Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
The End Begins follows Rai coping as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her so she can live some kind of life.
For her latest assignment she must protect the Source of Sentient Free Will. This remains unclaimed by the C.U.T. the invading enemy force who’s taking control of any ‘alien’ technology that come into the world.
But as the population of non-human anomalies grows, it forces C.U.T. to go after the coveted fruit, so to understand all the strange occurrences happening, and take down anyone in their path. Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, she must navigate the dangerous territory while racing against C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
The End Begins is a 120,000 word science/fantasy story, with sample chapters available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Aug 31, 2010
Query- The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
It's another Monday and my third submission of "Lizzie."
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, is an 85,000 word, humorous, paranormal romance about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
Lizzie, a woman who lives for status and adores fashion, travel and the good life, learns the night of her unexpected arrival in Brooklyn, she can no longer travel on a whim or charge her expenses to the family business.
While tending her family's five little row houses in Brooklyn, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco Theatre.
Aunt Annie tells Lizzie she is a direct descendent of the Moon Goddess and ironically, she must also relinquish all material possessions in order to remove a family curse and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
I read about you on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, and I believe my work will be of interest to you. Pasted to the bottom of this e-mail are the first ten pages of the book. Thank you for your consideration and time.
==============================
Excerpt:
Baptized Elizabeth Patricia Ann Brogan, my name is for both of my parents and my maternal Aunt Annie May. She was the wild one in the family and it is her blood, no doubt, that has caused all the ills of my life.
My Dad's reason for my behavior. "I'm telling you mother, it is the curse of Annie May come to visit upon us."
Of course, my Mother, Mary Elizabeth O'Connor Brogan, does not agree. "You'll not be calling me own baby sister a curse, Timothy Patrick Brogan."
It went deeper than Aunt Annie. It went back to the old days when they first came here and my mother had visions of pink and white ribbons and lace.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan began when an anxious young couple, my parents, traveled three thousand miles from county Mayo, Ireland to settle in a strange land called Brooklyn. They worked hard and scraped all their pennies together to purchase a house. The same house and basement where I am currently trapped below ground. Two years later and a few more pennies down, they purchase another house, and so on until they own five.
The short version is: my father walks ten miles in the snow to find work. They wear nothing but tattered rags, eat dirt and are grateful to have it. They sacrifice so I can waste my time with loud music and boys. Today they are the poster kids for the successful immigrant; the boy with holes in his shoes becomes a millionaire.
Lizzie, mom and dad are rich. You on the other hand are poor.
That would be the heir apparent, Timothy Patrick Brogan II, born one year to the day of their marriage, currently a spry fifty-one.
Allow me to introduce the rest of the family.
Each of my other siblings come in short order in the next seven years. They are Michael Peter Brogan, eighteen months younger than Timothy, Moira Camille Brogan O'Malley, born two years later, and one year apart John Matthew and Eloise Mary Brogan Mulligan.
This is the Brogan family until my mother learns her premature menopause is myself in the pink. When I squirm into the world, the closest in age of my siblings, my sister Eloise, is fifteen and in high school.
Thus, I am the late onset, premenopausal accident of two middle-aged, Irish parents.
=============================
Thanks. Visit my blog:
http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com/
Click here to read the first revision.
It's another Monday and my third submission of "Lizzie."
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, is an 85,000 word, humorous, paranormal romance about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
Lizzie, a woman who lives for status and adores fashion, travel and the good life, learns the night of her unexpected arrival in Brooklyn, she can no longer travel on a whim or charge her expenses to the family business.
While tending her family's five little row houses in Brooklyn, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco Theatre.
Aunt Annie tells Lizzie she is a direct descendent of the Moon Goddess and ironically, she must also relinquish all material possessions in order to remove a family curse and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
I read about you on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, and I believe my work will be of interest to you. Pasted to the bottom of this e-mail are the first ten pages of the book. Thank you for your consideration and time.
==============================
Excerpt:
Baptized Elizabeth Patricia Ann Brogan, my name is for both of my parents and my maternal Aunt Annie May. She was the wild one in the family and it is her blood, no doubt, that has caused all the ills of my life.
My Dad's reason for my behavior. "I'm telling you mother, it is the curse of Annie May come to visit upon us."
Of course, my Mother, Mary Elizabeth O'Connor Brogan, does not agree. "You'll not be calling me own baby sister a curse, Timothy Patrick Brogan."
It went deeper than Aunt Annie. It went back to the old days when they first came here and my mother had visions of pink and white ribbons and lace.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan began when an anxious young couple, my parents, traveled three thousand miles from county Mayo, Ireland to settle in a strange land called Brooklyn. They worked hard and scraped all their pennies together to purchase a house. The same house and basement where I am currently trapped below ground. Two years later and a few more pennies down, they purchase another house, and so on until they own five.
The short version is: my father walks ten miles in the snow to find work. They wear nothing but tattered rags, eat dirt and are grateful to have it. They sacrifice so I can waste my time with loud music and boys. Today they are the poster kids for the successful immigrant; the boy with holes in his shoes becomes a millionaire.
Lizzie, mom and dad are rich. You on the other hand are poor.
That would be the heir apparent, Timothy Patrick Brogan II, born one year to the day of their marriage, currently a spry fifty-one.
Allow me to introduce the rest of the family.
Each of my other siblings come in short order in the next seven years. They are Michael Peter Brogan, eighteen months younger than Timothy, Moira Camille Brogan O'Malley, born two years later, and one year apart John Matthew and Eloise Mary Brogan Mulligan.
This is the Brogan family until my mother learns her premature menopause is myself in the pink. When I squirm into the world, the closest in age of my siblings, my sister Eloise, is fifteen and in high school.
Thus, I am the late onset, premenopausal accident of two middle-aged, Irish parents.
=============================
Thanks. Visit my blog:
http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com/
Aug 30, 2010
Query: The Frog Princes of Adelai
Dear Agent,
Risse cai Bricandor is a young noblewoman with a secret: she’s learning how to do magic, forbidden since the Great War nine hundred years ago. When she meets Prince Chyrian, who not only smells intriguingly like spice and salt but, unknowing, has potent personal magic, Risse throws herself into the politics of her country to machinate a union with him to access that magic.
