Query- History of the Tie Dye Bra

Dear Agent:

Jaclyn Witt is going to live the rest of her life with the man of her dreams. If only he’d cooperate and her three best friends would butt out. The History of the Tie Dye Bra and Other Lessons in Me chronicles the coming-of-age of quirky heroine Jackie Witt, who navigates the awkwardness of adolescence with a sense of humor and three inseparable and unlikely best friends.

Jackie, Francine, Chelsie and Joe grew up in each other's basements and backyards, laughing their way through everything from drunk dancing dilemmas to disastrous first loves. Her off-beat journey takes her to the end of her college days, where her dream romance with “the one” threatens to dismember her “strange little family.” So, do the funny foursome go their separate ways or prevail to protect each other’s frailties and friendship?

I am seeking representation for my first novel, a 50,000-word, humorous YA romance that uses the protagonist's witty narrative to tear at the heart and mend the soul.

I read that you were an agent with an interest in YA and romance novels who welcomes first-time authors with a unique voice and humorous perspective, which would make you the perfect fit for this book.

If you feel like History of the Tie Dye Bra is a project worthy of your time, I would love to forward a synopsis or sample chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
LL

NOTE: I am considering replacing the third paragraph with a risky alternative, only because it parallels the humor of the book:

"And more importantly, will Ms. Agent be interested enough to consider representing this first novel? After all, the closest I’ve ever come to having anything published is my annual Christmas letter. While quite popular around the neighborhood, it certainly doesn’t complete a resume. But I digress. If I could just get her to read it, she’d find that History of the Tie Dye Bra is a 50,000-word, humorous YA romance that uses Jackie’s witty narrative to tear at the heart and mend the soul."

I am leaning towards the first one as it's obviously more professional. Opinions?