Aug 19, 2010

Query- Eiffel Flower

Dear ________,

Conflicted with looming graduation decisions, sorority girl Rose Jastone makes the most impulsive choice of her meticulously planned life. This perfect juxtaposition of the modern collegian- lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned- signs up for a spring semester at the Univeristy of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.

Paris, however, turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuleries.

Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will just wilt in the process. More importantly, will her future reveal itself by the time the clock strikes midnight at the Crillon Ball, or will she be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her?

Eiffel Flower is an upper young adult novel, complete at 92,000 words. In the vein of Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy, it is targeted towards the college-aged reader that feels too old for Gossip Girl, but was too young to celebrate the "Sex and the City" finale with Cosmos.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.


Authors Note: Already got one partial request, but the twelve rejections make me think it could used whipped into shape!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for any help guys.

Mesmerix said...

Rose sounds like a really great character. She's your big selling point, in my opinion. My concern is with her first description and with the overall story. What is it?

Description: "This perfect juxtaposition ... Chuck's when occasioned." This sentence is a mouthful. I had to read it 3 times to really understand what was being said. Word choice seems overwritten, as if you're trying to compose an academic text. Pare it down and focus on the unique qualities of Rose, because she sounds fascinating! I love the punk rocker spirit in her mixed with being a sorority girl, but not the word choice.

Story: Other than "girl goes to Paris, has internal struggle," I'm not sure what the story is. What actually happens? You say there's drama all over (and Noemi sounds interesting) but I don't have any clue what the conflict is.

It's obvious you have a gift for words, voice, and characterization. Your writing style is clear in the query. I'm intrigued by the characters, but not enough to read because I don't know what's going on. Is there one major plot arch you can focus on?

I wish you the best of luck. I really think you have something wonderful here. Congratulations on the partial! I hope this helps you get more.

Scribbler to Scribe

Anonymous said...

Very good advice! Thanks.

N. Blank said...

I love the title first off. And Rose sounds like a character I'd want to read about. But I'm a little confused about the plot. You say she has all these graduation decisions, what are they? is she having second thoughts about her major? her future?
And will Paris help her to find the answers?

"Parisian drama" give examples of this.

It also seems like we go from realism to a bit of a fantasy when you mention the clock striking midnight because I immediately got an image of a Fairy Godmother.

Focus on the action. Good luck!

Zee Lemke said...

Hate to nit-pick, but isn't it "Tuileries," not "Tuleries?" Screwing up your French in a novel about France is kind of putting me off a bit, although I love the old-fashioned practice of throwing in French words now and then just for the heck of it.

Zee Lemke said...

I also dislike the following word choices: "Conflicted with;" and "perfect juxtaposition."

I don't get how being punk-rock makes you a bad student. Maybe the college I went to was too liberal.

And I'm used to being conflicted about things or being in conflict with people, not conflicted with issues.

If it's not clear, the nit-picking means I liked the thing as a whole. Heh, sorry.

Author said...

I see a trend here...I need to focus more on the action of my story. All good points, thanks.