Attention Writers!
If you have a query, and you would like it to be available for public viewing / critique, enter it as a comment to this post. Feel free to include 3-4 sample pages with your query.
I will post your query exactly as I receive it, and it will be open for comments and criticism. I've kicked things off with my own query.
I WILL USE THE FIRST LINE OF THE COMMENTS AT THE TITLE FOR THE POST!!
Look at the first comment on this post as a point of reference. I recommend something like
QUERY- TITLE OF YOUR WORK
NOTE: I am not an agent or a publisher. I am an aspiring novelist, and I am doing this because I think it's a cool idea, and a good way to get feedback from other writers on the structure and content of a query.
Mar 5, 2009
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206 comments:
1 – 200 of 206 Newer› Newest»Rick, I love this idea! I plan to read this over the weekend and give you my opinion, for what it's worth.(which probably isn't much, but I am outside your 'writing box' and that always helps.) I hope more people check this out...maybe I'll even send you my query. I would love to have it picked apart!
Rick,
I love the idea. Thanks for creating this Blog. I was hoping I could find a place where I could get feedback on a query. Look forward to polishing mine up and submitting it here.
Cass
Hi Rick,
I think I have read this query before on another blog? Or am I imagining it? I just wanted to quickly check in, I have an essay to write today, but hopefully I'll be able to sit down and read in full tomorrow.
Word Veri - tessesto. Sounds like some fun and spicy sauce!
Rick, do I post my query here?
Rick - this is an awesome idea! Thank you so much!
This is a great idea. thanks :) I'll be putting mine up soon - just need to do a read through, since I haven't done anything with it lately.
Rick,
I posted my query for LAZT CATS, I hope I did it correctly and in the right spot.
Jan
I missed Nathan's post but saw your comment...this is a great idea.
PurpleClover,
Thanks for stopping by. Nathan mentioned the blog in last Friday's TWIP. It's been going great so far, I'm glad to have you as part of the community!
Just a suggestion--
You might be able to make this slightly easier on yourself if you set up the blog email like this:
In Blogger, go to your blog Settings, then Email. Under Email Posting Address, set the "secretWords" to whatever you want ("query"), and set it to "Save emails as draft posts." (If you want to control the post frequency/content; if not, you can also set it to publish them immediately.)
Then you can instruct people to email the queries direct to whateverbloggersayshere.query@blogger.com with the post title in the subject line and they're all set up for you to read over and publish.
HTH!
AFAIK, not automatically, but if you have them saved as drafts when people email them, you can add them before you publish.
Rick-
This blog is such a good idea! So very, very helpful. You are like the coolest evah!
Thanks!
Thanks Abby. Positive feedback like that keeps me motivated! I'm very happy with the site so far. I've seen great feedback, and many people have been able to use the comments to strengthen their queries.
Thanks again for running this site, Rick!
Did you see Nathan's blog post about "Be an Agent for a Day?" Might be something that will get a few new queries up here.
Rick,
Thanks for the opportunity for feedback. This is a cool idea.
Suzan,
Hosting this site is my pleasure, I've benefited from the peer feedback, too. I'm glad you chose to participate. Best of luck to you!
Annette,
(it's actually my 20th revision, but I think I finally got it :) thanks Rick!)
I'll distribute the thanks to the many people who have commented on the prior iterations of your query! -Rick
Sorry about the other posts, clearly I can't follow directions. =/
Please post it as "The Eternal Link Query Letter" =/
Haha, thanks I need it =)
Thanks for the link on Jessica's blog. I hadn't seen many writing communities dedicated to queries. They all focus on the easy part...the book! Thanks for putting this together!
folksinmt:
It's my pleasure, I'm glad you found the site and are jumping into the mix!
Rick, please pass along my apologies to everyone. I couldn't hold out for an entire week, five days is all I could manage! I tried, honest!
No need to apologize! I haven't posted a new query for many days, I'm
glad to see something cross the submission wires. I don't know if you
saw the last comment on the fourth revision, but it is actually very
insightful:
"Actually, I found it very helpful, reading what others had to say, and how you applied it. I think what you've learned has also made the critiques you've offered very helpful."
Hi Kat,
I got you covered.
