Dear …,
[something here about them and all the research I've done to ensure that they are a good fit with my novel]
Teddy, an overweight fantasy aficionado, is obsessed with the concept of the hero. He knows that even if nothing about him is heroic he has the mettle to become one … someday. At present, he has more pressing issues, like his job at the local gym. Never has he felt so inadequate. Life is a constant reminder of how far he lies from ideal. Not that it spurs him take any action. That catalyst for change comes when his co-corker, Tia, – his destined princess, as he thinks of her – says, "you would look totally hot if you lost fifty-pounds," Teddy infers more than she means to imply and decides to do something he has never before attempted – lose weight.
If only he knew where to start.
After a mishap that involves dropping a couple hundred pounds on his head, he is approached by the gym's most persistent nutcase – a man in a bright green fanny pack named Stan – and offered help. Unsure, but fully aware that he has no other option, Teddy accepts.
It all seems so easy at first. However, the smooth path soon becomes a jagged and twisted maze with obstacles lurking around every bend. Tia's boyfriend returns to town and pops the bubble of Teddy's inflating self-esteem. Stan's daughter becomes a confusing confound in Teddy's hermetic life. Former nemeses become allies. Through it all, Teddy finds himself acting less and less like the hero he wants to become and more like the immodest kids he once despised. In the end, his actions may forfeit his chances for the one thing he wants: Tia.
THE RISE OF TEDDY, a work of commercial fiction, is complete at 97,000 words.
I am a graduate of 2006 Stanford University and was once an overweight kid myself.
Sincerely,
LP Vendrell
Showing posts with label Commercial Fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Commercial Fiction. Show all posts
Sep 12, 2011
Mar 6, 2011
QUERY -- ACES
A British tennis star’s prolific career is derailed by her all-consuming love for the gifted American wunderkind. As her world spirals out of control, she must choose—phenomenal career or personal happiness?
World-famous tennis star Gemma Lennon wants to be recognized as one of the best in the sport, but without a grand slam, she risks going down as another celebrity-athlete who is more celebrity than athlete. After a devastating loss against Venus Williams at the French Open, she hits emotional bottom. It is during this low that Gemma falls for Andre Reyes, the young and gifted American businessman.
Gemma and Andre have built extraordinary careers on planning, discipline, and focus. But from their first encounter in Paris to subsequent meetings across the globe, logic and reason are replaced with youthful joy and passion. They find that overcoming their competitive and uncompromising natures in their relationship is further exacerbated when the worlds of competitive tennis and global consulting are threatened by the implications of their love affair. Now, Wimbledon looms. Gemma’s country and her sponsors expect their young star to win it all. She, however, is sinking under the mounting pressure. Meanwhile, Andre faces his own pressures to focus on his contractual commitment to the firm—his employer will do anything to assure Andre remains focused.
Their relationship destabilizes the grinding machine—competitive play, sponsors, employers, clients, media, and their own professional ambitions—until their worlds collide in a dramatic conclusion.
ACES (commercial fiction) is complete at 94,000 words. This is my first novel. I’ve included the first five pages below, and I can supply the entire manuscript if desired.
Thank you for your consideration.
World-famous tennis star Gemma Lennon wants to be recognized as one of the best in the sport, but without a grand slam, she risks going down as another celebrity-athlete who is more celebrity than athlete. After a devastating loss against Venus Williams at the French Open, she hits emotional bottom. It is during this low that Gemma falls for Andre Reyes, the young and gifted American businessman.
Gemma and Andre have built extraordinary careers on planning, discipline, and focus. But from their first encounter in Paris to subsequent meetings across the globe, logic and reason are replaced with youthful joy and passion. They find that overcoming their competitive and uncompromising natures in their relationship is further exacerbated when the worlds of competitive tennis and global consulting are threatened by the implications of their love affair. Now, Wimbledon looms. Gemma’s country and her sponsors expect their young star to win it all. She, however, is sinking under the mounting pressure. Meanwhile, Andre faces his own pressures to focus on his contractual commitment to the firm—his employer will do anything to assure Andre remains focused.
Their relationship destabilizes the grinding machine—competitive play, sponsors, employers, clients, media, and their own professional ambitions—until their worlds collide in a dramatic conclusion.
ACES (commercial fiction) is complete at 94,000 words. This is my first novel. I’ve included the first five pages below, and I can supply the entire manuscript if desired.
Thank you for your consideration.
Feb 10, 2011
COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT (2ND VERSION)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
At 26 Laura Armstrong can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the evil man who chases her in nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her special powers to save herself as she is next, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him there when she visits the lake, searching for answers. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the man who wants her dead is part of her destiny too.
With the killer closing in fast, Laura decides she must fight him alone using her special powers to save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself and can Laura give her heart to Ben if he knows what she really is?
I am seeking representation of my first novel, A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Agent,
At 26 Laura Armstrong can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the evil man who chases her in nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her special powers to save herself as she is next, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him there when she visits the lake, searching for answers. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the man who wants her dead is part of her destiny too.
With the killer closing in fast, Laura decides she must fight him alone using her special powers to save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself and can Laura give her heart to Ben if he knows what she really is?
I am seeking representation of my first novel, A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Feb 8, 2011
COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT
Dear Agent,
I am seeking your representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel in the tradition of Dean Koontz.
Laura Armstrong discovers her special powers as a child only to endure a life of tragedy as those she loves are gruesomely murdered and she must unravel her past to face the monster that stalks her and the man she loves – all bonded by a destiny they never could have imagined.
