Apr 9, 2010

QUERY- COMING AROUND AGAIN

Maggie Sloan has given up on life. The day her husband and two children died in a car accident, life stopped for her. Fleeing the bad memories, she leaves Boston and moves to the quiet North Carolina coast. For the next four years she lives in relative obscurity, hiding from life and the possibility of hurt – as well as happiness. That is until the house next door is bought by the new police chief.

Connor McGowan is chasing life. Having spent years as a Chicago detective he watched his marriage die and his ex-wife and three kids move 1,000 miles away. After a brutal attack that left his best friend dead and almost killed him, Connor leaves Chicago determined to turn his life around. He takes a job as Chief of Police in a small North Carolina town intending to spend as much time as he can with his children and be the father he always thought he could be. His plans don’t include romance until he meets his quiet neighbor.

When Connor’s daughter almost drowns, Maggie jumps in to save her. In a split second Maggie has been thrust back into life. Forced to face not only the memories of the car accident where her family died but also six feet of confident and charismatic male, Maggie finds she wants a new chance at life, a new chance for love.

But her unplanned pregnancy revives Maggie’s fears of loss and grief. Trying to avoid potential heartache, Maggie returns to Boston and must face the ghosts of her past and ultimately decide how she can face the future.

COMING AROUND AGAIN, a contemporary romance novel complete at 90,000 words, may appeal to readers of Susan Wiggs or Barbara Delinsky. I appreciate your consideration.

7 comments:

Aimless Writer said...

Everything is good but the last paraghraph leaves me perplexed. Why does she have to go back to Boston? Does Connor give her a reason to run? Does he know she's leaving? Does he even know she's pregnant?
I think I get it but I just need it rephrazed. Like maybe, Connor is thrilled when.. but Maggie...
Otherwise I think this is a very strong query. Good job!

Working Rachel said...

This is pretty good, but I think you could tighten the first two paragraphs. The story doesn't really start until paragraph 3--we just need the briefest of introductions to these two characters before getting to the plot.

Amy said...

Hmm. The query is well-written. So often with queries, I find myself struggling to understand the story, but that didn't happen with this one. I understood the query and enjoyed reading it.

That said, I'm not sure the query makes me want to read the book. It sounds like the conflict in this book is the heroine having to face her demons and get over her past hurts. I read romance novels, but what I'm looking for in a romance novel is a lively conflict between hero and heroine, hopefully full of sexually-charged banter. This feels more literary in nature, like it's more about the heroine's internal journey than the interplay between her and the hero.

If that's truly what the novel is, then the query is representing it well, and though I wouldn't be the target reader for that book, there may be other readers for whom it's perfect. But if there is a lively conflict between hero and heroine, I don't think it's coming through in the query.

Is it possible this is women's fiction rather than romance?

Aimless Writer said...

I think Amy has something there. If this is a romance between Maggi and Connor then I need to see their conflict more. Bring it out more. Pull me into the conflict between them more.
I'd read this book.

gj said...

The first two paragraphs feel more like what goes in a synopsis. It's backstory and characterization, and takes too long to get to the beginning of the story.

Cut them way back, and you'll have some room to focus on what actually HAPPENS in the story. Start where the plot begins, with just a phrase or brief sentence to establish who the h/h are.

ddipersio said...

Thanks for the input, all were very constructive. I have to think about the genre question - when I set out I intended a romance but not Rachel Gibson or Suasn Elizabeth Phillips style (noth of whom I love but could not hope to replicate) more Susan Wiggs Party of Five or the Ocean Between Us. Will be back with update soon :)

Thank you Rick for the forum, it is very helpful!!

myliteraryquest said...

I agree with the comments posted - the information from the first two paragraphs needs to be woven into the telling of the story. Starting with backstory, although interesting, takes interest and space away from the story.

Also watch your repetitiveness - I see lots of life, lives, dies, death, and dead in a shory query