Dear Agent,
What do you get when you combine a marriage between a 580-year-old female vampire and a human husband with a resort for the undead? A sexually charged, sardonic relationship between a vibrant woman and a confident man with a never ending cast of unique characters.
Meet Vivian, the supernatural equivalent of Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island, who channels her mental powers of projecting illusions into creating the perfect vacation spot for vampires - in Alaska! Upon a routine check of the guest rooms, Vivian stumbles across a murdered body, one that is neither an employee nor a guest. She and her husband, Rafe, hide the corpse, convinced they can track down the killer without alerting their customers.
Orchestrating the sexual escapades of some guests, while unsuccessfully questioning others, proves too much for her. Vivian listens to Rafe’s suggestion, and for the first time in hundreds of years, she agrees to involve and trust an outsider for help. Knowing she may wind up having to kill to keep her secrets safe.
My name is C.J. Ellisson and I’m a passionate married woman who thinks it’s time an urban fantasy series focused on hot monogamy. I’ve completed a 90,000 word novel titled Vampire Vacation and I would like you to consider being my agent for it. At Nationals I had four editors request the full manuscript, and thought it would behoove me to have an agent represent me to speed the process along. I’m contacting you because your agency represents name here, whose work I have enjoyed for many years.
I have won a flash fiction writing contest for a horror entry, received third place in an erotica contest, and recently placed second for my rough draft of chapter one of Vampire Vacation in a Romance Writers of America sponsored contest. Not only have I joined RWA, but also Sisters In Crime and several sub-chapters of each. My novel already has a fan base of 1,000 on Facebook. Please, stop by and see what some of the reviewers from my private reading group have to say about my work:
http://www.facebook.com/c.j.ellissonfanpage
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my query, I appreciate it,
C.J. Ellisson
XXX-XXX-XXX
cj_ellisson@yahoo.com
Jul 31, 2009
Jul 30, 2009
Sample Page- BROKEN - PAGE 1
Click here to read the query.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Hello all! Hoping for some feedback on page 1 of the novel BROKEN (thriller) - posted 2 queries earlier. Thank you!
What sound does a heart make when it breaks?
Madeline Gunn knew.
She heard the air hiss as she dropped to her knees in the snow. She pressed her hands hard against her mouth, trying to stifle the scream that was swelling inside of her from bursting past her lips. Above all, Madeline Gunn was already beginning to discover that pain had nimble fingers, capable of peeling away layer after layer of certainty until a heart was raw with ache and nothingness.
“Connie!” Madeline yelled, touching her sister’s body, a body that was wet with blood and warm with the memory of a life that no longer existed.
“Connie!” She repeated. Louder this time, commanding her sister to rise from the dead. Refusing to accept the truth in Connie’s stillness.
Madeline Gunn held her little sister, shielding Connie’s bare skin from the cold. Her fingers trembled beneath the weight, and the scream she’d tried so hard to restrain ripped through her throat, infecting the night air with its agony. She rocked the broken body until the sound of her wailing gave in to the din of the city, to the rumble of plow trucks and the thin whine of police sirens.
Madeline closed her eyes. She ignored the stench of car exhaust and warm blood waiting to rot. She pretended that they were girls again, needing to believe that she could forget this moment, that the sight of her sister’s butchered remains would not be the backdrop against which she would live out the rest of her life. But even then, Madeline Gunn knew this, too, was a lie.
She knew that once a heart begins to break, it never stops.
And that time cannot dull the ache, or take away the memory and the blame.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Hello all! Hoping for some feedback on page 1 of the novel BROKEN (thriller) - posted 2 queries earlier. Thank you!
What sound does a heart make when it breaks?
Madeline Gunn knew.
She heard the air hiss as she dropped to her knees in the snow. She pressed her hands hard against her mouth, trying to stifle the scream that was swelling inside of her from bursting past her lips. Above all, Madeline Gunn was already beginning to discover that pain had nimble fingers, capable of peeling away layer after layer of certainty until a heart was raw with ache and nothingness.
“Connie!” Madeline yelled, touching her sister’s body, a body that was wet with blood and warm with the memory of a life that no longer existed.
“Connie!” She repeated. Louder this time, commanding her sister to rise from the dead. Refusing to accept the truth in Connie’s stillness.
Madeline Gunn held her little sister, shielding Connie’s bare skin from the cold. Her fingers trembled beneath the weight, and the scream she’d tried so hard to restrain ripped through her throat, infecting the night air with its agony. She rocked the broken body until the sound of her wailing gave in to the din of the city, to the rumble of plow trucks and the thin whine of police sirens.
Madeline closed her eyes. She ignored the stench of car exhaust and warm blood waiting to rot. She pretended that they were girls again, needing to believe that she could forget this moment, that the sight of her sister’s butchered remains would not be the backdrop against which she would live out the rest of her life. But even then, Madeline Gunn knew this, too, was a lie.
She knew that once a heart begins to break, it never stops.
And that time cannot dull the ache, or take away the memory and the blame.
Query: FERRIS' BLUFF a thriller
Click here to read revision #2.
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on the site for some time and unashamedly using the samples and crits to work on my own query.
Dear Ms. Agent,
Ace Evans is on the run. He’s hiding from the Witness Protection Program, vengeful international criminals, and his own horrific nightmares. After two wary and lonesome years on the road he risks a visit with his old friend, Granville Tubbs, in sleepy Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas.
Tubbs is in a coma…so much for a quick visit; and it turns out he’s being kept a virtual prisoner by the lawyer, Tremont. Ace decides to stick around for a few days to see what he can do to help his old friend and maybe figure out what the heck is going on.
Ace can’t help but make friends in Ferris’ Bluff. The quirky townsfolk are honest and open, if a bit gossipy. Okay, real gossipy--and the word is there are hundreds of acres of mineral rights deeds in Tubbs’ estate.
Ace can’t help but make some enemies too. He’s doggedly trying to stay true to his alias and that’s damn hard to do since he’s taking on the crooked lawyer and his scheming wife, their hired gun, and the town tough guy, a psycho named Pink.
He’s also attracted to the pretty widow, Annie. Ace tries to deny it, but her humor and determination give him hope. He comes to realize he’s found a place to stay, that he might find love again, and it’s worth fighting for. Tremont’s pissed off and on the defensive. The hired guns are hiding in the hills plotting mischief. Nothing a former Navy SEAL/ undercover operative can’t handle; but can he do it without revealing his true identity?
Then an earnest young US Marshal shows up. He’s got some disturbing news. The Russians are already sniffing around. Okay, what else could go wrong?
Well, Pink goes on a rampage, murdering one of Ace’s new friends, revenge for an ill advised prank involving a garden hose and Tremont’s drunken wife. Ace discovers that Annie’s husband’s fatal accident that left her daughter paralyzed was no accident. Tremont appears to have stolen one of Tubbs mineral deeds and they’ve discovered gas on the property. Tubbs comes out of his coma, drawing the Russians closer by using Ace’s real name. That’s what could go wrong. The cops aren’t making much progress. How can he make things right?
Ace comes up with a plan to turn the tables on Tremont and the Russians while keeping his alias intact. With a little forgery, a little larceny, and a little help from his new friends… it almost works. Good thing the junior G-man sticks around!
FERRIS’ BLUFF is a 96K word thriller that would also be at home on the romantic suspense shelves. The story is written as a stand alone novel, but there are a bunch of bad guys out there still gunning for Ace.
Thank you for taking a look. My contact information is listed below. I sincerely hope to hear from you.
I'll be happy to post some pages if anyone wants to see them, and thanks in advance for your comments!
Fred
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on the site for some time and unashamedly using the samples and crits to work on my own query.
Dear Ms. Agent,
Ace Evans is on the run. He’s hiding from the Witness Protection Program, vengeful international criminals, and his own horrific nightmares. After two wary and lonesome years on the road he risks a visit with his old friend, Granville Tubbs, in sleepy Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas.
Tubbs is in a coma…so much for a quick visit; and it turns out he’s being kept a virtual prisoner by the lawyer, Tremont. Ace decides to stick around for a few days to see what he can do to help his old friend and maybe figure out what the heck is going on.
Ace can’t help but make friends in Ferris’ Bluff. The quirky townsfolk are honest and open, if a bit gossipy. Okay, real gossipy--and the word is there are hundreds of acres of mineral rights deeds in Tubbs’ estate.
Ace can’t help but make some enemies too. He’s doggedly trying to stay true to his alias and that’s damn hard to do since he’s taking on the crooked lawyer and his scheming wife, their hired gun, and the town tough guy, a psycho named Pink.
He’s also attracted to the pretty widow, Annie. Ace tries to deny it, but her humor and determination give him hope. He comes to realize he’s found a place to stay, that he might find love again, and it’s worth fighting for. Tremont’s pissed off and on the defensive. The hired guns are hiding in the hills plotting mischief. Nothing a former Navy SEAL/ undercover operative can’t handle; but can he do it without revealing his true identity?
Then an earnest young US Marshal shows up. He’s got some disturbing news. The Russians are already sniffing around. Okay, what else could go wrong?