Rick
Hi Rick!
I forgot to add The Eternal Link is 80,000 words and YA fantasy, but I think you know that by version 4. ;)
Jen
Hi Jen,
I wouldn't take for granted that everyone has read all prior versions. I added the genre and word count in at the beginning, copied form your prior versions. I think it helps for overall flow to know what the first thing the agent reads will be.
I hope you don't mind...in your prior versions that wording and placement was unchanged.
Hi Rick,
I wanted to post the first five pages of my novel here (the query was posted yesterday), but it seems that there's far too many characters to fit them in a comment. I went ahead and posted the pages on my own blog; would you be willing to copy and paste from there onto the Slushpile? I'd really appreciate it!
The pages are here:
http://theserpentstooth.blogspot.com/2009/07/wip-first-five-pages.html
The header would be:
Sample pages-A Profusion of Want
Thanks so much.
Hi Regan,
Your sample pages are up. I have to work on my on MS for a while, but I'm eager to read your sample later today.
Rick,
I just posted the query for The Jackpot and noticed an inconsistency -- Samantha's last name should be Obeid, not Khouri, throughout. if you can fix this, great.
Guess I need to know how to spell(corruption)
Sorry about forgetting the title for that last post, Rick. It should have been: A Scorpion's Nature - Revision #4
Anon,
No problem, thanks for the heads up!
You're getting there.
Stay with it. No advice right now as I have been boo hawking.
boo hogging?
boo snogging?
ah...having a scotch or three
you are getting there...
Q SCHOOL
Thanks for providing such a great learning tool! It's a fantastic idea, and I'm glad I wandered over from Nathan's blog.
~ Christine
Ahh, sorry Rick. I forgot to label the above post as NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE, revision 2.
Should I start again with a whole new post?
Donna- Thanks, I've got you covered.
Hi Rick!
I posted my query months ago, just after you set up the blog. I never reposted but I did revise the query and first five pages (about a hundred times :) based on some of the suggestions you and others gave me. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping up this blog. I am sure it is a lot of work for you, but it is a great service for writers.
I got "The Call" last week and I'm sure it never would have happened without the help of other writers who gave their time to help my manuscript and query be the best it could be. Hopefully I can repay some of the kindness.
So thanks.
Oh no! Does this mean the third revision didn't save here? I deleted one version of it after reading it over and posted a second version and now I don't see it?
Donna,
The third revision is up. Sometimes when I have two to post at the same time I will schedule one out a couple hours, so each gets some time at the top of the page, and the feeds to Google Reader are staggered.
Thanks Rick. Sorry I panicked. I'm cutting things so close to the wire here - procrastination junky, you know - and I really need it for the workshop on Sunday.
And by the way, thanks for this site. It has been an immense help.
......dhole
Rick-
I emailed over my revised sample pages for Iron Thirst. Did you receive them? If not, I'll be glad to resend.
You're the best!
AjFrey
www.aj-frey.blogspot.com
Hi AJ,
Thanks for the email, I just posted the sample pages. I get emailed on comments, but when people email posts blogger doesn't notify me.
Stacy,
You're all set. Go Bucks!! (I'm in Columbus, I saw on your profile you're in Dayton...)
Rick
Hey Rick - I've nominated the PQS for the Honest Scrap award because you can't get more honest than a public querying blog. I know you can't really pass it on here, but feel free to post it if you want. Pick up the blig over at my blog.
Hi Rick,
I emailed you my query. Thanks in advance for posting.
Gina
Hi Gina,
Your query is up, thanks for the note!
It's much better, but I wonder if it wouldn't work better to put the bit about freeing his family from their ancient curse either in or after the vampire desperate for help sentence. Maybe immediately after. It flows better. Also, this way you can add in something on how this is a romance after "staying alive."
Happy New Year, Rick.
Somebody submitted a new query in the comments of the last query on your home page. Maybe you could move it to its own spot.
RG- Got it, thanks for the head up.
Boy do I feel stupid! That was me.
Hey Rick I have a question. I read your little blurb about you and it said your working on a screenplay as well. I've been throwing that idea around but I have no clue the formatting they need to be in! So did you take a class on how to write them or read a book about it or something? Just wondering...
