Apr 10, 2010

Iron Thirst - Urban Fantasy (revised)

Click here to read the previous version.

Dear Mr. Awesome,
Looking for an escape from the norm, Felicity Johnson dresses for trouble, and finds it when she attends DragonCon – the convention that celebrates everything sci-fi and fantasy. When she slid on her fake fangs that morning, she wasn’t aware that DragonCon was swarming with real vampires who use this weekend to take off their disguises and blend in with the other costumed attendees.

When her best friend disappears while they are at the Con, she turns to Blake Richmond—new crush, attorney, and leader of a team designed to keep the vampires in line and out of view. To make matters worse, Felicity attracts the attention of a vampire that develops a thirst for the iron running through her veins. Blake strives to keep her heart beating, but the search for her best friend leads her down a path that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover—one that cannot be undone without a stake to the heart.

Iron Thirst is an 88,000-word urban fantasy. I am a member of the Atlanta Writers Club and Sisters in Crime. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Appreciative de Critique

2 comments:

Kourtnie McKenzie said...

Great query! I can't imagine not finding an agent for this; the manuscript sounds unique and the query sounds solid. The only thing against you is all the agents that are overdosed on vampire lit right now, but I think your book's still going to stand out. :)

I only have one suggestion; you have two "when" in there, one sentence after the other. I would reword so you only use it once. Like "then," "when" gives this climatic feel and you don't want to exhaust the reader by hitting that high note too often.

Cheers and good luck!

myliteraryquest said...

There is a lot going on in the second paragraph. After reading it twice I'm still not sure what is going on. You might want to break it into two paragraphs and expand the last half a touch, starting at the "Blake strives" sentence.

The market is swamped with Vampire lit so you might be in for a long hunt for an agent.