Well, Pink goes on a rampage, murdering one of Ace’s new friends, revenge for an ill advised prank involving a garden hose and Tremont’s drunken wife. Ace discovers that Annie’s husband’s fatal accident that left her daughter paralyzed was no accident. Tremont appears to have stolen one of Tubbs mineral deeds and they’ve discovered gas on the property. Tubbs comes out of his coma, drawing the Russians closer by using Ace’s real name. That’s what could go wrong. The cops aren’t making much progress. How can he make things right?
Ace comes up with a plan to turn the tables on Tremont and the Russians while keeping his alias intact. With a little forgery, a little larceny, and a little help from his new friends… it almost works. Good thing the junior G-man sticks around!
FERRIS’ BLUFF is a 96K word thriller that would also be at home on the romantic suspense shelves. The story is written as a stand alone novel, but there are a bunch of bad guys out there still gunning for Ace.
Thank you for taking a look. My contact information is listed below. I sincerely hope to hear from you.
I'll be happy to post some pages if anyone wants to see them, and thanks in advance for your comments!
Fred
Jul 29, 2009
QUERY-Killing Time on the Highway (rev. 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Minnesota State Patrol investigator Cade Dawkins takes on the case of a lifetime when a bloody highway shootout leaves behind eight dead bodies—and $300 million in cash. His last assignment was a disaster that left his partners dead and his career on life support. Cade jumps at the opportunity for redemption, recognizing this will either be his biggest case—or his final case.
As Cade gets close to uncovering the money’s owner, there’s a problem: the owner has his own plan to get it back. Four of the cruelest men to ever crawl out into daylight use a stolen Hummer and automatic weapons to launch a catastrophic attack on the Twin Cities’ busiest highway to slow down Cade’s investigation—and help audacious thief Martin Clements break into Patrol headquarters to steal the money back. This high adrenaline story will make you feel like you were behind the wheel at 120 miles per hour.
Killing Time on the Highway, my 68,000 word thriller, will appeal to fans of the Prey series by John Sandford. His novels have taught me that strong characters, tight plotting and page turning action are important ingredients to a successful thriller.
Having written professionally for the last ten years, focusing on advertising and marketing, I quickly learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution. I am currently 40,000 words into my second novel—an unrelated thriller.
Best regards,
Allan Evans
Minnesota State Patrol investigator Cade Dawkins takes on the case of a lifetime when a bloody highway shootout leaves behind eight dead bodies—and $300 million in cash. His last assignment was a disaster that left his partners dead and his career on life support. Cade jumps at the opportunity for redemption, recognizing this will either be his biggest case—or his final case.
As Cade gets close to uncovering the money’s owner, there’s a problem: the owner has his own plan to get it back. Four of the cruelest men to ever crawl out into daylight use a stolen Hummer and automatic weapons to launch a catastrophic attack on the Twin Cities’ busiest highway to slow down Cade’s investigation—and help audacious thief Martin Clements break into Patrol headquarters to steal the money back. This high adrenaline story will make you feel like you were behind the wheel at 120 miles per hour.
Killing Time on the Highway, my 68,000 word thriller, will appeal to fans of the Prey series by John Sandford. His novels have taught me that strong characters, tight plotting and page turning action are important ingredients to a successful thriller.
Having written professionally for the last ten years, focusing on advertising and marketing, I quickly learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution. I am currently 40,000 words into my second novel—an unrelated thriller.
Best regards,
Allan Evans
Jul 27, 2009
QUERY- Killing Time on the Highway
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Large amounts of money bring large problems. State patrol investigator Cade Dawkins is assigned the case of a lifetime when a bloody highway shootout leaves behind eight dead bodies—and $300 million in cash. Recovering from a disastrous assignment that left his partners dead and his career on life support, Cade knows this will either be his biggest case—or his final case.
As Cade races to solve the case and find redemption, the money’s owner has his own plan to steal it back. Violent diversions are used—including an amazingly catastrophic attack on Minneapolis-St. Paul’s busiest highway—to slow down Cade’s investigation and help an audacious thief break into Patrol headquarters to get the money back.
Killing Time on the Highway, my 68,000 word thriller, is a tribute to the Prey series of John Sandford that has captivated me for the last 20 years. His novels have taught me that strong characters, tight plotting and plenty of action are important ingredients to a successful thriller.
Having written professionally for the last ten years, focusing on advertising, marketing and public relations, I quickly learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution. Enjoying writing for the fun of it, I am currently 40,000 words into my second novel—an unrelated thriller.
Best regards,
Allan Evans
Large amounts of money bring large problems. State patrol investigator Cade Dawkins is assigned the case of a lifetime when a bloody highway shootout leaves behind eight dead bodies—and $300 million in cash. Recovering from a disastrous assignment that left his partners dead and his career on life support, Cade knows this will either be his biggest case—or his final case.
As Cade races to solve the case and find redemption, the money’s owner has his own plan to steal it back. Violent diversions are used—including an amazingly catastrophic attack on Minneapolis-St. Paul’s busiest highway—to slow down Cade’s investigation and help an audacious thief break into Patrol headquarters to get the money back.
Killing Time on the Highway, my 68,000 word thriller, is a tribute to the Prey series of John Sandford that has captivated me for the last 20 years. His novels have taught me that strong characters, tight plotting and plenty of action are important ingredients to a successful thriller.
Having written professionally for the last ten years, focusing on advertising, marketing and public relations, I quickly learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution. Enjoying writing for the fun of it, I am currently 40,000 words into my second novel—an unrelated thriller.
Best regards,
Allan Evans
Query Revision 2 - Kingmaker
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the sample pages.
Dear [Agent],
Sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson doesn’t believe in magic, but she does believe that willpower can accomplish anything. All her life she’s succeeded at sports and academics through sheer stubbornness, and for the past three years she’s concentrated on one thought: wanting her mother’s malignant brain tumor to remain small and non-fatal. When she meets Grey, her soon-to-be stepfather, her carefully-cultivated control over her life begins to slip away.
Grey, the CEO of an international headhunting corporation called Kingmakers, challenges Shale, using her competitive nature to lure her to join Kingmakers. Unbeknownst to Shale, Grey’s company is the public face of a hidden world—a world of otherwise normal people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same and who use it to achieve success in business, sports, and politics. Grey intends to make Shale his heir, but they have enemies, only some of whom are known to them: the growing number of dissenters who want to use magic for personal gain more than global advancement and Grey’s spoiled son Duncan.
Shale learns that Grey and her mother have disappeared while on their honeymoon, leaving Shale alone and vulnerable. Her anger and determination grow after she survives a hit-and-run attack followed by a number of other murder attempts. Shale has had enough. It’s time to rely on the one tool that has never failed her, her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her attackers, rescue her mother, and change the face of magic forever.
KINGMAKER is a young adult novel, complete at 83,000 words.
[Personalized.] I am a student in [redacted]University’s MFA in Creative Writing program.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included the first five pages below. I would welcome the opportunity to send sample chapters or the complete manuscript.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the sample pages.
Dear [Agent],
Sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson doesn’t believe in magic, but she does believe that willpower can accomplish anything. All her life she’s succeeded at sports and academics through sheer stubbornness, and for the past three years she’s concentrated on one thought: wanting her mother’s malignant brain tumor to remain small and non-fatal. When she meets Grey, her soon-to-be stepfather, her carefully-cultivated control over her life begins to slip away.
Grey, the CEO of an international headhunting corporation called Kingmakers, challenges Shale, using her competitive nature to lure her to join Kingmakers. Unbeknownst to Shale, Grey’s company is the public face of a hidden world—a world of otherwise normal people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same and who use it to achieve success in business, sports, and politics. Grey intends to make Shale his heir, but they have enemies, only some of whom are known to them: the growing number of dissenters who want to use magic for personal gain more than global advancement and Grey’s spoiled son Duncan.
Shale learns that Grey and her mother have disappeared while on their honeymoon, leaving Shale alone and vulnerable. Her anger and determination grow after she survives a hit-and-run attack followed by a number of other murder attempts. Shale has had enough. It’s time to rely on the one tool that has never failed her, her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her attackers, rescue her mother, and change the face of magic forever.
KINGMAKER is a young adult novel, complete at 83,000 words.
[Personalized.] I am a student in [redacted]University’s MFA in Creative Writing program.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included the first five pages below. I would welcome the opportunity to send sample chapters or the complete manuscript.
Sincerely,
Jul 26, 2009
Calling All Synopses
The vote results are in. Actually, they've been in for several days now but I've been really busy, so I'm just now getting to them.
53% of the voters have a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell. I mean critiques. More critiques.
23% are voting-class lurkers, and they read everything on this site regardless. These are the people that also read every word on each cereal box. Every morning.
13% will decide when they see the title pop up in Google Reader. If is says "Query" in it, it's a sure thing, otherwise, (shakes Magic 8-Ball): Future Uncertain.
10% would sooner leave the blogosphere forever than read one synopsis, let alone a flood of them. Luckily they also can screen the titles in Google Reader and Mark As Read any posts categorized under the S-word.
So the writing on the wall is clear, which I absolutely expect from this crowd. Send your Synopses, I will post them, and they will be critiqued.
#
53% of the voters have a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell. I mean critiques. More critiques.
