Jun 13, 2011

Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) First Revision

Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya is a knight who lives to kill soldiers of the Malinorian Empire. She especially hates their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

A prophet`s word sends Talya to Hunter Forest, where she meets Jalarn. They fight and she wins. When Talya removes Jalarn`s battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision tug at her conscience. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch her.

When Talya awakens in a Malinorian prison, she is faced with the decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. Things become more complicated as Talya and Jalarn begin to develop feelings for one another.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 66,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Anonymous Author said...

Okay, this is easier to follow. Unfortunately it's got a kind of this-happened-then-this-then-this tone. It needs voice.

I don't know how married you are to the name "Jalarn"-- probably very-- but it's a hard one to get your brain around.

I advised you last time to take out all the God stuff unless it was a religious novel. Now you've taken out all the God stuff and told us it's a religious novel! If it's for the "Christian" market and you're only querying agents who deal in that market, you'd probably better have some God stuff in there.

Sara said...

Thanks! Some more changes to make. :)