At 26 Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the monster in her nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her powers to save herself, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it and spent the rest of his life haunted by their deaths. He returns to the lake to find peace but also finds himself opening his heart to love when he meets Laura there seeking answers too. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the monster who wants her dead is part of who she is.
With the escaped killer closing in fast, Laura knows only she can fight the monster with her powers and save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself luckily so, and can Laura give her heart to Ben knowing what she really is?
This is my first novel and I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript of A HUMAN ELEMENT. I am a freelance writer for an advertising agency and a former marketing communications manager.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Chap 4
He swung his backpack over his shoulder then glanced back at the bare room that didn’t belong to him. He fought off self-pity. Then he slowly opened the door and listened. He heard the murmur of the television. Its ghostly light poured from Frank’s bedroom.
Ben tiptoed to the door. He saw Frank sitting in bed, his eyes shut. He had passed out. A cigarette hung from his fingers, the ash still glowing. The television flickered, canned laughter filled the room. Ben kept his eyes on that cigarette. The ash grew. And then the cigarette fell.
It seemed to hang in the air then tumbled in slow-motion onto the sheets. Nothing happened. Then the sheets smoldered. Laughter rang out again. Ben glanced at the television. Some character ran around a kitchen. Ben’s gaze returned to that fallen cigarette, eyes unblinking. Minutes passed. It seemed like hours to him.
He knew he needed to choose. Run or pick up the cigarette and prevent the certain fire? If he did nothing and Frank died, would he be a murderer? But Frank could have killed him just now. Might still kill him, or worse, if he ever caught him. He continued to stare where the cigarette fell.
The flames burst up from the sheets and fanned along the comforter framing Frank in a soft glow. They hungrily licked through the old bedspread until Frank’s image blurred. He looked so serene, so harmless. Ben felt free and safe seeing him like that.
And he knew then. He had to live. He wanted to live. He ran.
I am seeking your representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel in the tradition of Dean Koontz.
Laura Armstrong discovers her special powers as a child only to endure a life of tragedy as those she loves are gruesomely murdered and she must unravel her past to face the monster that stalks her and the man she loves – all bonded by a destiny they never could have imagined.
At 26 Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the monster in her nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her powers to save herself, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it and spent the rest of his life haunted by their deaths. He returns to the lake to find peace but also finds himself opening his heart to love when he meets Laura there seeking answers too. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the monster who wants her dead is part of who she is.
With the escaped killer closing in fast, Laura knows only she can fight the monster with her powers and save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself luckily so, and can Laura give her heart to Ben knowing what she really is?
This is my first novel and I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript of A HUMAN ELEMENT. I am a freelance writer for an advertising agency and a former marketing communications manager.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Chap 4
He swung his backpack over his shoulder then glanced back at the bare room that didn’t belong to him. He fought off self-pity. Then he slowly opened the door and listened. He heard the murmur of the television. Its ghostly light poured from Frank’s bedroom.
Ben tiptoed to the door. He saw Frank sitting in bed, his eyes shut. He had passed out. A cigarette hung from his fingers, the ash still glowing. The television flickered, canned laughter filled the room. Ben kept his eyes on that cigarette. The ash grew. And then the cigarette fell.
It seemed to hang in the air then tumbled in slow-motion onto the sheets. Nothing happened. Then the sheets smoldered. Laughter rang out again. Ben glanced at the television. Some character ran around a kitchen. Ben’s gaze returned to that fallen cigarette, eyes unblinking. Minutes passed. It seemed like hours to him.
He knew he needed to choose. Run or pick up the cigarette and prevent the certain fire? If he did nothing and Frank died, would he be a murderer? But Frank could have killed him just now. Might still kill him, or worse, if he ever caught him. He continued to stare where the cigarette fell.
The flames burst up from the sheets and fanned along the comforter framing Frank in a soft glow. They hungrily licked through the old bedspread until Frank’s image blurred. He looked so serene, so harmless. Ben felt free and safe seeing him like that.
And he knew then. He had to live. He wanted to live. He ran.
Dec 23, 2010
Query- All Because of You (Fourth Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear [Agent Name],
Forced to commit murder in order to survive, Adelaide Banvard can’t rid herself of the demon in her mind. Faithful to the end, she’s stood at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the only asset capable of keeping her violent tendencies at bay. For the past ten years, she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands as she grows eager to take control of her own life, one that doesn’t consist of orders and demands.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization, battles the illusions in her head, and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is suspenseful commercial fiction complete at 75,000 words. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia. I have included [whatever they request] per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear [Agent Name],
Forced to commit murder in order to survive, Adelaide Banvard can’t rid herself of the demon in her mind. Faithful to the end, she’s stood at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the only asset capable of keeping her violent tendencies at bay. For the past ten years, she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands as she grows eager to take control of her own life, one that doesn’t consist of orders and demands.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization, battles the illusions in her head, and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is suspenseful commercial fiction complete at 75,000 words. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia. I have included [whatever they request] per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Feb 21, 2010
Query - Avid Heights (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear (Agent):
Just like every other girl in the city of Avid Heights, Sailor Tulley has a crush on the local superhero, Corey Cantrell. It’s too bad she’s the sidekick of his nemesis, the city villain.
