May 30, 2009

Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 5)

Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.

Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.

Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.

Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.

If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.

I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.

1 comment:

Laura Martone said...

Hi, JB!

I think this is a strong revision... it makes me very curious about the novel - which is the point of a query letter, right?

As others have advised me with my query, streamlining the content is paramount, so with that in mind, the 3rd sentence in the 1st paragraph could be tightened - "He's simply too busy trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family's bed-and-breakfast in Down East Maine."

Also, I noticed a small omission in the 4th paragraph - it should be "if he allows her to walk..."

Anyhoo, hope my two cents help. Good luck!