Click here to read the original query.
Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.
In the world of STEAM PALACE, New England shunned the Revolution and formed the Kingdom of New Britannia. In 1878, twins are separated at birth, one to live with her abusive mother in poverty, the other raised as a favored daughter of the court. Twenty-three years later, the ‘courtly’ twin has lost her title, her lands, and the only means of supporting her family, so she travels to Hartford where she meets her double--and it’s hate at first sight. The twins view each other as the enemy, the ‘evil twin.’ To restore her family’s station, the ‘courtly’ twin seeks the hand of an ambitious Duke, but her sister is his secret lover. The Duke pits the twins against each other while he plots with their country’s enemies in search of the mythical Sea Key. As enemy heavy dirigible bombers approach their respective homes, the twins must first overcome their mutual loathing, and then use their shared ‘mad passion’ to defeat the Duke and save New Britannia from steam-powered invaders by finding the Sea Key and unlocking its power.
STEAM PALACE, a Steampunk Adventure, is complete at 120,000 words. I have completed a creative writing certificate course at the University of Washington, completed Holly Lisle’s “How To Revise Your Novel” online course, and I co-host a local critique group.
---
A couple other ideas for the hook line:
You meet your Evil Twin...but who’s to say you aren’t the evil one?
Mutually Assured Destruction is not how twins should treat each other.
Thanks for your input!
I think it can/should be shortened even more. What do you think?
Showing posts with label Steampunk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Steampunk. Show all posts
Oct 15, 2010
Sep 28, 2010
QUERY: STEAM PALACE
Dear Esteemed Literary Agent
Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.
Sophia Stratton leaves home to discover a temptress, an immoral gutter prowler named Viola living with her gentle aunt. Shocked and curious, she follows Viola to the Steam Palace, a small city of iniquity and sin built upon an ancient half-buried barge in the Connecticut River. Despite the obvious fact that Viola hails from a native tribe and lacks the slightest touch of civilized culture, Sophia is inexplicably drawn to her, and finds to her embarrassment that they share a similar demeanor. Needless to say when Sophia discovers this wanton woman is actually her twin sister, separated at birth, it thoroughly destroys her. But that is only part of the story.
All Sophia wants is a job, perhaps a proposal of marriage to an eligible gentleman of sufficient reputation, and a means to restore her family name. She never intends on bringing her country--torn between two neighboring countries--to the brink of ruin. She now hides out in a bombed-out Native village where spirits walk among the corpses. Captain Thomas Putnam, her love, is most likely dead, his leg torn by shrapnel in a unfortunate assault on their country’s rival, the Southland, in an attempt to steal the mysterious Sea Key. And now Viola, of whom Sophia has grown quite fond despite Viola’s untoward upbringing, has surrendered to the man responsible to all this destruction and faces torture and death for her disobedience. Hartford and the Steam Palace lie in ruins, and Ghost, a powerful Fury Lord with limitless technological power at his fingertips, refuses to assist. Sophia must find a way to rescue her sister, restore Thomas’ honor, convince Ghost to join their cause, locate the mythical Sea Key, and fight off her country’s invaders before war claims the remnants of a once-proud kingdom.
Steam Palace, complete at 120,000 words, is a Steampunk romp through alternate-history America, where proto-Nazis clash with British-style royalty while the Free Southland tries to democratize both. It features twins separated at birth, secret keys to impossible powers, airships and mechohorses, and of course, tea, corsets, and goggles.
This is a very early first-draft of a query. I'm not as much interested in grammar or style as much as wondering whether this is a good place to start. Does the book sound interesting? Is there too much detail? Do you understand what's at stake? I will be posting updates that are a bit more polished.
Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.
Sophia Stratton leaves home to discover a temptress, an immoral gutter prowler named Viola living with her gentle aunt. Shocked and curious, she follows Viola to the Steam Palace, a small city of iniquity and sin built upon an ancient half-buried barge in the Connecticut River. Despite the obvious fact that Viola hails from a native tribe and lacks the slightest touch of civilized culture, Sophia is inexplicably drawn to her, and finds to her embarrassment that they share a similar demeanor. Needless to say when Sophia discovers this wanton woman is actually her twin sister, separated at birth, it thoroughly destroys her. But that is only part of the story.
