May 23, 2009

Query - Story for a Shipwright (Revision 4)

Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.

Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.

Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.

If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.

When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?

I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.

4 comments:

Barb said...

This reads really well and your voice shows through. You have shown the characters and the conflicts they need to deal with.

I can't see where you would need to change any of this.

Good luck!

jbchicoine said...

Barb,
Thanks for reading it and commenting. Aside from my runon sentences, I'm hoping I won't have to do a whole lot to this one. Oh yeah, and I think there is a little redundancy with the wandering granfather, but that's easily fixed. It's amazing how posting a query makes all my shortcomings so obvious to me!

Thanks agian!

Bane of Anubis said...

Best one yet.

I think there's still some room for tightening - e.g.:

"When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?"

I'd rewrite to:

"When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?"

Though it's integral to the story, it's not integral to the query and kind of hurts a bit of the punch you're throwing at the end (i.e., the flow).

Overall, though, definitely flows better and have a good sense of the story.

jbchicoine said...

Bane,
I just came in from taking a long walk--I must have been reading your mind, because my imaginary critter just said the very same thing! I'm dropping the last line for the very reason you so aptly stated: 'it's not integral to the query and kind of hurts a bit of the punch you're throwing at the end'.

And Thank you so much for your continued interest!