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There is a huge grizzly bear in the bedroom.
Mina and Darwin don't have time to think much about this before they and the bear fall through the portal into another world, Bagastana, "the place of the gods," where the supernatural beings from all the world's mythologies live. Getting back home is going to be a challenge, even with Bear's grudgingly offered assistance. The only known portal back is far away; it is guarded by a powerful creature who calls himself “The Maker,” and he will kill Mina and Darwin if he discovers who they really are.
Along the way, the twins encounter shape-shifting animals who worship a deceitful tiger; they are kidnapped by giant ants, forced undercover by misogynist horses, nearly devoured by eagles, and asked to make a great sacrifice by evangelizing fish. Mina and Darwin begin to develop their own magical abilities, and as they grow in power and knowledge, they begin to understand why the Maker would want them dead. They also learn how the Maker imprisons some of those who challenge him in his Living Clay, where they are unable to see, hear, breathe, or die.
BAGASTANA is the story of two young people who, while trying to get home, discover who they really are. The story is multi-layered with deeper religious and political meanings, and this YA fantasy novel is complete at 73,000 words.
I was born and raised in suburban New Jersey, but I managed to escape. After attending Yale as an undergraduate and getting my Ph.D. in psychology from Rutgers, I taught in several different countries and cultures, many of which I've drawn on for this novel. I moved back to the U.S. in December.
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2 comments:
"Getting back home will be a challenge..." seems kind of flat. Maybe: The only way home is far away. Even with Bear's grudging assistance they must still survive The Maker, a powerful creature who will kill Mina and Darwin if he discovers who they really are.
I think you can strengthen the hook at the beginning. Maybe add something like "...but what can hurt you in this world can help you in Bagastana."
I would find a way to re-word "grudgingly offered assistance." Adverbs are frowned upon in some circles, best not to risk it in the query.
"When he discovers who they really are." Who are they? Is it that they are humans from another dimension (ours), or is there something else about them? Clarify what is driving the conflict. It could be as simple as "..discovers that they are not from Bagastana."
"Along the way, the twins encounter shape-shifting animals who worship a deceitful tiger; they are kidnapped by giant ants, forced undercover by misogynist horses, nearly devoured by eagles, and asked to make a great sacrifice by evangelizing fish."
In the above sentence, you start off separating the action with a semi-colon, them switch to commas. Be consistent.
Be careful raising questions and teasing the agent with information like this:
"they begin to understand why the Maker would want them dead."
Why? Make the agent understand..
"They also learn how the Maker imprisons some of those who challenge him in his Living Clay"
How? Tell the agent, or if it is too complicated and just part of a sub-plot, leave those details for the synopsis and/or MS.
For your credentials, include anything that is directly relevant to your ability to write a YA fantasy novel, but do not include any extraneous information, e.g "I moved back to the U.S. in December."
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