23% are voting-class lurkers, and they read everything on this site regardless. These are the people that also read every word on each cereal box. Every morning.
13% will decide when they see the title pop up in Google Reader. If is says "Query" in it, it's a sure thing, otherwise, (shakes Magic 8-Ball): Future Uncertain.
10% would sooner leave the blogosphere forever than read one synopsis, let alone a flood of them. Luckily they also can screen the titles in Google Reader and Mark As Read any posts categorized under the S-word.
So the writing on the wall is clear, which I absolutely expect from this crowd. Send your Synopses, I will post them, and they will be critiqued.
#
Query Revision 1 - Kingmaker (formerly A Profusion of Want)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the sample pages.
Note: This is a revision of my previous query for A Profusion of Want (which has since been retitled Kingmaker). That query had a very positive response from everyone here, but other readers pointed out some flaws and I reworked it. I'm not sure whether this is an improvement, so I'm hoping for feedback in that respect as well as general feedback.
Dear [Agent],
Sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson doesn’t believe in magic, but she does believe that willpower can accomplish anything. All her life she’s willed herself to win sports and academic tournaments, and for the past three years, she’s willed her mother’s malignant brain tumor to remain small and non-fatal. Then she meets Grey, the strong-willed man angling to become her stepfather, and her carefully-cultivated control over her life begins to slip away.
Grey, the CEO of an international corporation called Kingmakers, woos Shale’s mother with gifts and affection. At the same time, he challenges Shale, testing the strength of her will and using her competitive nature to lure her toward Kingmakers, which is really the public face of a hidden world—a world of people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same—a world which, unbeknownst to Shale, Grey intends for her to one day rule. Five months after Grey enters the Petersons’ lives, he and Shale’s mother depart for their honeymoon, only to disappear—leaving an unsuspecting and worried Shale vulnerable to attack from the many people who don’t want her to become Grey’s successor.
After being run down in a parking lot, nearly killed by piano wire strung neck-high across a stairwell, attacked by hired thugs, and told that she must decide whether to accept the burden of becoming Kingmakers’ next leader, Shale’s had enough. Magic or not, the only thing she can rely on now is her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her attackers. With it, she’s going to rescue her mother, whose brain tumor is still a constant threat.
And if they've hurt her mother? Shale is going to burn their world down.
KINGMAKER is a young adult novel, complete at 83,000 words.
[Personalized.] I am a student in [redacted] University's MFA in Creative Writing program.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included the first five pages below. I would welcome the opportunity to send sample chapters or the complete manuscript.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the sample pages.
Note: This is a revision of my previous query for A Profusion of Want (which has since been retitled Kingmaker). That query had a very positive response from everyone here, but other readers pointed out some flaws and I reworked it. I'm not sure whether this is an improvement, so I'm hoping for feedback in that respect as well as general feedback.
Dear [Agent],
Sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson doesn’t believe in magic, but she does believe that willpower can accomplish anything. All her life she’s willed herself to win sports and academic tournaments, and for the past three years, she’s willed her mother’s malignant brain tumor to remain small and non-fatal. Then she meets Grey, the strong-willed man angling to become her stepfather, and her carefully-cultivated control over her life begins to slip away.
Grey, the CEO of an international corporation called Kingmakers, woos Shale’s mother with gifts and affection. At the same time, he challenges Shale, testing the strength of her will and using her competitive nature to lure her toward Kingmakers, which is really the public face of a hidden world—a world of people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same—a world which, unbeknownst to Shale, Grey intends for her to one day rule. Five months after Grey enters the Petersons’ lives, he and Shale’s mother depart for their honeymoon, only to disappear—leaving an unsuspecting and worried Shale vulnerable to attack from the many people who don’t want her to become Grey’s successor.
After being run down in a parking lot, nearly killed by piano wire strung neck-high across a stairwell, attacked by hired thugs, and told that she must decide whether to accept the burden of becoming Kingmakers’ next leader, Shale’s had enough. Magic or not, the only thing she can rely on now is her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her attackers. With it, she’s going to rescue her mother, whose brain tumor is still a constant threat.
And if they've hurt her mother? Shale is going to burn their world down.
KINGMAKER is a young adult novel, complete at 83,000 words.
[Personalized.] I am a student in [redacted] University's MFA in Creative Writing program.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included the first five pages below. I would welcome the opportunity to send sample chapters or the complete manuscript.
Sincerely,
Jul 24, 2009
Whadyacallit?
Some dude named "The Bart" once said that names are like roses, everyone has one and they all smell real sweet. Might have been that Simpson kid. No, wait. I think I got my wires crossed.
What I mean to say is: please submit your queries with a title. If you are considering querying, you should at least have a working title. If you don't even have an idea of what you want to call your book, there's a good chance your manuscript/story still needs attention, and time spent working on the query is time better spent perfecting your manuscript.
I've posted a couple of untitled queries, and if there are more it will get confusing for me to read back through them and determine what's a revision and what's a new query; I would imagine that most of the Slushpile followers would have the same issues and QUERY-UNTITLED may have a lower chance of garnering immediate feedback; some people may think, "Oh, I've already commented on that one twice. I'll wait for fresh meat."
NOTE TO VEGETARIANS/VEGANS: It is perfectly acceptable for you to wait for fresh tofu or another form of protein in lieu of meat. No animals were harmed in the writing of this post.
NOTE TO THOSE WHO ALREADY SUBMITTED UNTITLED QUERIES: I'm not mad at you, please do not feel obligated to post apologies. I just made this rule up. You had no way of knowing when you submitted and bear no fault.
What I mean to say is: please submit your queries with a title. If you are considering querying, you should at least have a working title. If you don't even have an idea of what you want to call your book, there's a good chance your manuscript/story still needs attention, and time spent working on the query is time better spent perfecting your manuscript.
I've posted a couple of untitled queries, and if there are more it will get confusing for me to read back through them and determine what's a revision and what's a new query; I would imagine that most of the Slushpile followers would have the same issues and QUERY-UNTITLED may have a lower chance of garnering immediate feedback; some people may think, "Oh, I've already commented on that one twice. I'll wait for fresh meat."
NOTE TO VEGETARIANS/VEGANS: It is perfectly acceptable for you to wait for fresh tofu or another form of protein in lieu of meat. No animals were harmed in the writing of this post.
NOTE TO THOSE WHO ALREADY SUBMITTED UNTITLED QUERIES: I'm not mad at you, please do not feel obligated to post apologies. I just made this rule up. You had no way of knowing when you submitted and bear no fault.
Jul 23, 2009
QUERY- WIND FURY (Formerly UNTITLED)
NOTE: We've recently had a query for an untitled work, this one is new, not a revision. It was submitted on the 21st. I've been out of town on business for the past few days and I didn't have the opportunity to get it posted right away.
- Rick
This is a longer draft of my query as posted on my blog, but I wanted more breathing room and to see what the general reaction would be. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes a look! Also, I'm only including the plot summary paragraphs as those are the hardest for me.
For eons, the North Wind has blown upon the Earth, returning home after each day to an empty, icy palace on a lone mountain in the arctic tundra. Her existence is only punctuated by occasional visits from other immortals, but her life is one led by duty, not by joy. That is, until one day, when a young mortal named Armin shows up on her doorstep asking for aid for his family. She helps him, not expecting to ever see him again, but the next year, at the same time, he returns—this time not for her help, but for her company.
Thus begins a long friendship that eventually blossoms into love. North tries not to think about his mortality, but the issue is forced on her one day when a game in her palace nearly turns deadly. She relaxes when it’s over, and Armin is still alive, but her relief doesn’t last long. Someone is out to get her, or Armin, and they will do whatever it takes to succeed.
This event sparks a journey of love, loss, pain and anger that North has never before felt as an immortal. She is ripped apart and pieced back together by her quest for answers, employing the special skills she possesses to get her means. In the end, Armin’s fate becomes far wider than just that of her lover, and his destiny intertwined with that of all the gods. North has to pick a side; will she choose her heart, or her responsibility?
[UNTITLED] is a 110,000 word fantasy novel exploring a world on the edge of two destinies, and the mortals and immortals who will determine its course, explore their own true abilities, discover their pasts, and uphold their honor.
- Rick
This is a longer draft of my query as posted on my blog, but I wanted more breathing room and to see what the general reaction would be. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes a look! Also, I'm only including the plot summary paragraphs as those are the hardest for me.
For eons, the North Wind has blown upon the Earth, returning home after each day to an empty, icy palace on a lone mountain in the arctic tundra. Her existence is only punctuated by occasional visits from other immortals, but her life is one led by duty, not by joy. That is, until one day, when a young mortal named Armin shows up on her doorstep asking for aid for his family. She helps him, not expecting to ever see him again, but the next year, at the same time, he returns—this time not for her help, but for her company.
Thus begins a long friendship that eventually blossoms into love. North tries not to think about his mortality, but the issue is forced on her one day when a game in her palace nearly turns deadly. She relaxes when it’s over, and Armin is still alive, but her relief doesn’t last long. Someone is out to get her, or Armin, and they will do whatever it takes to succeed.
