Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read revision #2.
My thanks to all who weighed in on the original. Here's revision number 1 (actually query #16) for Ferris' Bluff.
Dear Agent,
Ace Evans, ex-Navy SEAL and undercover operative, is on the run--has been for the three years since his family was brutally murdered and he was left for dead. He’s running from the Witness Protection Program that betrayed him, from Russian arms dealers still out for revenge, and from his own nightmares of that fiery night and his scarred self-image.
FERRIS’ BLUFF, a 96K word thriller, is the story of a lonely man seeking a connection to his past, a glimpse of the life he’s forced to hide from, and what he has to do to once he realizes that he has finally found sanctuary and healing love.
Risking a brief visit with his old friend, Granville Tubbs, Ace reluctantly stays in the quaint town of Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas after he learns that Tubbs is in a coma and is being kept in near isolation by the lawyer, Tremont.
While trying to unravel the lawyer’s motives and maneuvering to see that Tubbs gets proper treatment Ace is drawn into the lives of Annie Travers, her two children, and a collection of townsfolk that are friendly and trusting, and, well…a bit nosy. There’s ‘gossip in the water’ in Ferris’ Bluff. He can’t seem to avoid making friends, try as he might to stay aloof and true to his alias.
He can’t seem to avoid making enemies either. Ace is soon at odds with Tremont, his scheming wife, and a brutal town tough named Pink.
A young Deputy Marshal tracks him down. He urges Ace to return to the WPP and warns him that the Russians are probably watching Tubbs.
Ace won’t go back. He can’t.
Why? The accident that killed Annie’s husband and left her daughter paralyzed was no accident. One of his new friends is murdered. He discovers that Tremont has stolen some mineral rights from Tubbs, the underlying catalyst for all of the local tragedies. Tubbs regains consciousness, drawing the Russians dangerously close by using Ace’s real name.
All the while the affection he is trying to deny for Annie grows. It’s a very mutual attraction and Ace is more determined than ever to set things right. With a little luck, a little larceny, and some help from his new friends he might just pull off his audacious ruse.
Thank you for your interest in FERRIS’ BLUFF. I look forward to hearing from you.
Aug 2, 2009
QUERY - SAVE US - Christian Fiction
A revision of this query had been posted. Click here to read it.
Hi everyone, I just discovered this site and it looks like an amazing resource! I'd appreciate any help you could give with my query. Thanks!
Vipul
Dear Agent:
Every year, hundreds of millions of people celebrate Christ's death and resurrection during Easter weekend. But what was he doing during those three days? And if his death and resurrection were so important, why didn't Satan stop it? My completed 75,000-word novel, SAVE US, seeks to give one possible answer to these questions.
Phoebus is a young, orphaned fisherman living in ancient Phoenicia during the time of Christ.
When he and his love Ariadna drown in a storm, they find themselves on the outskirts of Hell. Captured, separated, and enslaved, they sink into despair, until Phoebus inadvertently sparks a rebellion against his demon captors. He soon meets Durus, a mercenary angel sent to aid him, who informs Phoebus that this conflict is meant by God to distract the devil from events on Earth. As Jesus' path takes him to the cross, Phoebus undertakes a task that transforms him as much as it changes the fate of the slaves in Hell.
As a young ophthalmologist immersed in the world of medicine for the past decade, writing this first novel has helped me to come up for air, and the book has grown with me. Though it takes place long ago, many of the trials faced by these characters are reflections of my own struggle for identity as a Christian Indian-American. This inspirational tale, dealing with love, loss, pain, and redemption, would appeal to readers in both the Christian and mainstream markets.
I have enclosed a SASE per your guidelines. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Hi everyone, I just discovered this site and it looks like an amazing resource! I'd appreciate any help you could give with my query. Thanks!
Vipul
Dear Agent:
Every year, hundreds of millions of people celebrate Christ's death and resurrection during Easter weekend. But what was he doing during those three days? And if his death and resurrection were so important, why didn't Satan stop it? My completed 75,000-word novel, SAVE US, seeks to give one possible answer to these questions.
Phoebus is a young, orphaned fisherman living in ancient Phoenicia during the time of Christ.
