Mar 23, 2009


Dear Agent,

One year—that’s all Anslem has before the deadly curse set upon him consumes and blackens his heart. War has defined him and his skill in battle has propelled him into a life full of wealth and power. Men respect him and women desire him. But he was loyal to his wife and desire could not change him. Of course, it was this loyalty that took his wife and placed this curse upon him.

When the goddess of desire tried to seduce Anslem, she was appalled to hear him turn her away in favor of his wife. Enraged, the goddess took Anslem’s wife away and imprisoned her where he would never find her. As he swore to the goddess that he would find and rescue his wife, she placed a curse on his heart to make sure he would never succeed. One year—that’s all Anslem has to find his wife and stop the curse before it consumes his heart entirely.

MENALI is a high fantasy epic inspired by THE ODYSSEY and the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice in a fictional world with an ancient Greek setting.


Rick Daley said...

I like the plot concept, man defies gods in favor of mortals, and you describe the story succinctly.

The main thing I see for a revision is the tense. This is told in past tense, and queries should almost always (if not all-out always) be written in the present tense. Actually, though, this shifts from present tense in the first line, to past tense for the exposition, and then back to present tense for the reiteration of the first line in the final line (which is redundant, you may also want to think of a different way to conclude the story description).

You should also include the word count in the final paragraph. "MENALI is a XX,XXX word fanstay..."

lucy in the sky said...

In the opening sentence "blackens his heart" sounds vague. Does his heart actually turn black or is this a metaphor for Anslem losing his soul?

The plot sounded kind of familiar, so it's good that you included the information that it was inspired by The Odyssey and the myth of Orpheus. I like stories that take mythology and run with it, and this one sounds interesting.