Oct 18, 2010

Query - My Demonic Love

Dear [Agent name],

Stalking a mortal is easy for a demon, especially one who has been doing it for so long. Punished to live out her days as an immortal in a mortal’s world, Dendera’s grown tired of this empty life on Earth and the only person who can help her is the mortal reincarnate of her angelic lover, a man who cost her everything.

Dendera is drawn to Ryan like a moth to a flame, protecting him from his violent past and watching over him from afar, but she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to trust him again. Emotions Dendera never experienced as a demon are running high at the idea of letting herself fall prey to his charms, but Ryan isn’t her only problem.

An evil far more ancient is out for revenge and the only thing it wants from Dendera is the mortal man she’s protecting.

MY DEMONIC LOVE is a completed work of paranormal romance at 90-000 words. I am an active member in the Las Vegas Romance Writer’s chapter of Romance Writer’s of America. Thank you for your time and consideration. Enclosed I have included, at your request, [whatever they want]. I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Anonymous Author said...

Okay, there are some issues here with the writing. You have two misused words in the first paragraph (punished and reincarnate) and not many agents will read past that.

You also have a cliche problem. Get rid of the cliches: grown tired of this empty life, cost her everything, like a moth to a flame, letting herself fall prey to his charms, etc.

Kristina Fugate said...

I'm going to have to agree with the Anonymous Author. Be careful with those old clich├ęs. And watch your words. Perhaps you could use "Forced to live out her days as an immortal in a mortal's world, punishment for (insert reason here)." Or something along those lines.

It's all a matter of personal preference, but I like to start the query (first word of the first paragraph) with the MC's name. So if you could find a way to fit her name in sooner, that would be great.

I really believe you should talk more about the "evil." That sounds like the meat of the story, so it would be nice to know more about what Ryan and Dendera have at stake.

I'm rather interested in this story and would totally read it! Good luck! :)