But there are complications. First, Chyrian is from Sivar, the pariah country that incited the Great War. Risse’s family doesn’t want their eldest daughter to ally herself with a Sivarene, especially since Risse is the cousin and close friend of the heir to the throne, Princess Alysia. And Sivar has bigger plans for its prince than marrying a minor noble.
When Alysia is spirited away by her fairy godmother to “await her true love” (actually a form of protective custody) and the king is assassinated, Risse seizes the opportunity to become the new heir. With her new political power, she can gain control of Chyrian’s magic and reintroduce magic to the world. And Sivar even seems to help at first. But Risse learns that Sivar intends to take over Adelai, with her cooperation or without it. Alysia escapes her tower and wants her throne back. Risse’s magic becomes harder and harder to control. And to keep everything she’s gained, Risse must sacrifice Alysia, her family, and her country’s future—or she can give up everything she’s ever wanted to become the most hated person since the mages of the Great War.
The Frog Princes of Adelai is a fantasy novel complete at 109,000 words. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time.
Risse cai Bricandor is a young noblewoman with a secret: she’s learning how to do magic, forbidden since the Great War nine hundred years ago. When she meets Prince Chyrian, who not only smells intriguingly like spice and salt but, unknowing, has potent personal magic, Risse throws herself into the politics of her country to machinate a union with him to access that magic.
But there are complications. First, Chyrian is from Sivar, the pariah country that incited the Great War. Risse’s family doesn’t want their eldest daughter to ally herself with a Sivarene, especially since Risse is the cousin and close friend of the heir to the throne, Princess Alysia. And Sivar has bigger plans for its prince than marrying a minor noble.
When Alysia is spirited away by her fairy godmother to “await her true love” (actually a form of protective custody) and the king is assassinated, Risse seizes the opportunity to become the new heir. With her new political power, she can gain control of Chyrian’s magic and reintroduce magic to the world. And Sivar even seems to help at first. But Risse learns that Sivar intends to take over Adelai, with her cooperation or without it. Alysia escapes her tower and wants her throne back. Risse’s magic becomes harder and harder to control. And to keep everything she’s gained, Risse must sacrifice Alysia, her family, and her country’s future—or she can give up everything she’s ever wanted to become the most hated person since the mages of the Great War.
The Frog Princes of Adelai is a fantasy novel complete at 109,000 words. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time.
Query - Bond of Darkness (Final Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks to all of the comments who have pushed me to an MC-driven query. I hope you all enjoy this last version.
When a voice in Valence's head warns him of a coming war, he ignores it. His ignorance only lasts until he realizes he's faced this adversary before--as a young boy when he killed a friend. The act cast him into exile from the Lunata and he's forced to live among the other races, all of which fear his kind.
Traveling through his homeland, Valence sees the spread of the Darkness. It infects, claims, and ultimately destroys its victims. While he flees the infection, its influence grows. Creatures hunt him, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible.
As the Darkness' grip on the land tightens, Valence is determined to stop it. He must shed the stigma of his race, but more importantly, do so while he attempts to unify a nation against an enemy they cannot see.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Justin W. Parente
Writing as J.W. Parente
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks to all of the comments who have pushed me to an MC-driven query. I hope you all enjoy this last version.
When a voice in Valence's head warns him of a coming war, he ignores it. His ignorance only lasts until he realizes he's faced this adversary before--as a young boy when he killed a friend. The act cast him into exile from the Lunata and he's forced to live among the other races, all of which fear his kind.
Traveling through his homeland, Valence sees the spread of the Darkness. It infects, claims, and ultimately destroys its victims. While he flees the infection, its influence grows. Creatures hunt him, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible.
As the Darkness' grip on the land tightens, Valence is determined to stop it. He must shed the stigma of his race, but more importantly, do so while he attempts to unify a nation against an enemy they cannot see.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Justin W. Parente
Writing as J.W. Parente
Query - Tainted Legacy
Dear (named agent)
Following the guidelines found on your website, I enclose the synopsis and first 3 chapters of my historical novel TAINTED LEGACY for your consideration.
It's 1913, and domestic servant Lizzy Parker thinks she has hit rock bottom when she is imprisoned for a crime she did not commit, but on her release she discovers her troubles are far from over.
Her fragile, newly rebuilt life is shattered by the kidnapping of her younger sister, and Lizzy is forced to enlist the help of someone who has already let her down once; a man with his own long-held secrets.
When Lizzy then discovers those secrets are even darker than she’d imagined, she has very little time to decide whether or not she can trust him. Either way, her decision will make the difference between life and death for more than one person.
Tainted Legacy is complete at 98,000 words, and I believe it will appeal to those who enjoy master-servant stories with an edge, such as Julian Fellowes’s Gosford Park, and his forthcoming ITV drama: Downton Abbey.
Following the guidelines found on your website, I enclose the synopsis and first 3 chapters of my historical novel TAINTED LEGACY for your consideration.
It's 1913, and domestic servant Lizzy Parker thinks she has hit rock bottom when she is imprisoned for a crime she did not commit, but on her release she discovers her troubles are far from over.
Her fragile, newly rebuilt life is shattered by the kidnapping of her younger sister, and Lizzy is forced to enlist the help of someone who has already let her down once; a man with his own long-held secrets.
When Lizzy then discovers those secrets are even darker than she’d imagined, she has very little time to decide whether or not she can trust him. Either way, her decision will make the difference between life and death for more than one person.
Tainted Legacy is complete at 98,000 words, and I believe it will appeal to those who enjoy master-servant stories with an edge, such as Julian Fellowes’s Gosford Park, and his forthcoming ITV drama: Downton Abbey.
Aug 29, 2010
Query - Sub Rosa
Rome, 58 AD. Aemilius Valerius is back from the army. His father is dead, his sister is divorced, his mad uncle is obsessed with home renovations, and his new wife has a favour to ask – can her snarky adolescent Julia daughter come to stay?
Julia has stormed out of home because her father got her engaged, and she’s not happy about it. Neither is Valerius, because now she’s under his roof, and he has enough to worry about – unless he can get a job offer soon he’ll never have the political career expected of a man of his rank.
