Jul 26, 2009

Calling All Synopses

The vote results are in. Actually, they've been in for several days now but I've been really busy, so I'm just now getting to them.

53% of the voters have a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell. I mean critiques. More critiques.

23% are voting-class lurkers, and they read everything on this site regardless. These are the people that also read every word on each cereal box. Every morning.

13% will decide when they see the title pop up in Google Reader. If is says "Query" in it, it's a sure thing, otherwise, (shakes Magic 8-Ball): Future Uncertain.

10% would sooner leave the blogosphere forever than read one synopsis, let alone a flood of them. Luckily they also can screen the titles in Google Reader and Mark As Read any posts categorized under the S-word.

So the writing on the wall is clear, which I absolutely expect from this crowd. Send your Synopses, I will post them, and they will be critiqued.


Query Revision 1 - Kingmaker (formerly A Profusion of Want)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the sample pages.

Note: This is a revision of my previous query for A Profusion of Want (which has since been retitled Kingmaker). That query had a very positive response from everyone here, but other readers pointed out some flaws and I reworked it. I'm not sure whether this is an improvement, so I'm hoping for feedback in that respect as well as general feedback.

Dear [Agent],

Sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson doesn’t believe in magic, but she does believe that willpower can accomplish anything. All her life she’s willed herself to win sports and academic tournaments, and for the past three years, she’s willed her mother’s malignant brain tumor to remain small and non-fatal. Then she meets Grey, the strong-willed man angling to become her stepfather, and her carefully-cultivated control over her life begins to slip away.

Grey, the CEO of an international corporation called Kingmakers, woos Shale’s mother with gifts and affection. At the same time, he challenges Shale, testing the strength of her will and using her competitive nature to lure her toward Kingmakers, which is really the public face of a hidden world—a world of people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same—a world which, unbeknownst to Shale, Grey intends for her to one day rule. Five months after Grey enters the Petersons’ lives, he and Shale’s mother depart for their honeymoon, only to disappear—leaving an unsuspecting and worried Shale vulnerable to attack from the many people who don’t want her to become Grey’s successor.

After being run down in a parking lot, nearly killed by piano wire strung neck-high across a stairwell, attacked by hired thugs, and told that she must decide whether to accept the burden of becoming Kingmakers’ next leader, Shale’s had enough. Magic or not, the only thing she can rely on now is her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her attackers. With it, she’s going to rescue her mother, whose brain tumor is still a constant threat.

And if they've hurt her mother? Shale is going to burn their world down.

KINGMAKER is a young adult novel, complete at 83,000 words.

[Personalized.] I am a student in [redacted] University's MFA in Creative Writing program.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included the first five pages below. I would welcome the opportunity to send sample chapters or the complete manuscript.