Nov 24, 2010


Investigative reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when CIA agent Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, and promises a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.

Logan Nash was the lead agent for Team Omega, CIA’s top-secret anti-terrorism division until one of Avery’s stories exposed Omega and ended his career. After months of digging, Nash finds the identity of Avery’s anonymous source, and he can finally get his revenge--all he has to do is not fall in love.

Following Nash’s scoop, Avery goes after Attorney General Capwell, the person who let a high-profile terrorist escape justice. When Capwell’s corpse shows up on the morning news, Avery works with Nash to hunt for clues of terrorist involvement. Instead she uncovers evidence that Capwell was the anonymous source who manipulated her to expose an Omega mission two years ago. Capwell’s scheme killed more than Avery’s career; it caused the deaths of six operatives. Now Avery feels the weight of the bulls-eye on her back as one after another, people close to Capwell get slaughtered. She needs to find the connection between Capwell, the terrorist, and Omega, and expose the assassin before her personal obituary makes headlines. Outgunned, she trusts her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her Nash is the killer she’s trying to find.

VICARIOUS is a 109,000-word thriller.

Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.

Thanks for your consideration.

Ocean Archer


Anne Gallagher said...

I totally want to read this book. Totally.

I liked the first and second paragraphs. They had me enthralled.

Third paragraph not so much. I keep reading it to find what to take out as it feels like an info dump, but I can't. There fore, I will suggest you break up the paragraph at "Now, Avery feels the weight...."

VICARIOUS also sounds like a romance. Are you sure its not?

Great job overall though. I really want to read this when it comes out.

Ocean Archer said...


Thanks for reading and analyzing. Are you a Query Shark follower? If so, how do you think this query stacks up against

There was some controversy about the humor--take it out or leave it in, but I decided to rework the entire query. Still not sure if this is the better route to go or just nix the humor in the original.

B.E. Sanderson said...

I'm with Anne. The first two paragraphs make me want to read this book. There's just too much info in paragraph 3. I know Capwell is crucial to the plot, but how much of his involvement needs to go into the query?

Try deleting everything up to this point and try something like this for a third paragraph...

Now Avery feels the weight of the bulls-eye on her back as one after another, people close to her source get slaughtered. Finding the connection between the Attorney General, the terrorist, and Team Omega won't be simple, especially with an assassin trying to write her personal obituary. She needs to trust her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her the man's she's falling in love with is also the killer she’s trying to find.

It's not perfect, but I hope you get what I mean. This sounds like a romantic suspense in the vein of Allison Brennan or Roxanne St. Claire. The kind that starts out as an impulse buy and ends up with me buying everything they've ever written. Good luck.

B.E. Sanderson said...

Oh, and I did read your QueryShark. This one was much better. =o)

Ocean Archer said...


Thanks for the great suggestions! It really helps a lot.