Sent by his wife to sound out the fiancé, Valerius accidentally lands a job. Albanus is murdered, and Valerius finds himself working with the investigator Atreus, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother Agrippina. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.
There are the added complications of an ex-brother-in-law who fell on his sword, a slum gangster who wants Atreus dead, political pressures, class divisions, and Valerius’ ongoing domestic hassles with his sister, wife, stepdaughter and assorted slaves.
Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. It is my first novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Burke
Julia has stormed out of home because her father got her engaged, and she’s not happy about it. Neither is Valerius, because now she’s under his roof, and he has enough to worry about – unless he can get a job offer soon he’ll never have the political career expected of a man of his rank.
Sent by his wife to sound out the fiancé, Valerius accidentally lands a job. Albanus is murdered, and Valerius finds himself working with the investigator Atreus, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother Agrippina. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.
There are the added complications of an ex-brother-in-law who fell on his sword, a slum gangster who wants Atreus dead, political pressures, class divisions, and Valerius’ ongoing domestic hassles with his sister, wife, stepdaughter and assorted slaves.
Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. It is my first novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Burke
QUERY - The Crystor
Dear Agent:
Seventeen-year-old Kira Edwards can deal with her friend, Lydia, being from another world, but when she finds out Lydia’s brother has the heart of a wild cat and wants to eat her, well, that’s just not acceptable.
When a photo shoot in the mountains turns into a night of terror, Kira is forced to decide between returning to her life of seclusion or saving Lydia’s life. If she returns, Lydia will die and Kira will forget her friend ever existed. But if she chooses to accept the Crystor, a magical healing charm, she’ll be bound to her friend forever and be thrust into a world where an ancient curse turns a Royal into a ferocious beast.
Lydia’s brother, Octavion, is just such a creature and if he can’t control his primal instincts, Kira will be his next victim. It’s a good thing this spicy little red head has a plan. If Kira can find a way to tame the beast raging inside him, he just might let her into his heart—which is where she wants to be. If she can’t, she’ll pay the ultimate price with her life.
THE CRYSTOR, a YA paranormal romance complete at 103,000 words, features a strong female protagonist who develops into a kick-butt warrior. This novel has the potential to crossover into the New Adult market and will appeal to the same audience as Shiver and Graceling.
The complete manuscript is available for your review.
Sincerely,
Christine (C.K.) Bryant
Seventeen-year-old Kira Edwards can deal with her friend, Lydia, being from another world, but when she finds out Lydia’s brother has the heart of a wild cat and wants to eat her, well, that’s just not acceptable.
When a photo shoot in the mountains turns into a night of terror, Kira is forced to decide between returning to her life of seclusion or saving Lydia’s life. If she returns, Lydia will die and Kira will forget her friend ever existed. But if she chooses to accept the Crystor, a magical healing charm, she’ll be bound to her friend forever and be thrust into a world where an ancient curse turns a Royal into a ferocious beast.
Lydia’s brother, Octavion, is just such a creature and if he can’t control his primal instincts, Kira will be his next victim. It’s a good thing this spicy little red head has a plan. If Kira can find a way to tame the beast raging inside him, he just might let her into his heart—which is where she wants to be. If she can’t, she’ll pay the ultimate price with her life.
THE CRYSTOR, a YA paranormal romance complete at 103,000 words, features a strong female protagonist who develops into a kick-butt warrior. This novel has the potential to crossover into the New Adult market and will appeal to the same audience as Shiver and Graceling.
The complete manuscript is available for your review.
Sincerely,
Christine (C.K.) Bryant
Aug 28, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness (1st Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Valence hears a voice in his head offering him advice. He struggles to ignore it, fearing the Darkness' return. For all he knows, the voice could be a manifestation of its unrelenting evil.
The Darkness infects everything it touches. Valence cannot be sure if he is one such victim. If he is, he could be aiding in the return of Balter Mithrus, the creator of the Darkness and a power the world is better off without.
Wielding the Pearls of Mithrus grounds Valence and allows him to see his tie to the new war against the Darkness. Mithrus demands his power returned or threatens to unleash the infection into the world. Creatures hunt Valence, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible. Pitted against the oldest evil in the land, he must save the lives of those he has never met and hope to make it out alive.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Valence hears a voice in his head offering him advice. He struggles to ignore it, fearing the Darkness' return. For all he knows, the voice could be a manifestation of its unrelenting evil.
The Darkness infects everything it touches. Valence cannot be sure if he is one such victim. If he is, he could be aiding in the return of Balter Mithrus, the creator of the Darkness and a power the world is better off without.
Wielding the Pearls of Mithrus grounds Valence and allows him to see his tie to the new war against the Darkness. Mithrus demands his power returned or threatens to unleash the infection into the world. Creatures hunt Valence, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible. Pitted against the oldest evil in the land, he must save the lives of those he has never met and hope to make it out alive.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Aug 27, 2010
Query - The Paw Shake Portal
Dear (Agent):
Preoccupied with worries about moving to a new town and feeling left out among his friends, eleven-year-old Alex Locklin doesn’t think much of the stray cat he finds in his back yard. But when his little sister insists they give the cat a collar, Alex soon discovers that this isn’t an ordinary animal. Her name is Lumina, and she’s a cat that can turn into a human.
Lumina appears as a human to anyone who gives her a collar in hopes of forming a “bond of trust” with that owner. An animal’s friendship with a person makes them healthier and stronger, and Lumina needs all the strength she can get in order to fight against an army of people-hating cats. Alex is desperate to get his mind off his troubles and happily forms the bond of trust, but instead of helping fight the enemy, he’s determined turn the cat army around by proving himself to be an ally of animals.
When he winds up in the principal’s office for skipping class to go to the far away Animal World, and then gets scratched by an angry cat, Alex begins to doubt his ability to help Lumina. But he feels a tug on his heart. There has to be a way to change the hearts of the spiteful animals without accidentally causing trouble – and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to find it.
THE PAW SHAKE PORTAL is a middle grade novel complete at 29,000 words. (Reason for querying specific agent.)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
(Thanks in advance to anyone who offers advice!)
Preoccupied with worries about moving to a new town and feeling left out among his friends, eleven-year-old Alex Locklin doesn’t think much of the stray cat he finds in his back yard. But when his little sister insists they give the cat a collar, Alex soon discovers that this isn’t an ordinary animal. Her name is Lumina, and she’s a cat that can turn into a human.
