Query- Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 1)

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Revision to Joshua and the Fantastic Forest - thank you!

Dear Public Query Slushpile,

Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can magically change his life – or end it.

As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He soon finds it in the mountain forest above his home, but not with kids or even humans, when he befriends talking animals. They share the story of their accidental transformation into animals of amazing strength and reason that roamed the earth millions of years ago, whose existence was blasted away by a meteorite siege that left no trace behind...well, almost none.

When a bumbling, old Mr. Bimble’s walking stick (carved from wood he dug up as a boy that held the DNA of these ancient animals giving him their powers) is struck by lightning in the forest and explodes into shimmering dust, it changes every creature it touches into the animals of long ago.

Bound with their new powers, these animals also carry the memories of their ancestors and know not all were decent and wise. They know some carried dark urges to plunder and conquer their own. Could there be others like that now? All of this is forgotten in the idyllic days that follow as Joshua spends them soaring over the forest on a magnificent bald eagle, playing tag in the meadow with deer, racing through the woods hanging onto the scruff of a mighty bear and sharing fireside tales with his best friend, a beaver.

Joshua soon realizes he can’t keep the secret of the animals to himself when he encounters Mr. Bimble looking for his lost walking stick and Matt, a school bully heading up the mountain to shoot off fireworks in the woods. He must decide to rescue them from a forest sinkhole, with the help of his generous new friends, and risk sharing their secret. The unlikely trio becomes friends and vows to protect the secret of the animals no matter what the consequence.

Joshua discovers Mr. Bimble is dying from cancer and encourages his friends to create a special magic DNA brew in the hopes to cure him. They have no idea one of their own is creating his own DNA concoction, only not to cure – to create and conquer.

When a power-hungry fox carrying the dark seed of his ancestors secretly recreates thousands of his own fantastic animals into an army of soldiers to rule the forest, and possibly the world, Joshua must find a way to save his forest friends. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil animal hoard in the battle of their lives.

I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Nameless - Query (Revision #2)

Click here to read the original query. 
Click here to read the first revision.  It's labeled Revision #2, but it's really Version #2, Revision #1.  Oops.


Okay I thought my query still needed some tweaking. I dropped the question at the end, please let me know if this reads better:

Dear Agent:

Eighteen-year-old Erica Ann Dawson falls asleep in her bed in Batesfield, Connecticut and awakens to find herself driving down a four-lane highway.

Plagued by inexplicable blackouts, she begins losing hours, even days, with no memory of what transpired in the intervening time. As the blackouts worsen, she starts to doubt her own sanity. But the truth is even crazier.

Erica is slowly being replaced from her own life by a creature known only as a Changeling. This doppelganger has bewitched Erica’s name and is using it to steal away her memories, her life - her very soul.

To save herself from being completely consumed, Erica is forced to make a terrible sacrifice; she gives up her name, and with it, relinquishes all rights to her own identity.

Now, nameless and forgotten by friends and family alike, the girl is plunged into a world of magic where a Sharpie and a book of matches could mean the difference between life and death. She must learn to harness the power of names and sigils to fight back against the Changelings and the dark force invading Batesfield. But if Erica stands a chance at reclaiming her former life, she will need to discover the truth behind what the changelings truly are. If she fails, she will remain nameless forever.

THE NAMELESS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 60,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Emily XXXX
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