This event sparks a journey of love, loss, pain and anger that North has never before felt as an immortal. She is ripped apart and pieced back together by her quest for answers, employing the special skills she possesses to get her means. In the end, Armin’s fate becomes far wider than just that of her lover, and his destiny intertwined with that of all the gods. North has to pick a side; will she choose her heart, or her responsibility?
[UNTITLED] is a 110,000 word fantasy novel exploring a world on the edge of two destinies, and the mortals and immortals who will determine its course, explore their own true abilities, discover their pasts, and uphold their honor.
Jul 22, 2009
QUERY: BROKEN VERSION 2
Click here to read the original query.
Thanks! Version 2 - BROKEN
Thanks! Version 2 - BROKEN
Dear Agent X,
Madeline "Madd" Gunn is a fallen cop with an appetite for Chicago's finest breaded steak sandwiches served up with a hearty helping of vengeance. Five years ago, somebody knifed her kid sister to death in an alley. And she wants blood.
After every lead on her sister's case dries up, Madd quits the force and teams up with a group of well-connected vigilantes who hunt down violent criminals and arrange their deaths. When "The Protectors" hand Madd the name of her sister's killer and an untraceable .45, she fires four bullets into the S.O.B.'s chest and watches him die.
There's only one problem. She killed the wrong man.
Once a phone call confirms her worst fears, Madd knows that someone has set her up. But who? Now her name is on the The Protectors' hit list and finding her kid sister's killer is only the beginning of her problems. She needs to live long enough to uncover the truth, and some very powerful people want her dead.
BROKEN is an 86,000 word thriller about the irreversible consequences of revenge--and indigestion. My short stories have appeared in [redacted] and [redacted]. In an effort to add authenticity to the novel, I decided to move to Chicago ten years ago, marry a native, and eat my way through every hot dog stand south of the Loop. So far so good.
Thank you for your time.
Jul 21, 2009
QUERY - A SCORPION’S NATURE
Dear Agent,
Rage and dread torment Kyle Matusik after his dad's suicide. YMCA Camp Powell could have been a refuge, but Kyle isolates himself by alienating his overeager sailing partner and ignoring the affections of the camp newspaper's vulnerable poet. His Junior Counselor's treachery and confrontations with Brayden, a tyrant camper, ravage his insecurities. Kyle and Brayden's attraction to an alluring girl escalates their rivalry. The sunny idiots on staff can Kum Ba Yah all they want. Kyle will lash out until he gets even or is booted from camp—either outcome ends his chance to find belonging.
A SCORPION'S NATURE follows an anguished thirteen year old who copes with death by walling himself off from the living. Kyle's journey unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director's mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word middle grade novel coalesced out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director. Though not artsy, I am quite crafty.
The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.
Sincerely,
Rage and dread torment Kyle Matusik after his dad's suicide. YMCA Camp Powell could have been a refuge, but Kyle isolates himself by alienating his overeager sailing partner and ignoring the affections of the camp newspaper's vulnerable poet. His Junior Counselor's treachery and confrontations with Brayden, a tyrant camper, ravage his insecurities. Kyle and Brayden's attraction to an alluring girl escalates their rivalry. The sunny idiots on staff can Kum Ba Yah all they want. Kyle will lash out until he gets even or is booted from camp—either outcome ends his chance to find belonging.
A SCORPION'S NATURE follows an anguished thirteen year old who copes with death by walling himself off from the living. Kyle's journey unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director's mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word middle grade novel coalesced out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director. Though not artsy, I am quite crafty.
The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.
Sincerely,
Jul 20, 2009
NEW SUBMISSION OPTION!
Hello Slushpile followers, commenters, lurkers, and anyone else not covered by the aforementioned terms!
There is a new way to post queries and sample pages for submission.
You can email them to this address:
adaley4.postmyquery@blogger.com
The subject line of the email should be the title for the post (e.g. QUERY- AWESOME BOOK TITLE)
The body of your email should be the query and/or sample pages. Please format them accordingly, I will post them as I receive them. The posts will not go up automatically, I will review them first. If you are submitting a revision, I will add links to prior versions. I will still post items submitted as comments (a.k.a. the old way).
Thanks to everyone who submits their work for critique and the awesome group of commenters who show up immediately to offer advice. You are the ones who create the value for this site. I am just an enabler...
Jul 19, 2009
SAMPLE PAGES- UNTITLED (version 2)
Click here to read the original pages.
Click here to read the most recent query.
Chapter 1 – “Ten Years”
“I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.”
“Mrs. Newman?” A tall boy in the front row interrupts my reading aloud.
“Yes Jason?”
“Why should it matter if Holden is a great liar, he’s not writing for anyone else? I don’t understand why we can’t trust his narration? And please don’t say: What do you think?” I laugh aloud at how well he knows my style.
“Ok, let me ask you this Jason, Do you think it’s possible for someone to lie to themselves?” I say trying to work around his request.
“I guess I see what you mean – like denial?” He says
“Exactly, people lie to themselves all the time. Mothers in denial about their kid being the school bully. My kids not fat he’s just big boned!” The class is laughing and I have all their attention now.
“The only fact you really need to know when deciding what to take as true in the book is that
Holden’s perspective changes, the way he looks at the world changes from the beginning of the book to the end.”
“So I’m guessing that will be a test question?” Another boy says
“Absolutely, the test questions aren’t a secret. My intention is not to trick you.”
“That sounds like a trick to me!” A girl named Emma says
“If you’ve read the story, I mean really read it, you’ll do fine. I’m happy to give you my opinions on the interpretation, but if you decide that Holden really works for the CIA and you can give me examples and details to support that you won’t fail.”
“You know that could be true.” Jason says causing the entire classroom to erupt in laughter.
“Remember, I didn’t write the book – It’s not my place to tell you you’re wrong. Unless I can tell you didn’t read, of course.”
“In other words, there’s no easy way out?” Jason speaks up again.
“There never is.” I answer him with a smile.
4:00pm – Back in my Ford Escort, I can finally allow my mind to drift back to the girl on the beach. I try to recall some of the visions from earlier today. I remember the handsome boy’s tears and – why was he so upset? There was desperation in their eyes, something horrible had just happened – something tragic. I needed to replay the visions over and over until I could get to my computer. I know the wording won’t be perfect but I just had to get the story down. Somehow I knew if I could just get it out of my head the pieces would fall into place.
I unlocked the door, threw my things in the closet and sat down at the computer. Alone at last. For thirty minutes I type without a single hesitation. I’m jolted out of my fantasy world as the door bell rings. I hit the save button with a groan and head for the front door, it’s always something.
When I open the door a young man with dark curly hair and glasses is standing in front of me looking unbelievably anxious. His eyes widen when he sees me
“Holly! I can’t believe it’s you! You’re alright?” I recognize his face at last.
“Adam Silverman? What are you doing here?” He seems to be composing himself. Somehow it doesn’t seem like he had expected me to open the door.
“I was in town and I heard you lived here . . . . . with someone? I just thought I would stop by.” He could tell I wasn’t buying the “I-was-just-in-town” story. We hadn’t seen each other in ten years; maybe he wasn’t quite stable – mentally I mean.
“Would you like to come in, Adam?” I say slowly in case he might have trouble understanding me. He looks exactly the same; I can’t believe after ten years he hasn’t gained a pound. It looked like he even had the same glasses.
“Actually I just needed to give you something.” He follows me into the house and I point to the couch for him to have a seat.
“Really, what?” I say walking to the kitchen and filling a glass of water for him. He takes a large gulp right away then chokes and points at my left hand.
“The ring. . . on your hand?” He says stumbling with his words
“My wedding ring?” I say, he’s definitely messed up – drugs maybe? I hadn’t heard that but who knows. He swallows another gulp before speaking again.
“You’re married to. . . .?”
“David.” I say slowly again.
“Wow, David . . . huh that’s interesting.” I sat down next to him on the couch trying to get a good look at his eyes; I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for – dilated pupils, redness?
“Adam? Are you ok? I mean is something wrong?” he nodded without speaking; I prompt him again “Is that why you’re here?”
He set his glass down and turned to face me; his eyes looked normal – just anxious.
“Yes.”
“What’s going on Adam? You can tell me.” He’s silent again looking down at his hands. I decide to try a different question.
“You seemed surprised to see me, were you expecting someone else?” I say trying to lighten the mood.
“Can you tell me something, Holly?”
“Sure, what?”
“Well, you know . . . what have you been up to. . . . .for the last ten years I mean?”
I laugh nervously
“All ten of them?”
“No, I mean what you do. Your job?”
“Oh, I’m teaching; high school English, at a school in Manhattan. I’m also trying my hand at fiction writing in my spare time.” I point towards the laptop on the coffee table.
“You’re writing a book? What about?” I give him a brief over view of the visions I’ve been having lately and the parts that I still haven’t unraveled yet.
“I didn’t really plan on writing a whole book, it’s just these ideas started flowing out of me and I had to get them down on paper. After a few days or so of writing I realized that I might have the beginnings of a novel.”
His eyes are wide and his face was so pale – I thought he was going to be sick. He bent down to get something from his bag, then handed me a notebook. I turn it over in my hands. The cover of the notebook is soft pink velvet with a swirling pattern covering it.
This is my journal, my thoughts, my writing. Writing I hadn’t seen for ten years.