Lumina appears as a human to anyone who gives her a collar in hopes of forming a “bond of trust” with that owner. An animal’s friendship with a person makes them healthier and stronger, and Lumina needs all the strength she can get in order to fight against an army of people-hating cats. Alex is desperate to get his mind off his troubles and happily forms the bond of trust, but instead of helping fight the enemy, he’s determined turn the cat army around by proving himself to be an ally of animals.
When he winds up in the principal’s office for skipping class to go to the far away Animal World, and then gets scratched by an angry cat, Alex begins to doubt his ability to help Lumina. But he feels a tug on his heart. There has to be a way to change the hearts of the spiteful animals without accidentally causing trouble – and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to find it.
THE PAW SHAKE PORTAL is a middle grade novel complete at 29,000 words. (Reason for querying specific agent.)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
(Thanks in advance to anyone who offers advice!)
Aug 26, 2010
Query- The End Begins (2nd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear __________,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Rai, an outcast seeking her lost parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
For her latest assignment she must protect the Source of Sentient Free Will. Though to the common man it appears to be an apple, it remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories. They close in on all sides, taking control of any ‘alien’ technology that has come into this world.
But as the population of anomalies like Rai grows, it forces the C.U.T. to go after the coveted fruit and take down anyone in their path. Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, she must navigate the dangerous territory while racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
Sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear __________,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Rai, an outcast seeking her lost parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
For her latest assignment she must protect the Source of Sentient Free Will. Though to the common man it appears to be an apple, it remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories. They close in on all sides, taking control of any ‘alien’ technology that has come into this world.
But as the population of anomalies like Rai grows, it forces the C.U.T. to go after the coveted fruit and take down anyone in their path. Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, she must navigate the dangerous territory while racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
Sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Query- The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess (first revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Genre question: The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words is about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
OR
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words, is humorous, light paranormal, about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
While tending her family's five little row houses in Brooklyn, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco Theatre.
Aunt Annie tells Lizzie she is a direct descendent of the Moon Goddess and must use the Celtic Sacred Book of Spells to remove a family curse and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
I read about you on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, and I believe my work meets your criteria. Pasted to the bottom of this e-mail are the first ten pages of the book. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Respectfully,
===============================
Excerpt:
Later that evening after Joe leaves for his evening shift, I am reclining on the loveseat basking in the glow of great sex, when I hear her cough. "Aw, can't you find another portal, like in the Port Authority? I can put your trunk in a locker and lose the key. You'll be known as the Ghost of Arrivals and Departures."
"Watch your mouth. You're supposed to set things straight and all you've managed to do so far, is play patty-cakes with the Latin and get drunk with the harlot."
I cannot believe I am arguing with a ghost. What the hell, Joe is working and I haven't anything better to do.
"Of course you have something better to do."
"You read my mind?"
"I can't always. Some things I am not allowed to see or know."
"Can other people see you?"
"I tell you true, they cannot."
"So if Joe were in the room, he wouldn't be able to see you?"
"This is so." She takes another long drag on the empty cigarette holder and smiles. "Though I've been here 'enuf time to know the shenanigans what goes on in this room."
"Are you sure no one can see or hear you?"
"I have visited with your mum over the years."
"Not my father?"
She sits on the top of my kitchen counter. "No, your da thinks it’s a ball of malarkey. You can no see, if you don't believe."
"I'm thinking you're not telling me the real reason you came and I'd love to smudge you out of my life."
"You're an ungrateful sod."
I ignore her and ask, "You follow me when I go out?"
"There are different levels of afterlife. Sorry to say, I am bound to small areas where the trunk resides. I have enjoyed watching the children play in the park and I like the hardware lady. Since Spain, I've been with Esther. Your mum worried you might find me too early."
"Joe is coming back tomorrow."
"I can't watch when you are playing with the boy or when you are tending your lotions and such in the bath." She drops off the counter.
"You can't watch me when I … you know?"
"No, and if I were able, I would not."
Genre question: The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words is about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
OR
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words, is humorous, light paranormal, about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
While tending her family's five little row houses in Brooklyn, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco Theatre.
Aunt Annie tells Lizzie she is a direct descendent of the Moon Goddess and must use the Celtic Sacred Book of Spells to remove a family curse and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
I read about you on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, and I believe my work meets your criteria. Pasted to the bottom of this e-mail are the first ten pages of the book. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Respectfully,
===============================
Excerpt:
Later that evening after Joe leaves for his evening shift, I am reclining on the loveseat basking in the glow of great sex, when I hear her cough. "Aw, can't you find another portal, like in the Port Authority? I can put your trunk in a locker and lose the key. You'll be known as the Ghost of Arrivals and Departures."
"Watch your mouth. You're supposed to set things straight and all you've managed to do so far, is play patty-cakes with the Latin and get drunk with the harlot."
I cannot believe I am arguing with a ghost. What the hell, Joe is working and I haven't anything better to do.
"Of course you have something better to do."
"You read my mind?"
"I can't always. Some things I am not allowed to see or know."
"Can other people see you?"
"I tell you true, they cannot."
"So if Joe were in the room, he wouldn't be able to see you?"
"This is so." She takes another long drag on the empty cigarette holder and smiles. "Though I've been here 'enuf time to know the shenanigans what goes on in this room."
"Are you sure no one can see or hear you?"
"I have visited with your mum over the years."
"Not my father?"
She sits on the top of my kitchen counter. "No, your da thinks it’s a ball of malarkey. You can no see, if you don't believe."
"I'm thinking you're not telling me the real reason you came and I'd love to smudge you out of my life."
"You're an ungrateful sod."
I ignore her and ask, "You follow me when I go out?"
"There are different levels of afterlife. Sorry to say, I am bound to small areas where the trunk resides. I have enjoyed watching the children play in the park and I like the hardware lady. Since Spain, I've been with Esther. Your mum worried you might find me too early."
"Joe is coming back tomorrow."
"I can't watch when you are playing with the boy or when you are tending your lotions and such in the bath." She drops off the counter.
"You can't watch me when I … you know?"