All Sophia wants is a job, perhaps a proposal of marriage to an eligible gentleman of sufficient reputation, and a means to restore her family name. She never intends on bringing her country--torn between two neighboring countries--to the brink of ruin. She now hides out in a bombed-out Native village where spirits walk among the corpses. Captain Thomas Putnam, her love, is most likely dead, his leg torn by shrapnel in a unfortunate assault on their country’s rival, the Southland, in an attempt to steal the mysterious Sea Key. And now Viola, of whom Sophia has grown quite fond despite Viola’s untoward upbringing, has surrendered to the man responsible to all this destruction and faces torture and death for her disobedience. Hartford and the Steam Palace lie in ruins, and Ghost, a powerful Fury Lord with limitless technological power at his fingertips, refuses to assist. Sophia must find a way to rescue her sister, restore Thomas’ honor, convince Ghost to join their cause, locate the mythical Sea Key, and fight off her country’s invaders before war claims the remnants of a once-proud kingdom.
Steam Palace, complete at 120,000 words, is a Steampunk romp through alternate-history America, where proto-Nazis clash with British-style royalty while the Free Southland tries to democratize both. It features twins separated at birth, secret keys to impossible powers, airships and mechohorses, and of course, tea, corsets, and goggles.
This is a very early first-draft of a query. I'm not as much interested in grammar or style as much as wondering whether this is a good place to start. Does the book sound interesting? Is there too much detail? Do you understand what's at stake? I will be posting updates that are a bit more polished.
Apr 12, 2010
QUERY: OF POETS AND ANGELS
Dear [Agent],
A murder in the corrupt and polluted city of Lambria sends a poet on a desperate chase for an ancient artifact
Ethan has a rare gift. His poetry can do more than captivate audiences: it can command thoughts, or even alter reality itself. As Ethan struggles to control his new abilities, he stumbles upon a grisly murder that threatens to attract the attention of the dreaded Inquisition, if he doesn't solve it first. Ethan's investigations reveal much more than a simple murder, the victim was an operative of the Inquisition. Sent to retrieve a dangerous artifact from a hidden shrine, the murdered agent was betrayed by his partner, and now the artifact is missing. Without the artifact, Ethan's home, once a safe haven from the bustle and pollution of the city, is suddenly fraught with misfortune and danger. At first trying to avoid trouble and stay out of the hands of the Inquisition, Ethan seeks only to further his poetry career. But with his friends in danger and Ethan pursued by the Inquisition, he can no longer remain uninvolved. Forced to confront his own cowardice, Ethan must make a choice: continue to hide in coffee shops and gin-dens, or learn to control his gift and find the artifact before the home he loves is torn apart.
My novel OF POETS AND ANGELS, is a 96,000-word SteamPunk-Fantasy, that will appeal to readers of China Mielville and Bruce Sterling alike.
Thank you considering my submission, the manuscript is available upon request.
Sincerely,
C. Scott Morris
A murder in the corrupt and polluted city of Lambria sends a poet on a desperate chase for an ancient artifact
Ethan has a rare gift. His poetry can do more than captivate audiences: it can command thoughts, or even alter reality itself. As Ethan struggles to control his new abilities, he stumbles upon a grisly murder that threatens to attract the attention of the dreaded Inquisition, if he doesn't solve it first. Ethan's investigations reveal much more than a simple murder, the victim was an operative of the Inquisition. Sent to retrieve a dangerous artifact from a hidden shrine, the murdered agent was betrayed by his partner, and now the artifact is missing. Without the artifact, Ethan's home, once a safe haven from the bustle and pollution of the city, is suddenly fraught with misfortune and danger. At first trying to avoid trouble and stay out of the hands of the Inquisition, Ethan seeks only to further his poetry career. But with his friends in danger and Ethan pursued by the Inquisition, he can no longer remain uninvolved. Forced to confront his own cowardice, Ethan must make a choice: continue to hide in coffee shops and gin-dens, or learn to control his gift and find the artifact before the home he loves is torn apart.