“Where did you get this?” I say
“I acquired it recently from a good friend,” he said a little more composed than before. Or maybe my shock was so great it overshadowed my concern with his strange behavior. He handed me a piece of paper with an address on it.
“Come see me after you read this. I’ll need your help.” I’m still staring at the notebook and I don’t even notice him walking towards the door.
“Wait Adam, I already know what’s in here, let me help you; I know it’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other, but you were such a great friend to me. Whatever’s going on with you I can help?” He looks at me for a few moments standing in front of the open door – his eyes look sad; defeated almost.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Holly – trust me. Read it, I’ll be waiting.” He shuts the door quickly. My mind races trying to think of someone I can call to help him perhaps. I dial David’s number first his phone goes straight to voice mail.
Curiosity is eating at me now and I have to look. As I open the notebook a photograph falls out on to the floor. I pick it up staring at the girl in the photo. It’s me at eighteen or nineteen, I gasp when I notice the boy standing next to me. My legs give out and I fall back on to the couch. The boy in the photo has his arm around me kissing my cheek - his amazing blue eyes are still visible.
This is the boy from my visions; the one I’ve devoted over three hundred pages to. A boy I have never seen in my entire life. I open the book and start to read. . . . . . . . .
Click here to read the most recent query.
Chapter 1 – “Ten Years”
“I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.”
“Mrs. Newman?” A tall boy in the front row interrupts my reading aloud.
“Yes Jason?”
“Why should it matter if Holden is a great liar, he’s not writing for anyone else? I don’t understand why we can’t trust his narration? And please don’t say: What do you think?” I laugh aloud at how well he knows my style.
“Ok, let me ask you this Jason, Do you think it’s possible for someone to lie to themselves?” I say trying to work around his request.
“I guess I see what you mean – like denial?” He says
“Exactly, people lie to themselves all the time. Mothers in denial about their kid being the school bully. My kids not fat he’s just big boned!” The class is laughing and I have all their attention now.
“The only fact you really need to know when deciding what to take as true in the book is that
Holden’s perspective changes, the way he looks at the world changes from the beginning of the book to the end.”
“So I’m guessing that will be a test question?” Another boy says
“Absolutely, the test questions aren’t a secret. My intention is not to trick you.”
“That sounds like a trick to me!” A girl named Emma says
“If you’ve read the story, I mean really read it, you’ll do fine. I’m happy to give you my opinions on the interpretation, but if you decide that Holden really works for the CIA and you can give me examples and details to support that you won’t fail.”
“You know that could be true.” Jason says causing the entire classroom to erupt in laughter.
“Remember, I didn’t write the book – It’s not my place to tell you you’re wrong. Unless I can tell you didn’t read, of course.”
“In other words, there’s no easy way out?” Jason speaks up again.
“There never is.” I answer him with a smile.
4:00pm – Back in my Ford Escort, I can finally allow my mind to drift back to the girl on the beach. I try to recall some of the visions from earlier today. I remember the handsome boy’s tears and – why was he so upset? There was desperation in their eyes, something horrible had just happened – something tragic. I needed to replay the visions over and over until I could get to my computer. I know the wording won’t be perfect but I just had to get the story down. Somehow I knew if I could just get it out of my head the pieces would fall into place.
I unlocked the door, threw my things in the closet and sat down at the computer. Alone at last. For thirty minutes I type without a single hesitation. I’m jolted out of my fantasy world as the door bell rings. I hit the save button with a groan and head for the front door, it’s always something.
When I open the door a young man with dark curly hair and glasses is standing in front of me looking unbelievably anxious. His eyes widen when he sees me
“Holly! I can’t believe it’s you! You’re alright?” I recognize his face at last.
“Adam Silverman? What are you doing here?” He seems to be composing himself. Somehow it doesn’t seem like he had expected me to open the door.
“I was in town and I heard you lived here . . . . . with someone? I just thought I would stop by.” He could tell I wasn’t buying the “I-was-just-in-town” story. We hadn’t seen each other in ten years; maybe he wasn’t quite stable – mentally I mean.
“Would you like to come in, Adam?” I say slowly in case he might have trouble understanding me. He looks exactly the same; I can’t believe after ten years he hasn’t gained a pound. It looked like he even had the same glasses.
“Actually I just needed to give you something.” He follows me into the house and I point to the couch for him to have a seat.
“Really, what?” I say walking to the kitchen and filling a glass of water for him. He takes a large gulp right away then chokes and points at my left hand.
“The ring. . . on your hand?” He says stumbling with his words
“My wedding ring?” I say, he’s definitely messed up – drugs maybe? I hadn’t heard that but who knows. He swallows another gulp before speaking again.
“You’re married to. . . .?”
“David.” I say slowly again.
“Wow, David . . . huh that’s interesting.” I sat down next to him on the couch trying to get a good look at his eyes; I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for – dilated pupils, redness?
“Adam? Are you ok? I mean is something wrong?” he nodded without speaking; I prompt him again “Is that why you’re here?”
He set his glass down and turned to face me; his eyes looked normal – just anxious.
“Yes.”
“What’s going on Adam? You can tell me.” He’s silent again looking down at his hands. I decide to try a different question.
“You seemed surprised to see me, were you expecting someone else?” I say trying to lighten the mood.
“Can you tell me something, Holly?”
“Sure, what?”
“Well, you know . . . what have you been up to. . . . .for the last ten years I mean?”
I laugh nervously
“All ten of them?”
“No, I mean what you do. Your job?”
“Oh, I’m teaching; high school English, at a school in Manhattan. I’m also trying my hand at fiction writing in my spare time.” I point towards the laptop on the coffee table.
“You’re writing a book? What about?” I give him a brief over view of the visions I’ve been having lately and the parts that I still haven’t unraveled yet.
“I didn’t really plan on writing a whole book, it’s just these ideas started flowing out of me and I had to get them down on paper. After a few days or so of writing I realized that I might have the beginnings of a novel.”
His eyes are wide and his face was so pale – I thought he was going to be sick. He bent down to get something from his bag, then handed me a notebook. I turn it over in my hands. The cover of the notebook is soft pink velvet with a swirling pattern covering it.
This is my journal, my thoughts, my writing. Writing I hadn’t seen for ten years.
“Where did you get this?” I say
“I acquired it recently from a good friend,” he said a little more composed than before. Or maybe my shock was so great it overshadowed my concern with his strange behavior. He handed me a piece of paper with an address on it.
“Come see me after you read this. I’ll need your help.” I’m still staring at the notebook and I don’t even notice him walking towards the door.
“Wait Adam, I already know what’s in here, let me help you; I know it’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other, but you were such a great friend to me. Whatever’s going on with you I can help?” He looks at me for a few moments standing in front of the open door – his eyes look sad; defeated almost.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Holly – trust me. Read it, I’ll be waiting.” He shuts the door quickly. My mind races trying to think of someone I can call to help him perhaps. I dial David’s number first his phone goes straight to voice mail.
Curiosity is eating at me now and I have to look. As I open the notebook a photograph falls out on to the floor. I pick it up staring at the girl in the photo. It’s me at eighteen or nineteen, I gasp when I notice the boy standing next to me. My legs give out and I fall back on to the couch. The boy in the photo has his arm around me kissing my cheek - his amazing blue eyes are still visible.
This is the boy from my visions; the one I’ve devoted over three hundred pages to. A boy I have never seen in my entire life. I open the book and start to read. . . . . . . . .
QUERY: Ghosts of Innocence (version 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Amazing Agent,
Shayla Carver, undercover agent and master assassin, has killed many times. That's what assassins do. Nothing to lose sleep over. But this mission is different; she's never killed a whole planet before.
She's seen it happen though, many years ago, when her own home burned on the orders of a young Emperor. And now she's ready, finally, to exact payment in kind from the whole rotten and murderous establishment.
Shayla has planned everything meticulously, except that she hasn't allowed for coming face to face with some of the two billion inhabitants she's about to slaughter. Ordinary people. Not the stereotyped strutting Imperials of her imagination, and not so readily dismissed as legitimate targets or collateral damage. And then there's the Emperor himself. An ordinary man with troubles and dreams of his own. Not the kind of man Shayla can picture giving such an order.
Now she's starting to lose sleep.
As she enslaves the destructive might of the Emperor's own fleet and launches the final stage of her plan, Shayla can no longer ignore the enormity of what she's doing. On the brink of success, she must choose: To complete her lifelong goal to rid humanity of a corrupt regime, or to heed her own misgivings and serve the man, her sworn enemy, that she's spent so many years pursuing.
"Ghosts of Innocence" is a science fiction novel complete at 95,000 words. I am also working on a sequel, "The Ashes of Home". Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely
Wannabe Author
Dear Amazing Agent,
Shayla Carver, undercover agent and master assassin, has killed many times. That's what assassins do. Nothing to lose sleep over. But this mission is different; she's never killed a whole planet before.
She's seen it happen though, many years ago, when her own home burned on the orders of a young Emperor. And now she's ready, finally, to exact payment in kind from the whole rotten and murderous establishment.
