May 29, 2013

Picture Book Query

Dear Agent,

In a dinosaur’s grasp there are no second chances. So a mouse, hog and goat thwart his sneaky advances.
Just how will this beast quell his great appetite, if none of his friends will let him have a bite?

In the delicious romp: “Aging, Raging Gluttonosaurus!” an arthritic dinosaur uses odd tactics to trap dinner: he mails invitations; tries a meet and greet; and even throws a tantrum. But none of his antics work on the terrorized creatures of the forest. And though he does not get exactly what he wants, it leads to an unexpected delight.

Hopefully you will find my main character and his story an engaging, laugh out loud read. I was inspired to write it after reading Julia Donaldson’s, “The Gruffalo”, although I make no comparisons.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

4 comments:

Jai said...

I was really hoping to get some feed back on this query on my rhyming picture book query. It'd be really helpful. Thank you

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Anonymous said...

It's pretty good. I think it could do without the last paragraph at the end. Maybe tightening some of the sentences as well to make them shorter and stronger. I like the idea!

Anonymous said...

Dear Agent,

In a dinosaur’s grasp there are no second chances. So a mouse, hog and goat thwart his sneaky advances. Not quite loving the flow of these two short declarative sentences, also makes me think the story is about a mouse, hog, and goat is it? Or is it about the dinosaur, also don't think you need to start with such a broad general statement
Just how will this beast quell his great appetite, if none of his friends will let him have a bite? how will this beast quell feels a bit stilted, old fashioned, is this the tone of the story?

In the delicious romp: “Aging, Raging Gluttonosaurus!” an arthritic dinosaur uses odd tactics to trap dinner: he mails invitations; tries a meet and greet; and even throws a tantrum. this, this is what the story is about sounds quirky and fun more of this! But none of his antics work on the terrorized creatures of the forest. And though he does not get exactly what he wants, it leads to an unexpected delight. unexpected delight feels vague & generic and it's all telling

Hopefully you will find my main character and his story an engaging, laugh out loud read. I was inspired to write it after reading Julia Donaldson’s, “The Gruffalo”, although I make no comparisons. wise not to

Thank you for your kind consideration.

With a little tweaking would suggest starting with paragraph 2, the dinosaur - what the story is about. Also more helpful to be funny in the query than to say the story is laugh out loud funny. Show, don't tell. Good luck!