"No, and if I were able, I would not."
Aug 24, 2010
Query - 468 MILES TO NASHVILLE
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my contemporary YA novel 468 MILES TO NASHVILLE, complete at 65,000 words.
Kay Nelson is a pizza busgirl who knows she's meant for more than small-town Illinois. So when she runs into Naomi Pierce, a country singer who needs her help, she takes it as her chance to get away for good. Together, Kay and Naomi embark on a 468-mile road trip to escape Naomi's vicious, leather-jacketed kidnappers, and land safely at the country star's Nashville mansion. But to Kay, the distance between here and there feels a million times longer when the world thinks she's the one who kidnapped Naomi.
Naomi is a magnet for attention, which is exactly what Kay doesn't want. From twelve-year-olds looking for an autograph, to guys stalking them on the side of the road, no one can be trusted not to tell the police—or People Magazine—where they are. Kay takes responsibility upon herself to keep the country star from getting in trouble, but it's only a matter of time before Naomi does something really stupid. Like holding an impromptu concert on the sidewalk, sneaking into bars, getting drunk on camera, and inviting her famous ex to join the caravan southward.
Naomi seems bent on entering Nashville with a bang, and the night of the Music City Industry Awards, her wish comes true in a way Kay's been dreading all along. But when circumstances switch around and Kay's the one in trouble, will Kay and Naomi's new friendship survive? Will Kay ever make it home?
I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
Gracie Bea Winterton
I am seeking representation for my contemporary YA novel 468 MILES TO NASHVILLE, complete at 65,000 words.
Kay Nelson is a pizza busgirl who knows she's meant for more than small-town Illinois. So when she runs into Naomi Pierce, a country singer who needs her help, she takes it as her chance to get away for good. Together, Kay and Naomi embark on a 468-mile road trip to escape Naomi's vicious, leather-jacketed kidnappers, and land safely at the country star's Nashville mansion. But to Kay, the distance between here and there feels a million times longer when the world thinks she's the one who kidnapped Naomi.
Naomi is a magnet for attention, which is exactly what Kay doesn't want. From twelve-year-olds looking for an autograph, to guys stalking them on the side of the road, no one can be trusted not to tell the police—or People Magazine—where they are. Kay takes responsibility upon herself to keep the country star from getting in trouble, but it's only a matter of time before Naomi does something really stupid. Like holding an impromptu concert on the sidewalk, sneaking into bars, getting drunk on camera, and inviting her famous ex to join the caravan southward.
Naomi seems bent on entering Nashville with a bang, and the night of the Music City Industry Awards, her wish comes true in a way Kay's been dreading all along. But when circumstances switch around and Kay's the one in trouble, will Kay and Naomi's new friendship survive? Will Kay ever make it home?
I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
Gracie Bea Winterton
Query- The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess
In each query the paragraph about how I found the agent changed. They are all done individually. I have not yet sent this to anyone.
Dear _____________:
Lizzie, the over indulged baby of the Brogan clan, lives a life of privilege until the morning of her thirtieth birthday, when her older brother delivers her to a Brooklyn basement apartment she calls her cave dwelling. Concerned Lizzie will remain the baby of the family, he employs a formula of tough love and hard work to help her grow up.
For the first month, she believes all she must face in her new life is the responsibility and collective confusion of five little row houses. Not quite. Soon, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco theatre.
During the next two years, while Lizzie discovers the secrets of the five houses, she also learns she is a direct descendent of The Moon Goddess, the Celtic Goddess of Love. By the summer soltice, using the book of sacred scribes, she must remove a curse, reverse each disaster that has plagued her and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words, is humorous, women's fiction about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
My eighteen-year career in community development and children's not-for-profit, has provided me numerous opportunities to hone my written and verbal skills. I am a comfortable public speaker, possessed the marketing skills necessary to gain valuable funding for our youth, and can create a network of support for my stories.
I found your name the first time on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog every day, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Respectively,
Florence Fois (a/k/a Cronin)
My blog: http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com.
e-mail: florencefois@aol.com
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and the Moon Goddess By: Florence Fois
The late bloomer ...
"The term is used metaphorically to describe a child or adolescent who develops more slowly than others in their age group, but eventually catches up and in some cases overtakes their peers, or an adult whose talent or genius in a particular field only appears later in life than is normal – in some cases only in old age."
Paraphrased from an Internet Encyclopedia
CHAPTER
My name is Lizzie and I live in a cave in Brooklyn. No, not like the Indian caves inside the cliffs which rise above the Hudson River. This is what my brother Timothy calls a modern boutique single, real estate jargon for a Brooklyn cave dwelling, known as a basement apartment rising above the concrete foundation of a row house.
Until the lovely May morning of my thirtieth birthday, my life was one of leisure and discovery, a series of adventures, the tastes and sounds of traversing the globe and each birthday, a magnificent event with a deluge of presents befitting the "baby" of the family.
Dear _____________:
Lizzie, the over indulged baby of the Brogan clan, lives a life of privilege until the morning of her thirtieth birthday, when her older brother delivers her to a Brooklyn basement apartment she calls her cave dwelling. Concerned Lizzie will remain the baby of the family, he employs a formula of tough love and hard work to help her grow up.
For the first month, she believes all she must face in her new life is the responsibility and collective confusion of five little row houses. Not quite. Soon, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco theatre.
During the next two years, while Lizzie discovers the secrets of the five houses, she also learns she is a direct descendent of The Moon Goddess, the Celtic Goddess of Love. By the summer soltice, using the book of sacred scribes, she must remove a curse, reverse each disaster that has plagued her and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words, is humorous, women's fiction about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
My eighteen-year career in community development and children's not-for-profit, has provided me numerous opportunities to hone my written and verbal skills. I am a comfortable public speaker, possessed the marketing skills necessary to gain valuable funding for our youth, and can create a network of support for my stories.
I found your name the first time on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog every day, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Respectively,
Florence Fois (a/k/a Cronin)
My blog: http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com.
e-mail: florencefois@aol.com
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and the Moon Goddess By: Florence Fois
The late bloomer ...
"The term is used metaphorically to describe a child or adolescent who develops more slowly than others in their age group, but eventually catches up and in some cases overtakes their peers, or an adult whose talent or genius in a particular field only appears later in life than is normal – in some cases only in old age."