Shayla has planned everything meticulously, except that she hasn't allowed for coming face to face with some of the two billion inhabitants she's about to slaughter. Ordinary people. Not the stereotyped strutting Imperials of her imagination, and not so readily dismissed as legitimate targets or collateral damage. And then there's the Emperor himself. An ordinary man with troubles and dreams of his own. Not the kind of man Shayla can picture giving such an order.
Now she's starting to lose sleep.
As she enslaves the destructive might of the Emperor's own fleet and launches the final stage of her plan, Shayla can no longer ignore the enormity of what she's doing. On the brink of success, she must choose: To complete her lifelong goal to rid humanity of a corrupt regime, or to heed her own misgivings and serve the man, her sworn enemy, that she's spent so many years pursuing.
"Ghosts of Innocence" is a science fiction novel complete at 95,000 words. I am also working on a sequel, "The Ashes of Home". Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely
Wannabe Author
Julie's query revised - attempt #2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the sample pages.
Dear Agent,
I am currently seeking representation for my Young Adult novel, UNTITLED, complete at 90,000 words.
Seventeen year old Holly Flynn is about to matriculate into the ‘real world’ as she likes to call this high school after life. The only thing she’s in a hurry to do is hear that final bell and race out the doors of her New Jersey high school for the last time.
Through family connections Holly’s scored a summer job in Manhattan as camp counselor to a dozen rich kids whose bedrooms are probably bigger than her entire house. In no time, she’s immersed in the world of fancy cars and private drivers having no clue how much her life was about to change!
Holly’s completely devoted to her boyfriend and best friend of two years, David but when she meets Jackson, a fellow counselor she can’t stop thinking about him, or dreaming about him. Despite her incredible efforts to ignore his every move, she finds herself buried deep in solving the mysteries surrounding him; mysteries even he doesn’t understand.
Like his deceased mother and twin sister, Jackson has an unwanted and uncontrolled ability to inflict pain on those he’s close to, causing them to relive their worst memories and sentencing him to a lifetime of lonely solitude. But Holly’s opened up her heart to him more than she ever thought possible and is determined to find a way for them to be together – even if it causes her pain.
Holly and Jackson, along with the help of a surprising new friend begin a quest to unravel the mysteries of Jackson’s ability but find themselves faced with the opportunity to change Holly’s past leaving her with the impossible decision - be with her one true love or give her mother the life she should have had, removing the horrors of her past.
The ability to change the past is like playing God in a battle between right and wrong.
Click here to read the sample pages.
Dear Agent,
I am currently seeking representation for my Young Adult novel, UNTITLED, complete at 90,000 words.
Seventeen year old Holly Flynn is about to matriculate into the ‘real world’ as she likes to call this high school after life. The only thing she’s in a hurry to do is hear that final bell and race out the doors of her New Jersey high school for the last time.
Through family connections Holly’s scored a summer job in Manhattan as camp counselor to a dozen rich kids whose bedrooms are probably bigger than her entire house. In no time, she’s immersed in the world of fancy cars and private drivers having no clue how much her life was about to change!
Holly’s completely devoted to her boyfriend and best friend of two years, David but when she meets Jackson, a fellow counselor she can’t stop thinking about him, or dreaming about him. Despite her incredible efforts to ignore his every move, she finds herself buried deep in solving the mysteries surrounding him; mysteries even he doesn’t understand.
Like his deceased mother and twin sister, Jackson has an unwanted and uncontrolled ability to inflict pain on those he’s close to, causing them to relive their worst memories and sentencing him to a lifetime of lonely solitude. But Holly’s opened up her heart to him more than she ever thought possible and is determined to find a way for them to be together – even if it causes her pain.
Holly and Jackson, along with the help of a surprising new friend begin a quest to unravel the mysteries of Jackson’s ability but find themselves faced with the opportunity to change Holly’s past leaving her with the impossible decision - be with her one true love or give her mother the life she should have had, removing the horrors of her past.
The ability to change the past is like playing God in a battle between right and wrong.
Jul 18, 2009
QUERY: Ghosts of Innocence
Dear Amazing Agent,
Shayla Carver, undercover agent and master assassin, has killed many times. That's what assassins do. Nothing to lose sleep over. But this mission is different; she's never killed a whole planet before.
She's seen it happen though, many years ago, when her own home burned on the orders of a young Emperor. The young Shayla watched, helpless but incensed, and vowed revenge.
How many youngsters dream the impossible? And how many think of the consequences? Shayla did more than dream. She started on a long road, a road which she's followed without question, a road which has finally brought her to the Emperor's palace and within reach of her goal.
Shayla has planned everything meticulously, except that she hasn't allowed for coming face to face with some of the two billion inhabitants she's about to slaughter. Ordinary people. Not the stereotyped strutting Imperials of her imagination, and not so readily dismissed as legitimate targets or collateral damage. And then there's the Emperor himself. An ordinary man with troubles and dreams of his own. Not the kind of man Shayla can picture giving such an order.
Now she's starting to lose sleep.
As she enslaves the destructive might of the Emperor's own fleet and launches the final stage of her plan, Shayla can no longer ignore the enormity of what she's doing. On the brink of success, she must choose: To complete her lifelong goal to rid humanity of a corrupt regime, or to heed her own misgivings and trust the man, her sworn enemy, that she's spent so many years pursuing.
"Ghosts of Innocence" is a science fiction novel complete at 95,000 words. I am also working on a sequel, "The Ashes of Home". Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Wannabe Author
Shayla Carver, undercover agent and master assassin, has killed many times. That's what assassins do. Nothing to lose sleep over. But this mission is different; she's never killed a whole planet before.
She's seen it happen though, many years ago, when her own home burned on the orders of a young Emperor. The young Shayla watched, helpless but incensed, and vowed revenge.
How many youngsters dream the impossible? And how many think of the consequences? Shayla did more than dream. She started on a long road, a road which she's followed without question, a road which has finally brought her to the Emperor's palace and within reach of her goal.
Shayla has planned everything meticulously, except that she hasn't allowed for coming face to face with some of the two billion inhabitants she's about to slaughter. Ordinary people. Not the stereotyped strutting Imperials of her imagination, and not so readily dismissed as legitimate targets or collateral damage. And then there's the Emperor himself. An ordinary man with troubles and dreams of his own. Not the kind of man Shayla can picture giving such an order.
Now she's starting to lose sleep.
As she enslaves the destructive might of the Emperor's own fleet and launches the final stage of her plan, Shayla can no longer ignore the enormity of what she's doing. On the brink of success, she must choose: To complete her lifelong goal to rid humanity of a corrupt regime, or to heed her own misgivings and trust the man, her sworn enemy, that she's spent so many years pursuing.
"Ghosts of Innocence" is a science fiction novel complete at 95,000 words. I am also working on a sequel, "The Ashes of Home". Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Wannabe Author
Jul 17, 2009
SAMPLE PAGES- UNTITLED
Click here to read the query.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Chapter 1 – “Ten Years”
Wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tight - she whispered something in his ear. His arms were around her now holding her tight; his face buried in her hair. He pulled away after a few minutes just enough to look into her eyes. She stared right back, his bright blue eyes piercing into hers.
“Thank you.” He said putting his hands on the sides of her neck; he kissed her lips softly. The tears on his cheeks melting with hers.
7:00am – Sitting on the train into midtown, I try to grade the essays I had neglected last night. But something in my brain hit the play button on the story again and vivid images of my dashingly handsome main character invade my thoughts.
Yesterday my red pen couldn’t move fast enough as I was feeling the need to pick apart each and every one of my student’s mistakes, but today nothing could put a damper on the high I was experiencing – not even a bunch of goofy teenage students pretending to have read last night’s assignment. I walked the five blocks to the school – a bounce in my step today as I enter the hallway leading to my classroom.
“Good morning Mrs. Newman.” I hear a young voice call from outside my classroom door.
“Good morning Anna. Are you ready?” My most devoted student – a good way to begin my morning.
“Yeah, I guess. This paper is really killing me. I’m still worried about missing the central theme. And what about Mr. Antolini? Is he a child molester? Because it sure seemed like it.” I unlock the classroom door and turn on the lights. Pointing to a seat for Anna to sit, I place my coffee and bag on the desk sitting in the seat across from her.
“The interpretation’s not clear-cut. What you have to understand, Anna - is that Holden is an unstable narrator. We only know what Holden sees. Mr. Antolini made him uncomfortable but maybe Holden’s easily scared. Use what you already know about his character but then it’s up to you to decide the rest.” Her expression is skeptical and her eyes narrow in confusion.
“So what you’re saying is I can’t be wrong?” I smile at this truth, the reason I love literature; it’s never an exact science.
“In my class you won’t be wrong if you can back your theory with evidence.”
“That seems a little too easy, what’s the catch.” The handsome boy and the girl on the beach are floating back towards my frontal lobe; I can see tears in his eyes as she takes his hand pressing it to her cheek.
“There’s no catch.” I say to Anna “You just have to sell your idea – like everything else in life. Most things aren’t as clear as they are in school. I think you will eventually find that life after high school is just one big gray area.”
Anna’s face is blank – like a four year old who just received a lecture on home mortgage loans. I must be heading off the deep end now. If I was going to continue writing, I would need a better grasp on separating life from story.
