Mar 11, 2011

Query, The Nymph's Heart

Dear Agent X

Louisa Ramirez is immortal, forever nineteen and living in Jazz Age Miami. Some would consider it paradise, but for Louisa, it is more like paradise lost. Centuries have passed since her galleon washed up on these shores. She has seen too many loved ones grow old and die, and is tired of being a custodian to their memories. When Louisa falls in love with Anastasia, she is determined to free herself from her immortality, and live a single lifetime with the woman she loves.

Louisa would gladly sacrifice her immortality, but her life is not hers to give. She is bound to the nymph who once guarded the Fountain of Youth, and only she can release Louisa. In order to live a mortal life, Louisa must find the nymph, and return her to the Fountains’ waters. Standing in her way is Miami’s other immortal citizen, Juan Ponce De Leon. He has claimed the Fountain, and he will not relinquish his prize without a fight.

Complete at 97,000 words, THE NYMPH’S HEART is a Historical-Fantasy.


Anonymous Author said...

Brilliantly done. I think you're good to go.

As a Spanish-speaker I was a little thrown by the spelling of Louisa, but it's probably fine.

Stephanie M. Lorée said...

Solid, clear cut query. Character and stakes are obvious, so is motivation and storyline. This is like a breath of fresh air.

You could consider playing around with some of your verbage to make it sparkle with more voice. There's lots of "is" and "has". However, this also reads very clean, so you may want to keep it as is. Something to think about.

All in all, I think this query is good to go. Put some personal touches for whatever agent you query, and send it out!

Best of luck!

Scribbler to Scribe

Chris Lemig said...

Really great! Very tight, clean. I want to read more!