Apr 27, 2009

Query - Gambling on Love

In this 90,000 word contemporary romantic comedy, GAMBLING ON LOVE, it's a case of the blind leading the blind when dating-impaired Galveston concierge Rachel McKnight agrees to play Henry Higgins for equally dating-inept gambler Mac MacAllister.

Rachel is a compulsive fixer—a handy trait for the Galveston hotel concierge; not so wonderful in the dating world.

Recently divorced Mac doesn't understand why lines like "Wanna get naked?" aren't getting him any dates. He wants Rachel to fix his approach to women, but dating is the one area of life Rachel hasn't been able to figure out. Turning down Mac's plea to "fix him" is like a junkie turning away from a heroin fix, but Rachel manages to do the honorable thing. Right up until she learns her mother expects her to bring a date to her brother's wedding. If she doesn't, she risks her mother meddling in her love life.

So Rachel and Mac make a deal. He'll play the attentive beau if she'll coach him on how to successfully approach women.

Escorting Rachel to the wedding creates its own complications when Mac realizes that the kisses he wants can only be found on Rachel's lips. This unexpected development leads him to discover Rachel's darkest secret and the intimacy issues that have kept her alone.

Now it's his turn to teach her. If she can't learn to trust him, she'll never have the family she yearns for, and Mac will always wonder what might have been.

Gambling on Love should appeal to readers of Jennifer Crusie and Rachel Gibson. I hope you will find Gambling on Love worth a closer look. The full manuscript is available upon request.
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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Other than repeating the fact that the protagonist is a Galveston based Concierge in the first two paragraphs, I found the query quite interesting. The "My Fair Lady" twist is quite unique. Good luck with the project.

April 28, 2009 at 10:44 AM
Unknown said...

This is definitely not my genre, but the first thing that crossed my mind when I read this was "that would make a great movie."

I can't find any faults with your writing. Everything flows well, and I get a good sense of your voice. My only issue is that your query seems a bit too long to me.

I don't think you really need the first paragraph, so you could probably cut it and put the title and word count somewhere else. For what it's worth, I thought the second and third paragraphs were the strongest parts, so maybe you could start with them and combine the next three paragraphs.

Overall, this is good, and I think with some editing and trimming it could be a strong query.

April 28, 2009 at 10:47 AM
hope101 said...

If you look at your query, you've got the hook, then Rachel's component of the query, then Mac's, then Rachel's. Just organize this a little better. Do your hook, then one paragraph for heroine's problem, one for hero's, and then the credentials part. (At least that's what I've seen done, but I'm unpublished, so what do I know?)

I'd also suggest heightening the conflict. We get a sense of why Rachel doesn't want to take this task on, but be explicit. Was she burned before by a man she tried to fix?

And why is it a problem for Mac to fall for her? Is she anything like his ex-wife?

Lastly, what makes Mac chose her for his Professor Higgins if she's so inept?

Good luck. This is the category I write and I'm aiming for the same market (someday).

April 28, 2009 at 1:38 PM

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