When Sailor ditches her sidekick disguise to get closer to Corey, she’s surprised to see that he returns her feelings. But when her boss mysteriously discovers her relationship with his rival the same day that Corey begins giving her the cold shoulder, she realizes it’s no coincidence. The connection between hero and villain runs deeper than she expected, and Corey may not be the hero that he says he is.
She must now decide which is more important: salvaging a relationship with her ideal man, or holding onto her irreplaceable career. Both hero and villain are lying about their identity, and the only way for Sailor to make a decision is to uncover who they really are.
AVID HEIGHTS is a work of commercial fiction complete at 60,000 words. This book can stand alone, but I also have a sequel planned.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
** Notes from the author:
1) Thank you so much to those who helped me shorten this query, and to Rick for making this possible. I welcome as many more critiques as it takes.
2) I'm trying this from a "commercial fiction" angle instead of chick lit. Does this work?
Dear (Agent):
Just like every other girl in the city of Avid Heights, Sailor Tulley has a crush on the local superhero, Corey Cantrell. It’s too bad she’s the sidekick of his nemesis, the city villain.
When Sailor ditches her sidekick disguise to get closer to Corey, she’s surprised to see that he returns her feelings. But when her boss mysteriously discovers her relationship with his rival the same day that Corey begins giving her the cold shoulder, she realizes it’s no coincidence. The connection between hero and villain runs deeper than she expected, and Corey may not be the hero that he says he is.
She must now decide which is more important: salvaging a relationship with her ideal man, or holding onto her irreplaceable career. Both hero and villain are lying about their identity, and the only way for Sailor to make a decision is to uncover who they really are.
AVID HEIGHTS is a work of commercial fiction complete at 60,000 words. This book can stand alone, but I also have a sequel planned.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
** Notes from the author:
1) Thank you so much to those who helped me shorten this query, and to Rick for making this possible. I welcome as many more critiques as it takes.
2) I'm trying this from a "commercial fiction" angle instead of chick lit. Does this work?
Sep 11, 2009
La Dame D'Or - 1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.
A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.
A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.
As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.
A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.
A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.
As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sep 5, 2009
Query- La Dame D'Or
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words. I have completed one other novel, which is currently undergoing revisions. Although I categorize La Dame D’Or as commercial fiction, a large percentage of the story takes place, through flashbacks, in the distant past.
When her long dead and quite ridiculous doctoral thesis suddenly mires Eleanor Lyons in an unfamiliar world filled with hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunters, she first and foremost resents the intrusion on her quiet life. Connor Stevens, a handsome but elusive man harboring a keen interest in her research, suddenly appears in her life around the same time. Desperate to gain her trust, Connor attempts to bully her by tossing an unknown entity into the mix: he is not the only one who believes she holds the key to the resting place of an ancient treasure.
A man who has destroyed Connor’s life for his own pleasure, the bloodthirsty and relentless Jonathan Dubois will stop at nothing to possess the Trinity Medallions, which he believes belong to him through familial descent. Proving Connor’s claim and forcing Eleanor’s hand, he kidnaps Gabrielle, her best friend. Keeping silent is no longer an option as Jonathan holds her friend hostage in exchange for the information in Eleanor's head. Trading herself and her knowledge for her friend’s freedom, Eleanor is forced to do something she hates even more than giving in to pushy and violent men. Trusting pushy and violent men. Unable to claw her way out of Jonathan's clutches on her own, Eleanor reveals the location of the medallions to Connor and his cohorts though she isn’t at all sure her life is more important to him than finding the medallions. At the mercy of a trained, psychotic killer, she has to trust that Connor won’t forget about her now that she has given him what he wants.
I love history and believe that the legends, myths, and characters it provides us are timeless and, if spun effectively, remain both appealing and exciting for all generations of readers. This story races along the path traveled by this elusive ancient treasure while employing detailed flashbacks to let us intimately know the historical figures that helped ensure its survival. I believe this novel succeeds in celebrating the interconnectivity of human life through the centuries, as well as illustrating the legacy that each generation leaves for the next.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. I believe this story will appeal to the many readers of books like those written by Iris Johanssen as well as to the masses drawn to the historical framework of the National Treasure films Thank you for your consideration of this proposal.
When her long dead and quite ridiculous doctoral thesis suddenly mires Eleanor Lyons in an unfamiliar world filled with hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunters, she first and foremost resents the intrusion on her quiet life. Connor Stevens, a handsome but elusive man harboring a keen interest in her research, suddenly appears in her life around the same time. Desperate to gain her trust, Connor attempts to bully her by tossing an unknown entity into the mix: he is not the only one who believes she holds the key to the resting place of an ancient treasure.
A man who has destroyed Connor’s life for his own pleasure, the bloodthirsty and relentless Jonathan Dubois will stop at nothing to possess the Trinity Medallions, which he believes belong to him through familial descent. Proving Connor’s claim and forcing Eleanor’s hand, he kidnaps Gabrielle, her best friend. Keeping silent is no longer an option as Jonathan holds her friend hostage in exchange for the information in Eleanor's head. Trading herself and her knowledge for her friend’s freedom, Eleanor is forced to do something she hates even more than giving in to pushy and violent men. Trusting pushy and violent men. Unable to claw her way out of Jonathan's clutches on her own, Eleanor reveals the location of the medallions to Connor and his cohorts though she isn’t at all sure her life is more important to him than finding the medallions. At the mercy of a trained, psychotic killer, she has to trust that Connor won’t forget about her now that she has given him what he wants.
