Jan 24, 2010

QUERY: THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS - Third Revision

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.


Dear Mythical Agent.

November 28th, 2012. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to fail worldwide, inflicting severe casualties. Already nervous, the planet is plunged into a frenzy when days later, news is leaked that an entity is travelling towards earth.

Howard Andersen, a cynic who believes that people are fundamentally untrustworthy and those who appear to be different are simply good actors, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is activated. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who resents the appointment and wants him out.

Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are linked to the approach of the craft. Is the planet truly under attack, or is it something else, something that is linked to an ancient Mayan prophecy about the end of days? Even as he grapples with those questions, Howard’s unconventional methods of solving issues gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him. As a sequence of events begins that pushes the planet to the brink of becoming a nuclear wasteland, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul in order to save lives.

THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley

5 comments:

Holly said...

Hello, Lenworth. I enjoyed reading your query and wish you well. Your novel sounds really interesting.

Comments on the first paragraph:

I loved the way you started with the date.

I would change this sentence, though: "Already nervous, the planet IS PLUNGED into a frenzy when days later, news IS LEAKED that an entity is TRAVELING TOWARDS earth."

Make the sentence active instead of passive. The subject does the action instead of being acted upon. Example, and you can say this in your own words: "Nervous nations move into a frenzy when they discover an entity is traveling toward Earth."

Towards is British spelling. Toward is American spelling.

Traveling is the usual spelling (versus travelling).

I would capitalize Earth here, since you are using it as the name of the planet, just as we would capitalize Mars or Jupiter.

Good luck!

Holly said...

I should have written this with travelling (two Ls instead of one L) -- I hope my comments above were clear.

"Already nervous, the planet IS PLUNGED into a frenzy when days later, news IS LEAKED that an entity is TRAVELLING TOWARDS earth."

Donna Hole said...

I think you've nailed it.

My only critique is the 115K word count. Maybe you should do some serious revision of your novel and try to come closer to 90K before sending this out.

Otherwise, I think its great. Informative, concise, hitting the major points. Draws me in completely.

I perused your earlier submission but didn't comment since you have such helpful advice already. With this, all the hard work and perserverance has paid off. Just my humble opinion.

..........dhole

Piedmont Writer said...

Lenworth, I think after all your hard work, the result has paid off.

Bravo! Good Luck with your agent hunt.

Lenworth said...

Thanks for all the comments and critiques. Really appreciated it.

Well here goes nothing