Cyrilla’s sheltered and insecure world seems to finally have purpose when she falls in love with Muerek, a member of the Royal Army. But when his life is threatened, the use of her forbidden magic is the only way to save him, even though it condemns her to a containment camp, locked away from everything she’s ever known. Thrust into a role that forces her to use magic she knows nothing about, her perception of the world around her is forever changed.
Muerek’s pain quickly turns to anger, nearing hatred, for the woman he once loved, but who betrayed him, and he runs from any connection with Cyrilla. Plagued by vivid dreams of lost and scared children, taken from their parents for no other reason than possessing magic, he embarks on a journey that will forever change his life long beliefs.
The Royal Army marches towards Tearnoc, bent on destroying all magic within Treandle, with or without Lord Tearle, who is supposed to keep order within Treandle. Can Cyrilla cope with the pain of losing Muerek and the overwhelming demands of her new role in order to break the containment wall’s spell in Treandle, creating shelter for those the Army wishes to destroy?
Will Muerek be able to forgive Cyrilla and accept her unconditionally, or will the anger push him over the edge and into the depths of hate?
Treandle is a 113,000 page, young adult novel, that will take readers on a journey of lost love, and all the challenges that a position of power and authority pose to one not accustom to anything but farm life. It sets the stage for a war that will determine the real evil within the kingdom of Tribidor, which will continue in subsequent novel(s).
The rest will be personalized for each agent ;o)
Thanks!
Aug 12, 2009
Query - Genesis (Revision Three)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version.
[If I don't get it close to right this time, I'm gonna pull my hair out!]
Dear Agent:
After a chance encounter with tall-dark-and-handsome, Detective Anna Savage finds her old passions for secrets and mystery start to resurface like wounds reopening to the air. Her wealthy, sexy suitor comes to sweep her off her feet and carry her to a mansion in Paris. It’s not a problem that Pierre DuChamps is a vampire. In fact, that only sweetens the deal. It’s a dream come true for Anna, a dark fairy tale she had only imagined would ever come true.
But he is determined to find a cure for his Thirst. In some way, the solution seems to be in the unborn half-human, half-vampire child of her friend, Maggie LeBlanc. The child is an anomaly, but much more than a science experiment. The birth is imminent, but the baby’s fate is unclear. Are Pierre’s intentions pure or does he have some sinister intent for the child? And her dreams keep warning Anna that Pierre is not what he seems. Does she follow her heart and help the vampire she’s falling for, or trust in her instinct to protect the innocent and lose Pierre forever?
There’s no way for her to know the importance of her choice; that with this birth comes the entire force of Heaven. This child will be a dark Messiah, sent on a Holy mission to release the vampire souls from their perpetual Hell. To the victor goes Salvation, and it all hinges on Anna Savage. The choice she makes will determine not only her own fate, but that of thousands of others.
Genesis is a completed contemporary fantasy novel. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Tara
[Contact Info]
Click here to read the second version.
[If I don't get it close to right this time, I'm gonna pull my hair out!]
Dear Agent:
After a chance encounter with tall-dark-and-handsome, Detective Anna Savage finds her old passions for secrets and mystery start to resurface like wounds reopening to the air. Her wealthy, sexy suitor comes to sweep her off her feet and carry her to a mansion in Paris. It’s not a problem that Pierre DuChamps is a vampire. In fact, that only sweetens the deal. It’s a dream come true for Anna, a dark fairy tale she had only imagined would ever come true.
But he is determined to find a cure for his Thirst. In some way, the solution seems to be in the unborn half-human, half-vampire child of her friend, Maggie LeBlanc. The child is an anomaly, but much more than a science experiment. The birth is imminent, but the baby’s fate is unclear. Are Pierre’s intentions pure or does he have some sinister intent for the child? And her dreams keep warning Anna that Pierre is not what he seems. Does she follow her heart and help the vampire she’s falling for, or trust in her instinct to protect the innocent and lose Pierre forever?
There’s no way for her to know the importance of her choice; that with this birth comes the entire force of Heaven. This child will be a dark Messiah, sent on a Holy mission to release the vampire souls from their perpetual Hell. To the victor goes Salvation, and it all hinges on Anna Savage. The choice she makes will determine not only her own fate, but that of thousands of others.
Genesis is a completed contemporary fantasy novel. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Tara
[Contact Info]
BROKEN - OPENING PAGES REVISED 1
Click here to read the query.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Click here to read the original sample page.
Hello everyone! Revised the opening pages of BROKEN based on feedback. Interested in comments of all sorts. Thank you again for your time!
She didn’t notice the blood at first.
Glittering packs of high-heeled twentysomethings shivered past her on their way from one bar to the next, and her head was thick from dollar pitchers with the boys after shift change.
She waved off catcalls from a man across the street who wasn’t shy about telling her how happy he could make her New Year.
