Jul 7, 2009


Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 2.

Thanks so much for all your comments. You are all great! As appoint of information, I went back to the books original name, TWICE FALLEN, so don’t be confused. See how this flies.

Dear Mr./Ms. X:

Liam Michaels, an archangel, is sent to earth to find and destroy fallen angels and their terrorist organizations. When a group of the Fallen bent on European domination gains control of Russia, he faces his biggest challenge. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of greater destruction from a second, more devastating bioweapon looms, Liam’s comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.

My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, TWICE FALLEN, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.

I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.

Thank you for considering my submission.

Sincerely yours,



Rick Daley said...

This is very tight. I'm a sucker for most things supernatural and spiritual, so this has my attention. I'd suggest you send sample pages with it to fully demonstrate your voice.

A point of note: "Liam’s comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist." The way I see it is that Liam and his comrades are God's vehicle to fight the evil, so God is not passively allowing the evil to exist. Not that this has an impact on the query, I just find it an interesting philosophical point ;-)

Is Liam also Russian? To me using the term "comrades" relative to him implies this.

Bane of Anubis said...

Mike, definitely like the 1st line in this one -- far and away your best, IMO.

I'd still like to see Liam a little more active (e.g., instead of "Liam faces a struggle..." something like:

"Liam struggles to keep his companions in the fight..." -- but, even better would be showing how he struggles to keep them in the fight -- i.e., the metaphysical conflict is obvious enough, but the more tangible conflict/danger for Liam needs to be a bit more present, IMO -- obviously, overall, there's lots of conflict, but I'm not feeling the stakes for Liam as much, even though I think they can be readily inferred).

If you do add more detail, I'd suggest splitting into another paragraph. Other than that, I think you've got the skeleton down, the bones added, and the organs in place... I just wanna see how that baby dances a bit more :)