Thanks for this site too! Lots of good advice!
Joy,
I googled it. I don't have the sites I referred to bookmarked anymore, but a quick search on "how to format a screenplay should yield plenty of useful information. There are specifics as to how you write the scene description (and don't overdo it, the director will want creative freedom), when to use italics, everything must be centered with narrow margins, etc.
I need to update my profile. I've abandoned the screenplay format and I'm writing that story as a novel. I'm better at that form. Good luck with yours. Keep in mind, a screenplay is going to be 98% dialogue...
Hi Rick,
I've been following Public Query Slushpile (and love it, by the way!) but I've never submitted anything. Do you still use this comment form for submissions? Just wanted to make sure before I post my (way too long) query... thanks!
Shelley
Hi Shelley- This is the post to submit. Just comment here again with your query when you're ready. Thanks for hanging around!
Hi Rick—
My query is good to go thanks to the help I got here. So as a thank you, I've left this blog a gift on my blog.
Lisa
Ted- Got you covered, thanks for submitting!
Rick,
Your blog is a great tool! Thanks for letting me post. But if it would be ok, I'd like my query to be taken down while I do a little nip and tuck to it.
My query was: The Price of Blasphemy.
Thanks.
Scott
Scott- Your query is down. Revisions are welcome, so feel free to submit again when you're ready. Thanks for participating!
No query, just a heartfelt and grateful 'thank you' to you, Rick, for everything you do. I don't think there's anything like your blog anywhere; it offer an invaluable service for writers hoping for publication.
Many good karma points *g*
Wendy- Thanks, I really appreciate that. I'm glad you've had such a positive experience. But the real credit goes to the many readers and writers who share their comments. The crowd is positive and encouraging, but still honest and constructive in their criticism. That's what really makes it all work. Most of my job is copying and pasting.
I'd like to make a suggestion for the site. I don't know if this already exists, or has been suggested already, but it would be useful to have a place on the site that lists finished query letters for books that went on to be published, so we could read and learn from them.
Well, I'm new to this blog and love the idea. But I'm not sure how to submit. I mean, I've read that I'm to post my query as a comment here. But why don't I see any queries posted that way? And how would people comment on it? I'm a bit confused- can I get some clarification? Thanks much! :)
Soo.... I'm wondering about having synopses critiqued but haven't seen any up on the site. Is that ever done around here?
Michelle,
A few people have submitted synopses, look under the Labels at the right side of the blog. They typically don't get the same volume of responses as queries do, but if you submit one I'll post it.
Thanks Rick! I know it's harder to get feedback on longer bits of writing but I'd like to try before sending it out to the agents who want it with their queries.
Shoot- it's too long to post here. (It's a 2 page synopsis). Well, it probably wouldn't have gotten any replies anyway. But let me know if there's a way around the 4,096 character limit.
Thanks again!
Sorry for the double post. I seem to be getting scripting errors lately.
Dan- No problem, I've had blogger give me grief moderating this blog and commenting on other blogs. I posted the latter of the two, it is scheduled to go up later this afternoon.
Anon (Fledgling)-
I caught your revision in the comments, the post went up this morning and is already getting some more feedback. Good luck!
Hey Rick, this is the poster of the previous comment--the query for The Land of Endless Night. I need to fix something in the query before you post it, so can you please just delete this comment and I'll send you the fixed version later. Thanks, Cari.
Cari (Endless Night)- Gotcha. I'll be ready when you resubmit.
RE: Dead Spell
Appears yonder query needs a heck of a lot of work. Please remove temporarily while I try to address that. Thanks!
Anon / Dead Spell author...The post is down. Don't feel bad, verrrrry few queries come out of the gate with an "OMG that was awesome if I were an Agent I'd sign you yesterday"
Please re-submit when you're ready...
i submitted my query yesterday, but I don't see it? Can someone help? It's title is "Off the Edge"
Thanks
Erin- Your query will post at noon EST today.
Please let me know if you see any areas where I can improve this query. Or if you like the original query on Query Shark better, LMK! All suggestions/comments welcome!
Washington Post reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when ex-CIA operative Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, promising a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.
