Click here to read the original query.
(Personalized comments to the agent…) shadowland, is a young adult urban fantasy.
Tian, the new guy in school, is fascinated by the way Jordan’s eyes change color with her emotions—something only he can see. And Jordan barely notices her mind translating his words when Tian speaks the ancient language of his birth. As their relationship deepens Jordan learns that Tian is a knight from Annwn, the otherworld of Celtic mythology, who has come to stop the increasingly frequent attacks on mortals by the dark ones, evil creatures from his realm.
A supernatural storm on Samhain Eve opens the way for Jordan to enter Tian’s world, and while on the other side impulsive declarations of love magically bind them. As Jordan’s life becomes more intertwined with Tian and his world they become the focus of attacks by the dark ones, particularly one powerful creature that stalks them in both realms. It is part animal, part human, able to change not just form but gender—and she has murder on her mind.
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4 comments:
Yay! I like that it got into the other realms right away, but still gives a little romance backstory. I think it has vastly improved.
My only question is the "dark ones". It's either a little vague or it's their title and should be: the Dark Ones.
Good Luck!
I like the and she has murder on her mind part it intrigues me. I think a lot of agents who specialize in fantasy/sci fi (I'm unfamiliar) would love this. I loved this! Lot's of deviations from the norm I think that's great.
Rick, I posted under your query, thought I'd mention it lest it should get lost. :)
I want to read it, I don't know about the agents. I think you did much better on this one. The only word I dislike (and I change it in mine all of the time) is the word IT. "It is part animal, part human, able to change not just form but gender—and she has murder on her mind." For some reason the word it makes it sound cheap to me. I also wonder if you couldn't do better with the "dark ones".
Can't wait to read it! I'm positive your going to make it.
JO
I appreciate so much the input and encouragement! This forum has been such a great help!
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