I love history and believe that the legends, myths, and characters it provides us are timeless and, if spun effectively, remain both appealing and exciting for all generations of readers. This story races along the path traveled by this elusive ancient treasure while employing detailed flashbacks to let us intimately know the historical figures that helped ensure its survival. I believe this novel succeeds in celebrating the interconnectivity of human life through the centuries, as well as illustrating the legacy that each generation leaves for the next.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. I believe this story will appeal to the many readers of books like those written by Iris Johanssen as well as to the masses drawn to the historical framework of the National Treasure films Thank you for your consideration of this proposal.
Aug 21, 2009
Query "Stand-In" Revision 1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Kelly Jo Carter is the object of a killer’s twisted obsession. She is also a woman with a severe, yet well placed, mistrust of law enforcement. When she finds herself smack dab in the center of an investigation into the murders of several local women, she needs to decide if she can trust Detective John Broden and Special Agent Alex Darby. This time around, though, Kelly has an advantage because she has something that the lawmen want; the name of the serial killer they are hunting. Broden and Darby both realize that Kelly is no doubt the killer’s endgame so they want more than a name. They want to use Kelly as bait. Kelly is aware that she will never be safe until this particular man is off the streets, and in theory, Broden and Darby could help accomplish that. But, the last time she had sought the help of authorities where this prominent citizen was concerned, things had not gone well. Now, she fears that if she gives these new investigators the killer’s name, the entire matter will be covered up… again.
“Stand-In” is a completed 84,000-word commercial fiction thriller that will appeal to readers of John Sandford’s Prey Series as well as readers of Sandra Brown’s thrillers. “Stand-In” will be the first of at least three novels in this series; although, it is written in a way that it can stand-alone. I currently have no published works to cite, but I feel that “Stand-In” will change that.
I would be happy to send the entire manuscript or any portion of it for your review. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
Dear Agent,
Kelly Jo Carter is the object of a killer’s twisted obsession. She is also a woman with a severe, yet well placed, mistrust of law enforcement. When she finds herself smack dab in the center of an investigation into the murders of several local women, she needs to decide if she can trust Detective John Broden and Special Agent Alex Darby. This time around, though, Kelly has an advantage because she has something that the lawmen want; the name of the serial killer they are hunting. Broden and Darby both realize that Kelly is no doubt the killer’s endgame so they want more than a name. They want to use Kelly as bait. Kelly is aware that she will never be safe until this particular man is off the streets, and in theory, Broden and Darby could help accomplish that. But, the last time she had sought the help of authorities where this prominent citizen was concerned, things had not gone well. Now, she fears that if she gives these new investigators the killer’s name, the entire matter will be covered up… again.
“Stand-In” is a completed 84,000-word commercial fiction thriller that will appeal to readers of John Sandford’s Prey Series as well as readers of Sandra Brown’s thrillers. “Stand-In” will be the first of at least three novels in this series; although, it is written in a way that it can stand-alone. I currently have no published works to cite, but I feel that “Stand-In” will change that.
I would be happy to send the entire manuscript or any portion of it for your review. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
Aug 17, 2009
Query "Stand-In"
Dear Agent,
Detective John Broden and Special Agent Alex Darby have been thrust into their worst nightmare; a serial killer that leaves the next body faster than the investigators can process the evidence from the previous one. Add in the fact that the killer is clearly trying to turn each victim into some unknown woman, and Broden and Darby definitely have their work cut out for them. They both know that the key to solving the murders will be determining the identity of the mystery woman.
When they stumble into the middle of what appears to be an unrelated case, they find their key. Kelly Jo Carter is, without a doubt, the object of a killer’s twisted obsession. She is also a woman with a severe, yet well placed, mistrust of law enforcement. As Kelly lays out a story of corruption and betrayal, of brutality and abuse, it is almost more than the lawmen can believe.
“Stand-In” is a completed 84,000-word commercial fiction thriller and as a victim of a violent crime myself, I was able to incorporate some of my own experiences into the story line. “Stand-In” is not only packed with suspense, but allows readers to really feel the emotions that overwhelm victims.
I would be happy to send the entire manuscript, or any portion of it, for your review if you are interested. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
Detective John Broden and Special Agent Alex Darby have been thrust into their worst nightmare; a serial killer that leaves the next body faster than the investigators can process the evidence from the previous one. Add in the fact that the killer is clearly trying to turn each victim into some unknown woman, and Broden and Darby definitely have their work cut out for them. They both know that the key to solving the murders will be determining the identity of the mystery woman.
When they stumble into the middle of what appears to be an unrelated case, they find their key. Kelly Jo Carter is, without a doubt, the object of a killer’s twisted obsession. She is also a woman with a severe, yet well placed, mistrust of law enforcement. As Kelly lays out a story of corruption and betrayal, of brutality and abuse, it is almost more than the lawmen can believe.
“Stand-In” is a completed 84,000-word commercial fiction thriller and as a victim of a violent crime myself, I was able to incorporate some of my own experiences into the story line. “Stand-In” is not only packed with suspense, but allows readers to really feel the emotions that overwhelm victims.
I would be happy to send the entire manuscript, or any portion of it, for your review if you are interested. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
Jul 9, 2009
Query - Margarita Nights - V2
Click here to read the original query.