Paraphrased from an Internet Encyclopedia
CHAPTER
My name is Lizzie and I live in a cave in Brooklyn. No, not like the Indian caves inside the cliffs which rise above the Hudson River. This is what my brother Timothy calls a modern boutique single, real estate jargon for a Brooklyn cave dwelling, known as a basement apartment rising above the concrete foundation of a row house.
Until the lovely May morning of my thirtieth birthday, my life was one of leisure and discovery, a series of adventures, the tastes and sounds of traversing the globe and each birthday, a magnificent event with a deluge of presents befitting the "baby" of the family.
Aug 23, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness
Dear [agent]
Valence fears he's losing grip on reality. He hears a voice enticing him with questionable knowledge and claiming to be his guide, but it could be the Darkness leading him to the cause the fall of his beloved homeland.
He believes the Darkness, an infection that enslaves the heart, has returned and with it the warlord who created it. Yet Valence has taken something from the warlord. The Pearls of Mithrus were the warlord's source of power, and now Valence is their master. If he can learn to control them, he can stop the infection before it consumes the land.
With a life in shambles and the memory of a murdered friend following him, becoming a savior to the people is the farthest thing from Valence's mind. He must choose between the lives of those he has never met and his own own sanity at the hands of an ancient evil.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an Epic Fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Valence fears he's losing grip on reality. He hears a voice enticing him with questionable knowledge and claiming to be his guide, but it could be the Darkness leading him to the cause the fall of his beloved homeland.
He believes the Darkness, an infection that enslaves the heart, has returned and with it the warlord who created it. Yet Valence has taken something from the warlord. The Pearls of Mithrus were the warlord's source of power, and now Valence is their master. If he can learn to control them, he can stop the infection before it consumes the land.
With a life in shambles and the memory of a murdered friend following him, becoming a savior to the people is the farthest thing from Valence's mind. He must choose between the lives of those he has never met and his own own sanity at the hands of an ancient evil.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an Epic Fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Query - The End Begins (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Publisher,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Raiana Tasis Draco, an outcast seeking her lost biological parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a sterile population during a time of war.
To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
Her latest assignment takes her to an abandoned fort; she’s assigned to protect the First Source of Sentient Free Will, which to the common man appear to be only an apple, which remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories, as they close in on all sides and take control of all ‘alien’ power and technology that have come into this world; the most vital piece was the Gate Dimension Device, capable of creating wormholes to travel not only the stars, but possibly to parallel worlds.
But the presence of a young, lost, lonely traveler from another world, who appeared without use of the device, forces the C.U.T.’ to go after the coveted fruit, taking down anyone in their path, hellbent on victory.
Against an army, Rai must navigate the dangerous territory with Kale Kaortan, a retired soldier of valor, as he guides them through the country he strove to protect, aided by pockets of residential resistance; racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
But what are her chances against odds so great?
Dear Publisher,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Raiana Tasis Draco, an outcast seeking her lost biological parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a sterile population during a time of war.
To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
Her latest assignment takes her to an abandoned fort; she’s assigned to protect the First Source of Sentient Free Will, which to the common man appear to be only an apple, which remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories, as they close in on all sides and take control of all ‘alien’ power and technology that have come into this world; the most vital piece was the Gate Dimension Device, capable of creating wormholes to travel not only the stars, but possibly to parallel worlds.
But the presence of a young, lost, lonely traveler from another world, who appeared without use of the device, forces the C.U.T.’ to go after the coveted fruit, taking down anyone in their path, hellbent on victory.
Against an army, Rai must navigate the dangerous territory with Kale Kaortan, a retired soldier of valor, as he guides them through the country he strove to protect, aided by pockets of residential resistance; racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
But what are her chances against odds so great?
Aug 22, 2010
Query- Motherless Day
Dear Agent,
I am writing to you about my picture book Motherless Day. It is complete at 600 words and I am querying you exclusively.
Little Kali Krumpets is the only child in Miss Piddlewink's pre-school class without a mother. When her class decides to make cards on the Friday before Mother's Day, Kali decides to figure out what makes a mommy so special. Her friends Emily and Griffin tell her all about there mothers, but Kali isn't convinced. Her dads do the same things, so why are mothers so important?
In the end, she realizes that a mother is just a parent that loves you, just like her two dads. Miss Piddlewink helps her realize all parents are special and that family should be celebrated every day.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME
I am writing to you about my picture book Motherless Day. It is complete at 600 words and I am querying you exclusively.
Little Kali Krumpets is the only child in Miss Piddlewink's pre-school class without a mother. When her class decides to make cards on the Friday before Mother's Day, Kali decides to figure out what makes a mommy so special. Her friends Emily and Griffin tell her all about there mothers, but Kali isn't convinced. Her dads do the same things, so why are mothers so important?
In the end, she realizes that a mother is just a parent that loves you, just like her two dads. Miss Piddlewink helps her realize all parents are special and that family should be celebrated every day.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME
Query- Eiffel Flower (first revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Sorority girl Rose Jastone lives a meticulously planned life. She is the lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, a model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned. Trying to avoid the responsiblity of planning her post-graduate future, however, she signs up for a care-free spring semester at the University of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.
Paris turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuileries.
Rose finds herself responsible for planning the renowned Crillon Ball and reuniting Noemi with her estranged sister Sonia. She also has to juggle a crack-pot study group and mixed feelings for an enigmatic figure skater. Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her.
Eiffel Flower is a women's fiction novel, complete at 92,000 words. Based on your interview with the blog "Mother.Write.", I felt like my manuscript may be a good fit for your agency. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Author
Dear Agent,
Sorority girl Rose Jastone lives a meticulously planned life. She is the lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, a model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned. Trying to avoid the responsiblity of planning her post-graduate future, however, she signs up for a care-free spring semester at the University of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.
Paris turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuileries.
Rose finds herself responsible for planning the renowned Crillon Ball and reuniting Noemi with her estranged sister Sonia. She also has to juggle a crack-pot study group and mixed feelings for an enigmatic figure skater. Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her.
