Dear Mr. Agent,
Claudia meant to save her best friend, but she ended up saving the nation.
In Claudia’s world there are lots of laws, as well as a few unspoken rules that everyone knows. If you have a powerful ability – keep it a secret, even from your friends and family. And if you have an opinion on how things are being run – don’t say it.
So when Claudia’s best friend, Selma, announces that she can converse with plants, Claudia isn’t surprised when Selma is arrested on orders of the government. Though that doesn’t mean she’s going to let them get away with it.
After a chance meeting with the ruler’s second son, Erik, the rescue mission turns into an opportunity to overthrow the corrupt government. After suffering years of imprisonment at his father and brother’s hands, Erik is more than ready to join the rebellion along with Selma and Claudia.
The journey leads to self-discovery when Claudia discovers she can control others by force, giving the rebels the extra edge they need to be victorious. But Claudia has another reason for the rebellion to succeed: she’s in love with Erik, the very man they hope to crown. If the rebels can’t win this time, Claudia will lose the man she loves and the world will lose what could be its last chance to escape oppression.
ANDRA is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 80,000 words and set in the fictional world of Sicyon. The manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Author
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8 comments:
Not my genre, but great query! My only suggestion would be to lose the first line. You state there that Claudia saves the nation, but the query leaves you wondering how it all turns out. Personally, I think the mystery is more powerful. You'll be able to give all the details when asked for a synopsis. The point here is to capture an agent's interest. Starting with "In Claudia's world" is a much more intriguing place to start. Great work!
I agree with Debra; the first line gives too much away, so I'd take it out. Jump into the story, which sounds like a compelling one!
After a chance meeting with the ruler’s second son... After suffering years of imprisonment at his father and brother’s hands...
(both these sentences start with After, and are structured the same -- mix it up.)
Although I don't usually read this genre, I would snatch this up. I'm hooked. I do agree, however, with the comments about losing the first line. Read it out loud once more and find where the hiccups are.
Great query!
Good query. Your book sounds interesting. Definitely nix that first line. It mixes up the chronological order of the story. One other thing...paragraph 5 you have used the word discovery twice. I would cut the entire journey to self- discovery part; it's a bit cliche. Good luck!
"So when Claudia’s best friend, Selma, announces that she can converse with plants, Claudia isn’t surprised when Selma is arrested on orders of the government. Though that doesn’t mean she’s going to let them get away with it."
Why would Selma announce her power if it's illegal to have one? Who is not going to let who get away with what? Selma? Claudia?
I think that you don't need to mention the self-discovery. It's a sub-plot and every good book/protagonist should have an internal motivation.
I agree that it might be best to start with the second paragraph.
I would leave the part about self-discovery out for reasons stated by the others.
While this is a little long, I like it a lot.
I would leave out the sentence about where the novel takes place in the last paragraph, as well as 'The manuscript...request.' line.
Good luck!
If you get rid of the first line like some other suggested, I suggest work this into your first sentence as a hook--If you have a powerful ability – keep it a secret, even from your friends and family.
Other than that, this sounds very interesting.
Good luck!
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