Okay, here's the second version with some minor (possibly major) changes! Thanks
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel that presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
Jared’s biggest fear is ending up alone. His current relationship is not as stable as he once thought. His love for his partner doesn’t seem enough to him any longer. He doesn’t know if he has the courage and strength to walk away from a good relationship to, maybe, find a better relationship. He just knows that love doesn’t seem enough. He just isn’t sure what price he is willing to pay to – hopefully – find his happily ever after.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Okay, here's the second version with some minor (possibly major) changes! Thanks
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel that presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
Jared’s biggest fear is ending up alone. His current relationship is not as stable as he once thought. His love for his partner doesn’t seem enough to him any longer. He doesn’t know if he has the courage and strength to walk away from a good relationship to, maybe, find a better relationship. He just knows that love doesn’t seem enough. He just isn’t sure what price he is willing to pay to – hopefully – find his happily ever after.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 29, 2009
Query - Margarita Nights
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
May 30, 2009
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 5)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 23, 2009
Query - Story for a Shipwright (Revision 4)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 20, 2009
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 3)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
What kind of girl can spear a fish at twenty feet and behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife? Shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley, has to wonder. Weighed down with family dysfunction and responsibilities, he has no time for himself, let alone peculiar Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. Samuel remains aloof, yet her preoccupation with his writing erodes his disinterest.
Finally, Marlena reveals a story of her own about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are true, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet Samuel’s biggest obstacle is his own emotional fallout from repressed memories and facing up to his grandfather’s dementia. If he lets her walk out of his life, he will miss out on an exceptional woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
Ordinary life converges with extraordinary, when Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
I am seeking representation for this novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
What kind of girl can spear a fish at twenty feet and behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife? Shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley, has to wonder. Weighed down with family dysfunction and responsibilities, he has no time for himself, let alone peculiar Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. Samuel remains aloof, yet her preoccupation with his writing erodes his disinterest.
Finally, Marlena reveals a story of her own about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are true, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet Samuel’s biggest obstacle is his own emotional fallout from repressed memories and facing up to his grandfather’s dementia. If he lets her walk out of his life, he will miss out on an exceptional woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
Ordinary life converges with extraordinary, when Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
I am seeking representation for this novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 15, 2009
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—what he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry, and will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing friend, and confront suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay. If he does not, he could miss out on an extraordinary woman and becoming part of her incredible story.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—what he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry, and will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing friend, and confront suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay. If he does not, he could miss out on an extraordinary woman and becoming part of her incredible story.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
Thank you for your consideration.
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of shipwreck and survival. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—he cannot possibly know she holds the key to his family’s past; that she will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
Samuel’s intrigue grows, and so do his feelings for Marlena. Now he must compete with his womanizing best friend, and quell his psychiatrist brother’s suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay.
If he pursues the relationship, he risks yet another failed romance, and complicates his already thorny life. Yet if he does not see it through, he will miss out on the most extraordinary woman, and incredible story he could ever imagine.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for. This character driven exploration, of our needs versus wants in a world where ordinary converges with extraordinary, resonates with all who have been at the crossroads of personal and familial reconciliation and discovery.
Thank you for your consideration.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of shipwreck and survival. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—he cannot possibly know she holds the key to his family’s past; that she will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
Samuel’s intrigue grows, and so do his feelings for Marlena. Now he must compete with his womanizing best friend, and quell his psychiatrist brother’s suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay.
If he pursues the relationship, he risks yet another failed romance, and complicates his already thorny life. Yet if he does not see it through, he will miss out on the most extraordinary woman, and incredible story he could ever imagine.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for. This character driven exploration, of our needs versus wants in a world where ordinary converges with extraordinary, resonates with all who have been at the crossroads of personal and familial reconciliation and discovery.
Thank you for your consideration.
Apr 19, 2009
Query -- A FATHER'S PROMISE
Dear Agent Name:
Ten-year-old Lucas Gibson knows there's not enough money for his mom's textbooks, a new alternator for the truck, or even a Mega Mini Scooter, but he's not worried. His dad has been hired to train an imported curly coated retriever for a field trial, and he promises that when they win, their family problems will be over. But the promise seems for naught when his father is killed in an accident that injures both Lucas and the dog and leaves their family deep in debt.
Still, Lucas can't forget. Despite his mother's objections, the disabled boy takes on the challenge of rehabbing the dog. Joined by his wayfaring uncle and a woman who trains chickens for carnivals, Lucas sets out to save his crumbling family only to find that field trials don't have a cash prize, the bank is going to foreclose on their farm regardless, and worst of all, winning will require him to choose between his father's dream and the dog he loves. His dad's promise sure isn't turning out like Lucas expected. Can his family help him find his happy ending?
A FATHER'S PROMISE, a 100,000 word novel written for the commercial/mainstream fiction market, is a story of faith and healing as three generations of an estranged family come together to fulfill a father's last promise to his son.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Name
Contact information
Ten-year-old Lucas Gibson knows there's not enough money for his mom's textbooks, a new alternator for the truck, or even a Mega Mini Scooter, but he's not worried. His dad has been hired to train an imported curly coated retriever for a field trial, and he promises that when they win, their family problems will be over. But the promise seems for naught when his father is killed in an accident that injures both Lucas and the dog and leaves their family deep in debt.
Still, Lucas can't forget. Despite his mother's objections, the disabled boy takes on the challenge of rehabbing the dog. Joined by his wayfaring uncle and a woman who trains chickens for carnivals, Lucas sets out to save his crumbling family only to find that field trials don't have a cash prize, the bank is going to foreclose on their farm regardless, and worst of all, winning will require him to choose between his father's dream and the dog he loves. His dad's promise sure isn't turning out like Lucas expected. Can his family help him find his happy ending?