Desperate to get her career back on track, Avery helps Nash investigate a terrorist bombing in Maryland that killed his father and thirty-two other scientists. When the terrorist escapes justice on a technicality, Avery looks for answers, and finds a conspiracy that reaches beyond domestic terrorism. Her investigation leads her to a group of CIA operatives who engineered the bombing to shield one man from an FBI sting--Nash’s father--chief architect of a next-generation biological weapon.
And he’s still alive.
Now Avery is hunted by people who believe she’s a threat to their weapons project and to the terrorist’s true identity. Caught between assassins and a dogged determination for justice, Avery becomes a victim in her own story. To stay alive, she’ll have to trust her life to Logan Nash, who just might turn out to be the terrorist she’s been tracking.
VICARIOUS, a 109,000-word espionage-thriller, can arm-wrestle with Mitch Rapp while matching wits with Kay Scarpetta. It’s one of five finalists in the 2010 [redacted] contest on [redacted].
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Here's a link to some sample chapters for anyone who's interested: Click Here
This is an update for
http://openquery.blogspot.com/2010/09/query-steam-palace.html
Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.
In the world of STEAM PALACE, New England shunned the Revolution and formed the Kingdom of New Britannia. In 1878, twins are separated at birth, one to live with her abusive mother in poverty, the other raised as a favored daughter of the court. Twenty-three years later, the ‘courtly’ twin has lost her title, her lands, and the only means of supporting her family, so she travels to Hartford where she meets her double--and it’s hate at first sight. The twins view each other as the enemy, the ‘evil twin.’ To restore her family’s station, the ‘courtly’ twin seeks the hand of an ambitious Duke, but her sister is his secret lover. The Duke pits the twins against each other while he plots with their country’s enemies in search of the mythical Sea Key. As enemy heavy dirigible bombers approach their respective homes, the twins must first overcome their mutual loathing, and then use their shared ‘mad passion’ to defeat the Duke and save New Britannia from steam-powered invaders by finding the Sea Key and unlocking its power.
STEAM PALACE, a Steampunk Adventure, is complete at 120,000 words. I have completed a creative writing certificate course at the University of Washington, completed Holly Lisle’s “How To Revise Your Novel” online course, and I co-host a local critique group.
---
A couple other ideas for the hook line:
You meet your Evil Twin...but who’s to say you aren’t the evil one?
Mutually Assured Destruction is not how twins should treat each other.
Thanks for your input!
I think it can/should be shortened even more. What do you think?
Thanks, Rick, for doing this!
Rick, sorry for the double post there. Would you be able to delete the first query I submitted and keep the second? Thanks a bunch!
This is a little odd, but I can't find anyone to critique my thriller and hoped I might be able to find someone here. For some basic information, my query has been posted on this site under ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. If you're interested, please contact me through my website www.nataschanichole.blogspot.com or email posted on my website. Thanks :)
Rick, I just posted my query. I hope I did this write. This is an awesome site. I hope more people learn about it.
Thanks Shelley, got you covered!
Dear Rick,
Great site and thanks for posting. You can remove the query for Curse of Birth now.
Thanks John, just deleted the post.
Hey Rick, Just wondering if you could delete my post and sample pages for "Barefeet on Little Horton Lane." Thanks.
http://openquery.blogspot.com/2010/02/query-barefeet-on-little-horton-lane.html
QUERY-REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 4th REVISION
(author's note- sorry I could not figure out how to make italics work on the blog entry- "detain any witnesses" and "really" (prefacing bad man) are meant to be in italics)- thanks for your comments!
Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.
But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.
Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to the Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.
I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.
Thank you for reviewing this query.
Zakariya- Your query has been removed. Thanks for participating, and best of luck with your writing.
Dear Rick, oopps I hope I posted it at the right place? Many apologies if I haven't...
Thanks!
Hi Rick, hope you are doing well.
I wanted to ask you a favor. I would like to have my query for Teriyaki Samurai removed from this blog.
Thanks again for providing a great place for writers to meet.
Best wishes!
Dennis Yates
Hi Dennis,
All versions have been removed. Thanks for participating and good luck with your writing!
Hey Rick,
Thanks so much for this. Can you take mine down please?