“You a cop?” he asked, eyeing her uniform. “‘Cause I’m a bad, bad boy.”
Flashing the badge and writing up a horny drunk for public intoxication would have taken less than ten minutes, but she was off duty and close to the two bedroom apartment she shared with her kid sister, Connie.
The first few riffs of “Come on Eileen” burst through an open door, pummeling dirty snow banks and wobbly patrons who’d stepped outside for a smoke. She couldn’t place the other songs in the air. They were heavy with base and drums. The kind of music that Connie would know.
She didn’t hear a scream.
Connie was probably in one of these bars, wearing the skimpy Max Mara dress she’d borrowed to impress the bartender with the goatee who couldn’t take the night off. Connie could do better than that guy, she thought. Better than most of the guys she’d been dating.
She turned into the alley near the back entrance to their apartment complex. A sodium street lamp on the fritz flashed an orange glow across the dumpsters at unpredictable intervals, and something flickered in the darkness beneath a shadowy mound that resembled a garbage bag.
She didn’t see the blood.
Mrs. Lipinski, the old widow on the third floor, was dropping trash off the back porch again. She swore under her breath, expecting to find the alley littered with spoiled fish and cartons of rancid milk like last time.
She didn’t.
Her footsteps slowed to a halt. Her eyes settled on a high heel shoe poking out of the snow and found the mate flung inches away.
And when the sodium lamp flashed at the shadows again, Madeline Gunn saw the rest. She saw the ground beneath her oil-slicked with her sister’s blood. Blood that still gushed from the places where Connie’s flesh had been ripped down to muscle and bone. She saw the Max Mara dress shredded past her sister’s waist, exposing Connie’s bare, beaten body to the cold and the night.
Mostly, she saw that her sister had been running towards home, Madeline thought. And that she wasn’t there to save her.
Madeline dropped to her knees and cupped her sister’s still warm face in her hands. She stared into the glassy eyes that looked out at nothing and called Connie’s name until she knew that her sister would never reply with a word or a whisper.
Madeline Gunn rose to her feet and unholstered the gun at her waist. Her hands, wet with her sister’s blood, burned in the frozen wind. She stepped into the darkness, and her breath quickened to the ragged pant of an animal poised to kill.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Click here to read the original sample page.
Hello everyone! Revised the opening pages of BROKEN based on feedback. Interested in comments of all sorts. Thank you again for your time!
She didn’t notice the blood at first.
Glittering packs of high-heeled twentysomethings shivered past her on their way from one bar to the next, and her head was thick from dollar pitchers with the boys after shift change.
She waved off catcalls from a man across the street who wasn’t shy about telling her how happy he could make her New Year.
“You a cop?” he asked, eyeing her uniform. “‘Cause I’m a bad, bad boy.”
Flashing the badge and writing up a horny drunk for public intoxication would have taken less than ten minutes, but she was off duty and close to the two bedroom apartment she shared with her kid sister, Connie.
The first few riffs of “Come on Eileen” burst through an open door, pummeling dirty snow banks and wobbly patrons who’d stepped outside for a smoke. She couldn’t place the other songs in the air. They were heavy with base and drums. The kind of music that Connie would know.
She didn’t hear a scream.
Connie was probably in one of these bars, wearing the skimpy Max Mara dress she’d borrowed to impress the bartender with the goatee who couldn’t take the night off. Connie could do better than that guy, she thought. Better than most of the guys she’d been dating.
She turned into the alley near the back entrance to their apartment complex. A sodium street lamp on the fritz flashed an orange glow across the dumpsters at unpredictable intervals, and something flickered in the darkness beneath a shadowy mound that resembled a garbage bag.
She didn’t see the blood.
Mrs. Lipinski, the old widow on the third floor, was dropping trash off the back porch again. She swore under her breath, expecting to find the alley littered with spoiled fish and cartons of rancid milk like last time.
She didn’t.
Her footsteps slowed to a halt. Her eyes settled on a high heel shoe poking out of the snow and found the mate flung inches away.
And when the sodium lamp flashed at the shadows again, Madeline Gunn saw the rest. She saw the ground beneath her oil-slicked with her sister’s blood. Blood that still gushed from the places where Connie’s flesh had been ripped down to muscle and bone. She saw the Max Mara dress shredded past her sister’s waist, exposing Connie’s bare, beaten body to the cold and the night.
Mostly, she saw that her sister had been running towards home, Madeline thought. And that she wasn’t there to save her.
Madeline dropped to her knees and cupped her sister’s still warm face in her hands. She stared into the glassy eyes that looked out at nothing and called Connie’s name until she knew that her sister would never reply with a word or a whisper.
Madeline Gunn rose to her feet and unholstered the gun at her waist. Her hands, wet with her sister’s blood, burned in the frozen wind. She stepped into the darkness, and her breath quickened to the ragged pant of an animal poised to kill.
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