Dec 1, 2009

DARK ABYSS Paranormal romance

A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.

Akali is a witch. She just doesn’t know it yet.

That is until she meets Isaac, her friendly kidnapper. But besides being friendly, Isaac has other abilities that take him off the spectrum of being a normal run-of-the-mill kidnapper. As Akali discovers his nature, she also discovers her true heritage and purpose. Together, they begin a whirlwind journey to stay alive and free Isaac’s family from an ancient curse.

DARK ABYSS is complete at 105,000 words and available upon your request. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

6 comments:

Stephanie said...

I like the idea of this. I do think it needs more detail to fill it in, points of action especially. Why/how is she kidnapped? What are these abilities of his? How does she discover his nature and how does she discover her own (specifically what events happen that precipitate this discovery?). And all this happens before the journey? Makes me curious what's left to happen on the journey itself (and why the journey is almost an afterthought here).

The story seems good; we just need an idea of what that story is. You have a lot of room to play here. Fill us in! :)

Stacy McKitrick said...

I agree with Stephanie. Too much telling, not enough showing. Also, you should mention the genre in your query.

The premise seems intriguing, though.

Ebyss said...

Thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate any and all insight.

RCWriterGirl said...

This was too little information. I didn't really get a good sense of what the story was.

Also, it's a little unclear. Does Isaac kidnap her? Or is he just a person who kidnaps for a living? If he kidnaps her, it might be best to spell that out, saying: "That is, until she is kidnapped by uber-friendly Isaac." Also, normal and run-of-the-mill mean essentially the same thing, so you should probably use one or the other, and not both.

I think the connection you're missing for your query is why Isaac kidnapped her and why she wants to help him free his family. If you could insert that info, it would greatly improve the query, and give it real impact.

Good luck.

Marybeth Poppins said...

I agree...for a 105,000 word novel you really don't tell us much in this query. You need to add some meat!

Marybeth Poppins said...

I agree...for a 105,000 word novel you really don't tell us much in this query. You need to add some meat!