When he and his love Ariadna drown in a storm, they find themselves on the outskirts of Hell. Captured, separated, and enslaved, they sink into despair, until Phoebus inadvertently sparks a rebellion against his demon captors. He soon meets Durus, a mercenary angel sent to aid him, who informs Phoebus that this conflict is meant by God to distract the devil from events on Earth. As Jesus' path takes him to the cross, Phoebus undertakes a task that transforms him as much as it changes the fate of the slaves in Hell.
As a young ophthalmologist immersed in the world of medicine for the past decade, writing this first novel has helped me to come up for air, and the book has grown with me. Though it takes place long ago, many of the trials faced by these characters are reflections of my own struggle for identity as a Christian Indian-American. This inspirational tale, dealing with love, loss, pain, and redemption, would appeal to readers in both the Christian and mainstream markets.
I have enclosed a SASE per your guidelines. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
QUERY - Vampire Vacation - Revised
Click here to read the original query.
This one is a hit! I got another response in less than 12 hours - Yay!
Thanks guys!
Dear XXX,
I'm writing you to seek representation for my 90,000 word erotic urban fantasy Vampire Vacation which four editors requested in full at the recent Romance Writer’s of America National convention.
What do you get when you combine a 580-year-old vampire, her human husband, and a resort for the undead? A sexually charged, sardonic relationship between a married couple and a never ending cast of unique characters.
Meet Vivian, the supernatural equivalent of Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island, who projects illusions to create the perfect vacation spot for vampires in Alaska. Upon a check of the guest rooms, Vivian stumbles across a murdered body, one that is neither an employee nor a guest. She and her husband, Rafe, hide the corpse, convinced they can track down the killer without alerting their customers.
When orchestrating the sexual escapades of some guests and questioning others proves too much for her, Vivian listens to Rafe’s advice. For the first time in hundreds of years, she agrees to involve and trust an outsider for assistance. It’s a difficult step for Vivian, who knows in the end she may wind up having to kill to keep her secrets safe.
I’m contacting you because your agency represents XXXX, whose novel I enjoyed. I've researched you online and have stopped by your XXXX site, your blog, read your interview on XXXXXX and would be honored to have you represent me.
This spring, I won a flash fiction writing contest for a horror entry, received third place in an erotica contest, and recently placed second for my rough draft of chapter one of Vampire Vacation in the RWA Dixie First sponsored contest. I’m a member of RWA, Sisters In Crime and several subchapters of these associations. My work already has a fan base of 1,000 on Facebook. Please stop by and see what some of the reviewers from my private reading group have to say about my novel: http://www.facebook.com/c.j.ellissonfanpage
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my query,
C.J. Ellisson
XXX-XXX-XXXX
cj_ellisson@yahoo.com
This one is a hit! I got another response in less than 12 hours - Yay!
Thanks guys!
Dear XXX,
I'm writing you to seek representation for my 90,000 word erotic urban fantasy Vampire Vacation which four editors requested in full at the recent Romance Writer’s of America National convention.
What do you get when you combine a 580-year-old vampire, her human husband, and a resort for the undead? A sexually charged, sardonic relationship between a married couple and a never ending cast of unique characters.
Meet Vivian, the supernatural equivalent of Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island, who projects illusions to create the perfect vacation spot for vampires in Alaska. Upon a check of the guest rooms, Vivian stumbles across a murdered body, one that is neither an employee nor a guest. She and her husband, Rafe, hide the corpse, convinced they can track down the killer without alerting their customers.
When orchestrating the sexual escapades of some guests and questioning others proves too much for her, Vivian listens to Rafe’s advice. For the first time in hundreds of years, she agrees to involve and trust an outsider for assistance. It’s a difficult step for Vivian, who knows in the end she may wind up having to kill to keep her secrets safe.
I’m contacting you because your agency represents XXXX, whose novel I enjoyed. I've researched you online and have stopped by your XXXX site, your blog, read your interview on XXXXXX and would be honored to have you represent me.
This spring, I won a flash fiction writing contest for a horror entry, received third place in an erotica contest, and recently placed second for my rough draft of chapter one of Vampire Vacation in the RWA Dixie First sponsored contest. I’m a member of RWA, Sisters In Crime and several subchapters of these associations. My work already has a fan base of 1,000 on Facebook. Please stop by and see what some of the reviewers from my private reading group have to say about my novel: http://www.facebook.com/c.j.ellissonfanpage
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my query,
C.J. Ellisson
XXX-XXX-XXXX
cj_ellisson@yahoo.com
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