel about a six year old boy named Apophis Kain. Kain is the child of Celita and Ouranus, the rulers of Atlantis and Gods in their own rights. The six year old protagonist is thrust into a Spartanesque training program headed by his aunt, the Aspect of the Earth Gaia. Gaia was told by Destiny himself that Kain would one day be her replacement as the Aspect of the Earth and, throughout the course of the novel (which covers the time in Kain's life from age six-nine) Gaia teaches the boy to fight and how the world around him works. Their training is interrupted, though, by a being named Pestilence. Pestilence is one of the three Dark Aspects, and is an undead disease ridden being. He is hell bent on getting revenge on Gaia, his former master before he was transformed into the Dark Aspect, by putting Kain through a veritable hell.
I would like to embark on a career as an author, and Raising Kain: Diseased God is my first completed novel. I have one prior publication credit in Concord Universitys literary magazine Reflexes. I intend on expanding Raising Kain into a trilogy relating the tail of Kains first trip into adulthood, with the possibility of another trilogy or two based on the outcome of the first. I am working on a second novel right now, but it is not the second book in the series.
I have the prologue and first chapter available on my blog: http://ryanmsmith1986.blogspot.com/2009/05/heres-what-every-body-has-been-waiting.html
More material is available upon request, and I do want to thank you for your consideration of my novel, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 5)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 26, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (Version 2)
Click here to read the original query.
*any comments would be really helpful to me! thanks in advance!
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of thin air, and the wizard Valmont arrives in the 3000 CE ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wants to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than a 2,000 year old memory.
*any comments would be really helpful to me! thanks in advance!
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of thin air, and the wizard Valmont arrives in the 3000 CE ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wants to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than a 2,000 year old memory.
May 24, 2009
Query - Nowhere to Run
Dear agent:
Corporate greed and one man’s plan for vengence collide in NOWHERE TO RUN, a 96,000 word dark romantic suspense, for which I am seeking representation.
Shae McCrary is a runner. Not in a sweaty, aerobic way, but in a jump-on-a-bus-because-the-boyfriend-proposed sort of way. She has a bad habit of sneaking away when her personal life gets jumbled, and right now, with her journalism career in shambles and strangers following her and ransacking her apartment, she’s definitely jumbled. When a man who would look more at home in a war zone than Greenwich Village grabs her outside her building, she decides he’s marginally less threatening than the bozos upstairs. And he flaunts the one thing that could bring her to a squealing halt: inside information on the story she just got canned for writing.
Noah Cole’s been buried in the underside of global politics for a lot of years, providing security for anyone who can afford his protection. Enough years to know when he’s being suckered: when the pesky reporter blinks those big brown eyes at him, says she teaches elementary school or some such nonsense, and couldn’t possibly know why his client called her hours before being kidnapped in Baghdad. Or how she’s come to be the next target.
So Cole does what he does best: snatches her before anyone else can, sure he can keep her alive long enough to get information out of her. And if seduction is the only thing that makes her talk, well, he can get past his aversion for her to make the sacrifice. But as the stakes go up, and the cost of justice becomes Shae herself, will he be able to let go of the woman who’s conned her way into his heart?
I am a member of Romance Writers Association of America. I have been published in nonfiction articles in international conflict and diplomacy, and am under contract for two nonfiction books with Syracuse University Press and Cambridge Press (UK).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Corporate greed and one man’s plan for vengence collide in NOWHERE TO RUN, a 96,000 word dark romantic suspense, for which I am seeking representation.
Shae McCrary is a runner. Not in a sweaty, aerobic way, but in a jump-on-a-bus-because-the-boyfriend-proposed sort of way. She has a bad habit of sneaking away when her personal life gets jumbled, and right now, with her journalism career in shambles and strangers following her and ransacking her apartment, she’s definitely jumbled. When a man who would look more at home in a war zone than Greenwich Village grabs her outside her building, she decides he’s marginally less threatening than the bozos upstairs. And he flaunts the one thing that could bring her to a squealing halt: inside information on the story she just got canned for writing.
Noah Cole’s been buried in the underside of global politics for a lot of years, providing security for anyone who can afford his protection. Enough years to know when he’s being suckered: when the pesky reporter blinks those big brown eyes at him, says she teaches elementary school or some such nonsense, and couldn’t possibly know why his client called her hours before being kidnapped in Baghdad. Or how she’s come to be the next target.