A FATHER'S PROMISE, a 100,000 word novel written for the commercial/mainstream fiction market, is a story of faith and healing as three generations of an estranged family come together to fulfill a father's last promise to his son.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Name
Contact information
Mar 23, 2009
REVISED QUERY - WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT
Click here to read the original query.
Dear (Agent’s Name):
If making women laugh and think were Olympic events, seventy-four-year-old Liz McCall would win the gold. If she could change anything about her life, she’d change damn near everything.
Born in Mississippi, divorced from several well-heeled Texans, and a source of wit, wisdom, and imperious advice for the black and white staff and clients at the salon, Liz takes a special interest in Leah Starks, a twenty-six-year-old whose life has been burdened by abandonment issues and doubts about her self-worth. When Leah’s emotionally distant mother is killed in an automobile accident, her life changes for the better after Liz unravels a family secret that lies in the spelling of Leah’s name. With her health deteriorating, and estranged from all but the youngest of her six sons, Liz has to decide to whom she will bequeath her wealth—if, when, and how she should reveal the family secret she has kept for almost fifty years—and how she will want her epitaph to read.
WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT, a 79,000-word novel written for the commercial and women’s fiction markets, centers on an agnostic beauty salon denizen, the influence she has on the lives of saints and sinners, and the six things in life that are free.
I hold a BBA from the University of Texas at Arlington. Privy to the humorous conversations, philosophical musings, and stories women tell while getting clipped, rolled, tinted, permed, manicured, and pedicured, I’ve had a standing Saturday appointment with the same hairstylist for twenty-five years and a standing appointment every other Saturday with the same nail technician for fifteen years.
Some of life’s greatest lessons and best kept secrets can be learned at the beauty salon.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Regards,
R. Battles
Dear (Agent’s Name):
If making women laugh and think were Olympic events, seventy-four-year-old Liz McCall would win the gold. If she could change anything about her life, she’d change damn near everything.
Born in Mississippi, divorced from several well-heeled Texans, and a source of wit, wisdom, and imperious advice for the black and white staff and clients at the salon, Liz takes a special interest in Leah Starks, a twenty-six-year-old whose life has been burdened by abandonment issues and doubts about her self-worth. When Leah’s emotionally distant mother is killed in an automobile accident, her life changes for the better after Liz unravels a family secret that lies in the spelling of Leah’s name. With her health deteriorating, and estranged from all but the youngest of her six sons, Liz has to decide to whom she will bequeath her wealth—if, when, and how she should reveal the family secret she has kept for almost fifty years—and how she will want her epitaph to read.
WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT, a 79,000-word novel written for the commercial and women’s fiction markets, centers on an agnostic beauty salon denizen, the influence she has on the lives of saints and sinners, and the six things in life that are free.
I hold a BBA from the University of Texas at Arlington. Privy to the humorous conversations, philosophical musings, and stories women tell while getting clipped, rolled, tinted, permed, manicured, and pedicured, I’ve had a standing Saturday appointment with the same hairstylist for twenty-five years and a standing appointment every other Saturday with the same nail technician for fifteen years.
Some of life’s greatest lessons and best kept secrets can be learned at the beauty salon.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Regards,
R. Battles
Mar 21, 2009
QUERY - WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear (Agent’s Name):
If making women laugh and think were Olympic events, seventy-four-year-old Liz McCall would win the gold. If she could change anything about her life, she’d change damn near everything.
WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT, a 79,000-word novel written for the commercial and women’s fiction markets, centers on an agnostic beauty salon denizen, the influence she has on the lives of saints and sinners, and the six things in life that are free.
Born in Mississippi, divorced from several well-heeled Texans, and a source of wit, wisdom, and imperious advice for the black and white staff and clients at the salon, Liz takes a special interest in Leah Starks, a twenty-six-year-old whose life has been burdened by abandonment issues and doubts about her self-worth. When Leah’s emotionally distant mother is killed in an automobile accident, her life changes for the better after Liz unravels a family secret that lies in the spelling of Leah’s name. With her health deteriorating, and estranged from all but the youngest of her six sons, Liz has to decide to whom she will bequeath her wealth—if, when, and how she should reveal the family secret she has kept for almost fifty years—and how she will want her epitaph to read.
The third of five sons of a Pentecostal preacher with a BBA from the University of Texas at Arlington, I’ve had a standing Saturday appointment with the same hairstylist for the past twenty-five years and a standing appointment every other Saturday with the same nail technician for the past fifteen years.
Some of life’s greatest lessons and best kept secrets can be learned at the beauty salon.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Regards,
R. Battles
FIRST FOUR PAGES
August 1998
Standing near the receptionist’s station jacked on caffeine, Margie had watched Liz McCall circle the parking lot six times while hammering on her steering wheel and cussing with her windows rolled up.
“Mornin’ Liz. You doin’ okay?”
“Fair to middlin’.” Liz patted the sides of her hair, the color of which resembled an uncirculated silver dollar and stiff enough to withstand an F-2 tornado. “I swear . . . some of those fools must’ve gotten their driver’s license out of a box of Cracker Jacks.”
Parking usually wasn’t a problem, but a new Tuesday Morning store in the strip mall was conducting its grand opening.