Eiffel Flower is a women's fiction novel, complete at 92,000 words. Based on your interview with the blog "Mother.Write.", I felt like my manuscript may be a good fit for your agency. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Author
QUERY- GREEN-EYED MONSTER (with sample pages)
Dear AGENT,
After PERSONAL TIDBIT, I believe my urban fantasy novel, GREEN-EYED MONSTER complete at 80,000 words, may be a good fit for your representation.
Rookie detective Lucy Santone measures everything with the black and white rulebook of the Detroit Metro Police Department. Since the Incident, she also sees demons crawling on suspects, a halo above the cleaning lady, and a stalker-angel who claims to be her Guardian. Denial’s easy until the hallucinations try to kill her.
During an arson investigation, she is attacked by a hellion and wonders if her delusions are all that delusional. She learns the burned property belongs to a non-profit organization headed by Levi Johanneson, a hometown athlete who sold his soul for politics.
Levi's not the only player in town, however, another demon is vying for control over the broken souls of Detroit. Lucy can't fight them both, and when each offers her an alliance, she is forced to make a choice: the citizens she swore to protect, or her own ticket to the pie in the sky. Suddenly the rulebook looks a little gray.
Similar to Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series, GREEN-EYED MONSTER is a fantastical twist on detective fiction, researched through interviews with police/arson experts and utilizing my degree in Criminal Justice. I have a synopsis for a potential sequel.
The first five pages are included below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
NAME
CONTACT INFO
SAMPLE PAGES: GREEN-EYED MONSTER
I imagined myself setting fire to the filing cabinet. Crispy carbon falling around my desk, the tan metal contraption belching smoke from mouth-like drawers. Manila folders, crisp eight-by-eleven-inch papers, meticulously labeled photos, and coroner's reports, all burning in a roar of blood-red flames.
A smile spread low and lazy across my face, tugging my cheeks upwards like a gentle lover, when someone kicked my chair.
"Oh sorry, did I wake you?" he said.
I turned to find Forest scrutinizing me with his unnerving gray eyes.
"Unghs," I affirmed.
He sipped from a steaming mug and set an identical one on my desk. Beads of coffee clung to his silver mustache. His hair had once been a ruddy brown, but now was streaked with gray. The 'stache, however, was almost white, suckling at the coffee as if trying to reclaim its youth.
"You look like shit, Luce."
I frowned, cupped my hands around the hot mug, and said, "You look old."
"I prefer wise."
"You look wizened."
Forest snorted. His eyes panned over the chaos of my desk, scanning the folders piled around a jumble of papers, glossy pictures, and newspaper clippings. I watched him absorb and catalog each piece of clutter, as if I might see the individual wrinkles form inside his skull.
"It's a shit-astrophe in here," he said.
"That your favorite word?"
"How do you find anything?"
"Please, these cases are older than me and colder than Donny. No one gives a rat's patoot about them, except maybe you."
"Things still shit at home, huh?"
"Poor, bad, crappy, buy a thesaurus."
"Guess so," he said. "What were you daydreaming about?"
I let him watch me in silence for a moment, the weight of his gaze pressing against me. I pressed back.
"What are you doing in my office?" I said.
He didn't respond, just gave me a dissatisfied look. The stained bristles of his mustache twitched twice, then went still. His cop-face was on: bland, distant, all business, but I saw an edge of concern tempering his disguise.
"It may not look like much," I said, waving my free hand around the four-by-four square that served as my office. With room only for my miniature desk and the dreaded filing cabinet, I had learned to live within a thicket of boxes. Sure, the door occasionally slammed into my back, and the ceiling fan's blades had been chopped in half to accommodate the floor-to-ceiling box growth. "But it's mine," I finished.
No response.
"Does it say Detective Forest Stephenson on my door?" I said. "No, it says Detective Lucy Santone. Me, mine."
Forest glanced at the paper I had taped to my door. The outline of the old plate could be seen underneath reading, "Detroit Metro Police Department Archives."
Not to be deterred I said, "Look, I got to pee, so if you've nothing important to say, why don't you bug off?"
My partner stared at me, then shrugged. "When you become human again, stop by my office. Drink the coffee." He lifted his mug towards my desk and strolled out.
"That know-it-all," I said to no one, especially not the pretty boy reading in the corner.
Seated with his back propped against the cabinet of doom was the prettiest man I'd ever seen. He stretched his jean-covered legs, so long they extended under my desk and poked out the side, and crossed them at the ankle. Even on one of the chilliest February days on record, he wore battered sandals and a white tee. Sable ringlets, perfectly tousled, crowned his head, and his eyes sparkled like sapphires catching the light. I knew his sun-browned skin would be warm to the touch.
As my eyes passed over him, he glanced up from an old issue of "Car and Driver." A hopeful expression lingered on his face, but I turned my head away.
He wasn't real.
After PERSONAL TIDBIT, I believe my urban fantasy novel, GREEN-EYED MONSTER complete at 80,000 words, may be a good fit for your representation.
Rookie detective Lucy Santone measures everything with the black and white rulebook of the Detroit Metro Police Department. Since the Incident, she also sees demons crawling on suspects, a halo above the cleaning lady, and a stalker-angel who claims to be her Guardian. Denial’s easy until the hallucinations try to kill her.
During an arson investigation, she is attacked by a hellion and wonders if her delusions are all that delusional. She learns the burned property belongs to a non-profit organization headed by Levi Johanneson, a hometown athlete who sold his soul for politics.
Levi's not the only player in town, however, another demon is vying for control over the broken souls of Detroit. Lucy can't fight them both, and when each offers her an alliance, she is forced to make a choice: the citizens she swore to protect, or her own ticket to the pie in the sky. Suddenly the rulebook looks a little gray.
Similar to Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series, GREEN-EYED MONSTER is a fantastical twist on detective fiction, researched through interviews with police/arson experts and utilizing my degree in Criminal Justice. I have a synopsis for a potential sequel.
The first five pages are included below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
NAME
CONTACT INFO
SAMPLE PAGES: GREEN-EYED MONSTER
I imagined myself setting fire to the filing cabinet. Crispy carbon falling around my desk, the tan metal contraption belching smoke from mouth-like drawers. Manila folders, crisp eight-by-eleven-inch papers, meticulously labeled photos, and coroner's reports, all burning in a roar of blood-red flames.