So Cole does what he does best: snatches her before anyone else can, sure he can keep her alive long enough to get information out of her. And if seduction is the only thing that makes her talk, well, he can get past his aversion for her to make the sacrifice. But as the stakes go up, and the cost of justice becomes Shae herself, will he be able to let go of the woman who’s conned her way into his heart?
I am a member of Romance Writers Association of America. I have been published in nonfiction articles in international conflict and diplomacy, and am under contract for two nonfiction books with Syracuse University Press and Cambridge Press (UK).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Wolf Of The Sea
A Pictish princess and a prophet of the future, Loxa is apprenticed to the old seer of her tribe. The king, her uncle, decides she is to marry his son, an honour that she can't refuse, despite their mutual loathing. Locked into a loveless marriage that her husband cannot bring himself to consummate, she is hounded by the Christian priest who is fearful of her powers, while terror comes to the kingdom's shores, as Norse longships are seen sailing into the bay.
Almost captured by the fearsome Norseman, Jorund, she finds that she cannot stop thinking about him long after the invaders have left. Unhappy with her life, in a village where it is whispered she is barren, Loxa seeks hope in her ability to predict future events. But seeing that she is to follow her husband to live and rule in a neighbouring kingdom, she refuses to leave. After being drugged, she wakes to find that she has been transported while unconscious.
Away from her kin and misunderstood in her new home, Loxa is almost relieved when the Norsemen strike again. As she re-encounters Jorund, she knows that he means abduct her and does not lament being taken across the sea. The new world she enters is unlike any she has known, where her powers are respected and she is honoured as Jorund's woman.
The Norsemen continue to make raids across the water and Loxa is left distraught when Jorund does not return from a skirmish. As she plans to take her life and honourably join him in Valhalla, Loxa finds that she is pregnant and choses to live for Jorund's child. As attacks come from surrounding tribes, Loxa and her son escape with the remaining villagers over the sea, arriving back in the bay where she was raised.
Under pressure to return to her husband, Loxa fights that the marriage be annulled. The king disagrees as there is no evidence that Jorund is alive and that he is able to claim her and their son. Loxa's predictions allow her to see that Jorund will return the day after a ball of fire flies across the night sky, but these claims are not believed. The evening before the priest is take her back to the neighbouring lands, a comet is seen clearly moving across the horizon.
The villagers wait with Loxa the next day to witness the arrive of the Norseman, but it is not until sunset that a small skiff is seen entering into the bay.
THE WOLF OF THE SEA is a work of historical fiction, complete at 90,000 words.
Almost captured by the fearsome Norseman, Jorund, she finds that she cannot stop thinking about him long after the invaders have left. Unhappy with her life, in a village where it is whispered she is barren, Loxa seeks hope in her ability to predict future events. But seeing that she is to follow her husband to live and rule in a neighbouring kingdom, she refuses to leave. After being drugged, she wakes to find that she has been transported while unconscious.
Away from her kin and misunderstood in her new home, Loxa is almost relieved when the Norsemen strike again. As she re-encounters Jorund, she knows that he means abduct her and does not lament being taken across the sea. The new world she enters is unlike any she has known, where her powers are respected and she is honoured as Jorund's woman.
The Norsemen continue to make raids across the water and Loxa is left distraught when Jorund does not return from a skirmish. As she plans to take her life and honourably join him in Valhalla, Loxa finds that she is pregnant and choses to live for Jorund's child. As attacks come from surrounding tribes, Loxa and her son escape with the remaining villagers over the sea, arriving back in the bay where she was raised.
Under pressure to return to her husband, Loxa fights that the marriage be annulled. The king disagrees as there is no evidence that Jorund is alive and that he is able to claim her and their son. Loxa's predictions allow her to see that Jorund will return the day after a ball of fire flies across the night sky, but these claims are not believed. The evening before the priest is take her back to the neighbouring lands, a comet is seen clearly moving across the horizon.
The villagers wait with Loxa the next day to witness the arrive of the Norseman, but it is not until sunset that a small skiff is seen entering into the bay.
THE WOLF OF THE SEA is a work of historical fiction, complete at 90,000 words.
May 23, 2009
Query - Story for a Shipwright (Revision 4)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 22, 2009
A follow up to my post on revisions
Click here to read a very worthwhile counter-point on why you should not revise the hell out of your queries.
Thanks to Authoress at Miss Snark's First Victim for putting this together, she makes some very good points, then main one being that an over-shopped query can lose the voice of the author...
Thanks to Authoress at Miss Snark's First Victim for putting this together, she makes some very good points, then main one being that an over-shopped query can lose the voice of the author...
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