“Why didn’t you take that spot?” Margie said, pointing to an empty parking place only a few feet from the salon.
Liz took a big Barney Fife-like sniff. “Do you really think I’d park my Cadillac next to that big old bucket that Vivian’s husband is driving?”
The familiar, black, 1968 Mercury Parklane Brougham had a faded, fourteen-year-old REAGAN-BUSH rear bumper sticker and looked like one of the cars Steve McGarrett drove on Hawaii Five-O.
“I understand. C’mon back,” Margie said in a rush. “We’re busy today. I’ve been running my ass off.”
“Dear, you ain’t got no ass, but I know whatcha meant.”
Possessing an average build, an eye for trendy apparel, a cultured, heavy-pitched voice, and a dowager’s hump attributed more to age than anything else, Liz’s striking blue eyes had faded to a smoky, bluish-gray as the years had gone by.
Teal, salmon, and beige wallpaper, a sandstone tiled floor, white antiques, art, and an assortment of bric-a-brac gave the salon a quaint, 19th century charm. Three hair styling stations eight feet apart lined one wall. Each station included a large, French Provençal commodore. One of the stations belonged to Margie. One was leased to Dorothy Curtis. The third was leased by twenty-four-year-old Dekoda Mills, a former waitress, a former bartender, and a former dancer at places where men drool and women rule.
On the opposite side of the room were three antique white, single pedestal shampoo basins. Four hair dryers were situated on a third wall that separated the main part of the salon from the customer waiting area. In the nail room, which was located at the back next to the break room, were two manicure stations and three armchairs. For the comfort and privacy of Leann Wells’ and Cookie James’s customers, two plush, Italian designed pedicure stations with adjustable reclining seats and drop-in, self-cleaning basins resided in an alcove.
Liz took a seat at one of the shampoo basins and leaned her head back as Margie released the leg rest.
“We missed you last Saturday,” Margie said. “I believe it’s the first Saturday that I haven’t seen you in . . .”
“Seven years.”
“How was your trip to D.C.?”
“It was good. I had planned to get back Friday night so I wouldn’t miss my appointment, but my flight was cancelled at the last minute due to bad weather somewhere between Washington and Dallas.”
“Thanks for calling to let me know you wouldn’t be coming in. I wish all of our clients were as considerate. Didcha go visit some of your people?”
“No. Just a nice family that I’ve known for many years. A husband, a wife, and their two daughters. The girls are almost grown now. When they were little, they used to call me Miss Liz.”
“I’m sure they all love you,” Margie said, showing a toothy smile. “You have a way with women, young and old.”
“Humph. Too bad I wasn’t as good with the opposite sex.”
Margie shampooed, rinsed, and conditioned Liz’s hair, then escorted Liz to her styling chair.
* * *
Vivian Dewese’s husband came in to use the restroom. An elastic band held his black-framed, trifocals tightly to his head and face. Victimized by male pattern baldness, a few unusually long strands of hair on the right side of his head were combed over to the left side. Otherwise, the top of his head looked like a sun roof. His yellow and kale plaid beltless pants were pulled damn near up to his chest. Black argyle socks barely covered where his anklebones connected to his leg bones. The scent from the excessive amount of Old Spice he was wearing hung in the air.
Margie, Liz, Dorothy, and Dorothy’s walk-in client held their breaths and avoided looking at each other to stifle their snickering.
Moments later, Norbert and Vivian ambled out of the nail room. Five years into her sixties, plump, low breasted, sallow complexioned, and garbed in a loud red and yellow pants suit and a matching fanny pack around her waist, Vivian’s wide, yellow, Minnie Mouse looking orthopedic pumps had seen better days. Born and raised in a town in East Texas where cattle outnumbered people, and more familiar with Oscar Mayer than Oscar de La Renta, the small, tight curls in her cayenne pepper colored hair were just the way she liked them, although they didn’t flatter her at all.
“Vivian, your hair looks good.” Margie took a purposeful step forward to give Vivian a hug. But with her small frame, and barely standing five feet with her shoes on, she was unable to get her arms completely around Vivian’s waist and back. “We’ll see you in two weeks.”
“I’ll be here,” Vivian said, “if my arthritis ain’t acting up.”
Assaulting the senses of everyone who was in their path or in their direct line of sight, Vivian pulled up the elastic waistband of her all-you-can-eat pants and scratched an itch that appeared to reside somewhere between her anus and her small intestines.
Dear (Agent’s Name):
If making women laugh and think were Olympic events, seventy-four-year-old Liz McCall would win the gold. If she could change anything about her life, she’d change damn near everything.
WHEN HEARTS CRY OUT, a 79,000-word novel written for the commercial and women’s fiction markets, centers on an agnostic beauty salon denizen, the influence she has on the lives of saints and sinners, and the six things in life that are free.
Born in Mississippi, divorced from several well-heeled Texans, and a source of wit, wisdom, and imperious advice for the black and white staff and clients at the salon, Liz takes a special interest in Leah Starks, a twenty-six-year-old whose life has been burdened by abandonment issues and doubts about her self-worth. When Leah’s emotionally distant mother is killed in an automobile accident, her life changes for the better after Liz unravels a family secret that lies in the spelling of Leah’s name. With her health deteriorating, and estranged from all but the youngest of her six sons, Liz has to decide to whom she will bequeath her wealth—if, when, and how she should reveal the family secret she has kept for almost fifty years—and how she will want her epitaph to read.