“Um. . . forget that,” I say shaking my head again. “Anyway Anna, you asked about the central theme in the book? This one’s fairly simple.” I flip the pages of her copy of Catcher in Rye.
“Listen to what Holden says here,” I read the passage aloud.
“And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.”
“Anna, think about what that cliff represents, and why Holden is so determined to prevent those kids from going over?”
9:30 am – “Tonight’s assignment is to read the final scenes of Macbeth. Trust me on this one – stay away from the internet, resist buying that copy of someone’s paper from last year - remember this is Senior AP English; I expect you all to tell me something I don’t already know. Let’s get creative!” The bell rings and the class begin to file out the door.
“Sam, can you stay for a minute please?” I say to the skinny red haired boy. He walks up to my desk with his bag over his shoulder. I slide an envelope across my desk toward him.
“What’s this?” he says
“It’s your letter of recommendation for NYU. I thought you needed two for your application?”
“Actually, I’m not going to apply.” He says quietly
“Sam, you’re my best student. Not only are you a shoo-in for admission but I know you could win the Phelps Scholarship. Why aren’t you applying?” I ask him, though I have a pretty good idea of the reason.
“Well, you know my family’s moving to Texas at the end of the school year and my mom thought . . . . .” I put my hand up to cut him off.
“Sam, you’re eighteen. You have to decide what’s best for you. Your mother’s issues with you being away from home are something she’ll have to deal with herself. The deadline is two weeks away. If I have to do your application for you, I will.”
“I know I should apply, but she just gets so upset even at the mention of me being away.” Anger at Mrs. Edwards is boiling inside me. Though this is true, seeing his face allows sympathy to overtake my anger.
“Just apply for now and then you can make your decisions later. You should keep all your options open.”
“Alright,” he says taking the letter off my desk and putting it in his bag. I sigh heavily as he leaves the room; parents sometimes had a way of ruining everything.
11:30am – I give the drink machine a hard kick with my right foot as the frozen dinner revolves around in the microwave. Finally, my Diet Coke comes tumbling out – slightly dented. As I sit down with my meal, the door to the lounge opens.
“Good morning, Holly.”
“Hi Todd.” I start scribbling nonsense in my notebook; maybe if I look busy he won’t try to talk to me.
“How’s Catcher in The Rye coming along?” He says in his annoying nasally voice.
We tend to have a very different approach of getting students to love what they read. Todd threatens them with failing grades. I prefer to coax them into listening to me read aloud if I don’t feel that the class is prepared. It’s most important that they hear the story – the rest is just details.
“We’re moving along well, and you? Have you taken inventory on “Cliff notes” at Barnes and Noble lately?” I say as his students are infamous for finding ways out of the reading. If he read aloud to them like I do I’m sure they would all complete their reading assignments to avoid listening to that horrible, nasally voice for an hour.
“I like to keep tabs. You’ve never been able to catch your students using “Cliff notes” have you?” He said condescendingly.
“No, I haven’t caught anyone yet, but I know I won’t.” I said, casually.
“Why is that? Everyone else does.” He says with a sneer to his voice
“My students all know there is nothing they can buy in a store or find on the internet to give them any short cuts on my essay.”
“Oh, right. I forgot about your open ended questions – you can’t be wrong if it’s your opinion.” He’s mocking me. How immature! I took a calming breath before speaking.
“It’s most important that they know the story; my job is to teach them to think for themselves – not study some useless passage about symbolism and themes in a three dollar pamphlet, most likely written by someone who obviously wasn’t good enough to write their own book.” I ignore his shocked expression and pick up my lunch, toss it in the garbage can and walk out of the lounge.
1:30pm –
“I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.” I read aloud to my fifth period class of juniors.
“Mrs. Newman?”
“Yes Jason?”
“Why should it matter if Holden is a great liar, he’s not writing for anyone else? I don’t understand why we can’t trust his narration? And please don’t say: What do you think?” I laugh aloud at how well he knows my style.
“Ok, let me ask you this Jason, Do you think it’s possible for someone to lie to themselves?” I say trying to work around his request.
“I guess I see what you mean – like denial?” He says
“Exactly, people lie to themselves all the time. Mothers in denial about their kid being the school bully. My kids not fat he’s just big boned!” The class is laughing and I have all their attention now.
“The only fact you really need to know when deciding what to take as true in the book is that Holden’s perspective changes, the way he looks at the world changes from the beginning of the book to the end. If you can focus on the significance of that change what’s true and what’s exaggerated becomes a lot less important.”
“So I’m guessing that will be a test question?” Another boy says
“Absolutely, the test questions aren’t a secret. I’m not making a test to trick you.”
“That sounds like a trick to me!” A girl named Emma says
“If you’ve read the story, I mean really read it, you’ll do fine. I’m happy to give you my opinions on the interpretation, but if you decide that Holden really works for the CIA and you can give me examples and details to support that you won’t fail.”
“You know that could be true.” Jason says causing the entire classroom to erupt in laughter.
“Remember, I didn’t write the book – It’s not my place to tell you you’re wrong. Unless I can tell you didn’t read, of course.”
“In other words, there’s no easy way out?” Jason speaks up again.
“There never is.” I answer him with a smile.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Chapter 1 – “Ten Years”
Wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tight - she whispered something in his ear. His arms were around her now holding her tight; his face buried in her hair. He pulled away after a few minutes just enough to look into her eyes. She stared right back, his bright blue eyes piercing into hers.
“Thank you.” He said putting his hands on the sides of her neck; he kissed her lips softly. The tears on his cheeks melting with hers.
7:00am – Sitting on the train into midtown, I try to grade the essays I had neglected last night. But something in my brain hit the play button on the story again and vivid images of my dashingly handsome main character invade my thoughts.
Yesterday my red pen couldn’t move fast enough as I was feeling the need to pick apart each and every one of my student’s mistakes, but today nothing could put a damper on the high I was experiencing – not even a bunch of goofy teenage students pretending to have read last night’s assignment. I walked the five blocks to the school – a bounce in my step today as I enter the hallway leading to my classroom.
“Good morning Mrs. Newman.” I hear a young voice call from outside my classroom door.
“Good morning Anna. Are you ready?” My most devoted student – a good way to begin my morning.
“Yeah, I guess. This paper is really killing me. I’m still worried about missing the central theme. And what about Mr. Antolini? Is he a child molester? Because it sure seemed like it.” I unlock the classroom door and turn on the lights. Pointing to a seat for Anna to sit, I place my coffee and bag on the desk sitting in the seat across from her.
“The interpretation’s not clear-cut. What you have to understand, Anna - is that Holden is an unstable narrator. We only know what Holden sees. Mr. Antolini made him uncomfortable but maybe Holden’s easily scared. Use what you already know about his character but then it’s up to you to decide the rest.” Her expression is skeptical and her eyes narrow in confusion.
“So what you’re saying is I can’t be wrong?” I smile at this truth, the reason I love literature; it’s never an exact science.
“In my class you won’t be wrong if you can back your theory with evidence.”
“That seems a little too easy, what’s the catch.” The handsome boy and the girl on the beach are floating back towards my frontal lobe; I can see tears in his eyes as she takes his hand pressing it to her cheek.
“There’s no catch.” I say to Anna “You just have to sell your idea – like everything else in life. Most things aren’t as clear as they are in school. I think you will eventually find that life after high school is just one big gray area.”
Anna’s face is blank – like a four year old who just received a lecture on home mortgage loans. I must be heading off the deep end now. If I was going to continue writing, I would need a better grasp on separating life from story.
“Um. . . forget that,” I say shaking my head again. “Anyway Anna, you asked about the central theme in the book? This one’s fairly simple.” I flip the pages of her copy of Catcher in Rye.
“Listen to what Holden says here,” I read the passage aloud.
“And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.”
“Anna, think about what that cliff represents, and why Holden is so determined to prevent those kids from going over?”
9:30 am – “Tonight’s assignment is to read the final scenes of Macbeth. Trust me on this one – stay away from the internet, resist buying that copy of someone’s paper from last year - remember this is Senior AP English; I expect you all to tell me something I don’t already know. Let’s get creative!” The bell rings and the class begin to file out the door.
“Sam, can you stay for a minute please?” I say to the skinny red haired boy. He walks up to my desk with his bag over his shoulder. I slide an envelope across my desk toward him.
“What’s this?” he says
“It’s your letter of recommendation for NYU. I thought you needed two for your application?”
“Actually, I’m not going to apply.” He says quietly
“Sam, you’re my best student. Not only are you a shoo-in for admission but I know you could win the Phelps Scholarship. Why aren’t you applying?” I ask him, though I have a pretty good idea of the reason.
“Well, you know my family’s moving to Texas at the end of the school year and my mom thought . . . . .” I put my hand up to cut him off.
“Sam, you’re eighteen. You have to decide what’s best for you. Your mother’s issues with you being away from home are something she’ll have to deal with herself. The deadline is two weeks away. If I have to do your application for you, I will.”
“I know I should apply, but she just gets so upset even at the mention of me being away.” Anger at Mrs. Edwards is boiling inside me. Though this is true, seeing his face allows sympathy to overtake my anger.
“Just apply for now and then you can make your decisions later. You should keep all your options open.”