Thanks,
Chelsey
Query-Illusion - Modified
Rick, seems like I made a bit of an error revising my synopsis before people had a proper chance to look at it. I have an overactive 'send' finger!
Could you please take down my comment, or post it as the second version? Many thanks
Dy Loveday
Hi, Rick:
This site has been so incredibly helpful for me in revising my query. Thank you so much for making it available to writers to grow and learn from.
Could you have remove my queries for STARVED from the site at this point? I'd appreciate it.
Thanks!
Mike Somers
Hi Mike,
Both queries for Starved have been deleted. Thanks for participating, I'm glad you found the experience valuable!
Best of luck with your writing,
Rick
And I don't want to delete and repost again, but I already see another mistake. "...how is he ever going to defeat a bird..."
I have 'was' up there in the original post. If you can, please change that one word for me when you repost?
Sorry. I'm a chuckle head.
Gone Fishing- No problem, your query is up, and the was is now an is...
Thank you! :)
Request: Can you delete all queries for Mickey and the Gargoyle? Thanks.
My story has been getting rewritten and critiqued for 7 years. What is wrong with the story and the query is that they're in my voice. I wrote them. In order to fix them, I have to learn to write like someone else.
Hi Rick,
Happy New Year. :) Thank you for hosting this blog, it has really helped my query-writing improve.
I am going to start querying soon and was wondering if you could please remove my early query draft of "The Queen of Camp Respecto", posted in July of 2011? Thank you so much, and thanks again for this tremendously helpful blog!
fOIS- I updated your post with the revised page.
Picture Book Query
Dear Agent,
In a dinosaur’s grasp there are no second chances. So a mouse, hog and goat thwart his sneaky advances.
Just how will this beast quell his great appetite, if none of his friends will let him have a bite?
In the delicious romp: “Aging, Raging Gluttonosaurus!” an arthritic dinosaur uses odd tactics to trap dinner: he mails invitations; tries a meet and greet; and even throws a tantrum. But none of his antics work on the terrorized creatures of the forest. And though he does not get exactly what he wants, it leads to an unexpected delight.
Hopefully you will find my main character and his story an engaging, laugh out loud read. I was inspired to write it after reading Julia Donaldson’s, “The Gruffalo”, although I make no comparisons.
Thank you for your kind consideration.
Who knew a couple of college credits could potentially cost them their lives?
Six complete strangers take themselves out to the middle-of-nowhere, Alaska for the internship of the century, only to be taken even farther away. Transported by forces beyond their wildest imaginations, they wake up in a fantastical world full of deadly magic and a race of people at war. They fight for their lives and their sanity as they struggle to find a way home without losing themselves in the process. Sybil, Toby, Axle, Jeremy, Luke and Evie- each has their own journey, and each has their own fight. Their stories weave together across the continent of Elandria, changing its people forever, for better and worse.
They fall in love and fight wars. They seek to prove themselves, and they try to flee from strange people that seek to suppress them. Their stories paint a portrait of a continent on the brink of collapse. These six heroes were brought to Elandria in order to save it, and will at times both defy and follow an ancient prophecy that seems to define their lives.
Children of Earth is a 96,000-word New Adult Fantasy novel that is a cross between Game of Thrones and the television series Lost. According to your website and the 2013 Guide to Literary Agents, you are looking for a potential fantasy novel, and I believe that Children of Earth is a good match. This novel is the first in a series, and I am well into writing the second.
As stated in your guidelines, I have included a synopsis and the first 5 pages of the manuscript. Thank you for considering Children of Earth, and I hope to hear from you in the future.
QUERY: SHIFTER
Brae is a thief living in a mountain range where everyone can shift into an animal, each specific to them. While on a regular thieving job, she is caught in the middle of a surprise attack. A massive group of air shifters – those who can shift into birds – burn down a village at night.
When she discovers this village hasn’t been the only victim of an attack, she finds herself involved in the struggle to learn why this is happening and how to stop them. All the while she is trapped in the middle of a mother that abuses her, a little brother that needs her, the haunting memory of her father’s death, and a young man that believes in the good in her. Brae soon learns that she has stolen something very valuable from the leader of this group of air shifters. And he is hunting her down to get it back.
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