The third of five sons of a Pentecostal preacher with a BBA from the University of Texas at Arlington, I’ve had a standing Saturday appointment with the same hairstylist for the past twenty-five years and a standing appointment every other Saturday with the same nail technician for the past fifteen years.
Some of life’s greatest lessons and best kept secrets can be learned at the beauty salon.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Regards,
R. Battles
FIRST FOUR PAGES
August 1998
Standing near the receptionist’s station jacked on caffeine, Margie had watched Liz McCall circle the parking lot six times while hammering on her steering wheel and cussing with her windows rolled up.
“Mornin’ Liz. You doin’ okay?”
“Fair to middlin’.” Liz patted the sides of her hair, the color of which resembled an uncirculated silver dollar and stiff enough to withstand an F-2 tornado. “I swear . . . some of those fools must’ve gotten their driver’s license out of a box of Cracker Jacks.”
Parking usually wasn’t a problem, but a new Tuesday Morning store in the strip mall was conducting its grand opening.
“Why didn’t you take that spot?” Margie said, pointing to an empty parking place only a few feet from the salon.
Liz took a big Barney Fife-like sniff. “Do you really think I’d park my Cadillac next to that big old bucket that Vivian’s husband is driving?”
The familiar, black, 1968 Mercury Parklane Brougham had a faded, fourteen-year-old REAGAN-BUSH rear bumper sticker and looked like one of the cars Steve McGarrett drove on Hawaii Five-O.
“I understand. C’mon back,” Margie said in a rush. “We’re busy today. I’ve been running my ass off.”
“Dear, you ain’t got no ass, but I know whatcha meant.”
Possessing an average build, an eye for trendy apparel, a cultured, heavy-pitched voice, and a dowager’s hump attributed more to age than anything else, Liz’s striking blue eyes had faded to a smoky, bluish-gray as the years had gone by.
Teal, salmon, and beige wallpaper, a sandstone tiled floor, white antiques, art, and an assortment of bric-a-brac gave the salon a quaint, 19th century charm. Three hair styling stations eight feet apart lined one wall. Each station included a large, French Provençal commodore. One of the stations belonged to Margie. One was leased to Dorothy Curtis. The third was leased by twenty-four-year-old Dekoda Mills, a former waitress, a former bartender, and a former dancer at places where men drool and women rule.
On the opposite side of the room were three antique white, single pedestal shampoo basins. Four hair dryers were situated on a third wall that separated the main part of the salon from the customer waiting area. In the nail room, which was located at the back next to the break room, were two manicure stations and three armchairs. For the comfort and privacy of Leann Wells’ and Cookie James’s customers, two plush, Italian designed pedicure stations with adjustable reclining seats and drop-in, self-cleaning basins resided in an alcove.
Liz took a seat at one of the shampoo basins and leaned her head back as Margie released the leg rest.
“We missed you last Saturday,” Margie said. “I believe it’s the first Saturday that I haven’t seen you in . . .”
“Seven years.”
“How was your trip to D.C.?”
“It was good. I had planned to get back Friday night so I wouldn’t miss my appointment, but my flight was cancelled at the last minute due to bad weather somewhere between Washington and Dallas.”
“Thanks for calling to let me know you wouldn’t be coming in. I wish all of our clients were as considerate. Didcha go visit some of your people?”
“No. Just a nice family that I’ve known for many years. A husband, a wife, and their two daughters. The girls are almost grown now. When they were little, they used to call me Miss Liz.”
“I’m sure they all love you,” Margie said, showing a toothy smile. “You have a way with women, young and old.”
“Humph. Too bad I wasn’t as good with the opposite sex.”
Margie shampooed, rinsed, and conditioned Liz’s hair, then escorted Liz to her styling chair.
* * *
Vivian Dewese’s husband came in to use the restroom. An elastic band held his black-framed, trifocals tightly to his head and face. Victimized by male pattern baldness, a few unusually long strands of hair on the right side of his head were combed over to the left side. Otherwise, the top of his head looked like a sun roof. His yellow and kale plaid beltless pants were pulled damn near up to his chest. Black argyle socks barely covered where his anklebones connected to his leg bones. The scent from the excessive amount of Old Spice he was wearing hung in the air.
Margie, Liz, Dorothy, and Dorothy’s walk-in client held their breaths and avoided looking at each other to stifle their snickering.
Moments later, Norbert and Vivian ambled out of the nail room. Five years into her sixties, plump, low breasted, sallow complexioned, and garbed in a loud red and yellow pants suit and a matching fanny pack around her waist, Vivian’s wide, yellow, Minnie Mouse looking orthopedic pumps had seen better days. Born and raised in a town in East Texas where cattle outnumbered people, and more familiar with Oscar Mayer than Oscar de La Renta, the small, tight curls in her cayenne pepper colored hair were just the way she liked them, although they didn’t flatter her at all.
“Vivian, your hair looks good.” Margie took a purposeful step forward to give Vivian a hug. But with her small frame, and barely standing five feet with her shoes on, she was unable to get her arms completely around Vivian’s waist and back. “We’ll see you in two weeks.”
“I’ll be here,” Vivian said, “if my arthritis ain’t acting up.”
Assaulting the senses of everyone who was in their path or in their direct line of sight, Vivian pulled up the elastic waistband of her all-you-can-eat pants and scratched an itch that appeared to reside somewhere between her anus and her small intestines.
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