“Alright,” he says taking the letter off my desk and putting it in his bag. I sigh heavily as he leaves the room; parents sometimes had a way of ruining everything.
11:30am – I give the drink machine a hard kick with my right foot as the frozen dinner revolves around in the microwave. Finally, my Diet Coke comes tumbling out – slightly dented. As I sit down with my meal, the door to the lounge opens.
“Good morning, Holly.”
“Hi Todd.” I start scribbling nonsense in my notebook; maybe if I look busy he won’t try to talk to me.
“How’s Catcher in The Rye coming along?” He says in his annoying nasally voice.
We tend to have a very different approach of getting students to love what they read. Todd threatens them with failing grades. I prefer to coax them into listening to me read aloud if I don’t feel that the class is prepared. It’s most important that they hear the story – the rest is just details.
“We’re moving along well, and you? Have you taken inventory on “Cliff notes” at Barnes and Noble lately?” I say as his students are infamous for finding ways out of the reading. If he read aloud to them like I do I’m sure they would all complete their reading assignments to avoid listening to that horrible, nasally voice for an hour.
“I like to keep tabs. You’ve never been able to catch your students using “Cliff notes” have you?” He said condescendingly.
“No, I haven’t caught anyone yet, but I know I won’t.” I said, casually.
“Why is that? Everyone else does.” He says with a sneer to his voice
“My students all know there is nothing they can buy in a store or find on the internet to give them any short cuts on my essay.”
“Oh, right. I forgot about your open ended questions – you can’t be wrong if it’s your opinion.” He’s mocking me. How immature! I took a calming breath before speaking.
“It’s most important that they know the story; my job is to teach them to think for themselves – not study some useless passage about symbolism and themes in a three dollar pamphlet, most likely written by someone who obviously wasn’t good enough to write their own book.” I ignore his shocked expression and pick up my lunch, toss it in the garbage can and walk out of the lounge.
1:30pm –
“I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.” I read aloud to my fifth period class of juniors.
“Mrs. Newman?”
“Yes Jason?”
“Why should it matter if Holden is a great liar, he’s not writing for anyone else? I don’t understand why we can’t trust his narration? And please don’t say: What do you think?” I laugh aloud at how well he knows my style.
“Ok, let me ask you this Jason, Do you think it’s possible for someone to lie to themselves?” I say trying to work around his request.
“I guess I see what you mean – like denial?” He says
“Exactly, people lie to themselves all the time. Mothers in denial about their kid being the school bully. My kids not fat he’s just big boned!” The class is laughing and I have all their attention now.
“The only fact you really need to know when deciding what to take as true in the book is that Holden’s perspective changes, the way he looks at the world changes from the beginning of the book to the end. If you can focus on the significance of that change what’s true and what’s exaggerated becomes a lot less important.”
“So I’m guessing that will be a test question?” Another boy says
“Absolutely, the test questions aren’t a secret. I’m not making a test to trick you.”
“That sounds like a trick to me!” A girl named Emma says
“If you’ve read the story, I mean really read it, you’ll do fine. I’m happy to give you my opinions on the interpretation, but if you decide that Holden really works for the CIA and you can give me examples and details to support that you won’t fail.”
“You know that could be true.” Jason says causing the entire classroom to erupt in laughter.
“Remember, I didn’t write the book – It’s not my place to tell you you’re wrong. Unless I can tell you didn’t read, of course.”
“In other words, there’s no easy way out?” Jason speaks up again.
“There never is.” I answer him with a smile.
Query - The Night Starts Here
Dear Agent,
THE NIGHT STARTS HERE is a young adult paranormal novel. It is complete at 70,000 words.
Simon Hawkins is undead. Not alive, not dead. Regardless of his condition, Simon is a walking, talking, handsome young man. He's also in love with a very much human girl named Beth. The only issue is that Beth is going to break up Simon and he knows it and he's really not actually as nice of a guy as he seems.
Because Simon believes that he can still make Beth love him, he orchestrates a car crash that kills Beth. Then on the side of the road, as she drifts out of the world, Simon does the unforgivable. He changes Beth into one of the undead.
A day later, Beth wakes up in a coffin. Buried.
Instead of throwing herself into his arms with gratitude at “saving her life” like Simon hopes, Beth runs away in fear and confusion.
While sitting alone on the side of a road one night, Beth is approached by two young men who are members of a gang that live in a mysterious city beneath the human world called the Underground. Beth goes with the two young men and joins the ranks of the gang, making some new friends and new enemies very quickly.
However, Beth's painful past resurfaces when Everyone's Favorite Psychopath Boyfriend Simon shows up Underground-- to his old gang, the exact one that Beth is now a part of. He is welcomed back, as the gang does not know the history between Beth and Simon. Simon then proceeds to blackmail Beth into silence, once again abusing his control over her helpless nature.
When the leader of the gang, Dominik, devises a plot against the evil Aristocracy (the corrupt ruling class of the Underground) that could potentially benefit all the members of the gang, they decide to go for it. Will they be able to leave the usual un-dead gang drama at home for a night and come together to bring down the powerful establishment? More importantly, will Beth be able to reveal Simon for the manipulative jerk he really is?
Thank you for your consideration,
THE NIGHT STARTS HERE is a young adult paranormal novel. It is complete at 70,000 words.
Simon Hawkins is undead. Not alive, not dead. Regardless of his condition, Simon is a walking, talking, handsome young man. He's also in love with a very much human girl named Beth. The only issue is that Beth is going to break up Simon and he knows it and he's really not actually as nice of a guy as he seems.
Because Simon believes that he can still make Beth love him, he orchestrates a car crash that kills Beth. Then on the side of the road, as she drifts out of the world, Simon does the unforgivable. He changes Beth into one of the undead.
A day later, Beth wakes up in a coffin. Buried.
Instead of throwing herself into his arms with gratitude at “saving her life” like Simon hopes, Beth runs away in fear and confusion.
While sitting alone on the side of a road one night, Beth is approached by two young men who are members of a gang that live in a mysterious city beneath the human world called the Underground. Beth goes with the two young men and joins the ranks of the gang, making some new friends and new enemies very quickly.
However, Beth's painful past resurfaces when Everyone's Favorite Psychopath Boyfriend Simon shows up Underground-- to his old gang, the exact one that Beth is now a part of. He is welcomed back, as the gang does not know the history between Beth and Simon. Simon then proceeds to blackmail Beth into silence, once again abusing his control over her helpless nature.
When the leader of the gang, Dominik, devises a plot against the evil Aristocracy (the corrupt ruling class of the Underground) that could potentially benefit all the members of the gang, they decide to go for it. Will they be able to leave the usual un-dead gang drama at home for a night and come together to bring down the powerful establishment? More importantly, will Beth be able to reveal Simon for the manipulative jerk he really is?
Thank you for your consideration,
Query- Blood From Heaven [version 4]
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read the version 3.
Question: I was considering changing the title to "Trial By Fire"--what do you think?
Thanks-
E.J.
Dear Agent,
Samone Fisher is a Priestess with ancient powers. She is a woman who has the ability to act as a gateway for angels and gods, and demons too when things don’t go so well.
What happens when things don’t go so well? You lose your body.
Luckily for Samone, she has an angel watching out for her, the fiery Serafina, who has possessed her body to keep it alive.
Now, Serafina must enlist the help of two special men to find Samone’s soul and bring it back to her body where it belongs. The men soon succumb to the angel’s fiery energy. The clock is ticking. The body is dying. Under the angel’s mysterious influence the men are able to return Samone’s soul to her body.
And here is where their new lives begin.
The men soon find out that Samone is as fiery as the angel that kept her body alive, and they will do anything to be with her. But the demons are closing in. They want Samone and people are starting to die. So Samone and her two men summon the angels for help, and that is when they learn that angels are not always what they seem.
I would like to submit for your review the manuscript for my paranormal urban fantasy, Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words. This is the first novel of a series, which can also stand alone.
In writing this novel I have drawn upon my expertise in occult and paranormal subjects as well as professional experience with psychology, investigation and law enforcement.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Click here to read the version 3.
Question: I was considering changing the title to "Trial By Fire"--what do you think?
Thanks-
E.J.
Dear Agent,
Samone Fisher is a Priestess with ancient powers. She is a woman who has the ability to act as a gateway for angels and gods, and demons too when things don’t go so well.
What happens when things don’t go so well? You lose your body.
Luckily for Samone, she has an angel watching out for her, the fiery Serafina, who has possessed her body to keep it alive.
Now, Serafina must enlist the help of two special men to find Samone’s soul and bring it back to her body where it belongs. The men soon succumb to the angel’s fiery energy. The clock is ticking. The body is dying. Under the angel’s mysterious influence the men are able to return Samone’s soul to her body.
And here is where their new lives begin.
The men soon find out that Samone is as fiery as the angel that kept her body alive, and they will do anything to be with her. But the demons are closing in. They want Samone and people are starting to die. So Samone and her two men summon the angels for help, and that is when they learn that angels are not always what they seem.
I would like to submit for your review the manuscript for my paranormal urban fantasy, Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words. This is the first novel of a series, which can also stand alone.
In writing this novel I have drawn upon my expertise in occult and paranormal subjects as well as professional experience with psychology, investigation and law enforcement.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
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