My novel OF POETS AND ANGELS, is a 96,000-word SteamPunk-Fantasy, that will appeal to readers of China Mielville and Bruce Sterling alike.
Thank you considering my submission, the manuscript is available upon request.
Sincerely,
C. Scott Morris
Oct 8, 2009
CALLARION AT NIGHT -- Revision 2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read revision 1.
I've been playing with hooks and working in mention of steam technology earlier. Hopefully this meets with everyone's approval!
Dear Agent:
Moriah Rowani returns home after nearly a decade away to discover her father bleeding to death in the entrance hall of their estate. His final act was to extract a promise that she'd find her mother's diary.
Three days later, Moriah is forced from her family's home by the steam-powered might of Lord Chancellor Lucian Rombard and his soldiers, who are intent on eradicating human-nymph hybrids like Moriah and the human-satyr hybrids that pepper the city of Callarion. Moriah goes into hiding and almost immediately receives the first clue to the diary's location, one of a series of riddles designed to lead her to the lost tome.
Allies appear from all corners -- in a Chancellery major, the underground resistance, and the disbanded King's Navy -- who help her avoid capture and torture at the hands of the Brotherhood of Purity, while revealing that Moriah's not the only one who wants the diary.
For there's more inside the diary than Rombard's true scheme for the city. There's a plan that has a chance to shatter Rombard's stranglehold on the city and save Callarion from the long night it faces. A plan, in fact, that the last ten years of Moriah's life have been an integral part of.
My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Click here to read revision 1.
I've been playing with hooks and working in mention of steam technology earlier. Hopefully this meets with everyone's approval!
Dear Agent:
Moriah Rowani returns home after nearly a decade away to discover her father bleeding to death in the entrance hall of their estate. His final act was to extract a promise that she'd find her mother's diary.
Three days later, Moriah is forced from her family's home by the steam-powered might of Lord Chancellor Lucian Rombard and his soldiers, who are intent on eradicating human-nymph hybrids like Moriah and the human-satyr hybrids that pepper the city of Callarion. Moriah goes into hiding and almost immediately receives the first clue to the diary's location, one of a series of riddles designed to lead her to the lost tome.
Allies appear from all corners -- in a Chancellery major, the underground resistance, and the disbanded King's Navy -- who help her avoid capture and torture at the hands of the Brotherhood of Purity, while revealing that Moriah's not the only one who wants the diary.
For there's more inside the diary than Rombard's true scheme for the city. There's a plan that has a chance to shatter Rombard's stranglehold on the city and save Callarion from the long night it faces. A plan, in fact, that the last ten years of Moriah's life have been an integral part of.
My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sep 8, 2009
QUERY -- CALLARION AT NIGHT, Revision 1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent:
Moriah Rowani returns from the elite school where she's been trained as a top-tier bounty hunter looking forward to spending time with the father who raised her alone. Instead, she finds him bleeding to death -- shot by the Chancellery guard found dead nearby. Her father's final words are, "find the diary."
Moriah is forced from her ancestral estate by the Lord Chancellor and his men, who are intent on one thing -- eradicating people with human and satyr or nymph parents. With the help of allies both in and out of the underground resistance, Moriah discovers that the diary, written by the mother who left her ten years ago, holds the secret to crippling the Lord Chancellor's hold on power and possibly pulling the city-state of Callarion from the hell it's become.
My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Dear Agent:
Moriah Rowani returns from the elite school where she's been trained as a top-tier bounty hunter looking forward to spending time with the father who raised her alone. Instead, she finds him bleeding to death -- shot by the Chancellery guard found dead nearby. Her father's final words are, "find the diary."
Moriah is forced from her ancestral estate by the Lord Chancellor and his men, who are intent on one thing -- eradicating people with human and satyr or nymph parents. With the help of allies both in and out of the underground resistance, Moriah discovers that the diary, written by the mother who left her ten years ago, holds the secret to crippling the Lord Chancellor's hold on power and possibly pulling the city-state of Callarion from the hell it's become.
My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
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