A smile spread low and lazy across my face, tugging my cheeks upwards like a gentle lover, when someone kicked my chair.
"Oh sorry, did I wake you?" he said.
I turned to find Forest scrutinizing me with his unnerving gray eyes.
"Unghs," I affirmed.
He sipped from a steaming mug and set an identical one on my desk. Beads of coffee clung to his silver mustache. His hair had once been a ruddy brown, but now was streaked with gray. The 'stache, however, was almost white, suckling at the coffee as if trying to reclaim its youth.
"You look like shit, Luce."
I frowned, cupped my hands around the hot mug, and said, "You look old."
"I prefer wise."
"You look wizened."
Forest snorted. His eyes panned over the chaos of my desk, scanning the folders piled around a jumble of papers, glossy pictures, and newspaper clippings. I watched him absorb and catalog each piece of clutter, as if I might see the individual wrinkles form inside his skull.
"It's a shit-astrophe in here," he said.
"That your favorite word?"
"How do you find anything?"
"Please, these cases are older than me and colder than Donny. No one gives a rat's patoot about them, except maybe you."
"Things still shit at home, huh?"
"Poor, bad, crappy, buy a thesaurus."
"Guess so," he said. "What were you daydreaming about?"
I let him watch me in silence for a moment, the weight of his gaze pressing against me. I pressed back.
"What are you doing in my office?" I said.
He didn't respond, just gave me a dissatisfied look. The stained bristles of his mustache twitched twice, then went still. His cop-face was on: bland, distant, all business, but I saw an edge of concern tempering his disguise.
"It may not look like much," I said, waving my free hand around the four-by-four square that served as my office. With room only for my miniature desk and the dreaded filing cabinet, I had learned to live within a thicket of boxes. Sure, the door occasionally slammed into my back, and the ceiling fan's blades had been chopped in half to accommodate the floor-to-ceiling box growth. "But it's mine," I finished.
No response.
"Does it say Detective Forest Stephenson on my door?" I said. "No, it says Detective Lucy Santone. Me, mine."
Forest glanced at the paper I had taped to my door. The outline of the old plate could be seen underneath reading, "Detroit Metro Police Department Archives."
Not to be deterred I said, "Look, I got to pee, so if you've nothing important to say, why don't you bug off?"
My partner stared at me, then shrugged. "When you become human again, stop by my office. Drink the coffee." He lifted his mug towards my desk and strolled out.
"That know-it-all," I said to no one, especially not the pretty boy reading in the corner.
Seated with his back propped against the cabinet of doom was the prettiest man I'd ever seen. He stretched his jean-covered legs, so long they extended under my desk and poked out the side, and crossed them at the ankle. Even on one of the chilliest February days on record, he wore battered sandals and a white tee. Sable ringlets, perfectly tousled, crowned his head, and his eyes sparkled like sapphires catching the light. I knew his sun-browned skin would be warm to the touch.
As my eyes passed over him, he glanced up from an old issue of "Car and Driver." A hopeful expression lingered on his face, but I turned my head away.
He wasn't real.
Aug 21, 2010
YA Query: A Heart-Shaped Hole
Dear ___________,
Annabelle lives in a daze of deception. She has what many would call the perfect life: rich parents who stay out of her way, a wild group of partygoing friends, and the world practically at her fingertips. At the center of it all is her boyfriend, Emmett, the envy of every girl in school. But Annabelle has a horrible secret: her smile is a lie.
Emmett physically and emotionally abuses Annabelle, slowly turning her into a twisted whirlwind of self-hatred and guilt. Stuck with a family too absorbed in their own petty problems, she has no one to turn to. That is, until she meets Brendon while hiding in the bathroom during a party.
Brendon becomes a shoulder for Annabelle to lean on, always eerily able to see right through her shallow illusion of happiness. He challenges her to find self-worth, open her eyes to her boyfriend's faults, and come to terms with her reasons for staying with Emmett. But Brendon has a secret and Annabelle has a past. These two factors become what may ultimately prevent Annabelle from ever feeling genuine happiness again.
A HEART-SHAPED HOLE is a Young Adult novel complete at 30,000 words. I hope you will consider representation of this manuscript.
Best regards,
Angela A
Annabelle lives in a daze of deception. She has what many would call the perfect life: rich parents who stay out of her way, a wild group of partygoing friends, and the world practically at her fingertips. At the center of it all is her boyfriend, Emmett, the envy of every girl in school. But Annabelle has a horrible secret: her smile is a lie.
Emmett physically and emotionally abuses Annabelle, slowly turning her into a twisted whirlwind of self-hatred and guilt. Stuck with a family too absorbed in their own petty problems, she has no one to turn to. That is, until she meets Brendon while hiding in the bathroom during a party.
Brendon becomes a shoulder for Annabelle to lean on, always eerily able to see right through her shallow illusion of happiness. He challenges her to find self-worth, open her eyes to her boyfriend's faults, and come to terms with her reasons for staying with Emmett. But Brendon has a secret and Annabelle has a past. These two factors become what may ultimately prevent Annabelle from ever feeling genuine happiness again.
A HEART-SHAPED HOLE is a Young Adult novel complete at 30,000 words. I hope you will consider representation of this manuscript.
Best regards,
Angela A
Aug 19, 2010
Query- Seaweeds- Version "hopefully the last"
Click here to read "the undisputed first" version.
Click here to read "the definite first" revision.
Click here to read "the improved upon second" revision.
Click here to read "thanks for the tips I'm making great progress" revision.
Dear AGENT,
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented, until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is a mermaid who saved him. Her charm and innocence draws him to her; he calls her his Pearl from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by Pearl’s strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie has a secret of her own, he must find a way to resist her enchanted advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. My novel is complete at 66,000 words. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME!
Click here to read "the definite first" revision.
Click here to read "the improved upon second" revision.
Click here to read "thanks for the tips I'm making great progress" revision.
Dear AGENT,
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented, until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is a mermaid who saved him. Her charm and innocence draws him to her; he calls her his Pearl from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by Pearl’s strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie has a secret of her own, he must find a way to resist her enchanted advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. My novel is complete at 66,000 words. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME!
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